Basket Case
Nope, sorry. The basket doesn’t like mountain bike riding or raucous parties. And you know why? Because it’s a fucking basket, not Tank Girl.
The throw pillow is the wild one. I saw it get thrown out of the Viper Room once. True story.
Nope, sorry. The basket doesn’t like mountain bike riding or raucous parties. And you know why? Because it’s a fucking basket, not Tank Girl.
The throw pillow is the wild one. I saw it get thrown out of the Viper Room once. True story.
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December 18, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Methinks Someone is living vicariously through her basket.
December 18, 2009 at 1:46 pm
The thing is this isn’t a horribly tragic piece. (Not my thing, but I’m sure someone who’s into these bowls could do worse.) But, yeah, the backstory on this bowl makes it sound like you need to check it for Hep C, Tetanus, or Staph.
December 18, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I want whatever the hell it is she’s on.
December 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Spikey pink hair and scandalous ‘preferences’?
I have a new crush!! <3 <3
December 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Okay, this is a very well-made item with a description that got out of hand. I’m not against anthropomorphising your items, but this does take it to the extreme.
December 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm
It’s okay to like your basket, just don’t LIKE your basket. Jeez, took longer to write that “back story” than to make the damn thing.
December 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm
This is the kind of person that names trees “Mavis” and talks to her microwave.
December 18, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Tank Girl. LOL!
Thinking about bleaching and dying my hair with 30 stitches in one arm. That bitch of a basket has a lot more balls than I have.
December 18, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I’m just glad it isn’t shaped like a vagina.
December 18, 2009 at 1:52 pm
The “hair” would be better represented as hot-glued craft fur scraps.
December 18, 2009 at 1:52 pm
The basket is nice, but is obviously lacking a body piercing.
December 18, 2009 at 1:53 pm
#9: It’s made of wire. That wouldn’t be to difficult to accomplish.
December 18, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I heart you Helen…LMFAO…
this is a nice item, too bad the annoying description from hell makes me never want to buy it
December 18, 2009 at 1:54 pm
#8: I hope it didn’t drip into the incision. Ouch!
December 18, 2009 at 1:57 pm
The stuff in her shop is really nice. Not sure about the wine bottle, though.
December 18, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Here I’ll write it for you.
New description: Basket made by crocheting wire.
December 18, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Sounds like a basket case
December 18, 2009 at 2:00 pm
you left out the saddest part of the backstory
“…holding your favorite candies, jewelry, potpourri, or other items. She would also make great candle holder for a short pillar candle, tealight, or votive — light the candle, and watch her intricate shadows dance”
apparently the accident cut her in more ways than where she needed stitches.
poor Sammie.
December 18, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@ #14 lyontamer: Can you imagine? I wouldn’t have the nerve! Just the stitches would have me lying in bed moaning for codeine and rum.
December 18, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Someone went to one-too-many Etsy workshops…
December 18, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I wonder if she has a matching crocheted basket named Lindsey Lohan?
December 18, 2009 at 2:03 pm
If you have to write a short story when selling your item, methinks you need to step away from the computer.
December 18, 2009 at 2:06 pm
‘methinks’ was used once too many times in comments. One ‘methinks’ in comments section per item, please. Otherwise ‘measures’ will be taking and they most likely end with ‘or else’.
December 18, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I actually AM against anthropomorphizing your items, so this is a particularly grievous offense to me.
It’s. A. Fucking. Basket.
December 18, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Ha! I didn’t read the comments before I commented.
December 18, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Because Washington’s voters approved the Everything but Marriage Bill, Sammie and Elena enjoy the same rights and benefits granted to heterosexual married baskets.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23395531
December 18, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Some of her stuff is quite cute and well made, and I noticed that many of her listings lack the Harlequin romance-type descriptions. Perhaps sometimes our friend Xanadu2you’s “alter-ego” (i.e., compliments of certain mood enhancing substances) creates the more elaborate descriptions.
Observe: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22513737
Good lord.
December 18, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I think somebody got their product description and Lavalife profile mixed up
December 18, 2009 at 2:17 pm
“Mischevious”?
December 18, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Got to love pretentious BS. Or maybe not?
December 18, 2009 at 2:20 pm
you go sammie! girl, er…basket power!
December 18, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I just don’t get the Etsy way…I actually thought she was describing herself until she says Sammie is 3 inches tall.
December 18, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I have given a “story” on two of my items, they were both toys; stuffed animals I had knitted. The damn description annoyed even me. I, too, blame ETSY!
December 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Come with me… Lesbian Basket. Settle down and rest with me. Fly with me, Lesbian Basket.
December 18, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Angela, or “Anthrax” as she likes to be called, is a smirking little sneak who never stays where you put her. You might find her in your lingerie drawer snagged on your nicest hosiery, or catch sight of her half-buried in the litter box, her mocking grin glittering amid the turds. I’ve tried to throw her away but she always finds a way to -
Oh hello, Anthrax. No, I’m not doing anything. Why are you looking at me like that? What are you doing with that knife? No! No Anthrax, please don’t
December 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I’m not sure I can buy something that’s going to go around offroading SUVs when I’m not paying attention. I also question what a bowl could possibly do that “old biddies” would give a shit about.
December 18, 2009 at 2:36 pm
sorry for this- I really need to get a job
(soon!)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/4195439887/
December 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm
These types of descriptions ALWAYS make me feel like I am reading crafter’s porn ;/
December 18, 2009 at 2:44 pm
What I don’t get is that the basket doesn’t even make sense with the story. Her hair is pink, not copper? Or is that creative license being used?
December 18, 2009 at 2:53 pm
This totally needs the guy falling asleep at the computer picture that the caterpillar fur bracelet thing had.
December 18, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I would like someone to find out if these baskets were all named after her multiple personalities. That would be cool. I need something to put my donkey diorama in.
December 18, 2009 at 2:54 pm
See, here’s my dilema. (how the hell do u spell that?) ..it’s a pretty cool basket. I don’t ‘get’ the chainmaille thing but I do appreciate the talent required. I also get the need to jazz things up with stories and I do that with my sock creatures..but that makes sense to me, it has a face, thus could have a personality..this. is. a. basket. Now if it tells a story and picks up my trash on its own then..bring it..it can have whatever damn story it wants. Til then, describe the size and…
December 18, 2009 at 3:01 pm
WTF?!!! Does it come with a birth certificate?
December 18, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Ugh. That third paragraph, with some very slight modifications, and a bit from the last paragraph about the enamel keeping it shiny would be a proper and pleasant description. Even a short description about what inspired the colors might be appropriate. But there’s just NO NEED to write four paragraphs of fluff that have nothing to do with a BASKET!
December 18, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I think the basket is cute, but seriously – does everything need some shitty poetry or crappy story to describe the item? It doesn’t make the item more artsy, it just makes you look like a wannabe beatnik.
December 18, 2009 at 3:36 pm
What? WHAT?
December 18, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I’ll pass- adoption is expensive and then there is always the chance that they will take her back. Mostly, I don’t want to have to tell her that her mother was a basket case and had to give her up.
December 18, 2009 at 4:21 pm
My husband just told me he has a crush on Sammie the basket.
December 18, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I think the basket is really nice and it seems like you would have to be really talented the make it but I fell asleep reading the story. The upside is that I learned a new word today, anthropomorphize.
December 18, 2009 at 4:38 pm
how the fuck do you crochet copper wire?
December 18, 2009 at 4:38 pm
What the WHAT?! Did she really just give an alter ego to a G*ddamn basket?
December 18, 2009 at 4:52 pm
There was a seller who had a basket
And FUBAR was her name, oh!
F – U – B – A – R ,
F – U – B – A – R ,
F – U – B – A – R
and FUBAR was her name, oh!
December 18, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Cheers to the seller for taking being “Regrety’d”. There’s now a nice shout out to Helen in the description.
December 18, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Seems like lots of sellers like to invent an elaborate and irrelevant description for their item in order to charge more. What’s a tiny basket like that even good for???
December 18, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Someone seriously needs to find some REAL friends.
“Make new friends, keep the old, one is silver and the other is a basket.”
Or something like that.
December 18, 2009 at 8:16 pm
These are the types of dimwits I wanted to beat up during my creative writing courses.
December 18, 2009 at 9:09 pm
YES! I knew it was only a matter of time before ‘Regretsyed’ became the new ‘Dooced’. Congrats, Helen! This fine new word is on it’s way to inclusion in the Urban Dictionary. I just submitted it!
December 18, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Feel at one with the basket…..ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
December 18, 2009 at 9:28 pm
OK, am I reading her description right? This basket is 5 inches wide and 3 inches tall? SO……. it’s basically the size of one of those 3×5 notecards we used to use to prepare for debate class in high school. What would even fit in that tiny thing – Q-tips, a few pens? And it’s $60.00? Geesh!
December 18, 2009 at 11:16 pm
She must have been on hallucinogenics when writing this pedantic blather.
December 18, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I like the coasters though.
December 18, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I passed out after the first paragraph of her novel and smacked my head! Now I have images of bike riding baskets following me. HELP!
December 19, 2009 at 5:59 am
I remember getting a Cabbage Patch Doll when I was a kid that had a description for adoption papers just like this.
December 19, 2009 at 7:05 am
sure everybody, give me thumbs down without ever answering my question: how the fuck do you crochet copper wire? regular needles? what?
December 19, 2009 at 7:09 am
#64 I believe they use crochet hooks. Unless they’ve knit the wire, then it would probably just be regular needles.
December 19, 2009 at 7:45 am
An Update, re: Comment #57
I have some bad news. The Urban Dictionary folks REJECTED ‘Regretsyed’ for inclusion in their dictionary.
INCONCEIVABLE!
I see only one solution: We ALL need to submit ‘Regretsyed’. If enough Regretsy readers submit it, Urban Dictionary will be *forced* to take the Regretsy Phenomenon seriously.
It’s a call to arms. Who’s in? Bueller? Helen?
December 19, 2009 at 9:28 am
Thistle – low gauge, thin, pliable wire can be used for crocheting. It has to be very flexible.
December 19, 2009 at 9:44 am
I couldn’t get past “mishevious” (mis chee vee us). Didn’t even notice what the item is.
December 19, 2009 at 10:37 am
Her work is nice, but thimble baskets for $60-120? For an upscale price, these need upscale materials like silver wire. Africa has the wire basket market cornered already.
December 19, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I love the J Peterman catalog. I do. But they really need some sort of punishment for the ridiculous descriptions they’ve inspired in others.
December 19, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I am so over the fucking fantasy books some of these people write with their….uh….art. Seriously, was there some sort of Etsy tutorial on how to write creative descriptions – and this one really ran with it?
December 19, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Come on, y’all, be nice. The woman weaves baskets for a living.
December 20, 2009 at 3:49 pm
If I shipped her a big bag of steel wool do you think she would chorchet me a pot bellied stove?
December 21, 2009 at 11:33 am
@ #59 WhiumsyMistress: Even if you could type the entire description on a 3×5 card — which you can’t — you couldn’t fit the card inside the basket.
From that we can conclude that this basket won’t hold shit.
December 21, 2009 at 4:20 pm
I am a Samantha. Anyone who calls me ‘Sammie’ gets viciously beaten.
In any case, I already hated my given name, now I just hate it MORE.
Other than that, the basket’s pretty neat.
July 26, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Damn you Dynomoose! I was about to ask if this was the fucking J Peterman catalogue, but you beat me to the punch!