Okay, it looks like green candycorn stuck in frosting my daughter’s been making a mess of. This seller’s other candles and tings seem perfectly nice. But this thing is a big, nasty mess.
The alien soup candle is bad enough, but then I made the mistake of poking around that shop — candle, candle, candle, votive, tealight, votive, and then, BAM! This “Statement Ring” appeared: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35048089
Recovering Crack Baby
December 14, 2009 at 9:31 am
I don’t know anything about being Jewish….. do child labor laws factor into if it is Kosher???
( The Asian Pot I bought my last Bonsai Tree in gave it away… well that and the creativity involved with this scene)
Apparently my brain is far too literal, because once I read the description and understood that these were *supposed* to be evergreen trees in a snowy landscape, I started arguing in my mind that the snowdrifts were empirically impossible, and if they did in fact exist in such a form, they’d represent some SERIOUSLY fucked up weather patterns.
And that, folks, is how I spent the last 90 seconds of my life. 90 seconds which I’ll never get back.
Looking around her shop, I see that some of her stuff is very nicely done. I can’t help but wonder if this was one of those days when nothing comes out right and instead of saying “fuck it” and chucking it in the trash, she decided to see if it would sell.
So now we know what it will look like after a nuclear war… All the trees in the forest will either have an odd melted look to them, or they will be mere twigs in the ground.
@#18 HG: Maybe the popularity of burning ugly soy candles has increased global warming, leading to extreme weather conditions (such as ginormous show drifts). To me it still looks like Sigmund, Burp, and Slurp taking a dip in the jacuzzi.
Did anyone else read the lists of scents??? The stronger the better….. pipe tobacco and cut grass… Now I have to know how? How do you get that scent? Where I NEED to knoe WHERE? WHY- I HAVE to know why……….
I’ve seen this before. It’s the start of a Claymation cartoon that looks like a winter landscape, but suddenly the ground starts to shake and the trees shoot up taller, and we see they’re not really trees but the pointy head spines of some horrible big giant monster that rises up out of the ground and rampages through the countryside eating babies and cattle.
Well, thank god this Christmas candle meets the Kosher Certification criteria. I’d hate to be stuck with a Christmas candle that wasn’t Torah-certified. בהחלט!
“My candles are highly scented and you can smell them even when they are not lit. You won’t be disappointed with the aroma from my candles”
“My candles bring bring all the boy to the yard, cause they’re like-It’s FDA CERTIFIRED/KOSHER/LOCALLY GROWN/NOT GENETICALLY MODIFIED Better than your’s…”
And also, I have never once, NOT ONCE IN MY LIFE, thought, as I was eating a bowl of campbells tomato soup, that the smell of said soup would make a really great candle.
Also, if I did, I wouln’t want that candle to look like a bowl of campbells tomato soup.
I think it was something else to begin with but it was set too close to a heat source and it started to melt. This is what it turned into…….”I will try to sell it anyway and call it a wintery scene! No one will know the difference”………
Saying it’s a kosher candle? Are they suggesting someone might try to eat it? Also if it’s soy then it’s a legume and not kosher for Passover. Sorry Sammy. You can’t eat that. We have to throw it away. Here, have some Elmer’s paste instead.
#21 sillymerricat: “‘my soy waxes are FREE from…Genetically Modified Material.’ I Beg to differ.”
agreed…unless she’s using some sort of heirloom variety of soybeans for her oil, any commercially available soya product has had SOME genetic modification in its history!
I would further dispute her claim that her soya products are pesticide/herbicide free as well. there just aren’t that many acres devoted to organics, and most of those go into food production because of the…
#21 and #54 you said what I wanted to say.
I dare you to find soybeans that has not been genetically modified.
and I am curious as to why it would be important that her candles are GM free? but I see that they are not MSG free, hmmm. nope do absolutely not want to buy candles that are not a 100% MSG free.
OMG, I’ve been reading everyones comments and I’m rolling on the couch laughing my ass off! Stupid candle gave people something to talk about. Love the Gumby graveyard scene! Thanks for the laughs. BTW, the stupid candle melted from my heat gun and yes – it was one of those – wtf days !
December 14, 2009 at 9:07 am
Ok, my 2 year old, who has been known to dig in his own poopy diaper, just looked at that candle and said “ewww, it’s gross”. Haha!
December 14, 2009 at 9:17 am
Looks like a Sigmund and the Sea Monsters hot tub party.
December 14, 2009 at 9:20 am
I prefer my “pretty” winter scenes to not have any Government involvement.
December 14, 2009 at 9:20 am
bile stalagmites?
December 14, 2009 at 9:21 am
Hey! It’s Kosher, so it can even double as part if the Hanukkah advents!
December 14, 2009 at 9:22 am
“You won’t be disappointed with the aroma from my candles.”
Uh, that WASN’T the disappointing part.
December 14, 2009 at 9:24 am
Okay, it looks like green candycorn stuck in frosting my daughter’s been making a mess of. This seller’s other candles and tings seem perfectly nice. But this thing is a big, nasty mess.
December 14, 2009 at 9:25 am
The alien soup candle is bad enough, but then I made the mistake of poking around that shop — candle, candle, candle, votive, tealight, votive, and then, BAM! This “Statement Ring” appeared:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35048089
W.T.F.??? I really wish that I could unsee that.
December 14, 2009 at 9:31 am
I don’t know anything about being Jewish….. do child labor laws factor into if it is Kosher???
( The Asian Pot I bought my last Bonsai Tree in gave it away… well that and the creativity involved with this scene)
December 14, 2009 at 9:32 am
I don’t know why she didn’t put these in there: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=27135069
They’re quite nice. I guess the ones that don’t work out go into the alien soup.
December 14, 2009 at 9:37 am
double, double toil and trouble
fire burn and cauldron bubble
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting,
Lizard’s leg, and owlet’s wing,—
USDA/Kosher soy, and vanilla scent
$14.50 is money poorly spent
something wicked this way comes
December 14, 2009 at 9:39 am
organic, kosher soy poop for only $14.50? its like she’s giving it away!
December 14, 2009 at 9:52 am
“Every ingredient has met with the approval of the United States Food and Drug Administration and Kosher Certification criteria.”
I knew the FDA had a checklist for shit like this.
How….. kosher.
December 14, 2009 at 9:53 am
Help ..me…grab my hand…I fell in the..lake…
December 14, 2009 at 9:54 am
Creating something WHITE that makes the viewer think of poop takes real talent.
December 14, 2009 at 9:59 am
Nothing says Christmas than chunks of Gumby’s shit arranged in mashed potatoes.
December 14, 2009 at 10:01 am
It looks like a bowl of guacamole gone horribly wrong.
December 14, 2009 at 10:07 am
Apparently my brain is far too literal, because once I read the description and understood that these were *supposed* to be evergreen trees in a snowy landscape, I started arguing in my mind that the snowdrifts were empirically impossible, and if they did in fact exist in such a form, they’d represent some SERIOUSLY fucked up weather patterns.
And that, folks, is how I spent the last 90 seconds of my life. 90 seconds which I’ll never get back.
December 14, 2009 at 10:08 am
It truly captures the essence of the loogies hocked onto my show covered lawn this morning.
December 14, 2009 at 10:11 am
#16- it is very Gumby-ish…check out this and watch at 0:32…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJDJ1ALa9Eo
December 14, 2009 at 10:13 am
“my soy waxes are FREE from…Genetically Modified Material.”
I Beg to differ.
451 Sales in one year though? Dang, she’s doing something right!
December 14, 2009 at 10:18 am
The good thing is, it doesn’t look so bad after you light it on fire and let it melt a while.
December 14, 2009 at 10:22 am
I am pretty sure she got a large Government Grant to produce these or they would have been 39.99.
December 14, 2009 at 10:25 am
I gave up on soy candles after reading that they would make my son grow boobs.
December 14, 2009 at 10:25 am
Everybody in the hot tub. No matter how I try to look at it, I can’t get it to resemble snow in my head. It’s a hot tub full of Barbapapas.
http://www.barbapapa.fr/gb/barbapapa-family.html
December 14, 2009 at 10:26 am
Well, now I know what hentai candles would look like. Soy-wax tentacle porn, anyone?
December 14, 2009 at 10:28 am
“Help, I’m melting! You brat!…..What a world!!!”
December 14, 2009 at 10:34 am
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/?saved=1
Yes, I have way too much time on my hands-I lost my job last March though, so at least I am not totally pathetic (right?)
December 14, 2009 at 10:35 am
TWO soy wax candles, really? This just looks like two wicks stuck in one melted mess.
The rest of her stuff is pretty nice though.
December 14, 2009 at 10:35 am
Looking around her shop, I see that some of her stuff is very nicely done. I can’t help but wonder if this was one of those days when nothing comes out right and instead of saying “fuck it” and chucking it in the trash, she decided to see if it would sell.
December 14, 2009 at 10:38 am
#28 razberries : Good one!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/?saved=1
December 14, 2009 at 10:39 am
#28 that was great…….. could you do one with a couple of Donkey’s trotting to the Party…heen haw.. heen haw…
December 14, 2009 at 10:40 am
So now we know what it will look like after a nuclear war… All the trees in the forest will either have an odd melted look to them, or they will be mere twigs in the ground.
December 14, 2009 at 10:52 am
This one grabs me–like an icy green hand rising from a frozen lake.
December 14, 2009 at 10:57 am
#30–agreed, and her candle shots capture a nice mood. The pumpkin photographer could take notes from her work.
December 14, 2009 at 10:57 am
@#18 HG: Maybe the popularity of burning ugly soy candles has increased global warming, leading to extreme weather conditions (such as ginormous show drifts). To me it still looks like Sigmund, Burp, and Slurp taking a dip in the jacuzzi.
December 14, 2009 at 10:58 am
http://www.etsy.com/profile.php?user_id=6728309
Did anyone else read the lists of scents??? The stronger the better….. pipe tobacco and cut grass… Now I have to know how? How do you get that scent? Where I NEED to knoe WHERE? WHY- I HAVE to know why……….
December 14, 2009 at 11:07 am
I’ve seen this before. It’s the start of a Claymation cartoon that looks like a winter landscape, but suddenly the ground starts to shake and the trees shoot up taller, and we see they’re not really trees but the pointy head spines of some horrible big giant monster that rises up out of the ground and rampages through the countryside eating babies and cattle.
Do not want.
December 14, 2009 at 11:11 am
I grew up in Alaska and have witnessed many a “pretty wintery forest scene” with “green trees and bushes on top of pillow like white snow mounds”…
Not one ever made me exclaim: “Eeewwwww!”
This looks like Aunt Doreen’s Christmas divinity candy went bad sitting in a tub of Cool h-Whip.
December 14, 2009 at 11:33 am
Well, thank god this Christmas candle meets the Kosher Certification criteria. I’d hate to be stuck with a Christmas candle that wasn’t Torah-certified. בהחלט!
December 14, 2009 at 11:37 am
“My candles are highly scented and you can smell them even when they are not lit. You won’t be disappointed with the aroma from my candles”
“My candles bring bring all the boy to the yard, cause they’re like-It’s FDA CERTIFIRED/KOSHER/LOCALLY GROWN/NOT GENETICALLY MODIFIED Better than your’s…”
December 14, 2009 at 11:42 am
And also, I have never once, NOT ONCE IN MY LIFE, thought, as I was eating a bowl of campbells tomato soup, that the smell of said soup would make a really great candle.
Also, if I did, I wouln’t want that candle to look like a bowl of campbells tomato soup.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28400977
December 14, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Wow, that’s a hot mess and it isn’t even lit.
Claiming it is kosher without certification is a bit suspect, too.
December 14, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I think it was something else to begin with but it was set too close to a heat source and it started to melt. This is what it turned into…….”I will try to sell it anyway and call it a wintery scene! No one will know the difference”………
December 14, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Saying it’s a kosher candle? Are they suggesting someone might try to eat it? Also if it’s soy then it’s a legume and not kosher for Passover. Sorry Sammy. You can’t eat that. We have to throw it away. Here, have some Elmer’s paste instead.
December 14, 2009 at 1:52 pm
My guess is there’s an Uruguayan soccer* team buried in there somewhere.
* I mean “futbol.” Jesus.
December 14, 2009 at 1:58 pm
My dog puked up something similar to this recently. I should have stuck some wicks in it and sold it on Etsy!
December 14, 2009 at 2:08 pm
What exactly is a “buttery vanilla” scent?
December 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Somehow I keep thinking those extra 2 photos will reveal something that I’m obviously missing about this item….
December 14, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Yeast infection gone terrible wrong and set on fire.
December 14, 2009 at 7:43 pm
It took me a minute to realize that this wasn’t a goblin’s hand surfacing from a bowl of mashed potatoes.
December 14, 2009 at 9:57 pm
This reminds me of Stimpy’s collection of “nose goblins” which he kept under the kitchen table.
Anyone else remember that?
December 14, 2009 at 11:16 pm
#42 that “tomato soup” looked a bit mouldy as well. . .
December 15, 2009 at 11:03 am
#21 sillymerricat: “‘my soy waxes are FREE from…Genetically Modified Material.’ I Beg to differ.”
agreed…unless she’s using some sort of heirloom variety of soybeans for her oil, any commercially available soya product has had SOME genetic modification in its history!
I would further dispute her claim that her soya products are pesticide/herbicide free as well. there just aren’t that many acres devoted to organics, and most of those go into food production because of the…
December 15, 2009 at 1:04 pm
…premium price for organics, nearly double that of conventional soya.
December 15, 2009 at 1:53 pm
#21 and #54 you said what I wanted to say.
I dare you to find soybeans that has not been genetically modified.
and I am curious as to why it would be important that her candles are GM free? but I see that they are not MSG free, hmmm. nope do absolutely not want to buy candles that are not a 100% MSG free.
December 16, 2009 at 4:24 pm
that looks like the halloween bowls, when you reach for candy the hand grabs you. in no way do the green lumps resemble trees.
December 16, 2009 at 9:12 pm
OMG, I’ve been reading everyones comments and I’m rolling on the couch laughing my ass off! Stupid candle gave people something to talk about. Love the Gumby graveyard scene! Thanks for the laughs. BTW, the stupid candle melted from my heat gun and yes – it was one of those – wtf days !
December 16, 2009 at 9:16 pm
You are my new favorite person. Welcome to the dark side.
December 16, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Helen, does that make you her father?
December 17, 2009 at 5:23 am
Yay another seller with a sense of humor!!
December 17, 2009 at 10:08 am
Yay for dreamypleasures!
December 17, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I’ve had over 13,000 view on this stupid thing and a few people contacted me for “real” candles. Yee Haaa !!
December 17, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Who do I contact – the Follow Us On Twitter link doesn’t work.
December 17, 2009 at 10:44 pm
I think Twitter is down. I haven’t been able to get on for half and hour.