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Hellephant

Posted by Helen Killer

83 comments

GUESS WHAT NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE TWO TRIPS TO THE TRASH

Filed in Garbage, Toys 83 comments

83 Comments

Add Comment

Jan 7, 2010
1:33 pm

#1 karen710 :

spray that filthy thing with purell!!! yuck. you gotta be kidding!!!

Rate this comment: +25

Jan 7, 2010
1:34 pm

#2 Skully :

What the fuck is that pink wire for? His hearing aid?

Rate this comment: +106

Jan 7, 2010
1:35 pm

#3 GoldenAppleofDiscord :

Thinking I might get this, but I just want to make sure that all the cat hair will still be intact if I make this purchase. Otherwise I’m not interested!

Rate this comment: +65

Jan 7, 2010
1:35 pm

#4 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

What the heck is that wire thing protruding from his head??

And why is the other end of it shoved up his ass??

Rate this comment: +40

Jan 7, 2010
1:40 pm

#5 Wilma Fingerdoo :

I know a kid who might love him.
Pigpen from Peanuts.

Is it necessary to photograph his filthiness from different angles?

Rate this comment: +35

Jan 7, 2010
1:41 pm

#6 moi :

Oh My gawd are you kidding me?!?! That thing is nasty, it would not go near my house much less my kid!

Rate this comment: +10

Jan 7, 2010
1:43 pm

#7 Saraf :

this shop is like a trip through my grandmother’s attic – and i’ve seen at least 8 things I want to buy (including this poor, sad elephant) – now i’m feeling nostalgic….

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 7, 2010
1:43 pm

#8 FuckADuckk :

I know someone who LOVES buying toys like this then making them in to art pieces, the crustier they are, the better. So, you never know.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 7, 2010
1:52 pm

#9 fifi-leCroc :

barf

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 7, 2010
1:53 pm

#10 quizzicalpussy :

Some of us look in the “free bin” at a garage sale and think “what filth!” and some of us think “income source!” You tell me who is wise.

Rate this comment: +25

Jan 7, 2010
1:54 pm

#11 steviesegel :

I wouldn’t even let my dog play with that!

Rate this comment: +16

Jan 7, 2010
1:54 pm

#12 WasteOfAces :

http://www.halfassedproductions.com/articles/120105/elephant.JPG

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 7, 2010
1:55 pm

#13 getsy :

Why did he leave the island of misfit toys? I think he would fit in nicely there.

Rate this comment: +20

Jan 7, 2010
2:01 pm

#14 CynQ :

The real problem I have with this is the misuse of the Etsy site. Etsy is for handmade crap. In other words, crap you made yourself. It is not intended for selling factory-made crap that is old and worn and clearly at some point buried in the back yard by the dog. Even he knew it was time to get rid of that thing.

Rate this comment: +77

Jan 7, 2010
2:03 pm

#15 IscreamUscream :

You meant to say the island of mis-shit toys, right?

Rate this comment: +32

Jan 7, 2010
2:04 pm

#16 starrydreams :

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 7, 2010
2:05 pm

#17 Bemused :

Wonder where his trunk has been?

Rate this comment: +25

Jan 7, 2010
2:07 pm

#18 wowow :

LOL! and she could have googled how to spell corduroy.

Rate this comment: +9

Jan 7, 2010
2:07 pm

#19 lamarmota :

What is the purpose of the wire? Is it connected to a detonator of some sort?

Rate this comment: +40

Jan 7, 2010
2:08 pm

#20 Bemused :

Description of this one cracks me up!!!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38014693

Rate this comment: +32

Jan 7, 2010
2:10 pm

#21 TheOldGuy :

I’m with #7.

A little sewing, a couple washes and I think you’d have a happy kid. Today’s squidgy ultrasoft fake-fur plushie toys can’t compete with a cotton-stuffed elephant in a tactile wide-wale corduroy.

Rate this comment: +10

Jan 7, 2010
2:13 pm

#22 quizzicalpussy :

@#2, #4, #18, I believe he originally had posable ears, which is why that piece of wire is still attached. The fabric of the ear ripped off and the skeleton remains.

Someday soon all the other plush elephants will visit that wire in a graveyard, if someone doesn’t attempt to sell it as “Awesome cute DIY toy wire >LOOK!<"

Rate this comment: +7

Jan 7, 2010
2:17 pm

#23 HelenaHandbasket :

As if there were any doubt, he’s smarter than this pathetic Hoarder Reject Seller. “He thinks no one will ever love him.”

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 7, 2010
2:18 pm

#24 sudabaki :

“GUESS WHAT NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE TWO TRIPS TO THE TRASH”

Wouldn’t that be easier than a trip to the post office?

Rate this comment: +20

Jan 7, 2010
2:22 pm

#25 babalu :

Honestly, how about putting your item THROUGH THE WASH before you list it for sale!??!!! ack!!!

Rate this comment: +13

Jan 7, 2010
2:31 pm

#26 monkeysnacks :

you’d have to make sure your kids shots were all up to date before letting them near that thing…or give em’ a hazmat suit…maybe both

Rate this comment: +7

Jan 7, 2010
2:33 pm

#27 bootsychoo :

Darn – it sold already!
*sigh*
That’s alright – not sure I would’ve wanted it without visible chew marks.

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 7, 2010
2:33 pm

#28 Rowan :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33664541

Holy Poop! Someone bought that crusty critter!

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 7, 2010
2:36 pm

#29 Bemused :

#25 Rowan :
Wondering if someone bought it for a wedding present for Helen/April…

Rate this comment: +8

Jan 7, 2010
2:37 pm

#30 saucerville :

Is this handmade?
Is this vintage?

WTF?

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 7, 2010
2:38 pm

#31 kittyofassisi :

check this out. if you have a pair of pinking shears you can start your own business.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38016364

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 7, 2010
2:41 pm

#32 Skully :

To the tune of Baby Mine (from Dumbo):

Hellephant, where’s your ear?
Why the wire up your rear?
You’re so damn filthy and old,
I’m glad you sold,
Hellephant dear.

Rate this comment: +27

Jan 7, 2010
2:41 pm

#33 PussDaddy :

Well that just settles it. I am gathering up all my trash and pawning it off on idiots on Etsy who will buy it. I mean some stuff is just garbage it is that damn simple. I never got why anyone would list stuff saying
This item is in perfect condition! Except for a misssing right ear, a cracked left foot, a hairline fracture running front to back, and some crazing and glazing this item is as perfect as the day it rolled off the assembly line!

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 7, 2010
2:42 pm

#34 PussDaddy :

I simply gotta find a way to make my 3 cat’s litter box droppings pay off for me.

Rate this comment: +10

Jan 7, 2010
2:53 pm

#35 Efit :

@#31 – string them turds on a necklace.

I like the sad little elephant. Reminds me of Corduroy, the bear with the missing button. I’ve got a soft spot for cute underdogs, even if they are a bit crusty dirty.

Rate this comment: +25

Jan 7, 2010
2:58 pm

#36 frootloop :

i always give my kids our dogs old chew toys…

Rate this comment: +13

Jan 7, 2010
2:59 pm

#37 Je :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -8

Jan 7, 2010
3:02 pm

#38 Magischer Esel :

Is it ok if I made a View it in a Room on my own? You have inspired me Helen!

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i30/nathanglick/CatToySqualor.jpg

Rate this comment: +46

Jan 7, 2010
3:06 pm

#39 moi :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38016794

Has a slight stain but not really noticeable? The whole dress is like one big stain. Maybe they has a form of colorblindness where they can’t see brown…so that they can’t see the nasty brown dirt/stains/etc.

Rate this comment: +7

Jan 7, 2010
3:07 pm

#40 Moons in Leo :

I suppose I can believe that is someone has the balls to post this for sale that someone is crazy enough to buy it.

I think this woman might be on the next episode of Hoarders.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 7, 2010
3:11 pm

#41 PussDaddy :

Looks like someone pissed all over that dress and let it dry #36 moi.

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 7, 2010
3:15 pm

#42 IscreamUscream :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Jan 7, 2010
3:18 pm

#43 bellablue :

I’m sad to admit that I have a very sensitive 6 year old who loves elephants. If she saw that she would feel terrible for it and want it because “Mama, it neeeeds me!” I can assure you she WON’T be seeing that listing!!!

Rate this comment: +14

Jan 7, 2010
3:29 pm

#44 whoanellee :

Headline reads:
“Homeless Child Has Toy Snatched Out of Her Hands So Lame Esty Seller Can Make a Quick Buck!”

Byline:
“Lame Esty Seller Returns to Steal the Ear, Homeless Child Devastated”

Rate this comment: +22

Jan 7, 2010
3:30 pm

#45 whoanellee :

This is despicable. I thought this kind of crap was reserved for ebay.

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 7, 2010
3:34 pm

#46 Wilma Fingerdoo :

#35 Efit- I like Corduroy too… but he was clean.

This one is Corderoy. Poor dirty thing’s not even spelled correctly.

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 7, 2010
3:48 pm

#47 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

I feel like an idiot now. When my kids out-grew their toys, we sat down together and went through them. Into the trash with some, the clean, still-working toys went to a local domestic violence shelter. (which is where the baby crib and a whole bunch of clothing went as well).

I should’ve saved that trash bag and sold it instead. Who knew there was a market for this kind of garbage?

Rate this comment: -1

Jan 7, 2010
3:49 pm

#48 Bemused :

#38 Magischer Esel :
LOVE IT! The room is a craft room, I take it. Where’s the Say What guy with this item?

Rate this comment: -1

Jan 7, 2010
3:53 pm

#49 whimsey :

I can guess the reason this sold; it’s probably because some loving mother wanted to give her child the gift of tetanus.

Rate this comment: +15

Jan 7, 2010
4:25 pm

#50 palJacky :

do yourself a favor and check out some this seller’s other crap. If you want to decorate your house in ‘early orphange’ you know where to go.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38016518

Is perhaps my favorite. Pinking sheared hearts.

Rate this comment: +8

Jan 7, 2010
4:33 pm

#51 Texchanchan :

@#31 kittyofasissi Re cutting paper hearts out of children’s books: Cutting a book up to make decorative hearts (for scrapbooking – or for anything!) goes against my bibliophile beliefs. Books are for reading, not for dismembering like a barbarian having at a stained glass window.

Rate this comment: +11

Jan 7, 2010
4:34 pm

#52 whyohwhy :

Think I sold a similar elephant in my shop – vintage and mint – for $4.25.

Guess it’s worth more when it comes with biohazard.

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 7, 2010
4:54 pm

#53 Recovering Crack Baby :

I missed what the original price was and am curiass. Who on here bought the welfare elephant.

Rate this comment: -1

Jan 7, 2010
5:04 pm

#54 palJacky :

seriously guys, everything this person is selling is really depressing. a dario argento or Rob Zombie film could have entire room decorated with it in for its prologue, then something horrible happens in front of a six year old child then the screen flashes’twenty years later’ as the titles roll.

Yes, I am one of those sic fucks who sees Rob Zombie movies,everyone so far on opening day. it could be worse, I could be one those sic fucks who actually acts in Rob Zombie films.

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 7, 2010
5:15 pm

#55 NinjaGato :

Why don’t you fucking sew on that missing ear that you found and throw it in the washing machine?

Regretsy how I’ve missed you.

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 7, 2010
5:18 pm

#56 NinjaGato :

palJacky- are you aware that one of those sick fucks that acts in Rob Zombies movies is our very own fearless leader Ms. Killer?

also sick has a K in it.

Rate this comment: +12

Jan 7, 2010
5:47 pm

#57 Thistle :

brought to our attention by #20:

“Im not sure what I think about this poodle , I dont really like poodles anyway, so I hope someone adopts her soon … She will be waiting for you in her basket, the one with the lid ,where all the creepy dolls live.”

the “poodle” itself looks like it has had all of its insides sucked out by some giant spider.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38014693

Rate this comment: +14

Jan 7, 2010
5:53 pm

#58 MrsPhyllisTorgo :

My grandparents have that exact same linoleum. I don’t know how to feel about the fact that other people have it. The blood red with flecks in it is truly hideous.

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 7, 2010
6:07 pm

#59 hoser :

I’m assuming the wire is the left over antena used to transmit a conversation to the looney bin. Where i’m assuming the person selling this resides. Just because a doll could be creepy doesn’t mean it was used as a potty wipe by some squeegee kid. YUK

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 7, 2010
6:24 pm

#60 dustbunny :

So this is what I can do with all the dog-chewed toys around the house. I’m sitting ona gold mine! What the hell are some people thinking.

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 7, 2010
7:22 pm

#61 aroseisarose :

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Rate this comment: +15

Jan 7, 2010
7:37 pm

#62 aroseisarose :

You also don’t sell those people on Etsy. -_-

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 7, 2010
7:39 pm

#63 razberries :

ninjagato- regarding #55- yes! I was thinking that too about sewing on the ear! And I was late getting here also, RCB- what *was* the price?

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 7, 2010
8:04 pm

#64 jwheeler :

does it come with a free swine flu shot?

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 7, 2010
8:16 pm

#65 MaryBeth :

I briefly wonder why my Etsy “finds” are not featured on Regretsy. Then I see something like this and my question is answered.

Rate this comment: -1

Jan 7, 2010
8:38 pm

#66 Meg88 :

This HAS to be an old dog toy. HAS TO BE. (And WHAT THE HELL IT SOLD?!)

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 7, 2010
8:42 pm

#67 NinjaGato :

it sold. a ripped up dirty piece of shit sold. and I’m having trouble even getting views. WHAT THE FUCK?

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 7, 2010
8:55 pm

#68 MaryBeth :

it SOLD????? speechless.

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 7, 2010
9:19 pm

#69 PussDaddy :

White Zombie is the shiznit.

Rate this comment: -2

Jan 7, 2010
9:32 pm

#70 NinjaGato :

She even admits in her shop announcement that shes having an Etsy garage sale.

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 7, 2010
9:32 pm

#71 supertamsf :

“GUESS WHAT I FOUND HIS MISSING EAR!”

Did you pull it out of a compost bin?

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 7, 2010
9:35 pm

#72 supertamsf :

Is it stuffed with pigeon farts?

Rate this comment: -1

Jan 7, 2010
9:39 pm

#73 supertamsf :

A good rinse in a bucket of urine would clean it right up.

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 7, 2010
9:49 pm

#74 supertamsf :

Everything from this seller is soiled and morose.
Perfect for little Orphan Crack-head Annie
http://www.etsy.com/shop/willislisa

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 8, 2010
8:02 am

#75 pd417 :

I am a misfit elephant with a missing ear and a wire attached to my ass…will you adopt me?

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 8, 2010
11:54 am

#76 tejasmom :

I think Etsy is really falling down on the job. How does this junk qualify as merchandise? I guess I should read the rules and start looking through the trash!

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 8, 2010
12:46 pm

#77 Constant Reader :

Re # 74 and #76: I took a look at this person’s shop and I wondered what she is doing on Etsy. She belongs on eBay where there really is a market for these sorts of things. Those who call themselves mixed media artists are quite fond of using stuff like this in their art. Etsy fees must be less than eBay’s. Perhaps that is why all these “vintage” items are appearing on Etsy. To check out mixed media art, look at the publications at http://www.stampington.com

Rate this comment: +2

Jan 8, 2010
4:37 pm

#78 quokkaqueen :

Constant Reader @ 77 — Ebay fees increase the more your original listing price is, and the length of time you want it for. Etsy is 40 cents US, flat rate for four months.
(This is why a lot of people seemingly use etsy as a virtual art gallery with all their work up, and exorbitant prices nobody would actually pay.)

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 8, 2010
6:34 pm

#79 bananabread :

Wow…this thing is filthy. So, are they going to include the missing ear or what? Why bother mentioning it if you’re not AT LEAST going to try to clean this thing and sew the ear back on?

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 9, 2010
5:49 am

#80 StinkBait :

Why would you list a toy with a dirty sharp wire? I think the buyer of this is setting up a law suit.

Will the money received for this toy pay for the attorneys fees?

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 9, 2010
8:48 am

#81 JustJon :

Okay, see, here is the problem. There is still that slightly “special” (the doctor said it was nothing) 5 year old in me who thinks that stuffed animals, despite all science to the contrary, are actually sentient beings with their own thoughts and feelings. So while I would never want to own something like that, I still see it and say “awwwwww.”

Im 39, sue me.

Rate this comment: +7

Jan 9, 2010
8:49 am

#82 JustJon :

I also think it’s a tragedy that he’s been impaled by the seller. It makes him look even sadder.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 17, 2010
1:13 pm

#83 Cori Scores :

syphilis.

Rate this comment: 0