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I will not be sleeping tonight.

Posted by Helen Killer

108 comments

Filed in Don't Ask Me 108 comments

108 Comments

Add Comment

Jan 12, 2010
1:27 pm

#1 Fo5ter :

No. he. didn’t.

Rate this comment: +7

Jan 12, 2010
1:28 pm

#2 lilprincess :

Seriously, the video just scared my dogs.

Rate this comment: +20

Jan 12, 2010
1:29 pm

#3 Fo5ter :

Is this toy safe for 1 year old children?

Rate this comment: +10

Jan 12, 2010
1:29 pm

#4 Dynomoose :

Okay, that is just AWESOME! A twisted Bill Nighy jumpy toy thing! What’s not to love? Except, maybe, the $50 price tag.

Rate this comment: +22

Jan 12, 2010
1:31 pm

#5 samner :

Yes, something tells me that this will not meet standards for the CPSIA…and also, that is “scary like ‘terra’ movie” as my Columbian friend says…

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
1:32 pm

#6 Skully :

That’s almost as freaky as the Zanti Misfits. Now wish it into the cornfield.

Rate this comment: +17

Jan 12, 2010
1:32 pm

#7 Analisa :

Hasn’t Conan been through enough?

Rate this comment: +79

Jan 12, 2010
1:32 pm

#8 FoldingMetalChairs :

Now if only that butt shield jumped up and down like that! muwhahahaha

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
1:33 pm

#9 blondeweezie :

AAAAHHH! A little Mickey Rourke!! Kill it!!! Kill it with fire!!!

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
1:33 pm

#10 Dynomoose :

http://blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/passtheremote/bill_nighy2.jpg

Rate this comment: +9

Jan 12, 2010
1:34 pm

#11 friendlymilk :

I thought his dancing was better in “Weapon of Choice.”

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 12, 2010
1:35 pm

#12 IscreamUscream :

Tonight, carefully listen for the gentle tap-tap-tap across your bedroom floor.

Rate this comment: +66

Jan 12, 2010
1:35 pm

#13 bootsychoo :

Dynomoose – I couldn’t decide whether it was more like Bill Nighy or Lance Henriksen, but I think you’re right. Either way, it’s a creepfest.

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 12, 2010
1:36 pm

#14 Dynomoose :

#12 bootsychoo, I’d say that the hair color, face and name are the tip off. LOL!

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
1:36 pm

#15 Dynomoose :

Did I mention that I love this thing?

Rate this comment: +17

Jan 12, 2010
1:37 pm

#16 Treed :

Is this from the Land of Misfit Toys like the elephant? It’s giving me nightmares….and I’m awake.

Rate this comment: +10

Jan 12, 2010
1:38 pm

#17 curlytopnola :

it’s jack palance
http://www.findagrave.com/photos250/photos/2006/313/16588921_116320522264.jpg
in a thru the looking glass kinda way

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 12, 2010
1:39 pm

#18 janejax :

AAAAccckkk! Conan looks pissed!

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
1:44 pm

#19 blondeweezie :

A lot of his paintings are “out there”, but he’s a pretty good artist:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=33485801

And mark this date, I don’t usually say nice things.

Rate this comment: +25

Jan 12, 2010
1:47 pm

#20 sticksandtunes :

Why? Why a creepy face on a wind up toy? I’m at a complete loss for what to say.

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 12, 2010
1:47 pm

#21 pantsmonkey :

OK, that’s so hilariously twisted that I genuinely love it. That is absolutely fantastic!

Rate this comment: +28

Jan 12, 2010
1:48 pm

#22 friendlymilk :

He’s a terrific artist, actually. I just wouldn’t want him outfitting my kid’s bedroom.

Rate this comment: +29

Jan 12, 2010
1:51 pm

#23 HelenaHandbasket :

I think Mr. Eastwood might want to look into a higher SPF.

Rate this comment: +18

Jan 12, 2010
1:56 pm

#24 Redshirt Knitting :

Looks like an extra from David Lynch’s next movie. I approve!

I mean, I’m terrified, and the taptaptap will haunt me at night (I have wooden floors) but I approve.

Rate this comment: +14

Jan 12, 2010
1:58 pm

#25 WhimsyMistress :

Ohhhh…. see, I thought it was Bill Gates, and this was some sort of steampunk-themed anti-capitalist statement….

Rate this comment: +17

Jan 12, 2010
1:59 pm

#26 pantsmonkey :

Yeah, that actually is exactly the sort of thing I would keep on my desk at work just to freak people out.

Rate this comment: +22

Jan 12, 2010
1:59 pm

#27 WhimsyMistress :

Of course, on second thought, anything anti-capitalist, much less any wind-up toy, shouldn’t be FIFTY DOLLARS.

Rate this comment: +8

Jan 12, 2010
2:04 pm

#28 tinascratch :

It made me cry. I watched the video, and now I’m inconsolable.

Rate this comment: +8

Jan 12, 2010
2:10 pm

#29 Stretch65 :

…when this crap sells (as in this case) I get mixed emotions – giddy with the stimulus of money changing hands, happy that some of these psychos are kept indoors doing “crafts” and off the streets…but at night I slowly weep inside
—–STRETCH TWAIN

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 12, 2010
2:11 pm

#30 gaycatpride :

Really, it’s the perfect accompaniment to the baby David Caruso doll: http://www.regretsy.com/2009/11/13/sunglasses-not-included/
It looks like his dad crossed with a droid.

Rate this comment: +13

Jan 12, 2010
2:13 pm

#31 tinydancer :

Sid from Toy Story has a store on Etsy?!

Rate this comment: +24

Jan 12, 2010
2:17 pm

#32 HermesGoddess :

You people are all nuts. I would LOVE to have a Michael Myers Commemorative Halloween Stapler on my desk.

Yeah.

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
2:20 pm

#33 elenamary :

demonic whimsy..love it

Rate this comment: +8

Jan 12, 2010
2:22 pm

#34 Larriva Art :

Yup, it’s Bill Nighy. In case y’all were wondering, I’ve sold 2 of 2 of these windups. BTW, $50 doesn’t even pay for an hour of my therapy.

Rate this comment: +78

Jan 12, 2010
2:28 pm

#35 Ninna2 :

This is actually a very nice likeness of Bill Nighy. Perhaps this artist could do faces for the Beyonce doll maker?

Rate this comment: +25

Jan 12, 2010
2:30 pm

#36 Helen Killer :

@ Larriva Art – and in case you were wondering, I bought this one.

Make more.

Rate this comment: +45

Jan 12, 2010
2:34 pm

#37 winediva :

If I had a spare $50 I would totally buy this. I marked the seller as a favorite

Rate this comment: +18

Jan 12, 2010
2:36 pm

#38 Larriva Art :

Yes, thank you miss Helen.;)

Rate this comment: +26

Jan 12, 2010
2:37 pm

#39 friendlymilk :

Make more.

Make one that looks more like Christopher Walken so my comment at #11 will be funny again. Now that you say it, it’s so obvious it’s Bill Nighy. Damn.

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 12, 2010
2:39 pm

#40 friendlymilk :

I think this painting is my favorite: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16455249

Rate this comment: +7

Jan 12, 2010
2:41 pm

#41 greyhoundgrrrl :

@ #34 Glad to see you here, prior to seeing your post I thought “This seller might actually be happy to be on Regretsy.” That wind up is CRAZY but a good, quality crazy that is pretty much guaranteed to frighten people. Especially if they woke up to a clicking sound and found it in their bedroom (thanks for the thought of that #12!)

Rate this comment: +13

Jan 12, 2010
2:41 pm

#42 pantsmonkey :

Larriva Art: I think I love you.

No, seriously. Helen is right. Make more.

Rate this comment: +22

Jan 12, 2010
2:44 pm

#43 IscreamUscream :

o.m.g–I would’ve loved a wall-size mural as 10 year old–as I would today.

Make a T-shirt, and I’ll wear it to Disney World.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37536043

Always happy to see Regretsy-worthy talent.

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 12, 2010
2:45 pm

#44 palJacky :

“”@ Larriva Art – and in case you were wondering, I bought this one.

Make more
“”

And if you make a couple max and dax TMZ anal rape wind up dolls you’ve got my business as well

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 12, 2010
2:48 pm

#45 pantsmonkey :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37536043

Oh my God, that is fantastic!

Larriva, you should stick around. Seriously. Unless there’s a photoshop contest going on. Then make yourself scarce or nobody else will stand a chance!

Rate this comment: +10

Jan 12, 2010
2:52 pm

#46 Dynomoose :

I just bought a print of the Pink Hell Monkey for my 4 year olds new bedroom!

Rate this comment: +15

Jan 12, 2010
3:05 pm

#47 Monstrosa :

Oh look, they’ve traded places: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33782825

It’s gorgeous!

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 12, 2010
3:06 pm

#48 Skully :

Larriva Art, your work is amazing! Love the Pink Hell Monkey!

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 12, 2010
3:15 pm

#49 Sculptor69 :

@Larriva Art: as a sculptor, I’ve gotta say, awesome job. I have no idea what the fuck that thing is, only that I totally dig it. It’d be hilarious if you could sculpt a chicken body or some weird animal bod to cover the gizmo. Nightmare fuel ahoy!

Rate this comment: +15

Jan 12, 2010
3:28 pm

#50 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

That was as hilarious as it was disturbing.

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 12, 2010
3:33 pm

#51 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

is this that guy from CSI Miami?

last I heard he was a reborn baby

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
3:40 pm

#52 methuselah :

Yes. Very good.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
3:48 pm

#53 fenrislorsrai :

Deranged minds apparently think alike. I just acquired some windup toys to use in a sculpture project.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
3:58 pm

#54 Peacocktaco :

i love so much it hurts.

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 12, 2010
4:09 pm

#55 Rowan :

#34 Larriva Art
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16384980
Some of your stuff is really beautiful; some of its really demented-please keep making more of both.

Rate this comment: +12

Jan 12, 2010
4:13 pm

#56 vile&evilDebbieDowner :

If this had been in The Matrix, humans would have lost.

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 12, 2010
4:13 pm

#57 pantsmonkey :

BTW, we’re up to over 100 Regretsy fabrics over on Spoonflower. It’s pretty awesome.

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
4:20 pm

#58 IscreamUscream :

Pantsmonkey, yeah–growing like mushrooms over there.
I’m going to do some more–it’s a fun diversion!

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
4:22 pm

#59 jojo :

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_hLJ2N7ZOgD8/StYv91eiRrI/AAAAAAAAB1s/1Qz5aui3l_I/s1600-h/bodysnatchjwera23qz0.jpg

As soon as I saw it I had flashbacks to this. (hope that link works!)

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
4:29 pm

#60 carecaribou :

Holy shit, amazing stuff here! Love this:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=31367107

And this:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34067700

And this:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33782825

Okay, the goblin toy was creepy and hysterical, but some of the art here is amazing. I’m SO glad to find this shop.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
4:29 pm

#61 vile&evilDebbieDowner :

Once upon an eve’ning dreary, while I pondered, drunk and bleary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of whimsicle lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping on my bedroom floor.
“‘Tis some fuckery”, I muttered, “hopping ‘cross my bedroon floor —
Only this, and nothing more.”

Rate this comment: +45

Jan 12, 2010
4:40 pm

#62 pantsmonkey :

BWAHAHAHA! Oh my god I’m in tears!

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
4:42 pm

#63 IscreamUscream :

#60! perfect.

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 12, 2010
4:49 pm

#64 greyhoundgrrrl :

#60 LOVE it!!! Hope Helen Larriva Art see that!

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 12, 2010
4:52 pm

#65 greyhoundgrrrl :

Correction: Hope Helen AND Larriva Art see that! (left out a word there, oops!)

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 12, 2010
5:19 pm

#66 MaryLeah :

This is the most fucked up thing I have seen in a looong time….

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
5:30 pm

#67 Thistle :

thats david caruso, isnt it?

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 12, 2010
5:46 pm

#68 NinjaGato :

wow david caruso is really hard up for work these days isn’t he

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 12, 2010
5:46 pm

#69 NinjaGato :

oh second thought it looks more like Conan Obrien

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 12, 2010
5:50 pm

#70 haineux :

Dumb question: I never heard of the guy until now, so maybe there’s something obvious I’m missing, but: Why Bill Nighy?

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 12, 2010
5:50 pm

#71 whitmansspider :

The face is creepy, but waaaay more life-like than I would have thought a walnut-sized lump of polymer clay could be. Kudos!

Rate this comment: +8

Jan 12, 2010
5:52 pm

#72 whitmansspider :

#60, I also fell in love with the singing monks. Like Bill, they’re fully-realized individuals. (Well, not *exactly* like Bill, but you know what I mean!)

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
6:09 pm

#73 DucksNew :

Helen Killer is going to end up with a room full of featured items. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing but it’ll be one of a kind, for sure

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 12, 2010
6:11 pm

#74 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Again I step away from my computer right when all the fun happens. Why am I always the last to know?!

By far one of my favorite threads EVER.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
6:13 pm

#75 Lucretia Borgia :

Aieyahhh. Now I AM getting worried. I’m so hooked on Regretsy’s pranks that I chortled my way through Hobgloblin 1 and gleefully clicked onto Hobgoblin 2. Then clicked onto the third UTube offering, “Clayman and Superman”. I stoically sat through 8 stupifyingly boring minutes waiting for Helen Killer’s punch line. Which never came. Sheeeesh … It was a regular toy review! I gotta find some antidote to this obssession.

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 12, 2010
6:32 pm

#76 IscreamUscream :

@#61 VileDebbie-
That was so awesome it deserved an illustration:

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4064/4270570424_9109becb1d_o.jpg

Rate this comment: +14

Jan 12, 2010
6:53 pm

#77 brute :

Wow, anyone looking for a machine with Johnny Rotten’s impaled head on it?

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
6:54 pm

#78 razberries :

late getting to this thread b/c i was having pc probs (as usual)…anyhoo, it is great to see you on here, larriva! we love good sports!
i also thought he resembled a bit of david caruso, as well…LOL
“to me, you are perfect”- lmfao- is that from the movie, “love, actually”?

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 12, 2010
6:56 pm

#79 Fo5ter :

#76! I scream yay for your super bad ass pic. I’ll admit, I expected to see a real picture of David Caruso’s head on the toy, but this was even better. Thanks for the Level 2 (or 3?) fuckery!!!

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 12, 2010
7:01 pm

#80 whatchootalkinboutwillis :

Very talented artist; a little freaky to look at this toy and know right away to which Bill the artist was referring. I got the Christmas song lyrics with his voice singing in my head now . . . “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes . . .”

Rate this comment: +9

Jan 12, 2010
7:31 pm

#81 whatchootalkinboutwillis :

Helen/April: If you could put IScreamUScreams’s illustration on a magnet and t-shirt, I would totally be all over that Zazzle store. Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 12, 2010
7:34 pm

#82 gaycatpride :

i actually had to create an etsy account for the first time b/c i wanted to mark the artist as a favorite. he’s amazing. meanwhile, to keep those nightmares going… http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/zjQZtRiQnEcm828d

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
7:38 pm

#83 IscreamUscream :

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
7:41 pm

#84 vile&evilDebbieDowner :

@ IscreamUscream – Thanks! Your illustration is poe-fection. (I can sense him cringeing in horror at the li’l Bill.)

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 12, 2010
8:25 pm

#85 carecaribou :

P.S. Dammit, Helen, QUIT BUYING EVERYTHING!!!

Jesus, I mean, really. Some of us need hopping Bill Nighy polyclay goblins too.

Note to Larriva Art: Make more.

Rate this comment: +9

Jan 12, 2010
8:37 pm

#86 raven :

I am so glad someone bought this before I saw it. I just saved 50 bucks!! That thing rocks!

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 12, 2010
9:32 pm

#87 Larriva Art :

You guys are great. I love you.
Now I just HAVE to make more goblins.

Rate this comment: +26

Jan 12, 2010
10:43 pm

#88 crapgawker :

Wow Larriva! I wondered what had become of little Sid from Toy Story – now at least I know what career path you’ve chosen. I didn’t see any cowboys or spacemen in your shop…

Just sayin’…..
♥

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 12, 2010
11:16 pm

#89 quantuminsanity :

that is hilarious!

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 12, 2010
11:38 pm

#90 PussDaddy :

Doesn’t that sorta look like that real to life baby doll that someone sports as an avatar her grew up and aged?

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 12, 2010
11:47 pm

#91 PussDaddy :

Try puttin’ that baby head on that and makin’ it hop around and see how much they look alike.

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 13, 2010
12:58 am

#92 pantsmonkey :

I keep coming back to this thing. I really think this may be the greatest thing in the history of things.

Every time he sets it down on the table and it starts hopping around I damn near fall out of my chair.

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 13, 2010
1:33 am

#93 snarkeygirl :

#82 gaycatpride, as I connected to your link, I choked with laughter before it even started! OMH, that was awesome!

I really like this offering from Larriva http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=33690555 I think they’re really beautiful. The girl seems sad, and the deer seems frightened. BTW, my husband would have loved this lil hopper. Would be awesome in a Chuck Norris also!

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 13, 2010
3:57 am

#94 raven :

@snarkeygirl I really love that print..thanks for sharing. I hope the artist makes more hoppers. I would love to have one and bring to work to freak out my coworkers…haha

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 13, 2010
4:55 am

#95 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Awesome work Larriva Art. It truly is both intriguing and disturbing at the same time.
I see it’s Billy Nighy now that you mention it. I originally saw Mr. White from Reservoir Dogs…but the hair makes it. Make more, please.

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 13, 2010
5:42 am

#96 GrayPyre :

I just bought 2 of his prints. If it wasn’t for regretsy I’d never see anything but yarn on etsy!

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 13, 2010
7:03 am

#97 hoser :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Jan 13, 2010
7:09 am

#98 Bean :

As creepy as it is, that is some damn good sculpturing! Gotta appreciate that

I love the other furry one that sold on the 16th Dec heaps better though, so cute!

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 13, 2010
9:25 am

#99 babalu :

Either I don’t watch enough tv or my Canadian brain doesn’t get this, but I don’t know who the figure is supposed to be…;-P But LOL to the Conan references! Notwithstanding, it’s still creepy.

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 13, 2010
9:30 am

#100 babalu :

LOL #82! Hilarious!

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 13, 2010
10:43 am

#101 crazycatlady :

#70, I think the question is why NOT Bill Nighy? I Love (Actually) it!

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 13, 2010
10:57 am

#102 Dynomoose :

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0631490/ For all you sad folk who don’t know about this very good actor. read it. Rent some videos. Then you’ll understand why Bill Nighy was worthy of a brilliantly sculpted jumpy toy.

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 13, 2010
11:14 am

#103 jinxybee :

Now you see, I immediately thought “Arnold Swarzenneger”. And why is the Governator’s head on a stapler?

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 13, 2010
11:20 am

#104 jinxybee :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Jan 13, 2010
1:55 pm

#105 Night Cowl :

Seriously Helen, you really need a separate site for the weirdly cool shit, this doesn’t belong on regretsy except for the promo factor.

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 15, 2010
12:44 pm

#106 darthdaner :

Holy fuck…this thing looks like what happened to Rainn Wilson at the end of “House of 1,000 Corpses”.

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 15, 2010
1:11 pm

#107 JustJon :

THAT IS TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 17, 2010
11:48 am

#108 js :

I think it’s brilliant.

Rate this comment: 0