One Hour Hole Job – $125
This is on the front page of Etsy right now. Handpicked, as they say, which is the term I’m starting to think they use when they mean “pulled from my ass”.
Sure it’s $125, but it comes with all the squares she cut out so you can print really small flyers. For fairies.
Don’t feel bad if you miss it, because this baby is one in a series!
“This is the first completed piece in a new series I’ve started. Each piece will take one solid hour (I stop working as soon as the hour is up).”
Kind of makes you wonder what you could do in an hour.
Put your links in the comments and I’ll add the html to make the images show up. The blank is already the right size for the comments.
February 2, 2010 at 5:39 pm
I know Razzie could shop something outta this that would look a whole lot better than this.
February 2, 2010 at 5:40 pm
OK…WTF??? I’d love to make $125/hour for using my exacto knife. And, hell, I can cut INTERESTING things with mine.
This is one twisted pseudo-artist.
Your comment about fliers for fairies just about made me spray Dr Pepper all over my keyboard. Keep up the great fuckery!
February 2, 2010 at 5:40 pm
yay you thought it was bad enough for mention! LOL When I saw it I just . couldn’t . belive . my . eyes.
Get out the X-Acto knives everyone … we can make a fortune! In just a few hours a day!
February 2, 2010 at 5:40 pm
WTF?????
February 2, 2010 at 5:41 pm
I didn’t know my obsessive/compulsive disorder could earn me money!
February 2, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Oh and I absolutely *love* that we get the chad, too! In a zip-top baggie! Can I get all those signed too? Just, you know, to prove they were really from the same piece of art?
February 2, 2010 at 5:43 pm
…or Suda or Skully or ISUS and the others. If my cat ate this she could make something better. “Here kitty Mommy has some nice paper and glitter beads for you…”
Had to post the last one fast so as to get pole position.
February 2, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Upside: That pattern would make delightful fabric for the Spoonflower project.
Downside: Everything else.
February 2, 2010 at 5:46 pm
If I knew OCD was a $125 an hour marketable skill, I would never have gone to all that therapy.
February 2, 2010 at 5:46 pm
This is something someone bored would do in a lecture.
February 2, 2010 at 5:49 pm
She has to sell these things to pay for the speed so she can make more of these things to buy more speed.
February 2, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Thank fuck its signed and dated then shipped in “a reinforced sturdy fiberboard envelope.” Because I’d be bloody disappointed otherwise.
“You also get a baggie of the the cut out bits!”
For $125, YOU throw out your own trash.
“I only ship priority unless you express other wishes.”
I wish that you’d stop trying to sell this GARBAGE!
February 2, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Not only is she charging $125 for it, she’s charging $7 to ship a piece of graph paper. Must be heavy paper.
February 2, 2010 at 5:52 pm
okay I got one for you
I think it is the guy who did the pencil sketches – he is watching you…
February 2, 2010 at 5:52 pm
It can’t be OCD, or the “artist” would have finished the last row.
Hour finished or not.
February 2, 2010 at 5:52 pm
yeah its fucking bullshit. I hearted the shop so i could see what other fuckery emerges. I saw this on the front page too, and i couldnt believe it.
February 2, 2010 at 5:54 pm
you know helen you really are doing a valuable community service here, letting us vent our frustration at the utter codswallop we see on the FP daily. The staff there are just so up in la la urban loft land they dont know what the fuck they are looking at
/rant
February 2, 2010 at 5:59 pm
A piece of graph paper with holes cut in it? Is that seriously what Im looking at?
February 2, 2010 at 5:59 pm
I want to see the groping snout of desire work its way thru this piece of mesh …
February 2, 2010 at 6:00 pm
ok, that didn’t work! April feel free to delete my previous comment
THIS is how this seller makes me feel
http://www.entertonement.com/clips/rpcbwwlgfh–holy-shitChristmas-Chevy-Chase-Christmas-Vacation-Clark-Griswold-
February 2, 2010 at 6:01 pm
@Raz
that’s totally him!
February 2, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Wow $125.00 for 1 sheet of graph paper and a bag of confetti. This isn’t art; its a mockery of art.
February 2, 2010 at 6:02 pm
The comments here make me laugh out loud. You guys are hilarious. This piece of s*** is why real talented artists have had such a hard time in the past few decades. God. We are so degraded that we like crap?
February 2, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Maybe this is what the art critics consider to be “cutting edge” …
February 2, 2010 at 6:08 pm
There should at least be a video included if this person is selling performance art.
This is just like the pretentious crap you see in galleries, but cheaper, actually.
I needed to find this site again, to put balance back in my world. THIS dude can cut paper!
http://www.petercallesen.com/
February 2, 2010 at 6:10 pm
at $125 an hour, the seller could be an attorney
February 2, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Yuck!
Besides ….I only buy art pieces that takes 1 hour and 6 minutes to finish……
February 2, 2010 at 6:12 pm
omfg- yes, i saw this fuckery posted on the regretsy fb fan page, and was *praying* that helen would share over here!
and thanks clevercat for the shout-out…you and i are a lot alike- “pole position”-
ok, i gotta think of something…BRB
February 2, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Fuck-fuck-fuckity-fuck!
Three times in a row, my Photoshop program shuts down with some error! GAH!
Now you’ll never suffer the sight of my negative-number-style of Photoshop!
At least, not today.
*grumble-grumble-fuckity-fuck*
February 2, 2010 at 6:13 pm
“This is the first completed piece in a new series I’ve started. Each piece will take one solid hour (I stop working as soon as the hour is up) and for now will be a “sketch” of a finished project that took many hours to complete.”
So did this take the “artist” and hour or 30 hours? If this is an example of 30 hours then 1 hour would get me what, just less than 6 squares cut out?? I can do that myself for the cost of one pad of graph paper, a box of no-doz and no postage.
February 2, 2010 at 6:15 pm
this is what happens when you give a speed addict an exacto knife.
February 2, 2010 at 6:16 pm
You also get a baggie of the clippings. so basically it’s $125 confetti?
February 2, 2010 at 6:16 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30944601
February 2, 2010 at 6:17 pm
not blackface
February 2, 2010 at 6:17 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39005070
Fire uh huhuhuh fire fire
February 2, 2010 at 6:19 pm
@#26 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina:
“at $125 an hour, the seller could be an attorney”
Holy shit! I’m moving to where you live – my divorce attorney is charging me $375/hour!! I suppose in comparison to what she’s done for me so far, this seller has this item priced about right… their competencies are somewhat similar.
February 2, 2010 at 6:22 pm
RCB not sure where you are going with these posts but thanks for adding to my nightmares.
February 2, 2010 at 6:22 pm
am i fucking getting this right? do we just put the link in as a comment?
February 2, 2010 at 6:23 pm
OK, what I’d really want to do, if I had time (which I don’t – there’s stuff that needs ironing) is put a tiny picture of older regretsy entries in each empty box. But I will do something…
February 2, 2010 at 6:23 pm
KateRhodes- I almost peed myself!
February 2, 2010 at 6:23 pm
#37- remember what the beaver- groundhog- whatever said about dreaming about things-
February 2, 2010 at 6:24 pm
On the front page of ETSY??!
February 2, 2010 at 6:25 pm
41 hearts?????
February 2, 2010 at 6:27 pm
After seeing this bullshit I am having another glass of wine and I am going to bed. Starry Dreams out!!!!!!
February 2, 2010 at 6:27 pm
clevercat- those are what i would put on the blank but I am handicrafted and I obviously don’t know what the fuck I am doing- I think the pyro doll belongs behind a sheet of paper. huh huh fire fire huhuh fire fire
February 2, 2010 at 6:30 pm
OHHHHHHH sorry
usually I have to read something out loud to understand it. I could only glance at those dolls on account of someone screaming. <-me
February 2, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Patty, your poor Photoshop program can hardly be blamed for not wanting to take on this piece of “art”.
February 2, 2010 at 6:35 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36532708@N00/4326957374/
February 2, 2010 at 6:36 pm
CLEVERCAT-OK so I guess I did not do this right????? You are so gonna buy that fucking pyro doll and you know it- hey you could whip it out and light someone’s cigarette for them and watch the reaction- my kind of fun
February 2, 2010 at 6:37 pm
I would like to change the caption of my ‘shop to “Hello Clarice”
February 2, 2010 at 6:38 pm
did somebody say, “confetti?”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/4326957214/
February 2, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Some of the funniest comments I’ve read yet
Thanks for the smiles. I’m drinking hot chocolate, that would prove dangerous if snorted through the nose.
February 2, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Beaten by sudabaki (and I like theirs a bit better)
February 2, 2010 at 6:41 pm
This reminds me of what that chick in ‘The Breakfast Club’ might do during detentions.
At least its priority shipping, don’t think I could wait for regular mail.
February 2, 2010 at 6:41 pm
OK, my first regretsy photoshop. Please be kind.
February 2, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Oh fuck i can’t photoshop but if i could that is what i would use. This post is gonna be really funny to read later on when I am not all fucked up. The Doc’s upped me to stronger meds for my back. John says i walk like I am in a shitting position.
February 2, 2010 at 6:43 pm
aaaaargh! let’s try this again.
February 2, 2010 at 6:43 pm
i’m sure a lot of you feel the same way as i do – in that i sometimes feel sorry for the seller and the possibility that they catch on they are on regretsy and read some of teh snarky comments.
But you know what? I want her to read these. I think Etsy needs a wake up call in accepting this sort of crap AND putting it on the front page, meanwhile hundreds, no THousands of artists are hidden away in teh Art category, because they dont fit the pretentious whitewashed vague aesthetic that is…
February 2, 2010 at 6:43 pm
I dare one of you with a boring day job and/or no life to ‘shop a different piece of Regretsy fuckery into each pane.
February 2, 2010 at 6:44 pm
my meta-fuckery circle jerk shout out to CleverCat
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36532708@N00/4326236589/
February 2, 2010 at 6:44 pm
damn it one word short-
Etsy!
February 2, 2010 at 6:45 pm
#60 Sculptor69 :
“I dare one of you with a boring day job and/or no life to ’shop a different piece of Regretsy fuckery into each pane.”
That’s what I started to do then I realized what a huge undertaking that would be. I hope someone does it though.
February 2, 2010 at 6:46 pm
#58 iunifera – LOVE IT. All you photoshoppers are the real artists! Can you tell I have photoshop envy? May just need to treat myself and learn how….
February 2, 2010 at 6:47 pm
YAY sudabaki!
February 2, 2010 at 6:51 pm
here is another one- i am one of the currently jobless with no life, but i dunno if i have the patience to do that many boxes…
you’ll hafta settle for this for now…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/4326983840/
February 2, 2010 at 6:52 pm
#14 clevercat Perhaps your next one hour photo could be the window girl as I said they make a great pair. That would be fun to have 2 pics hanging on the wall- one of him and one of her bah hahahahahahaa.
February 2, 2010 at 6:54 pm
#62 Hahaha, that’s why I suggested someone else do it – that’s an enormous amount of alcohol require, and my liver can’t handle it.
February 2, 2010 at 6:54 pm
LOL razberries LOL!
February 2, 2010 at 6:55 pm
I think I’ll post a “1-hour quilt” for sale. It will be 4 yards of fabric, only 2 of which are ironed.
February 2, 2010 at 6:55 pm
#65 razberries- you are making me open another bottle of wine…too funny!
February 2, 2010 at 6:57 pm
this makes me want to punch myself in the face
February 2, 2010 at 6:58 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11073140
Thanks for the migraine, dammit.
February 2, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Oh shit , I think I need to get off this grid before I fall out of my chair…
Y’all are too too nuts in the BEST way!
February 2, 2010 at 6:58 pm
aww thanks! i am always flattered when i can encourage someone to drink
did anyone get my rip taylor reference in my first one? that was my personal fave…LOL
February 2, 2010 at 7:00 pm
I love you all lol
February 2, 2010 at 7:02 pm
So if it only takes half the time, do I get to double the price?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/yardchicken2/4326267483/
February 2, 2010 at 7:08 pm
February 2, 2010 at 7:10 pm
This is for you RCB!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36532708@N00/4327017092/
February 2, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Detroit, SHITTY? I damn near peed my pants! That’s awesomesaucetastic!!!
February 2, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Hey anyone want to end the world? ‘Shop that picture inside each square, shrink the whole thing down, do it again. And Again. Eventually you’ll split the atom.
February 2, 2010 at 7:12 pm
#47 bootsychoo :
Patty, your poor Photoshop program can hardly be blamed for not wanting to take on this piece of “art”.
***
Well… true. I was going to Photoshop the grid into a pair of skants from my skants entry. Every time I’d go to do just that, I’d get that damn “Photoshop has encountered a problem and has to close…” error.
I suppose I should be glad it didn’t outright commit suicide.
Keep it up, Regretsians, I’m still having a good time seeing yours.
February 2, 2010 at 7:12 pm
#60 sudabaki©
Your meta-fuckery circle jerk may have scarred me for life. Nice work incorporating the man thong with the skants. Truly frightening.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36532708@N00/4326236589/
February 2, 2010 at 7:12 pm
#62 sudabaki© : I am not breaking any laws this time. Do you see the c? I am so proud of you and the way you positioned the cock and balls holder all snuggy in their skants. I had to look up to see it. Simply Stunning.It looks just as if at any second they could fall on top of your head.
February 2, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Submitted for your approval: the graph reveals a disturbing pattern.
http://twitpic.com/114794
February 2, 2010 at 7:13 pm
OH lol Detroit, thats a crack up
February 2, 2010 at 7:16 pm
It is on the front page? That SUCKS!!!
February 2, 2010 at 7:17 pm
#78 sudabaki© : It is perfect- so beautifully placed. I need to wipe the tears. They are streaming so fast I can hardly see.Oh how I love thee let me count the 125 ways.
February 2, 2010 at 7:18 pm
this is all too profound for me. Did it take her 30 hours or one hour??
February 2, 2010 at 7:18 pm
or 31 hours?
February 2, 2010 at 7:19 pm
February 2, 2010 at 7:20 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11073140
I have about 10,000 dollars worth of these sitting in the margins of my college math and chemistry notebooks! Who knew?
February 2, 2010 at 7:22 pm
yeah and why does it only cost $5 to ship that and $10 for the graph wonderment?
February 2, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Okay, here’s the first…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32727039@N02/4326311845/sizes/o/
February 2, 2010 at 7:23 pm
#88 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :
It took her one hour to cut the squares and 30 hours to come down off of the high everytime she thought about how she so delicately, yet quickly, removed the squares with the gracefullness of a surgeon’s hand.
February 2, 2010 at 7:25 pm
#94 oh and hopefully within the next 30 hours she will realise she is on regretsy and remove the listing
February 2, 2010 at 7:26 pm
i wanna list something and this shits taking up too much space in the art section
February 2, 2010 at 7:26 pm
wow i dont even have PMT
February 2, 2010 at 7:27 pm
i saw this and immediately thought of that one scene from “Yellow Submarine”.
February 2, 2010 at 7:27 pm
You guys are freakin’ awesome and I want to have all your babies.
Not all at once, of course, because that would be really messy.
February 2, 2010 at 7:27 pm
#95- something tells me that she does not have that kind of self awareness.
OH- and I bet the extra shipping has to do with the squares in there own baggie. Those baggies cost a good nickel or two and not counting the minutes it took her to place them in there.
February 2, 2010 at 7:31 pm
@Raz, I used to love The Gong Show and Hollywood Squares!
@Detroit, that was awesome, not shitty at all!
#84 Vile and Evil, you always crack me up.
#82 Rowan, I’m glad I could scar you. That’s the highest compliment here. That’s how I felt when CleverCat first posted it.
@RCB Thank you for calling me by my proper name. I’m so glad you liked it. I even made sure the lighter showed just a bit.
#89 Customise…Vagina, That’s exatly what I want to know!
February 2, 2010 at 7:32 pm
we need to pump it up to like level 100000000000. someone has to be able to take all the past listings, shrink them down, then arrange it like a mosaic to look like a vagina
February 2, 2010 at 7:43 pm
February 2, 2010 at 7:45 pm
#99 and theres probably a good dose of cat/dog hair in that bag too- and that would account for the extra shipping cost
February 2, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Some one should do one with the gumball clown!
February 2, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Somehow this “art” reminds me of those confessional screens…
February 2, 2010 at 8:05 pm
February 2, 2010 at 8:07 pm
I have no patience for photoshop… I’ll just enjoy all your efforts. and some look like they took a whole lot of time! Awesomesaucetastic
February 2, 2010 at 8:08 pm
$125.00 for a shitty left over piece of graph paper from your 7th grade geomerty notebook, I want something else in my F*CKING baggie beotch!!!!!!
February 2, 2010 at 8:11 pm
BTW #97 grodelated, FREAKIN’ awesome!!!
February 2, 2010 at 8:14 pm
#112 SuperSnark: thanks, but not all of it shows up in the comments because there’s not enough space. here’s a link to the whole thing: http://i645.photobucket.com/albums/uu173/gr0del8ed/whimsicle.jpg
February 2, 2010 at 8:16 pm
The included chads will make for hours of OCD fun, trying to perfectly complete the puzzle.
February 2, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Here’s #2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32727039@N02/4327157100/sizes/o/
February 2, 2010 at 8:23 pm
@methuselah
would you believe I was working on the exact same idea? o.m.g
February 2, 2010 at 8:24 pm
grodelated, checked it out perfect- in my favorites to show my hubby he’s a Beatles geek
February 2, 2010 at 9:04 pm
February 2, 2010 at 9:09 pm
I know you meant to say flyers for “faeries”, right?
February 2, 2010 at 9:21 pm
#113-add a rant of about how jesus will damn you to hell faster then a stripper whore will rip that dollar oughta your hand.Add a little pugicorn or what the fuck ever it was.
February 2, 2010 at 9:22 pm
February 2, 2010 at 9:31 pm
And here’s the last one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32727039@N02/4327273238/sizes/o/
February 2, 2010 at 9:48 pm
@ #52 razberries – I love the Rip Taylor reference! He has a joke about where his confetti comes from – three nuns working 24 hours a day. Maye the seller is one of them?
@ #114 IscreamUscream – that cracks me up. The little squares just seem to beg for letters, right? That’s what led to the last one I did.
@ #84 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer – we were thinking the same direction too. I love yours, it’s the perfect insight.
February 2, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Ok, I did one pulling from quite a few, then realized I was spending more time on this than the original “artist”, so now I’m going to drink $125 worth of scotch.
February 2, 2010 at 10:10 pm
And the scrabble one is brilliant
February 2, 2010 at 10:13 pm
I should be sleeping. No, instead, I bring you this:
And now I’m going to be hearing the Tetris music in my dreams.
If $125 is the going rate for using a knife for an hour, the hippogryph sculpture I’m working on is going to cost about $10,000 when I’m done. So… tired… of…sculpting…feathers…
February 2, 2010 at 10:27 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dancingjellybeandesigns/4327354000/
Here you see someone peeping though the carefully carved graph paper holes at a girl committing bestiality with a bear while wearing mittens.
February 2, 2010 at 10:31 pm
#25 voxwoman – Wow, that guy’s stuff is amazing. It almost counteracts the headache I get when looking at the lovely graph paper “art”.
February 2, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Wait, WHAT?! I thought that getting on the Front Page was something you were supposed to be proud of. They’re rendering it meaningless. “This item was on the front page” is the new “Participant” ribbon.
February 2, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Tetris = win
Yours is my favourite ‘shop. <3
February 2, 2010 at 11:12 pm
I’m late to the party, but…
February 2, 2010 at 11:13 pm
This seller seems to have an abundance of unwarranted self importance. These earrings for example http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33139813. They aren’t bad earrings per se. But I’ve gotten more intricate hand made sterling silver jewelry that didn’t cost $165.00.
February 3, 2010 at 1:47 am
http://www.23hq.com/heidrun_europlastic/photo/5345783
February 3, 2010 at 4:08 am
I made this one really quick here at work using fucking Paint, so it’s more a draft than an accomplished piece of fuckery, but still, here it is:
if someone wants to work on it some more, maybe add buttons and stuff, you’re more than welcome!
p.s. I fuckin swear I got the idea BEFORE having seen #124!
February 3, 2010 at 5:35 am
that is some expensive OCD.
*crosses fingers*
I hope this works!
http://twitpic.com/116aif
I bleed glitter apparently…
February 3, 2010 at 6:11 am
OMG lyontamer, is that a vagoo cross stitch pattern? I have been looking for one of those at Michael’s for forever!
February 3, 2010 at 6:39 am
To all you anti-Regretsy Etsians………even YOU have to admit that this is $125.00 crap!
February 3, 2010 at 7:49 am
It takes something truly amazing to make me think “Maybe ‘Piss Christ’ *was* something special after all”
Perhaps if the seller shat on it, this too could garner $15,000.
February 3, 2010 at 7:57 am
And to think, all this time I’ve been wasting my talents cutting stupid glass when I could have challenged myself with paper.
February 3, 2010 at 9:27 am
And as I have said before, THEY NOW HAVE MEDICATION FOR OCD!
February 3, 2010 at 9:59 am
I used to do this in middle school math class when I was bored. Hell, I can never get on the Etsy front page and I think my sh*t is okay. I need to start making more crap.
February 3, 2010 at 10:35 am
OMG so much LOL in the comments. I might have to try an idea or two as well.
February 3, 2010 at 11:03 am
So glad you get the baggie of paper squares. That makes it easier to recoup the $125 by selling them as acid to unwitting schoolkids.
February 3, 2010 at 11:44 am
Late to the party:
http://twitpic.com/117v95
February 3, 2010 at 1:27 pm
The thing I find most horrifying is the phrase “in a new series.”
February 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Hand picked? More like hand dicked.
Egads,a series of more chads?
That’ll keep her off the streets.
February 3, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Love it, skully!
February 4, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I just discovered this site and laughed so hard, that I fell from my chair…
February 4, 2010 at 12:47 pm
(don’t know how to paste it correctly here… ^^U)
February 4, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Ok, fuck. I thought I knew how to do this.
URL here:
http://tinypic.com/r/v8igly/6
February 4, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Way late to the game, but the comment of the day missed one important piece.
February 5, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 11, 2010 at 5:24 pm
You know, you guys laugh, but shit like this is up on display in MoMA. So if you ask me “Bored Kid in 7th Period Math Class” has a style that is sweeping the nation.
October 5, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Never before in my life have I been so confused. The way I see it, I can either work for 13 hours to pay for this piece of shit, or I can just sit down for exactly one hour and achieve the same thing. But above all else…
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WITH THIS THING?!?