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The Worm Turns

Posted by Helen Killer

84 comments

PATRON! WOOO HOOO!

Whaddya mean I can’t sell this on Ebby? Ebay? Esty? I can fuckin’ shell whatever I fuckin’ wanna – hey I can do whatever I – FUCK YOU! Is vinnage! VINNAGE! Can’t you spika da English muffucker? Dis vinnage! Fuckin sure is vinnage, it says vinnage righon the bottle.

Fuck you is my fuckin Ebay! YOU CAN . . .

Gonna fuckin puke

Filed in Garbage, Not Remotely Handmade 84 comments

84 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 4, 2010
9:38 am

#1 envy :

wow, that’s vintage? My local grocery store must not know that they are housing such vintage wares…
Amusingly, there are 1080 items on etsy tagged liquor… I wonder if all those people are licensed.

Vintage? Oy vey.

Rate this comment: +29

Feb 4, 2010
9:39 am

#2 studiorose :

Was this “tequilla” owned by Magilla Gorilla?

LOVELY!

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 4, 2010
9:41 am

#3 DucksNew :

But it’s empty…there’s no value in an empty bottle. It just makes me sad

Rate this comment: +72

Feb 4, 2010
9:41 am

#4 ustmistress :

If you take a look at the rest of her stuff, it’s a veritable yard sale. Not a darn thing I can see is handmade.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 4, 2010
9:42 am

#5 meghan :

For like $10 bucks more you can get a “vintage” bottle filled with Tequila.

Rate this comment: +48

Feb 4, 2010
9:42 am

#6 ckinsobe :

I would write something clever now, but I am too drunk after finishing off my bottle of Patron so I can list it for sale, pronto

Andale!

Rate this comment: +75

Feb 4, 2010
9:42 am

#7 tarabu :

This reminds me of the guy on Antiques Roadshow who spent a grand on a vintage Roman glass bottle only to discover that it was the local store brand’s olive oil bottle.

So hey, at $14 this is a steal – and you won’t risk a dui, tattoo or love child!

Rate this comment: +76

Feb 4, 2010
9:43 am

#8 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Dude, I totally got some Coca-Cola bottles, you know, the original six ounce bottles, with 1927 in raised letters on the glass. They’re like, totally old too and totally “vintage”.

Except the fact that they’re still in circulation, still being used and barely worth the refund.

I’m totally going to open an etsy shop now so I can sell my old Coca-Cola bottles and a crapload of 80s stuff I still have from my teen years.

Anyone wanna buy a fringed sweater with Bea-Arthur-esque…

Rate this comment: +32

Feb 4, 2010
9:44 am

#9 meanbeads :

Liquor? I hardly know ‘er!

*ba dum tisch*

Rate this comment: +55

Feb 4, 2010
9:45 am

#10 Skully :

I’d buy this if it came with vintage lime rinds and an empty vintage salt shaker. Also, if anyone’s interested, I have six vintage Pacifico bottles (circa 2009) for sale.

Rate this comment: +37

Feb 4, 2010
9:45 am

#11 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

cont’d from my previous post:

Anyone wanna buy a fringed sweater with Bea-Arthur-esque shoulder pads?

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 4, 2010
9:48 am

#12 Skully :

@#8 Meanbeads: LOL, that’s one of my fav CD’s, Rev. Horton Heat/Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 4, 2010
9:49 am

#13 Skully :

@#10 Patty: Right On, Maude!

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 4, 2010
9:51 am

#14 voxwoman :

holy crap, it *is* her online garage sale. I like how she’s selling only ONE shoe last. WTF is that good for?

‘Scuse me, I need a drink now.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 4, 2010
9:51 am

#15 gaycatpride :

God. All those years I slaved over bars just working for TIPS. I could have been RICH!!! Makes me want to cry in my tequila.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 4, 2010
9:53 am

#16 UnaBee :

Look- these are “primitive.” Someone call science and tell them that primitive man had sewing machines.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=23828624

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 4, 2010
9:53 am

#17 Rob T Firefly :

If only those guys who live in the overgrown parking lot down by the railroad tracks knew what kind of gold mine they’ve been sitting on all this time.

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 4, 2010
9:53 am

#18 popodog :

#4 ustmistress :
“yard sale” = “modestly successful afternoon of dumpster-diving”

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 4, 2010
9:56 am

#19 captaincavegirl :

I wonder if there’s a market for “vintage” Disaronno bottles, because I’m sitting on a goldmine over here.

“No honey, I’m not an alcoholic, it’s my BUSINESS.”

Rate this comment: +42

Feb 4, 2010
9:56 am

#20 DucksNew :

#15 UnaBee: some of those look more like primitive dildos.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 4, 2010
9:58 am

#21 littykidder :

As a patron of the farts, put a cork in your tw*t

Rate this comment: -2

Feb 4, 2010
9:58 am

#22 UnaBee :

Ducks- my thoughts exactly!
Also, primitive man was grating cheese, check it out:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=35943706

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 4, 2010
9:58 am

#23 just no :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -6

Feb 4, 2010
10:01 am

#24 IscreamUscream :

Crafting on Etsy is so easy…
1. Drain Patron bottle, hic!
later…
2. Soak off the labels (real handwork!)
3. Photograph for Etsy (more handwork)
4. Buy more tequila…

Rate this comment: +34

Feb 4, 2010
10:02 am

#25 crazycatlady :

Clearly she has some amazing vintage pieces. Why is she wasting her time on Etsy? Antiques Roadshow would probably do an on location episode at her dumpster…..I mean home.

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 4, 2010
10:02 am

#26 ckinsobe :

One down….five to go…or is it 10?
(hiccup)
http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=8CrmpUc4lOm%2FG9%2Fp7om1vIh4l5k2TGxc

Viva Mexico!

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 4, 2010
10:02 am

#27 WendyKi :

Ohh the Horror! I shudder at how much money I have tossed away in “vintage” bottles alone this year as an estate liquidator…..In face I think I tossed that very bottle about 20 minutes ago in the dump trailer :0

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 4, 2010
10:05 am

#28 IscreamUscream :

@Unabee–people buy that old kitchen stuff. Probably most of that is from the 40s-50s, except that spoon looks older.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 4, 2010
10:05 am

#29 sudabaki© :

Feel free to thumbs down me but I haven’t drank tequila in about 15 years when I ended up face down in the gutter with a car idling next to me waiting for me to finish so they park on my vomit. Is that not an old bottle?

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 4, 2010
10:08 am

#30 Eruanna :

It could go under supplies….maybe somebody could capture fairys with it??

Rate this comment: +45

Feb 4, 2010
10:09 am

#31 kitty :

The stuff in her shop doesn’t really look vintage and isn’t priced like it’s vintage. It’s like an expensive yard sale. How very annoying. I wonder if she doesn’t know better about this patron bottle. I hope she bought it thinking it was vintage, though I know she probably didn’t.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 4, 2010
10:15 am

#32 Helen Killer :

@ #22, Well now, let’s not split hairs. If you sell it on Etsy, it’s supposed to be vintage, handmade or supplies. This isn’t any of those. Technically, you could rag on it for not being supplies, either. At least not when it’s empty.

Rate this comment: +42

Feb 4, 2010
10:18 am

#33 IscreamUscream :

“…not being supplies, either. At least not when it’s empty.”

If I were making some of this crap shown here, tequila or vodka would be a mandatory ingredient.

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 4, 2010
10:20 am

#34 GoldenAppleofDiscord :

If “bygone era” means last months New Years Eve party, then the seller may not be lying…just saying

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 4, 2010
10:24 am

#35 just no :

Actually lots of her stuff is vintage, and some of it’s pretty decent too–check out the phone, for example. There’s a few suspicious items as well, but WTF–not like Etsy’s going to do anything about it.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 4, 2010
10:27 am

#36 henmen :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -17

Feb 4, 2010
10:30 am

#37 Skully :

For $14, she could at least stick a couple fairy babies in the bottle.

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 4, 2010
10:31 am

#38 StinkBait :

I’m gonna make my new “vintage” shop and post the link to you all. I have so much shit, that compared to this, I’m gonna be rich.

Old spoons from the 70’s
1981 Battlestar Glactica, Burger Chef glasses.
Glass turkey baster from 1988
All my parents records.
All my cassette tapes.

And I’ll add fruity descriptions and make the front page.

Just you watch.

Rate this comment: +26

Feb 4, 2010
10:31 am

#39 henmen :

yeah but #28 ~ it’s got to be 20 years old not 15, lol!

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 4, 2010
10:33 am

#40 Skully :

@#28 Suda: Thanks for saving that parking spot for me in ‘95.

Rate this comment: +28

Feb 4, 2010
10:34 am

#41 Skully :

@#37 SB: You got any Herb Alpert LP’s?

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 4, 2010
10:41 am

#42 whaapplewha :

We’ve got a cabinet full of vintage bottles at my house- some with the original vintage liquid inside. I bet I could up my selling price to my underaged neighbor, since he’s gettin’ a piece of history and all.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 4, 2010
10:51 am

#43 voxwoman :

Can I open up a VHS tape store on Etsy? I got BOXES of those in my basement! What about BETA tapes? (if you are too young to know what those are, I suppose they are now vintage too!)

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 4, 2010
10:52 am

#44 MadGypsy :

Fuck you can sell empty tequila bottles? SHIT! I have to go chase the garbage truck outside. Who knew my tequila love could turn a profit! But I don’t think that Jose Cruevo is considered vintage.

Hmmm…..Catch the garbage truck or kill off a new bottle for the sake of Etsy? Fuck it. You know what time it is.

Motherfucking Tequila-o-clock.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 4, 2010
11:01 am

#45 Efit :

Filed in: Spanish Spelling Issues

Dumbass can’t even spell “Tequila.”

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 4, 2010
11:20 am

#46 methuselah :

From Wikipedia:

Patrón is a luxury brand of tequila produced in
Mexico and sold in hand-blown, individually
numbered bottles.

Okay, so the bottle is handmade. Is it vintage?

The Patrón Spirits Company, based in Las Vegas,
Nevada, was formed in 1989 by John Paul DeJoria,
a co-founder of John Paul Mitchell Systems.

To be vintage an item has to be at least 20 years old. So unless that bottle is stamped #1, it’s probably not vintage.

Rate this comment: +38

Feb 4, 2010
11:26 am

#47 UnderwearNinja :

“It has those little lines and bubbles and that wavy appearance of glass from a bygone era.”

I saw about 20 of these bottles at the liquor store last night. I guess to the seller “bygone era” means “manufactured a week ago”. I’d rather spend a little more money and get the satisfaction of being able to empty my own “vintage” bottle.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 4, 2010
11:35 am

#48 MadGypsy :

#46, I would like to be immature for a moment (HA!) and laugh at the fact that “Hand-Blown” sounds dirty:

hehehe….Hand blown…

carry on.

Rate this comment: +25

Feb 4, 2010
11:36 am

#49 TackledAndShackled :

Note to self:
At least wait until the morning after to list my brand new vintage decanter.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 4, 2010
11:38 am

#50 istillheartbretmichaels :

whata considense- i gotta fuckin empty vinnage bottlea wine here. time to opena etsy stoer!

*hiccup*

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 4, 2010
11:41 am

#51 angie :

this chick is actually quite a good photographer. she’d probably make more money selling the artistic shots of junk than selling the actual junk.

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 4, 2010
11:42 am

#52 StinkBait :

I’m telling ya. We could all get together and make “Vinnage” shops and form a team. Think of all the shit piled up you could pawn off to some dumb fuckers on Etsy. We could be the solution to all the hoarders out there.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 4, 2010
11:48 am

#53 Meg88 :

I have two of these and they still have the little paper necklace tag things. AND my husband refused to throw away the boxes. I bet I’m sitting on a gold mine!

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 4, 2010
12:00 pm

#54 Efit :

All she has to do is hot glue the damn thing to a ring base to call it handmade.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 4, 2010
12:05 pm

#55 HelenaHandbasket :

Aren’t the only people who display liquor bottles college Sophomores who emptied them themselves? Where’s the sense of pride and accomplishment in buying one?

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 4, 2010
12:06 pm

#56 bumblepuppy :

@#41 Skully,
I have “Whipped Cream and Other Delights”, but you can’t have it! I also have “Clam Dip and Other Delights” by Soul Asylum-make me an offer.
http://www.enterthesoulasylum.com/discography/albums/clam_dip_&_other_delights/

FREE SHIPPING!!!!!!!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 4, 2010
12:20 pm

#57 Skully :

@#56 Awesome sauce! On vinyl?

http://twitpic.com/11dj4p

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 4, 2010
12:24 pm

#58 hat-rack :

My worm in the gut hunch is that Patro’n has been spun in just a few donkey bar!

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 4, 2010
12:25 pm

#59 UnaBee :

#28- yeah I like vintage kitchen stuff too. I was making fun of her use of the word “primitive.”

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 4, 2010
12:30 pm

#60 crapgawker :

Great! I’ve got about three of those Patron bottles – one I’ll need to drain – no problem there. After I polish off that third bottle, I’ll list them when I’m drunk off my ass – that way I’ll be sure to get my tags right.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 4, 2010
12:44 pm

#61 rarespec :

Okay, so one time, I was in a gas station buying beer, and one of the bottles had a REAL FROG FREEZE DRIED on it. Totally stuck to the bottle, dried out like I HANDMADE it and put it there. Too bad I chucked that baby, I bet I could be sitting on a HUGE bag of cash right now. God, I love ART…

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 4, 2010
12:48 pm

#62 pleasedontpickme :

ok, ready to post my next listing, wanted to offer it here first.

Vintage Roaches and shake. I just cleaned off my desk for the first time in 2 years. I have for sale a bunch of vintage roaches in various sizes. Also found was a pile of shake/ash and stems. Maybe you’ll find a surprise seed in the mix. That just makes it’s all the better.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 4, 2010
12:53 pm

#63 pleasedontpickme :

#27, get ye to the dumpster, dust off those bottles and try to sell them to this seller for $7 each…

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 4, 2010
12:56 pm

#64 MarleeMcCool :

I’ve never felt so threatened by the word “lovely.”

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 4, 2010
1:00 pm

Skully, I thought you looked familiar!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 4, 2010
1:04 pm

#66 IscreamUscream :

“Patrón is a luxury brand of tequila produced in
Mexico and sold in hand-blown, individually
numbered bottles.”

I might as well mention…this bottle looks blown into a mold. You won’t see hand-blown glass with raised letters–too much pressure is needed for lungs. They’re just using an old machine, like you see on bubbly glassware at Crate & Barrio…

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 4, 2010
1:07 pm

#67 craftycoug :

*somebody* needs to go to the liquor store and check the tequila shelf… Sounds like it couldn’t be vintage anyway!

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 4, 2010
1:08 pm

#68 popodog :

#41 Skully :
“@#37 SB: You got any Herb Alpert LP’s?”

I have a few, including “Whipped Cream and Other Delights,” which you can get from me over my cold, dead, body. Neener.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 4, 2010
1:08 pm

#69 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

If thats vintage, then I’m Martha Stewart

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 4, 2010
1:18 pm

#70 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Helen you sound like you are about to have a brain aneurysm up there

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 4, 2010
1:19 pm

#71 Kiwihasdreads :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -14

Feb 4, 2010
1:30 pm

#72 whyohwhy :

grrrr. extremely irritated i need some tequilla right now.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 4, 2010
1:51 pm

#73 Ziukkinna :

This is nearly an exact match with the ice buckets we use in the 4-star hotel I work in.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34441620
Mid-century? Ours may have been around since the late 80s, but I doubt it. They’ve probably been upgraded at least once since then. I wonder if the seller smuggled this one out in her suitcase.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 4, 2010
3:00 pm

#74 Recovering Crack Baby :

SKULLY- http://music.shop.ebay.com/Records-/306/i.html?LH_BIN=1&LH_IncludeSIF=1&_nkw=Herb+Alpert+Whipped+Cream+Other+Delights&_catref=1&_dmpt=Music_on_Vinyl&_fln=1&_trksid=p3286.c0.m282 IT CAN BE YOUR’S ALL YOURS.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 4, 2010
3:02 pm

#75 Lola :

Her bag is simply overflowing with tequilllla!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 4, 2010
3:05 pm

#76 Recovering Crack Baby :

SKULLY- My papa has always said that vinyl is final. He is a buyer-seller. Wheeler and dealer. Collector of Garage Brands on vinyl. I will never forget coming home from school and blasting from his record room was Guns-N-Roses on vinyl- a 45 picture sleeve at that. His name on EBAY is veebeesvinyl- if you ask he will find.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 4, 2010
4:09 pm

#77 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

Only once have I been impressed by an empty tequila bottle, and only enough to take a photo – not to keep a damn empty bottle like a high school student.

http://twitpic.com/pdma

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 4, 2010
4:41 pm

#78 razberries :

i have nothing witty to say, but i enjoyed skully’s photoshopped hairball worm thing

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 4, 2010
5:12 pm

#79 joan of snark :

Caveat empty.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 4, 2010
6:27 pm

#80 JustJon :

shcrew yuu guzz. 2hundert-thusnd-nine was a gud yr.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
10:19 am

#81 LexiDizzle :

$14??? Can’t you buy a Patron bottle WITH Patron in it for that much? I can selling it as supplies, but for, like, a dollar.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 5, 2010
12:13 pm

#82 loveheylola :

Oh wow….I own a bar! We get vintage patron bottles in every week! EVERY SINGLE WEEK! I can’t believe I’ve been wasting all of this time just trying to sell the stuff inside of the bottles…I’m totally gonna be rich, now…

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
1:31 pm

#83 Night Cowl :

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!

I gotta dig up that t shirt now.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 7, 2010
5:28 pm

#84 aroseisarose :

Everyone’s got the bottle pretty well covered, but I think I saw these recently in a local Beauty Mart.
$8, 2 for $15.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24110705

Rate this comment: 0