Take it Back
Well, Christmas is over, and chances are you’re disappointed. It’s okay, we all are! That’s what Christmas is all about.
If you didn’t get what you were hoping for this Christmas, now you can take it back! Just click on the unwanted gift below, and exchange it for the Regretsy gift you really wanted.
December 28, 2009 at 9:37 am
I love how the dog plush is made of cat fabric.
December 28, 2009 at 9:39 am
Wouldn’t the beaded cock-ring, um, hurt? And what if delicate skin gets caught in the memory wire? Wouldn’t that cause a trip to the emergency room? How does one explain that their at the ER because their wang wanted to be pretty?
December 28, 2009 at 9:41 am
I’m no expert (no, really), but that stretchy cock ring seems to defeat the purpose of a cock ring. Aren’t they supposed to be, well, hard? So to speak.
December 28, 2009 at 9:42 am
Beaded cockring is a nightmare to contemplate. The leg warmers and neck “peace” made me laugh the most for some reason.
December 28, 2009 at 9:42 am
Jinx, #2. Funny how everyone jumps on the cock…ring.
December 28, 2009 at 9:46 am
I was just going to comment on the cock ring but it seems everyone beat me to the punch.
Damn.
Anyway, 0 marke ut of 10 to these sellers for good thinking, 1,000,000 out of 10 to Helen Killer for style.
December 28, 2009 at 9:46 am
I’d love to exchange my Jane Seymor jewelry for the cock ring. Let my partner wear something humiliating instead!
December 28, 2009 at 9:46 am
* 0 marks out of 10. Gotta stop typing when I gotsta pee.
December 28, 2009 at 9:51 am
I love the Edward/Twilight clothespin doll. It even sparkles! That just cracks me up. At first I thought: “Aww what a pretty bracelet” then I read what it was. Eek! A bejeweled cock ring? Do you think she made her hubby try it on before offering it for sale? I mean just to be sure it looked classy enough.
December 28, 2009 at 9:51 am
Holy jesus, that dog scared me. It’s like Satan tore through the Hobby Lobby of Hell looking for crap to craft with.
December 28, 2009 at 9:51 am
I admit that I lead a sheltered life, but please, Glow Sticks in leg warmers?!! We’re not talking about real winter chill here are we? And as far as the Edward Cullen clothespin doll, I am extremely disappointed that the scenery shown in the photograph does not come with the doll. That would be the only reason for purchasing the doll. We have been warned. Bella will be here in January!
December 28, 2009 at 9:52 am
That necklace-belt-scarf-wrap-headband is the most hideous thing I’ve seen all week. And I think calling it a “wrap” is a stretch. o.O
December 28, 2009 at 9:52 am
Diaper butterflies make excellent favors? Really? When I get roped into a baby shower, the last thing I want to go home with is my own diaper. Unless it’s to prevent me from pissing myself after I drink an entire bottle of wine to blot out the experience.
December 28, 2009 at 9:56 am
“true love waits” for your guy to get his erection back after you put that ridiculous thing on his junk
December 28, 2009 at 9:59 am
The legwarmers were so mind-boggling it warranted further inspection of the seller’s site. I think we should all applaud the courageousness of her choice of a mannequin inflicted with vitiligo.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35642719
December 28, 2009 at 9:59 am
Why did the cock ring seller use a quarter for size reference? I guess if your dick’s the diameter of a quarter, you’re gonna need plenty of boy bling.
December 28, 2009 at 10:03 am
Yes! This is exactly what I wanted for Christmas! How did you guess?
December 28, 2009 at 10:07 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 28, 2009 at 10:08 am
@15 – I am going to have nightmares about that manaquin. It’s the eyes.. the eyes!! Gaaah!
December 28, 2009 at 10:09 am
.. mannequin*. See how freaked out I am!?
December 28, 2009 at 10:10 am
well, helen, you’ve given me plenty to think on this a.m.
i am confused by the shredded yarn thing…is it meant for the neck or as a dreadlock headdress?
there is the logistics of the beaded cock ring…does it come w/salve of some sort? neosporin? gauze & hydrogen peroxide?
the chew-toy dog made of cat fabric is good for a giggle…oh, wait…it it for a child or a poodle?
and i just plain don’t get the leg warmers…but maybe i’m old for potentially glo-in-the dark tutus for my…
December 28, 2009 at 10:11 am
…for my knees.
that’s what THAT should’ve said.
December 28, 2009 at 10:11 am
Shhh! I think I hear Santa coming.
My faves are those funky leg warmers and the feet shoes.
December 28, 2009 at 10:16 am
leg warmers do not come with glow sticks… bummer.
edward cullen doll does not come with background… double bummer.
plush dog DOES come with heebyjeebies… score!
December 28, 2009 at 10:18 am
My dog ate a Christmas ornament and pooped sparkly. Could I sell it as Twilight merchandise?
I hope that cock ring is just for pre-game activities.
December 28, 2009 at 10:22 am
if only my mom lived long enough to sell her beaded shit on Etsy.
Her cock rings were much nicer.
PS Having grown up in a house full of god awful handicrafts. Being forced to give them to teachers and others as presents my entire life is why I have a complete deep seeded hatrid for this shit.
December 28, 2009 at 10:25 am
I’m wondering which people were fooled by the painted slip ons. Maybe those shoes should replace the eye chart at the DMV: Without your glasses, if you think the toes are real, you must wear corrective lenses while driving.
December 28, 2009 at 10:35 am
Every BOY wants his bling- ADULT only…. someone needs to check into what is going on at thedirtydiva’s place of living.
December 28, 2009 at 10:36 am
MMMAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHH- Mommy’s Back.
December 28, 2009 at 10:38 am
Man, I’m gonna be stylin’ with my “peace wrap” around my neck… no, waist… wait, I mean head… no, cock. Wait, I don’t have a cock.
My brain hurts.
December 28, 2009 at 10:42 am
I like the toe shoes with the pink polka dot leg fuckey’s doo dahs. That way nobody would see the shoes.
December 28, 2009 at 10:46 am
Everytime a baby shits, a butterfly loses her wings.
December 28, 2009 at 10:47 am
wowsas- so many cock ring references that i guess you were all blinded from the craptacular glory of the painted tennis shoes? anyone else think it’s super creepy to have fake painted toes on your footwear? i love her comment-
“They have been hand-painted, and look so much like your own toes hanging out that they have actually fooled people!”
Who is being fooled by this footwear? Some old lady in FL that just had cataract surgery?
December 28, 2009 at 10:48 am
and welcome back, Kotter
December 28, 2009 at 10:50 am
Well, I don’t have any gifts I could exchange for these treasures, but I can see that I’ve got my Christmas shopping for next year almost done!
December 28, 2009 at 11:01 am
Men just have a lot to compete with since Edward strolled into town, all sparkly.
December 28, 2009 at 11:18 am
Um.. I’d wear the toe shoes if someone gave them to me. I wouldn’t use my own money, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less tacky.
December 28, 2009 at 11:22 am
And the leg warmers reminded me of this, as I called it, “Madonna skirt” I had in the mid 1980s. I wish I had fond memories of the clothing of the time, but all I have to do is look at my school pictures and realize what a mistake the entire decade was.
December 28, 2009 at 11:38 am
did anyone else see the croquembuche pastry replica made by clothes pin lady?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22696909
This thing just makes my imagination go all kinds of horrible places. Good god, is it just me?
December 28, 2009 at 11:49 am
At first glance, I thought the picture of the leg warmers was of a horrible lamp with the jean skirt as the shade, and the legs as the hideous base. There’s even something at the top that resembles a finial, in a pathetic shot at making it seem like a real lamp. I don’t want it in my living room, and I don’t want that image to sear my retinas if I accidently look at it again.
December 28, 2009 at 12:12 pm
The moral of the story is: People hardly notice your shoes if you’re sitting right next to a cock ring.
December 28, 2009 at 12:22 pm
@34
It’s the Golden Rule Cake of Pom Pom! (I know what you mean about what it conjures up in one’s imagination; looks like someone was REALLY excited to see the cake.)
December 28, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Hmm.. I actually like those shoes. But then again I’m 50 minutes from the shore. The rest of it just makes me want to run and hide. Although.. I guess I could give that dog-like-thing to my dad’s yellow lab. It’ll be unrecognizable in mere seconds; in other words much easier to look at.
I wonder if if I could get multiples of that cock ring. I’ll send it out to all my Exs for Valentine’s Day. Revenge is a bitch and so am I. Mwhahahahaha.
December 28, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I got a really first rate mannequin for Xmas and the gift of nightmares from
#15 Nixie Knox :
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35642719
Cuttlefish bless us, every one!
December 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Fredrick the Plush Dog looks a bit confused to be constructed from cat fabric–as would any self-respecting dog.
December 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I can’t believe how relieved I was to NOT see the zombies when I checked Regretsy for the umpteenth time. Phwewww…a new post!
December 28, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Bwahaha. Awesome. Especially since I shlepped to like 80 stores to find that &*^%$#ing LeapFrog Violet dog thing.
They BETTER not want the Regretsy version!
December 28, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Dear Regretsy,
Thank you for you exchanging the shawl for exuberant new necklace,belt,scarf or neck peace design Peace Wrap! Very much a happiness exchange! Is SO MUCH a very elegance scarf designed for everyday activities, special occasions and exceptional comfort. This stylish accessory I will wear anywhere in the during of the year. Excessive pleasure! Please! Ensuing lovely feelings very much!
Very much with contentedmentness,
MD
December 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Taylor Negron (actor) once said the word cock ring on “Helen’s” radio show. “Helen” being quick laughed and said “Its just an FCC show all over the place”
Taylor then said “I meant cock like in CHICKEN”
“Helen” replied “YES – a chicken with a ring”
NICE!!
December 28, 2009 at 2:40 pm
The leg warmers are filed under “ODDS n ENDS ” which really sums up what the item is made of.
But no Glow Sticks – REALLY?!
December 28, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Someone sewed a pea-coat for a wooden clothespin. I want it. I also like the toe shoes, they’re rather well painted, in comparison to other features on here/
December 28, 2009 at 3:08 pm
#34 grumdrumbly :
did anyone else see the croquembuche pastry replica made by clothes pin lady?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22696909
This thing just makes my imagination go all kinds of horrible places. Good god, is it just me?
——-
Oh for the love of all that is holy! Yikes!! Too many bad thoughts all at once here. But I think my cat did barf up something similar last night
December 28, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I loved this post, Helen. Hilarious stuff!
December 28, 2009 at 3:18 pm
It’s so nice to know I have options!
December 28, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Fredrick the “dog” seems to have a spinerette.
December 28, 2009 at 6:21 pm
I’m 99% sure I know the lady who made the legwarmers. I used to work with her about 7 years ago and she’d wear crap like that to the office all the time…Tweety Bird pajamas turned rave pants and the like.
I’m still trying to figure out her user name; is it pretty sylli things (omg so clever swapping the Y and I) or pretty’s ylli things? Neither one really makes sense. :/
December 28, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Like them all, but the “True Love Waits”(Twilight -themed)…simply brilliant.
December 28, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Necklace Belt Neck peace Wrap Fashion scarf multi color: The expression on the mannequin’s face in the second picture mirrors my own as I look upon this…. accessory.
December 28, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Just when I’ve think I’ve seen everything, I find that I haven’t. A cock ring that looks like a 12 year old girl’s bracelet. Wow.
On the plus side, that seller has been featured twice.
December 29, 2009 at 1:54 am
Aaaaraaay Baba …. this is too much funny. I am thinking that Helen is maybe getting some feelings for exchanging bad gift for better one from my country. Aaaaaraaaay ….. but the “cock ring” is too much uncomfortable with too much extensions of beads all around. In my country we are putting little pearls into what is not cut off as babies … and that is making the male organ most knobby and textured for such much great pleasure. Isn’t it.
December 29, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Why is the Edward doll wearing women’s clothing?
December 29, 2009 at 4:32 pm
I love the shoes and would SO wear them with the scarf and the bracelet!