i don’t know what disturbs me more – the ridiculously bad painting or her using the word “expressionist”. what’s the connection between vermeer, expressionism and an elementary school homework?
I can’t decide which one is giving me a worse case of the yips – this one, or the Mona Lisa Make-over. Either way, I think I’m starting my sculpting day with a hefty dose of Bailey’s in my coffee…must.steady.the nerves…
ya know most of the house flags that fly around here are mostly to do with college football. nothing so high-fallutin’ as Vermeer. so maybe i’m being simple.
that said, this reminds me of a very colorful nun with crazy oprah-eyes.
i don’t think i could do much better, but i’m ok with that. and i would expect anybody to pay $150.00 for my effort.
hope that was kind enough for lil’ miss weedwhacker…
I like that it isn’t fully assembled, and that the dowel from which it will hang is going to be capped off on both sides with painted square “fennels.”
As a chef, I can tell you this–if your fennel is square, there is something wrong with it. If it is painted, it is a waste of a perfectly good vegetable or spice. And if you are using it to cap off a dowel, you are engaging in an act of amazing douchebaggery.
I’m embarrassed to admit that, until I saw this on Regretsy and subsequently Googled “Expressionist art,” I had no idea there was such a thing as Expressionist art. So, crappy painting though this may be, it had me there.
Am I the only one who gets tired of various art movements (folk/outsider art, especially, and now Expressionism) being used as cover for simple lack of ability?
just trying to picture this danged thing hanging with those “fennels” (is that really what they’re called?? no matter -they’re painted to match!! and that’s what counts!) in my hallway and then telling someone that i actually paid a hundred and fifty bucks for it. I think they’d have me committed
I have no snarky comment, I just wish to express my feelings of extreme anger and despondency caused by bearing witness to an individual possessing such a flagrant disregard for taste, and clearly a completely insolent attitude toward the serious business that is art, that they would have no shame in revealing this garbage to the world. And then to be so brazen as to actually presume any person would wish to own it, let alone glance at it.. I feel personally insulted and outraged!
150 fucking dollars? Holy shit on a stick, I’m off to start a new Etsy shop for my nine year old daughter. And then to the grocery store for some fennels. We’re gonna be rich!
My favorite part is how this very badly rendered copy has “~~All rights reserved~~”, in case anyone wanted to copy it. So, it’s good enough for her, but Vermeer apparently has no such rights reserved. (Though I have to admit, it’s so far from the original that it’s just… not.)
@NinjaGato: I have always noticed. Especially when she wears a lot of black eyeliner and red lipstick at the same time. And when she is as stick thin as she was in Bride Wars, its like some bad optical illusion or something- look, her eyes are bigger than her boobs!
Yeah, I also noticed her strange use of “fennels”. It continues to confuse me, mostly because I can’t figure out what the hell she *thinks* she means. Fenders? Ferrules? Fibrils? Finials?
Did anybody else notice that the seller put “~~All rights reserved~~” at the bottom? As though she’s afraid someone is going to rip off her rip off of someone else’s work
#27 – I thought it was perfectly obvious what was so enthralling on the side of the room all the people in the paintings are looking at. It’s me in a bathtub full of rose petals with Aviv Geffen.
Obviously we’d both love to get out of the bathtub so we don’t have to watch more bad paintings being made, but she won’t give us towels.
The girl in that painting would have looked better in a pearl necklace, and their are many talented painters on Etsy just dying to splooge one out for her.
#35 — Thank you! I was trying my darnedest to figure out what she meant by “fennel” until I saw your useful list of suggestion. I think she meant “finial”.
Easy mistake to make.
Especially if you think Expressionism has anything to do with this painting.
“The edges are hemmed but not to perfection but to add to the expressionism of the piece.”
I really don’t think she has any understanding of the term expressionism. Perhaps she saw the word while skimming through “Art History for Dummies” and felt loosely slinging it around would give her work some cred.
Her neck’s way flexible, like she has the ability to rotate her head round like an owl or the Exorcist chick. Scarlett Johanssen would be rolling around in her grave if she were dead.
There is a “pearl” button detail on each corner of the muslin which is hemmed and ready to hang on a dowel. The dowel will be capped off by square fennels that have been painted to match and drilled in the back for hangning. I haven’t assembled the piece in the pics because the dowel needs to be cut to size and that’s a task for hubby but only takes a minute (when he gets home).
Whoa! All this AND matching “fennels”? This is going to sell.
This makes me want to cry…I can’t even laugh anymore.
Why do you need to fuck with the greatest artist’s work?!
Why?! You OBVIOUSLY can’t paint..why embarrass yourself like this?
Self-deception is the worst deception. These people have a store full of third-grade type paintings and cards. They’ve not only painted but photographed (several times over) and posted this crap on Etsy. Maybe it’s a tax write-off or something. I can’t imagine anyone actually paying money for these.
I’m embarrassed to admit I find the ‘artist’s’ work: “Expressionist Mixed Media Original Painting on muslin Cat and Flowers” to be really cute! Also, check out her “POP ArT Mini ThroW Pillow” FYI: I LOATHE!!!! random cApiTALizaTIOns!! But I will make an exception for the cuteness of the pillow.
There’s a sucker born every minute. I guess I’m one. She’s got a few (very few) cute things…
Okay – looked thru the rest of her shop. There is some priceless stuff – “Laundry Day”, “Secret-Pocket Card”, “Beaded Yoga Pose” ornament… How could you cold-hearted people not love these things?
“This is Pierre. He is well read, he is bi-lingual, he is cultured, he is a cat, he is French.” Looks more like a teddy bear with a pretzel body to me.
I am bitter. You posting this on regretsy means this person will sell paintings and that makes me MAD. She sucks. Also, you can’t say “all rights reserved” when you’ve copied the painting.
I emailed her about the “fennels” mistake and she responded by asking if I knew why she’d gotten so many hits. I tried not to tell her (especially since I made that comment about 6th graders and shower curtains), but she persisted.
This is what she sent me this morning: Sent by BorrisandNatasha on January 05, 2010:
OMG!! It’s kinda funny though and pretty accurate I mean why do all the eyes point off in the same direction? It was harsh criticism but I welcome it and will grow from it,…
OMG!! It’s kinda funny though and pretty accurate I mean why do all the eyes point off in the same direction? It was harsh criticism but I welcome it and will grow from it, god, that sounds like a stupid comment that would be made on an after school special, but whatever. I’ve experienced way worse things than regretsy in my life. You know what amazes me is how worked up people get over stuff. Thanks for telling me, I really do appreciate it…
Krishna onna cracker, I can’t believe someone would pay $150 for this dreck. Seriously, I have to either close my etsy shop or start selling dog shit shaped soaps.
January 4, 2010 at 9:35 am
ahh, nothing like a little regretsy math to start off my monday of doing nothing.
although, i coulda sworn that the oprah portrait was going to be in the equation somewhere. it’s those eyes….
January 4, 2010 at 9:35 am
GODDAMMIT PEOPLE, YOU LEAVE VERMEER ALONE!
What did his breathtaking treatments of light, space and atmosphere ever do to you??
January 4, 2010 at 9:37 am
$150? For something her 6th grader made out of a piece of shower curtain and some poster paint?
January 4, 2010 at 9:40 am
So….inspired is the new way to say “I totally copied it as best I could and now I hope to profit from COPYING it as best I could”?
January 4, 2010 at 9:44 am
Every time I see something like this sell I cringe at how much time, money and energy I spent getting that art degree.
January 4, 2010 at 9:46 am
i don’t know what disturbs me more – the ridiculously bad painting or her using the word “expressionist”. what’s the connection between vermeer, expressionism and an elementary school homework?
January 4, 2010 at 9:52 am
I can’t decide which one is giving me a worse case of the yips – this one, or the Mona Lisa Make-over. Either way, I think I’m starting my sculpting day with a hefty dose of Bailey’s in my coffee…must.steady.the nerves…
January 4, 2010 at 9:57 am
The buttons on the corners remind me of using tacks to hang up my Rick Springfield and Bon Jovi posters in high school.
Stuff like this makes me want to say to hell with the arthritis pain and pick up my paintbrushes again.
**wow, two references to my age in one post. Now get offa my lawn, you whippersnappers!**
January 4, 2010 at 9:58 am
I’ve never realized just how “too-big” Anne Hathaway’s features are for her face.
January 4, 2010 at 10:07 am
ya know most of the house flags that fly around here are mostly to do with college football. nothing so high-fallutin’ as Vermeer. so maybe i’m being simple.
that said, this reminds me of a very colorful nun with crazy oprah-eyes.
i don’t think i could do much better, but i’m ok with that. and i would expect anybody to pay $150.00 for my effort.
hope that was kind enough for lil’ miss weedwhacker…
January 4, 2010 at 10:09 am
I like that it isn’t fully assembled, and that the dowel from which it will hang is going to be capped off on both sides with painted square “fennels.”
As a chef, I can tell you this–if your fennel is square, there is something wrong with it. If it is painted, it is a waste of a perfectly good vegetable or spice. And if you are using it to cap off a dowel, you are engaging in an act of amazing douchebaggery.
January 4, 2010 at 10:10 am
I can’t wait to view this in a room! May I suggest it be placed in the Mickey Mouse Kingdom?
January 4, 2010 at 10:12 am
“The dowel will be capped off by square fennels”? I soooo want a “View This in a Room” with bulbs of fennel holding up the painting.
January 4, 2010 at 10:13 am
The best part of this is the little blurb at the bottom of the description that states “all rights reserved.”
January 4, 2010 at 10:15 am
I’m embarrassed to admit that, until I saw this on Regretsy and subsequently Googled “Expressionist art,” I had no idea there was such a thing as Expressionist art. So, crappy painting though this may be, it had me there.
Am I the only one who gets tired of various art movements (folk/outsider art, especially, and now Expressionism) being used as cover for simple lack of ability?
January 4, 2010 at 10:16 am
just trying to picture this danged thing hanging with those “fennels” (is that really what they’re called?? no matter -they’re painted to match!! and that’s what counts!) in my hallway and then telling someone that i actually paid a hundred and fifty bucks for it. I think they’d have me committed
January 4, 2010 at 10:18 am
I have no snarky comment, I just wish to express my feelings of extreme anger and despondency caused by bearing witness to an individual possessing such a flagrant disregard for taste, and clearly a completely insolent attitude toward the serious business that is art, that they would have no shame in revealing this garbage to the world. And then to be so brazen as to actually presume any person would wish to own it, let alone glance at it.. I feel personally insulted and outraged!
January 4, 2010 at 10:29 am
wait…the wrong cat is in this one…someone with level 5 skills please help!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37621028
January 4, 2010 at 10:41 am
Somehow, this equation seems to be missing a native child from Deliverance.
January 4, 2010 at 10:44 am
This only expresses their lack of talent–and contempt for art. I’m going to confiscate those brushes and paints–back to crayon school for you!
January 4, 2010 at 10:45 am
This is a replication of a painting that was obviously inspired by LSD. Holy christ.
January 4, 2010 at 10:47 am
150 fucking dollars? Holy shit on a stick, I’m off to start a new Etsy shop for my nine year old daughter. And then to the grocery store for some fennels. We’re gonna be rich!
January 4, 2010 at 11:06 am
My favorite part is how this very badly rendered copy has “~~All rights reserved~~”, in case anyone wanted to copy it. So, it’s good enough for her, but Vermeer apparently has no such rights reserved. (Though I have to admit, it’s so far from the original that it’s just… not.)
January 4, 2010 at 11:24 am
actually I think this painting is quite well done.
GOTCHA!
January 4, 2010 at 11:30 am
Where’s a gang of rabid art students when you need them? Oh yeah, it’s only 1:30 here…they’re still in bed nursing their hangovers.
January 4, 2010 at 11:37 am
With those eyes, she could be Oprah’s cousin!
@NinjaGato: I have always noticed. Especially when she wears a lot of black eyeliner and red lipstick at the same time. And when she is as stick thin as she was in Bride Wars, its like some bad optical illusion or something- look, her eyes are bigger than her boobs!
http://img2.timeinc.net/instyle/images/2009/gallery/011108_hathaway_400x400.jpg
I’ll always remember her as Princess Mia
January 4, 2010 at 11:41 am
Why are the eyes in all of her paintings looking in the same direction? I want to know what is so enthralling on that side of the room.
It’s kind of freaky.
January 4, 2010 at 11:51 am
Goodness gracious, there is a matching pillow…with what looks to be ginormous lips and glitter paint.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37113140
January 4, 2010 at 11:54 am
I don’t know why but this lady with no arms makes me cry everytime i look at it
January 4, 2010 at 11:56 am
#26, it was killing me but I couldn’t figure out why until you mentioned the eyes.
The eyes have it: http://usera.imagecave.com/dirkstar/susanna-hoffs-07050604.jpg
January 4, 2010 at 12:01 pm
And if you cross Vermeer with Van Gogh, you get The Girl with a Pearl Earring but No Ears.
January 4, 2010 at 12:15 pm
“…the dowel needs to be cut to size and that’s a task for hubby but only takes a minute (when he gets home). “
Good idea, because if this painting is any indication of your hand-eye coordination, you might want to stay away from power tools.
(FYI: It’s spelled Boris, not Borris.)
January 4, 2010 at 12:16 pm
So…if expressionism is characterized by art expressing intense emotions, what emotion is being portrayed here?
January 4, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Anyone else disturbed by the triangle tit?
January 4, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Yeah, I also noticed her strange use of “fennels”. It continues to confuse me, mostly because I can’t figure out what the hell she *thinks* she means. Fenders? Ferrules? Fibrils? Finials?
January 4, 2010 at 12:22 pm
If they are painting on muslin, couldn’t they have at least ironed it first? Many of the “paintings” have fold lines in them.
January 4, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Did anybody else notice that the seller put “~~All rights reserved~~” at the bottom? As though she’s afraid someone is going to rip off her rip off of someone else’s work
January 4, 2010 at 12:47 pm
#27 – I thought it was perfectly obvious what was so enthralling on the side of the room all the people in the paintings are looking at. It’s me in a bathtub full of rose petals with Aviv Geffen.
Obviously we’d both love to get out of the bathtub so we don’t have to watch more bad paintings being made, but she won’t give us towels.
January 4, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 4, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 4, 2010 at 1:02 pm
For #18 krystyna81: I’ve seen calico cats before
but that’s my first muslin cat.
January 4, 2010 at 1:26 pm
#35 — Thank you! I was trying my darnedest to figure out what she meant by “fennel” until I saw your useful list of suggestion. I think she meant “finial”.
Easy mistake to make.
Especially if you think Expressionism has anything to do with this painting.
She’s done the dirty on the Mona Lisa, too: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37256801
She says: “The edges are hemmed but not to perfection but to add to the expressionism of the piece.”
Holy. Fuck.
January 4, 2010 at 1:39 pm
“The edges are hemmed but not to perfection but to add to the expressionism of the piece.”
I really don’t think she has any understanding of the term expressionism. Perhaps she saw the word while skimming through “Art History for Dummies” and felt loosely slinging it around would give her work some cred.
January 4, 2010 at 2:24 pm
@#18 krystyna81 :
Level 5.1, Great Masters of Art Redux…
http://img51.imageshack.us/i/vermeercat.jpg/
January 4, 2010 at 2:34 pm
I love this post, Helen you are so mean, it is awesome.
January 4, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Dangerous posts ” She’s done the dirty on the Mona Lisa, too: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37256801 ”
Oh no… the fennels again…
I think I’ll start selling unfinished art here, too. Buyers will understand…
January 4, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Her neck’s way flexible, like she has the ability to rotate her head round like an owl or the Exorcist chick. Scarlett Johanssen would be rolling around in her grave if she were dead.
January 4, 2010 at 3:20 pm
There is a “pearl” button detail on each corner of the muslin which is hemmed and ready to hang on a dowel. The dowel will be capped off by square fennels that have been painted to match and drilled in the back for hangning. I haven’t assembled the piece in the pics because the dowel needs to be cut to size and that’s a task for hubby but only takes a minute (when he gets home).
Whoa! All this AND matching “fennels”? This is going to sell.
January 4, 2010 at 4:41 pm
This makes me want to cry…I can’t even laugh anymore.
Why do you need to fuck with the greatest artist’s work?!
Why?! You OBVIOUSLY can’t paint..why embarrass yourself like this?
January 4, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Is that a weedwhacker on her head? That’s what I paint when I just can’t get the hair right.
January 4, 2010 at 5:12 pm
i like it!
finally, someone with smaller boobs than i!!!
January 4, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Self-deception is the worst deception. These people have a store full of third-grade type paintings and cards. They’ve not only painted but photographed (several times over) and posted this crap on Etsy. Maybe it’s a tax write-off or something. I can’t imagine anyone actually paying money for these.
And #32 Skully is right. It’s spelled “Boris.”
January 4, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Oh my goodness! The math is right on!
January 4, 2010 at 7:31 pm
First question I had was why the big-eyed girl has an earring but not an ear. Then I moved on to the Hillary Clinton headband and then…Never mind.
January 4, 2010 at 7:32 pm
I’m embarrassed to admit I find the ‘artist’s’ work: “Expressionist Mixed Media Original Painting on muslin Cat and Flowers” to be really cute! Also, check out her “POP ArT Mini ThroW Pillow” FYI: I LOATHE!!!! random cApiTALizaTIOns!! But I will make an exception for the cuteness of the pillow.
There’s a sucker born every minute. I guess I’m one. She’s got a few (very few) cute things…
January 4, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Okay – looked thru the rest of her shop. There is some priceless stuff – “Laundry Day”, “Secret-Pocket Card”, “Beaded Yoga Pose” ornament… How could you cold-hearted people not love these things?
January 4, 2010 at 8:09 pm
check this out…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37659720
“This is Pierre. He is well read, he is bi-lingual, he is cultured, he is a cat, he is French.” Looks more like a teddy bear with a pretzel body to me.
January 4, 2010 at 8:17 pm
Holy shit, I was *right*!!! She meant “finials” and actually corrected her listing!
Um, yay?
January 4, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Mmm. Now I’m hungry for cantaloupe.
January 4, 2010 at 8:42 pm
ah, regretsy math explains it all
I will consider myself slayed.
January 4, 2010 at 8:46 pm
I want to die. Oh my god.
January 4, 2010 at 8:52 pm
I am bitter. You posting this on regretsy means this person will sell paintings and that makes me MAD. She sucks. Also, you can’t say “all rights reserved” when you’ve copied the painting.
January 4, 2010 at 9:48 pm
#55 Lola :
I want to die. Oh my god.
…..
I know, right…you want to die, I want to cry.
Poor, poor art teachers..
January 4, 2010 at 9:50 pm
For better or for worse, Pierre the French catbear(bearcat?) is way more whimsicle than the ugly ripoffs of famous paintings.
January 4, 2010 at 10:29 pm
More Level 1 Photoshopping:
http://i985.photobucket.com/albums/ae338/grinreaper1965/Regretsy/vermeer.gif
January 5, 2010 at 1:10 am
ROFL Skully!
The Girl With the Pearl Earring at Wimbeldon.
January 5, 2010 at 8:00 am
she’s caught on to her ‘Regretsy fans’
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=37891280
@ #5 karenworks: I agree wholeheartedly!!!
January 5, 2010 at 10:25 am
She changed her shop announcement to one about Regretsy… good for her for having a sense of humor!
I like Pierre the catbear too. Very whimsicle. But the paintings are still fuckery.
January 5, 2010 at 10:48 am
can we post html for pics? let’s see:
January 5, 2010 at 10:48 am
Nope. I Fail.
Here’s the link:
http://i923.photobucket.com/albums/ad74/whimsiclefuckery/regretsyCantaloupe.jpg
January 5, 2010 at 11:58 am
I emailed her about the “fennels” mistake and she responded by asking if I knew why she’d gotten so many hits. I tried not to tell her (especially since I made that comment about 6th graders and shower curtains), but she persisted.
This is what she sent me this morning: Sent by BorrisandNatasha on January 05, 2010:
OMG!! It’s kinda funny though and pretty accurate I mean why do all the eyes point off in the same direction? It was harsh criticism but I welcome it and will grow from it,…
January 5, 2010 at 11:58 am
Sent by BorrisandNatasha on January 05, 2010:
OMG!! It’s kinda funny though and pretty accurate I mean why do all the eyes point off in the same direction? It was harsh criticism but I welcome it and will grow from it, god, that sounds like a stupid comment that would be made on an after school special, but whatever. I’ve experienced way worse things than regretsy in my life. You know what amazes me is how worked up people get over stuff. Thanks for telling me, I really do appreciate it…
January 5, 2010 at 11:59 am
even though admittedly it does sting, it won’t stop me. Take care
January 5, 2010 at 12:47 pm
“The dowel will be capped off by square finials that have been painted to match and drilled in the back for hanging. ” (newly edited)
They ran out of fennel
January 5, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Again, Etsy needs to be juried.
January 5, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Sold!
January 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Sold…for $150? Geez…and there’s probably good art that goes unnoticed.
January 6, 2010 at 7:01 am
Someone bought it?…this poor little “artist” is gonna thing they’re actually onto something here and paint some more “art.”
January 6, 2010 at 8:10 am
Who bought it? Moose and Squirrel?
January 6, 2010 at 9:44 am
No, Fearless Leader did…
January 7, 2010 at 1:19 am
This is so so very bad. Its not even “good” bad
It does send the wrong message to the seller when crap like this sells.
January 7, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Personally I like the muslin cat painting in post #18.
January 9, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Krishna onna cracker, I can’t believe someone would pay $150 for this dreck. Seriously, I have to either close my etsy shop or start selling dog shit shaped soaps.