Oh come on, at least put some effort into your ugly, creepy hat. A paper eye? Really? You couldn’t have even used clay or something? We still would have ridiculed it, but at least you could have tried!
Recovering Crack Baby
December 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I bet this lady went out to her barn and fed her Unicorns with her Care Bear Leg Covers on then went and fed her pigs. Noticing all of the nipples on the pigs she began to feel bad about her third nipple(still in denial about this she refers to it as her third eye.) She went inside and had no reception on the TV so she made this for her child to wear. She watched her TV and took her mind of off things for awhile. The End.
It looks like a penis is emerging from the hand crotched hat.
This thing is ugly, uninspired, poorly crafted (crumpled up tin foil horn anyone?) and this person should be arrested for defiling both pigs and unicorns.
Oh, that’s the horn? I thought the “artist” was mixing up mythological creatures (unicorn, cyclops), which would seem almost impossible. But after reading Regretsy for a few weeks I believe it would be within the capacity of many sellers.
OK, I’ll admit the last one was real, but THIS one was just made to get on Regretsy. It’s hard to really know what’s reality and what’s parody anymore.
old macgyver had a cyclunipig
ei-ei-ei-ei-ewwww
and on this cyclunipig there was a penis
ei-ei-ei-ei-ewwww
with a paper eye here
and a tinfoil horn there
old macgyver had a cyclunipig
ei-ei-ei-ei-ewwwwwwwwwwww!
I’m pretty sure the reason the pig hat looks like it has a penis is because it is sitting on the head of some sort of bird, and the bird’s beak is in an unfortunate position. XD
recovering crack baby- thank you! what would be ideal is for helen to open a real live office for all of us to work at and shoot the shit all day besides this place- wouldn’t that be nice, a paycheck from regretsy? lol
WIth that background and the thing it’s being modeled on(Frosty?) I can’t tell where the hat begins or ends! AND why the ef is the snout smiling? How much you wanna bet that’s a real fern on it’s head? It’d have been way cooler with a George Orwell reference instead of a psychic eye reference. But only a *little* cooler.
This gives me an idea for a contest though, HK; a competition to re-create a regretsy listing, but done right. One of the rules can be no hot glue or tin foil.
@#54 Razberries: That’s hilarious (and brilliant, you solved the mystery of unicyclopig’s family tree)! And I’m also hoping that Helen will either adopt or hire all of us someday.
OMG–she has a “fairy glycerin soap”–also spelled “faery”, of course–that looks EXACTLY like the newly-hatched Blob, of 1950′s B-movie fame. Apparently it ate the fairy/faery.
At first I was upset that the pictures were so damn blurry. But the more I look through her shop, I’m actually glad. I don’t need a clear picture of this crap.
#89, Thanks so much for bringing “that” to my attention. What I want to know is who in the hell would “heart” that and why? Because of the “linchen moss”?
So, this seller is basically up most all night, every night, has created and listed 22 bizarre and poorly-crafted items in 10 days, has no feedback, yet continues to persist against all indicators that would cause the sane and sober to desist? *cough*CrackHead*cough*
December 21, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Translation of the description: “I like pot.”
December 21, 2009 at 3:45 pm
this hat is hand crocheted and designed for the child or adult who wants to show off just how proud they are to look like a bag lady cyclops.
December 21, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Thanks a lot! After seeing that fucking monstrosity, the child within me is gonna need years of therapy!
December 21, 2009 at 3:47 pm
The theasrus lied to you when it included ‘unique’ in the synonym column. Try double checking the dictionary next time.
December 21, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Oh come on, at least put some effort into your ugly, creepy hat. A paper eye? Really? You couldn’t have even used clay or something? We still would have ridiculed it, but at least you could have tried!
December 21, 2009 at 3:48 pm
That’s what happens to you when you are “hand crotched” too much. You get a third eye.
December 21, 2009 at 3:48 pm
What an amazing depiction of my favorite animal…the UnicornPig
December 21, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Hand CROTCHED? No inner child needs anything crotched!
December 21, 2009 at 3:49 pm
“hand crotched”?
That’s about right….
December 21, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Sudabaki- I didn’t even catch the hand crotched reference…sad that the intellect of some of these sellers is starting to rub off on me.
besides I thought that when you hand crotch too much you go blind and get hairy palms.
December 21, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Wow!! I was just looking for this exact thing!
December 21, 2009 at 3:51 pm
this looks like miss piggy’s demented inbred cousin…
sue whee! (or however you hickishly call out to a demented pig)
December 21, 2009 at 3:52 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37026001
It’s a motherfucking painted rock, not the holy grail.
I hate people like this.
December 21, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Judging on the amount of shit in the shop, coherently incoherent ramblings, and join date of Dec 13. I call fake fuckery.
December 21, 2009 at 3:56 pm
ninja gato, you rock (no pun intended) and i agree lol
December 21, 2009 at 3:57 pm
love you too raz
December 21, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Why would anyone want to ruin a perfectly okay crotched hat by covering it with a pig-nose merkin?
December 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm
If that’s the third eye, where are the first two?
December 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm
This slutty bug-eyed faerie really freaks me out:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36810870
December 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I bet this lady went out to her barn and fed her Unicorns with her Care Bear Leg Covers on then went and fed her pigs. Noticing all of the nipples on the pigs she began to feel bad about her third nipple(still in denial about this she refers to it as her third eye.) She went inside and had no reception on the TV so she made this for her child to wear. She watched her TV and took her mind of off things for awhile. The End.
December 21, 2009 at 4:07 pm
It looks like a penis is emerging from the hand crotched hat.
This thing is ugly, uninspired, poorly crafted (crumpled up tin foil horn anyone?) and this person should be arrested for defiling both pigs and unicorns.
December 21, 2009 at 4:12 pm
NinjaGato – I grew up with a hippie like that. I called her “Mom”.
December 21, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I imagine it won’t be long until the men in white coats and large nets come to fetch this hatmaker.
December 21, 2009 at 4:12 pm
#9 NinjaGato: Maybe it’s hard for her to craft with all that hair in her palms.
#18 Skully :
“I put alot of love in her.” That scares me! I’d hate to see the unloved version.
December 21, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Hmm. I think this person was trying to get on Regretsy. It has to be deliberate.
December 21, 2009 at 4:18 pm
If any of you see my inner child wearing this in public, you have my permission to club me to death…
December 21, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Oh, that’s the horn? I thought the “artist” was mixing up mythological creatures (unicorn, cyclops), which would seem almost impossible. But after reading Regretsy for a few weeks I believe it would be within the capacity of many sellers.
December 21, 2009 at 4:21 pm
These might be the ticket for hats for my lawn caterpillar/bowling balls. Its gettin nippy out.
December 21, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Okay this can be summed up in 2 words: ‘… the fuck?’
And seriously, the horn is made out of TIN FOIL. Does that make this officially a tinfoil hat?
December 21, 2009 at 4:26 pm
WOW! That shop is the epitome of CRAP! And the hat is atrocious!
Unipigs everywhere are now crying over this wrongful portrayal!
December 21, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Read the sellers profile and you’ll understand why those who are both insane and sleep deprived should not do any crafting!
December 21, 2009 at 4:32 pm
#6 sudabaki :
“That’s what happens to you when you are “hand crotched” too much. You get a third eye.”
…and whoever did the hand-crotching ended up with a hairy palm.
December 21, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I’m sorry. This is a penis hat. It’s pink and one-eyed and horny. I am very disturbed by this hat. It has pedifile incident written all over it.
December 21, 2009 at 4:34 pm
It looks like a Muppet hurled.
December 21, 2009 at 4:35 pm
leftfoot- I also grew up with one of those. Supposedly she’s my sister, but I have my doubts.
December 21, 2009 at 4:35 pm
not to mention the “typo” hand crotched… hmmm
December 21, 2009 at 4:38 pm
@#23 Sudabaki: Ewwww, I missed that line. Makes me think of AC/DC’s “Let me put my love into you.”
December 21, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Ahahahahahahahahahaha – please tell me the horn is tinfoil????
December 21, 2009 at 4:46 pm
OK, I’ll admit the last one was real, but THIS one was just made to get on Regretsy. It’s hard to really know what’s reality and what’s parody anymore.
December 21, 2009 at 4:52 pm
yep the horn is tin foil
December 21, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Oh my – that’s made my night.. will have to see how much she wants for it
December 21, 2009 at 4:54 pm
kurtis- her crap has no boundaries. Check out her other prizes.
December 21, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Is that horn shaped like the Statue of Liberty? Am I commenting too many times on this?
December 21, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I see she used the word ‘metaphysical’ in her tags. Now that’s just fancy talk for whimsical fuckery.
December 21, 2009 at 5:07 pm
ohhhhhhhhh
old macgyver had a cyclunipig
ei-ei-ei-ei-ewwww
and on this cyclunipig there was a penis
ei-ei-ei-ei-ewwww
with a paper eye here
and a tinfoil horn there
old macgyver had a cyclunipig
ei-ei-ei-ei-ewwwwwwwwwwww!
December 21, 2009 at 5:14 pm
http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/3916/edwardunicornpig.jpg
December 21, 2009 at 5:15 pm
#44–hehe, I dub this “metawhimsuckery”
#12–Razzy, I’m waiting for you to PS an embarrassing Miss Piggy family photo…not gonna steal your thunder!
December 21, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Sometimes unique is not a virtue, it’s an invitation for a brawl. I can’t even imagine buying this for my 12 yr old son.
December 21, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I’m pretty sure the reason the pig hat looks like it has a penis is because it is sitting on the head of some sort of bird, and the bird’s beak is in an unfortunate position. XD
December 21, 2009 at 5:27 pm
OK, I’ll concede this one, too, but if I see a unicorn pig hat on a lego man flowerpot Edward I’m calling foul. Also, what is modeling the hat?
December 21, 2009 at 5:30 pm
#50: I think the model is a “crappy” “penguin-shaped” “plush.”
December 21, 2009 at 5:32 pm
My inner child is showing a court-appointed psychologist on a reborn doll just where the unicorn-pig hand crotched her.
December 21, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Level 0 rubbish. I can’t even tell what it really looks like with all the shi-, I mean art, in the background.
December 21, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Are those finger paint paintings in the background? Is it safe to assume that a fucking adult FINGERPAINTS?
December 21, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Is the thing under the tinfoil radio-wave interceptor one of those plastic aquarium plants?
December 21, 2009 at 5:50 pm
#46- IscreamUscream…
this is all I got (and it doesn’t make sense w/ my whole Miss Piggy inbred cousin theory but it’s another theory)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/4204379761/
December 21, 2009 at 5:51 pm
#54–LMAO, well-played!
December 21, 2009 at 5:55 pm
When will people realise that the definition of ‘unique’ is NOT ‘I look/act like I just escaped from an institution’?
December 21, 2009 at 5:57 pm
For what it’s worth (admittedly nothing) I think the model is a stuffed penguin.
December 21, 2009 at 6:03 pm
befuddled- that does look like a penguin.
December 21, 2009 at 6:07 pm
“‘I feel the pulse of the loa loa worm as it begins its midnight journey across my eye. Soon it will make its nightly demand.’”
December 21, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Poor penguin…I do believe it was force-crotched.
December 21, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Good Cuttlefish Christ! I cannot even believe this. That penguin looks badly made, too, but at least it’s a penguin. Whimseyfuck!
December 21, 2009 at 6:34 pm
#54 razberries :- That is beyond great. Your bestus work yet. I hope you stay unemployed for a long time as I LOVE your work.
December 21, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Somewhere in a trailer court far, far away someone is missing one rabbit ear covered in tinfoil.
December 21, 2009 at 7:00 pm
#1 leftfoot : that sure explains the “fog” in all of the photos doesn’t it?
December 21, 2009 at 7:02 pm
recovering crack baby- thank you! what would be ideal is for helen to open a real live office for all of us to work at and shoot the shit all day besides this place- wouldn’t that be nice, a paycheck from regretsy? lol
December 21, 2009 at 7:03 pm
#37 Skully: That thing looks inbred. Best not to “put your love” into close relations.
December 21, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I agree with # 14 NinjaGato it’s all BS. And Skully you are still making me laugh.
December 21, 2009 at 7:31 pm
WIth that background and the thing it’s being modeled on(Frosty?) I can’t tell where the hat begins or ends! AND why the ef is the snout smiling? How much you wanna bet that’s a real fern on it’s head? It’d have been way cooler with a George Orwell reference instead of a psychic eye reference. But only a *little* cooler.
December 21, 2009 at 7:31 pm
A monocular pig unicorn hat. What drugs are the seller using? And why isn’t he or she sharing with the rest of us???
December 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
This gives me an idea for a contest though, HK; a competition to re-create a regretsy listing, but done right. One of the rules can be no hot glue or tin foil.
December 21, 2009 at 7:35 pm
#68 steviesegel : Your use of the word monocular made me realize that this pig also needs a monocle!
December 21, 2009 at 7:43 pm
#69- sillymerricat what about a crazy caption contest?
i am sure skully would win though -LOL
December 21, 2009 at 8:09 pm
How do you crotch something exactly? Maybe I don’t want to know…
December 21, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I’m still trying to figure out what kind of craft ‘crotching’ is. Let alone how one can have a 3rd eye if you don’t have any others.
December 21, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Oh, and isn’t a horned-pig a boar?
December 21, 2009 at 8:55 pm
or a horned manbearpig?
December 21, 2009 at 8:56 pm
#73 lilpricenss: I dunno, but there’s a whore down the street that has a very crafty crotch.
December 21, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Apparently, I could just take a colossal shit and sell it on etsy. Oddly enough, this knowledge makes me feel better.
December 21, 2009 at 9:53 pm
@#54 Razberries: That’s hilarious (and brilliant, you solved the mystery of unicyclopig’s family tree)! And I’m also hoping that Helen will either adopt or hire all of us someday.
December 21, 2009 at 10:40 pm
you just have to spraypaint it with gold paint and, (yes!), sparkles.
December 21, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I can’t even figure out what this is in order to comment on it.
December 22, 2009 at 1:42 am
Is it me, or has Miss Piggy NOT aged well?
December 22, 2009 at 5:57 am
A one-eyed, hand crotched, quasi-pig? Just what I want for Christmas!
December 22, 2009 at 6:00 am
# 83: that was exactly my first thought when i saw this.
December 22, 2009 at 6:12 am
Why are all the pictures so blurry? What is all the crap in the background of the picture? What is the matter with this seller?
From her profile: my favorite thing is to work all night until around 3 or 4 am and then wake up at 6 and start working again.
Get some sleep! Get some medication to help you sleep! Stop making stuff and taking pictures of it until this happens!
December 22, 2009 at 6:47 am
OMG–she has a “fairy glycerin soap”–also spelled “faery”, of course–that looks EXACTLY like the newly-hatched Blob, of 1950′s B-movie fame. Apparently it ate the fairy/faery.
December 22, 2009 at 7:42 am
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=36810870
I think my brain melted a little
December 22, 2009 at 8:03 am
At first I was upset that the pictures were so damn blurry. But the more I look through her shop, I’m actually glad. I don’t need a clear picture of this crap.
December 22, 2009 at 10:12 am
#89, Thanks so much for bringing “that” to my attention. What I want to know is who in the hell would “heart” that and why? Because of the “linchen moss”?
December 22, 2009 at 11:21 am
So, this seller is basically up most all night, every night, has created and listed 22 bizarre and poorly-crafted items in 10 days, has no feedback, yet continues to persist against all indicators that would cause the sane and sober to desist? *cough*CrackHead*cough*
December 22, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Just noticed she lists “ect” as one of her favorite materials.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroconvulsive_therapy
December 22, 2009 at 3:20 pm
This reminds me of the “Pigs In Space” portion of the Muppet show. Either that or how Kermit the Frog sees Miss Piggy when he’s tripping on acid.
December 22, 2009 at 5:03 pm
#89–um, yikes–I’m at a loss for words.
This work needs to be filed under “seek professional care”
December 22, 2009 at 10:30 pm
OMG, who makes this stuff? Does this person have a kid, or even know it any? Something like this could psychiatrically damage a child for life.
PussDaddy
December 24, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Looks like her inner child is a Thalidomide baby.
Reminds me of the anti-drug propaganda images of the late 1950s: “This is what your children will ook like if you even *thik* of dropping acid!”
December 26, 2009 at 9:22 am
aww how sweet…. they have combined my 2 fave animals!!
i do rather enjoy this hat as well:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=37024876
January 4, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Not only can the third eye lead you through life, that wagging tongue should certainly have the women following you everywhere! WTF
January 4, 2010 at 1:39 pm
LMAO, I just went to her site, it’s called “when pigs fly” yep that would be exactly when I would were that hat!!
July 25, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Hand “crotched”????