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Attack of the Clonestamp

Posted by Helen Killer

81 comments

And here’s what you get at Level 3:

Filed in Cats, Paper Goods 81 comments

81 Comments

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Dec 18, 2009
3:08 pm

#1 Orlana :

15 years…really? Senior Graphic Designer…REALLY?

Those scary teenagers making the gay porn photomanips do a better job.

Rate this comment: +70

Dec 18, 2009
3:09 pm

#2 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

“I believe in QUANTITY, not QUALITY…”

There, I fixed that for you.

Rate this comment: +56

Dec 18, 2009
3:09 pm

#3 Whimsicko :

Well it’s obvious that a Senior Graphic Designer was responsible for work of this quality. I wonder which “Magazine” he/she/it works for? Something in Braille maybe.

Rate this comment: +60

Dec 18, 2009
3:12 pm

#4 leftfoot :

This is an embarrassment to my profession.

Rate this comment: +75

Dec 18, 2009
3:14 pm

#5 cerrasponda :

A CERTIFICATION IN PHOTOSHOP?? As a professional artist and design, I feel ill.

Rate this comment: +44

Dec 18, 2009
3:14 pm

#6 flare :

I want to get a picture of my cat manipulated into the confederate dress

Rate this comment: +117

Dec 18, 2009
3:15 pm

#7 methuselah :

Okay Helen, you’re hired. Your manips are as good as hers, and your backgrounds are better.

Trying to not attack the crafter, just the craft…but I hope she works only with images, not text. Because if she Inserted as much inappropriate Capitalization and Quotation “Marks” into my Copy as she puts in Hers, I would lose my “Shit.”

Rate this comment: +96

Dec 18, 2009
3:15 pm

#8 Jea :

This also embarrasses my profession, I work in a call center.

Rate this comment: +186

Dec 18, 2009
3:15 pm

#9 HelenaHandbasket :

I am appalled at the poor quality of the seller’s work. Mr. Killer’s parody was at least as artistic. The seller literally looked as if he created a cardboard cutout of the original animal and then placed it in the cartoonish outdoor backdrops. I hope by “Magazine” Department, he means one that creates ammunition.

Rate this comment: +45

Dec 18, 2009
3:17 pm

#10 egoscribo :

I work in the “Magazine” department, doing cloning & Image Manipulation (Among Numerous Graphic Design Tasks) on “LIVE” magazines.

Is that legal? Don’t they have to anesthetize the magazines first? Surely there is some humane law that could be applied here to reduce suffering.

Rate this comment: +99

Dec 18, 2009
3:20 pm

#11 cerrasponda :

“******Please note – that due to calibration variances, colors may differ from print verses computer screens. Also, CMYK and RGB will differ due to different color spectrums in the Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, & Key verses the Red, Green, & Blue Spectrum!*****************”

And if you KNEW anything about print or design you’d know how to ADJUST for this! douche.

Rate this comment: +71

Dec 18, 2009
3:26 pm

#12 Skully :

Dear DTDS,

If I send you a photo of a crocheted copper wire basket (Sammie), can you manipulate the image to look as if the basket is cranking up the stereo in her SUV, or maybe even making a “gravity run” on a mountain bike?

Also, what is an EYSYer? Are you a certified EYSYer? Why do you only EYSY at night? Are you a vampire or something?

Rate this comment: +72

Dec 18, 2009
3:27 pm

#13 Helen Killer :

I can’t take the credit for these. They were done by my beloved Bronc Drywall, an actual, professional Photoshop expert, who taught me everything I know.

And who has never heard of a “Level 2″ photo manipulation.

Rate this comment: +79

Dec 18, 2009
3:31 pm

#14 Fartinamitten :

I am fairly confident that, armed with a pair of dull scissors and a glue stick, a second-grader could do a better job than the seller.

Rate this comment: +63

Dec 18, 2009
3:32 pm

#15 razberries :

LOVE the lime football helmet (or whatever that is)…hahaha! Poor kitty in the last pic…lol

I am no photoshop expert- you all obviously know this- but any moron can do what she did. That shadow on the first pic she did looks way too cartoonish…

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 18, 2009
3:34 pm

#16 denisewalks :

I like HK’s more than the real examples. I’m a total newbie dork at Photoshop and those look about as good as what I can come up with on my own.

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 18, 2009
3:35 pm

#17 dangerousmezzo :

I’m looking bemusedly at the seller’s store, trying to figure out the difference between level one and level two image manipulation.

They both look like crap, but one costs 5 buck more.

Rate this comment: +37

Dec 18, 2009
3:40 pm

#18 sillymerricat :

“Do you have a Photograph that you LOVE the way the main subject looks but really dislike the background? ”

Sure do!!! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36781833

Rate this comment: +86

Dec 18, 2009
3:47 pm

#19 sillymerricat :

“During the day I am a Senior Graphic Designer/ Senior Preliminary Technician for one of the largest companies in the Media field”

Seriously? Raise your hand if you think Senior is referring to high school and “largest companies in the Media field” means within the walls of her school. Magenta Old English with a white hairline? I don’t think so.

Rate this comment: +28

Dec 18, 2009
3:55 pm

#20 razberries :

LOL @ #17 sillymerricat- um, can we also photoshop ON some panties, or is that request a level THREE?

Rate this comment: +39

Dec 18, 2009
3:57 pm

#21 Street Corner Hooker :

Looks like s/he could use this game to hone his/her skills:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/8/22/

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 18, 2009
4:00 pm

#22 mustachio :

i request a level 3 for my little notebook with all my ideals in it.

Rate this comment: +25

Dec 18, 2009
4:02 pm

#23 sudabaki :

I’m not sure which amuses me more, the picture of the cat with a gun to it’s head or #17 sillymerricat’s most loved picture. Also, why did the cat turn yellow in the manipulated photos? Did it develop jaundice?

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 18, 2009
4:08 pm

#24 Recovering Crack Baby :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -35

Dec 18, 2009
4:11 pm

#25 leftfoot :

I was wondering what 40 freaking people gave positive feedback so I looked. NONE of it is for image manipulation. Most of it is for creating banners for other sellers and I’m assuming for trade because I didn’t see any prices.

So.. that gives me some hope in the future of my employment.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 18, 2009
4:21 pm

#26 starrydreams :

As a cat lover and someone who is trying to get noticed on ETSY I weep. Ok. That’s BS. No weeping. Just pour me another glass of Pinot Grigio.

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 18, 2009
4:21 pm

#27 Lara :

I feel like that 2D cutout cat is going to turn up behind me, or in my car, or my fridge. It’s freaking me out!

Best laugh of the day. In Level 4, I’ll bet he could pilot a plane!

Rate this comment: +36

Dec 18, 2009
4:27 pm

#28 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Those are just really bad. How does kitty manage not to squash the flower stems and leaves under it’s paw?

Helen, your level 3 interpretation is priceless!

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 18, 2009
4:34 pm

#29 Thistle :

oh that last one: “didi MEOW”

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 18, 2009
4:44 pm

#30 martini :

You may bring all your “knowledge” and “vast amount of skills” to the table, but unfortunately they did not made the leap to your computer… Whatever “LIVE” magazine your work for… Please consider a career in the mailroom… Oh… And congratulations, now you’re a full-time “REGRETSY’er”

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 18, 2009
4:49 pm

#31 IscreamUscream :

LOL the ad-lib PS work!
This cannot get worse than the original.

Rate this comment: +56

Dec 18, 2009
5:00 pm

#32 YippySkippy :

I got twenty that says she’s also the creative force behind those incredibly realistic images of Toonsis, the driving cat on SNL.

Rate this comment: +27

Dec 18, 2009
5:04 pm

#33 NinjaGato :

#8 Jea :
This also embarrasses my profession, I work in a call center.

It also embarrasses my profession. I am unemployed.

Rate this comment: +60

Dec 18, 2009
5:05 pm

#34 Weekwaster :

Photoshopped!

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 18, 2009
5:13 pm

#35 martini :

And your website sucks too…

http://www.dragonstaildesigns.com/

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 18, 2009
5:28 pm

#36 AnonymousBastard :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -8

Dec 18, 2009
5:36 pm

#37 groove is in da heart :

This is an embarrassment to my profession too, and I’m a clown.

Rate this comment: +28

Dec 18, 2009
5:36 pm

#38 ourephemera :

Level 6, you beat the boss–textures.

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 18, 2009
5:48 pm

#39 sbatesau :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/17068246@N00/4196456404/

Rate this comment: +45

Dec 18, 2009
5:55 pm

#40 Je :

Oh my goodness, I have never cried so hard.

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 18, 2009
5:56 pm

#41 whyohwhy :

Seriously, this type of designer has caused good designers to be on the endangered species list.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 18, 2009
5:57 pm

#42 BettyMachete :

Perhaps the artist was inspired by Monty Python cartoons? This is incredibly wrong on ALL levels.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 18, 2009
6:02 pm

#43 rainy :

This “designer” is to “graphic design” what Sarah Palin is to politics.

Rate this comment: +50

Dec 18, 2009
6:07 pm

#44 thetuckles :

No w we know who is responsible for THESE fine examples of magazine work.
http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 18, 2009
6:11 pm

#45 bananabread :

This is…horrifyingly bad. Though I do enjoy the monster sized kitten by the girl. By 20 years experience as a freelance photographer, I think she means she’s been using a disposable camera since she was born. I just can’t imagine this person being over 13 years old! Not to mention, she sure does “believe” lots of things in her description. She’s probably the only person that “believes” she’s actually good enough at this to deserve PAYMENT.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 18, 2009
6:18 pm

#46 IscreamUscream :

#39 (cat on moon) haha, nice salute–is that “level 3″?

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 18, 2009
6:19 pm

#47 whimsiclefuckery :

Here’s Level 10:

http://i860.photobucket.com/albums/ab165/WhimsicalFuckery/banned.jpg

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 18, 2009
7:59 pm

#48 kzager :

Level 4 fabricates a home movie
http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm232/draculahunter/level4.gif

Rate this comment: +43

Dec 18, 2009
8:10 pm

#49 Toes :

Am I a bad person because I LOLed at the final Level 3 pic?

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 18, 2009
8:23 pm

#50 Efit :

Methinks the ‘designer’ doth protest too much. Does s/he really have to hammer home how much of a Wonderful Graphic Designer he is, esp since he works at a LIVE MAGAZINE?

I have both a dead cat and zero certification in Photoshop, and yet this listing remains completely irrelevant to me.

(And yeah, that final picture is a bit *ew* considering the person PS’d out was getting his brains blown out the side of his head.)

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 18, 2009
8:29 pm

#51 nellie29 :

I have reached Level One photo manipulation:

http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af111/nellie_029/Screenshot2009-12-18at82926PM.png

Rate this comment: +27

Dec 18, 2009
9:03 pm

#52 Recovering Crack Baby :

#47- No- probably just desensatized. I have been on the Farm to long as I thought it was funny as well and my comment about cats getting run over. I must be as bad as you as you learn out here not to have emotional attachment to your mouse hunters.
#29- My Dad always said Didi Mow- sp? and Steifel. He is a disabled Vietnam Veteran and I always assumed that perhaps it came from the military as I have never heard anyone other then him say it.

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 18, 2009
9:26 pm

#53 syd_bristow :

certifications are being given out like candy.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 18, 2009
9:28 pm

#54 Skully :

@#49 RC: So for $20 you can make me a kitty roadkill puppet?

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 18, 2009
9:31 pm

#55 The_Garden :

I’m sorry everyone,i’ve actually sold the wrong kind of drug for this person.It’s not her fault.Not happening again!

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 18, 2009
9:31 pm

#56 Thistle :

#49: didi mao is vietnamese for “hurry the fuck up” … so yeah thats probably where you dad got it.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 18, 2009
11:12 pm

#57 PussDaddy :

I admit I find this image maniputation a tad bit creepy, although the idea of cloning a lot of little PussDaddy’s interests me more.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 18, 2009
11:18 pm

#58 everydaymama1 :

I find this sellers skills to be more of a pre-k level. My god! Even I could do way better than a washed out cardboard cat on a default background. Does this person not have friends to tell him he sucks?

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 19, 2009
12:18 am

#59 thebakesale :

God, that cat loved sitting on flowers

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 19, 2009
3:03 am

#60 Recovering Crack Baby :

SKULLY- if you are asking me I would do it for free for you and as a bonus, we have out of State pheasant hunters here at our cabin. Yesterday they all got their limit- so I could put little feathered whore boots on a kitty puppet as well.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 19, 2009
5:36 am

#61 lightningrapier :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J—aiyznGQ

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 19, 2009
6:08 am

#62 gilowyn :

Oooh – you found my “favorite” designer! He also offers an osCommerce website… which must be the ugliest site I have ever seen. And I should know – my first website was a school project in 1998, and consisted of a turquoise background with moving stuff. Good times!

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 19, 2009
7:04 am

#63 Thistle :

i have come to the conclusion that it is a flannel board. you know, those old ones from sunday school where you could stick cutouts of jesus, or moses, or the four horsemen of the apocalypse on various backgrounds…

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 19, 2009
7:40 am

#64 moi :

I love all the manipulations in the comments! funny, funny, stuff.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 19, 2009
7:46 am

#65 moi :

I was going to put a lot of Ha’s here but that seemed silly, so imagine me laughing a little crazily at this photo manipulation
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16675128

and in the original listing, why the heck does she need to overkill the watermark (don’t know if watermark is the right word, when its actually just a name copied a bunch of times in full color) on the third pic of the girl? Is someone going to resell her masterful PS skills of a girl they don’t know?

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 19, 2009
9:09 am

#66 jessikate :

Does Weekly World News count as a ‘Live’ magazine. Because that would explain a lot.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 19, 2009
9:24 am

#67 MaryBeth :

The lime football helmet was a creative use of fruit. That is the one and only positive thing I can think of.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 19, 2009
9:50 am

#68 whimsiclefuckery :

According to this listing
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18591807

he says “By day I work for one of the worlds largest printing company doing desktop publishing”

so it looks like perhaps we’re talking pre-press file-pusher, rather than senior magazine artist…

(btw, Helen, hope you don’t mind that I stole your pic)

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 19, 2009
10:00 am

#69 thecomagirl :

i think he must have spent the last 14 years designing in the dark. Just because you own a copy of photoshop or illustrator does NOT make you a graphic designer even if you’re “certified”. this work is an insult to my creative senses.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 19, 2009
12:18 pm

#70 KateRhoades :

Regretsy makes me laugh almost every fucking time! Best website!

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 19, 2009
2:51 pm

#71 kitty :

So, the seller’s other store is “thewizardshat.etsy.com”. I realize now it is supposed to be “the wizard’s hat”, but I read it as “the wizard shat”. My way is funnier.

Rate this comment: +35

Dec 19, 2009
3:25 pm

#72 steph :

LOL. Love this post.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 19, 2009
3:45 pm

#73 catspiracy :

It’s like photographic taxidermy!

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 19, 2009
4:18 pm

#74 heidrun :

i love this thread.
seems like that cat is about to become the next “say what!” guy.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 19, 2009
4:20 pm

#75 heidrun :

“multiple conversations prior to delivering the first draft”. so, these images ARE the first draft?
why have “multiple conversations” about a figure and a background? he is a mysterious man.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 19, 2009
4:46 pm

#76 Toes :

#66 jessikate, DH was thinking Auto Trader, but Weekly World News is a good candidate as well.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 19, 2009
10:07 pm

#77 It Lives :

#68, I was going to guess that he’s a printer’s devil who’s been using Adobe PhotoDeluxe for 15 years. Thank you for blowing that fantasy all to shreds! :-p

So HE’S the dork who puts the stupid clip art on office memos… I was wondering who that was!

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 20, 2009
9:35 pm

#78 jamie :

there is no way this person has been a graphic designer for 15 years. if so, they never went to art school or even studied the BASICS of design – look at his website, this is not senior designer-level work. this is the lady who volunteers in the church office doing a banner in ms word -level work. i am ashamed.

oh and someone ought to tell him/her you do not slap your website name 5x across each piece in your “portfolio”. there is so much wrong here. s/he has offended and cheapened my…

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 21, 2009
6:41 am

#79 VoteAudrey :

Seriously? It looks like you photoshopped with your feet.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 29, 2009
11:26 am

#80 Magischer Esel :

#78 jamie,

I think the website slapped up and down on the “portfolio” is to keep someone from hijacking the wonderful artwork contained inside. My personal favorite is the basic clipart cheerleader made of basic shapes, sans shading. Or better yet the image proving to the world s/he knows how to find the liquify effect, set it to Clockwise twirl, and hold down for a couple of seconds! Total pro.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 29, 2009
11:29 am

#81 Magischer Esel :

Oh yeah, anyone notice the magazine covers for Bride and Home? Must be the “Live” “Magazines”. Too bad they both feature the story “Roses, Love’em or Hate’em”. Coincidence?

Sorry to deviate, between the cat and the portfolio my CW and I have been falling out of our chairs.

Rate this comment: +1