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Ex-Slacks

Posted by Helen Killer

87 comments

Filed in Clothing 87 comments

87 Comments

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Dec 31, 2009
9:32 am

#1 krystyna81 :

picturing those walking down the street by themselves…

Rate this comment: +40

Dec 31, 2009
9:33 am

#2 krystyna81 :

my real question is…if you took the time to erase the body and feet, why didn’t you erase the other c-r-a-p in the picture?

Rate this comment: +82

Dec 31, 2009
9:34 am

#3 xvm :

this is too confusing.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
9:34 am

#4 ahutchins27 :

so…am i correct in assuming the knee comes with the pants?

Rate this comment: +116

Dec 31, 2009
9:34 am

#5 sudabaki :

That disembodied knee is going to give me nightmares. And those jeans are “weathered” like my stained clothes are couture.

Rate this comment: +50

Dec 31, 2009
9:36 am

#6 herzeleid :

The pliers on the floor disturb me.

Rate this comment: +57

Dec 31, 2009
9:39 am

#7 methuselah :

Apparently I’ve been sitting on a fortune in raggedy-ass clothes. Recession begone – I’m rich!

Rate this comment: +60

Dec 31, 2009
9:40 am

#8 quizzicalpussy :

Another mystery: Why would I pay $13 plus shipping just to put on latex gloves (not included) and promptly throw these jeans away?

The seller’s handle, JunkPunk, clearly isn’t just a clever name.

Rate this comment: +25

Dec 31, 2009
9:42 am

#9 janefairfax :

Her etsy tags for this item:
destroyed, denim, junk, torn, stain

I think that says it all

Rate this comment: +41

Dec 31, 2009
9:47 am

#10 lionbeforelamb :

That’s some Level 4 photoshop work right there if I’ve ever seen any….

Rate this comment: +65

Dec 31, 2009
9:47 am

#11 Skully :

Helen, LOL @ the Pie Chart!

Looks like Casper soiled himself.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 31, 2009
9:49 am

#12 curlytopnola :

these are not so much “handmade” as they are partially “destroyed”….a job i wish the seller would go ahead and finish.

this almost makes me *wistful* for the acid wash jeans of decades past…

and who is paco? is that paco’s knee? is paco a secret agent and therefore cannot be identified, other than by hairy knee?

Rate this comment: +44

Dec 31, 2009
9:50 am

#13 whyohwhy :

Oh my! The whole shop is worth browsing. Might explain some of the other crap in the photo like the pliers/wrench on the carpet.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 31, 2009
9:50 am

#14 waningestrogen :

Listed on Sep 09, 2009
Listing # 18037275
649 views
0 hearts
1 knee
0 feet
0 torsos
0 arms

Rate this comment: +83

Dec 31, 2009
9:51 am

#15 Frankenkitty :

I think that knee needs a smiley face on it. Have a snarky new year, everyone!

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 31, 2009
9:52 am

#16 whyohwhy :

Crazy:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8264145

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 31, 2009
9:52 am

#17 DucksNew :

The alternate name for these: “My husband destroyed these jeans and I’m too cheap to throw them away.”

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 31, 2009
9:53 am

#18 razberries :

omfg…if you think the jeans were scary check out this thing!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16039664

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 31, 2009
9:54 am

#19 lemonicicle :

#7 LOL, seriously, who searches “stain” on any website when looking to purchase pants (or anything really)

Rate this comment: +53

Dec 31, 2009
9:54 am

#20 envy :

“presence of knee, despite missing feet and body” — Helen Killer your pie chart is awesome!

It took me a moment to notice the missing feet and other person parts (like, let’s say torso!)… because the first thing that ran through my mind was: this is on etsy – is it supposed to be vintage? I guess these are “altered”? You know, if altered means worn and dilapidated…

now I’m going to have a nightmare about disembodied legs wearing crappy old jeans chasing me around… no vagina…

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
9:55 am

#21 babalu :

Holy. Shit.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24590185

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 31, 2009
10:01 am

#22 MinnePurl :

I’m guessing Claude Rains spilt Monocane in the lab and that’s what destroyed the jeans (but thank heavens they protected his knee).

But really, is there any excuse for the chain?

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 31, 2009
10:02 am

#23 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

#15 razberries: Its a “monocle eyepatch”… as opposed to a blindfold.

I had something all sarcastic to say about the jeans and the knee in regards to the fact I had a knee replacement this year, but my knees are not hairy man knees and I can’t use it. Dammit.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 31, 2009
10:05 am

#24 Frankenkitty :

http://i626.photobucket.com/albums/tt343/frankenkitty13/kneecat.jpg

Rate this comment: +86

Dec 31, 2009
10:06 am

#25 bffm79 :

I think I found who the knee belongs to:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16039664

I may buy the jeans and eye patch just so he’ll cut his side burns.

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 31, 2009
10:06 am

#26 Thistle :

the knee is a men’s size 38, but will fit a 40 (and you might hobble just a little)

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 31, 2009
10:07 am

#27 IscreamUscream :

Sorta like “What was I Scared of?”
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2783/4231812780_4d12a79339_o.jpg
And I still am.

Rate this comment: +27

Dec 31, 2009
10:08 am

#28 MinnePurl :

having just looked through the rest of the shop, I am absolutely terrified of the dystopic hell these things are eminating from. Did they defile the Sacred Rainy-Day Craft Bin of Holy Jineema?

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 31, 2009
10:09 am

#29 enamy :

“ex-slacks” deserves an honorable mention here.

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 31, 2009
10:12 am

#30 razberries :

frankenkitty…the kitty in the knee is a VAST improvement

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 31, 2009
10:19 am

#31 Wilma Fingerdoo :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=8365984

…soooo glad the mask is fit for comfort.

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 31, 2009
10:20 am

#32 Bemused :

This stuff scares me. Read the Profile of this seller, then checkout Feedback From Buyers. Items arriving packed in toilet paper are a plus! (Let us not wander off into the condition of the toilet paper.)

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 31, 2009
10:23 am

#33 sillymerricat :

LOL@ #2 krystyna81. This was in definite need of a level 2 background removal. This is just so…level 1.

These pants are the worst! This is what my mom’s pants look like when she paints murals and uses the same pants for a week straight without washing them. Ick.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 31, 2009
10:25 am

#34 Wilma Fingerdoo :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32218826

My favorite.

Frankenkitty- LOVE the kitty in the knee. Made my day.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 31, 2009
10:29 am

#35 IscreamUscream :

That monocle, huh.

Think this guy has way too much “alone time” watching slasher movies? And whatever else he does in his basement…

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 31, 2009
10:33 am

#36 frootloop :

from now on im gonna randomly select items outta my boyfriends pile of laundry and sell them as vintage too

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 31, 2009
10:38 am

#37 frootloop :

check out this mask he made

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=8322698

i think all mexican wrestling masks should have confetti sequins

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
10:47 am

#38 whitebelt :

When I’m really in the mood for cultural insanity + complete clique crap, the Juggalos never let me down.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 31, 2009
10:48 am

#39 creepydolls :

Why wasn’t the junk in the background erased? what a weird and selective photoshop job.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 31, 2009
10:52 am

#40 Recovering Crack Baby :

I am convinced that someone, somewhere has a new roof on their mobile home and did not pay the roofing company.
Thinking clearly. We could get more for the clothes worn on the job then taking these people to court.
So like everyone else in this situation they go to ETSY.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 31, 2009
10:57 am

#41 HelenaHandbasket :

They’re definitely NOT “handmade”, unless the Artiste has Hulk Hands.

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 31, 2009
10:58 am

#42 Recovering Crack Baby :

I just checked with my insurance company and they had to regrettfully inform me that they do not cover knee replacements. Looks like I can’t afford these jeans.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 31, 2009
11:02 am

#43 Night Cowl :

Heh. I just flagged these and in the comment section I said that my husband has a whole garbage bag full of jeans just like this and I can’t wait to list them! He’s destroyed them through several different uses too. Battery acid holes, holes torn by machinery, grease and diesel fuel stains, and a few even have blood stains.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 31, 2009
11:07 am

#44 Night Cowl :

Oh my goodness, I’ll have to see if my hub’s partner saved the jeans he was electrocuted in. Not only will I have a unique and ooak product, but I will have an equally cool story to go with it, sure to be an ice breaker at parties and suchlike. I might have to charge $15 for them though, since a life was almost lost in the altering of said jeans.

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 31, 2009
11:08 am

#45 Night Cowl :

Damn! I wonder if my ex-brother in law saved the shoes with the holes in the bottom that were blown off his feet when he was struck by lightening? Those would bring in a pretty penny, I would think.

Of course, poor old uncle wormy was never quite the same after that.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 31, 2009
11:11 am

#46 TooManyCookbooks :

Given the recent amount of pre-stained clothing showing up, I’m wondering if there is possibly some stain fetish thing of which I am unaware — and if there is, please, no one enlighten me; I’m in a happier place this way.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 31, 2009
11:14 am

#47 Night Cowl :

Whoa, what am I doing selling handmade jewelry that I slave over when, with my resources, I could open and fill a shop with this kind of whimisicle fuckery? I could undercut everyone else because it wouldn’t cost me anything for supplies or labor! I might even be able to quit my day job and everything! I could easily make $140,000 a year!

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
11:22 am

#48 Night Cowl :

#39 creepydolls, they didn’t photoshop out the background so you didn’t think these were just taken out of some catalog and run the risk of being reported as a reseller.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 31, 2009
11:27 am

#49 Lola :

The more I browse his other listings, the more I hate this guy.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 31, 2009
11:44 am

#50 polaroidart :

Wow, this is creepy…why clone the body out?
And what are those smears? Gross.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 31, 2009
11:47 am

#51 razberries :

#37 frootloop- all i see in that mask is the “revolting blob” dude from the movie “Billy Madison”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67uJMVo9TUM&feature=related

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 31, 2009
11:49 am

#52 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

These are by far some of the funniest comments I have read yet. Thanks for the laughs everyone!

These jeans aren’t the only thing that’s been destroyed, what happened to the person wearing them? That knee must have been connected to something…

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 31, 2009
11:55 am

#53 Moons in Leo :

I think this explains a lot.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/JunkPunk?page=2

I couldn’t have done better if I’d made it up myself. Personally looking forward to the rayguns.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
12:03 pm

#54 Skully :

Etsy Jean Genie said “You can’t see me,
Except for my pink knee and old dungarees,
Torn from abuses and different uses,
Fit 38/40, and chain is included.”
Wants $13, he must be deluded,
That’s too much greenie!

The Jean Genie’s pants are distressed!
The Jean Genie’s place is a mess!
Jean Genie, one question remains:
How did you get all those stains?

Rate this comment: +36

Dec 31, 2009
12:07 pm

#55 razberries :

Skully, you are oh-so-Seussical
“How did you get all those stains” is right…lmfao

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 31, 2009
12:14 pm

#56 BettyMachete :

#31 WilmaFingerdoo- that is creepy! But I really think this “artist” has a shop with Serial Killers in mind. The victims are wearing the accessories.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 31, 2009
12:21 pm

#57 elenamary :

my son tries hard to get his pants looking like this…gonna swipe some and list them on etsy.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 31, 2009
12:25 pm

#58 CreepyLittleGirl :

No, no, no, you sell your incredibly bizarre used goods that no one their right mind could possibly want on Craigslist, not Etsy. That way, you get to have the weirdo that actually does want your old torn-up pants come visit you at your house when he picks them up.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 31, 2009
12:25 pm

#59 The_Garden :

Man you had a hell of a weekend!

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 31, 2009
12:39 pm

#60 xvm :

“JUNK PUNK GOGGLES FEATURED ON MTV NEWS!
Oh yeah! The Special “Poison” Goggles That were created almost a year ago, were featured on an MTV news segment where they did a report on Steampunk culture!”

What is it w/ these people bragging about their stuff being on MTV?
Also another… interesting photoshop
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8264145

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 31, 2009
12:42 pm

#61 MajorDanger :

What’s with the little chain that goes from nothing TO nothing. As far as I can tell, the only thing it does is turn the pants into fetish wear for slobs.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
12:49 pm

#62 Wilma Fingerdoo :

BettyMachette- methinks the artist is the grown up kid from the movie Toy Story- think his name was Sid?

Or a serial killer. Still can’t figure out why he would destroy the jeans he handmade. And who PACO is.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 31, 2009
12:49 pm

#63 Lara :

Wait, that knee isn’t printed on the fabric?!?!

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
12:54 pm

#64 BettyMachete :

#59 WilmaFingerdo ~ PACO could be creepy next door neighbor to WACO. Do you think a massive beer gut ever spilled over top of that waistband? Can you imagine the crawl spaces in that house?

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 31, 2009
12:54 pm

#65 Moons in Leo :

@Lara, that would be too clever.

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 31, 2009
12:57 pm

#66 kittenmittens :

#6 How about the mug on the floor? What was in THAT?

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 31, 2009
12:59 pm

#67 kittenmittens :

Hey! How come I’m this crazy green thing with bat wings for ears and a halo on my head? And rubber band legs. Those are kinda cool…

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 31, 2009
1:00 pm

#68 Wilma Fingerdoo :

#54 Betty Machete-
I would ony venture into crawl spaces in that house with special goggles, possibly a monocle eyepatch.
May encounter on of these fearful hamsters…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8241858

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 31, 2009
1:03 pm

#69 starrydreams :

This is nasty!!! Yuk. And the knee is ugly too.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 31, 2009
1:04 pm

#70 IscreamUscream :

“What is it w/ these people bragging about their stuff being on MTV?”

It happens when your only point of reference is TV. Regretsy is like Closed Captioning for the Crap Channel.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 31, 2009
1:10 pm

#71 palJacky :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -27

Dec 31, 2009
1:21 pm

#72 BettyMachete :

Ah, sparring hamsters and this treasure:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=mt&listing_id=8866033
Made from Color Guard flag material. Can you imagine him lurking under the bleachers-wearing a mask- and helping himself to the Color Guard??

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 31, 2009
1:22 pm

#73 Monstrosa :

Jeans that make you invisible? Great, because I wouldn’t want anyone to see me wearing them.

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 31, 2009
1:37 pm

#74 everydaymama1 :

Now I know what to do with Hubby’s old ripped-up and stained jeans! The most recent ripped pair he came home from work in have a lovely gaping hole right in the crotch area! Do you think I could get more $$ for built in genital area ventilation?

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 31, 2009
5:53 pm

#75 michelleames :

Under this seller’s definition…my dirty kitchen is “hand-made” too!

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 31, 2009
6:18 pm

#76 regretmenot :

The knee bone’s connected to the…uh oh.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 31, 2009
6:39 pm

#77 YippySkippy :

I’m betting this guy hasn’t clipped his toenails for months. Not surprising that he photoshopped his feet out of the picture.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 31, 2009
6:46 pm

#78 HomeAlone :

That weirdness made me dizzy for a second.

I think there was previously a large beer gut involved in that photo and they wanted to make it more Etsy front page worthy.

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 1, 2010
2:12 am

#79 charmerci :

He obviously didn’t get his own message -

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=32218826

Rate this comment: +6

Jan 1, 2010
10:13 am

#80 strawberrylumps :

We really shouldn’t be giving a hard time to the hoarder that is on medication and trying so hard to get rid of the piles of garbage in the house by selling it on etsy.

Compassion, people!

Rate this comment: +5

Jan 1, 2010
5:54 pm

#81 bananabread :

Maybe it’s hollow man…but his knee is still mysteriously visible…

So somebody drank too many beers, made a chocolate cake (i hope), and painted a few rooms in these jeans…and decided that these pants are too stained and grungy to wear anymore, so time to list them on etsy as “diy”.

Rate this comment: +4

Jan 2, 2010
9:29 pm

#82 sheltiepitbullfun :

In spite of the evidence of a missing torso, I choose to believe that this person has giant knees but teenie tiny feet.

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 2, 2010
10:42 pm

#83 JustJon :

FYI: My wife and I are huge fans of your pie charts. yay!

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 3, 2010
8:22 pm

#84 misnomer :

Yea but.. the chain is included!

There should be some sort of class people have to take before they are allowed access to photoshop.

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 4, 2010
12:42 pm

#85 PussDaddy :

Why do people try to pawn off their garbage on line?

Rate this comment: 0

Jan 5, 2010
2:16 am

#86 Shade-Jewelry :

THIS LOOKS SHOPPED / I CAN TELL FROM SOME OF THE PIXELS AND FROM SEEING QUITE A FEW SHOPS IN MY TIME

Rate this comment: +1

Jan 5, 2010
10:06 pm

#87 thatswhatshesaid :

to get this authentic look, i first killed a hooker at the side of the road. then i crawled through the woods and slaughtered a badger. wait….do badgers live in the woods?

Rate this comment: +1