LAST MINUTE HOLIDAY FUCKERY
So there you are thinking, what can I give my loved one this holiday season? How can I get a teddy bear with a graphic human vagina and an original Denny Pinkham without having to brave the holiday crowds at the mall? If only there was a one stop shop for a Valevortex demon painting, a catnip fetus toy, a misspelled Sarah Palin Christmas ornament and a pair of old lady merkin panties!
Well shut the fuck up hosebag, because it’s all happening right here right now!
I have just been informed that eight of your favorite Regretsy artists have joined forces for a super special pantload of charity auction fun!
Yes, organized by the woman who brought you the Say what guy on a Shrinky Dink, these brave men and women have coughed up some of their much beloved creations to make your holidays even more uncomfortable!
And 100% of the proceeds benefit Feeding America, which provides food assistance to more than 25 million low-income people facing hunger in the United States.
All horseshittery aside, this whole thing is pretty kickass.
December 14, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I have to say this particular Valvortex painting is far less revolting than the others, even clever. Also these Merkin panties have a winter themed silver fox thing going on. The plush vagina animal is on a puppy dog this time. This is limited edition stuff folks, especially for this auction.
December 14, 2009 at 10:30 pm
My cat really deserves a decapitated penis cat toy to chew on. She’s had so many surgeries herself she is a shaved pussy.
December 14, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Helen, since you’re in such a charitable mood this holiday season, would you consider adopting me? You’d make a 44 year old orphan very happy,(and for what it’s worth, my mom’s name was also Helen). No rush, just sleep on it and let me know in the morning.
December 14, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Feeding America is a kickass organization (they used to be called Second Harvest) and totally worth supporting. Kudos to these sellers for their generosity!
BTW I love how the “Going Rough” ornament puts the McCain name under the Palin bus. Very sly. And the plane – maybe symbolizing how Sarah really travels on her book tour? Very nice touches.
December 14, 2009 at 10:41 pm
#3 Skully it looks like the artists did it on their own, and then let Helen know. Sharing their Regretsy largess. So awesome. Good sports all.
December 14, 2009 at 11:13 pm
this is craptapular- i hope the auction raises a bunch of money!
that pic of santa with a sack of horse shit is hysterical, btw
December 14, 2009 at 11:14 pm
craptacular, i meant- same difference
December 14, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Thanks to Helen for promoting this for us.
And thanks to the artists who donated and helped me get this together on such short notice.
Please bid and support this great cause.
December 14, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Another Regretsy miracle! The season never ceases to amaze me! Way to go to all the amazingly generous artists and people who bid for this wonderful charity.
December 15, 2009 at 12:26 am
Wow, I love it, this is fun! So cool the artists are
doing this for a great cause.
December 15, 2009 at 12:49 am
Helen- can you also please create a site for Bad EBUYS???
Skully is obviously a handful and at 44 hard to retrain, so if you would do a bad ebuys site I could contribute to the raising of him.
December 15, 2009 at 12:50 am
I can’t wait to read the feedback left by the big winner.
December 15, 2009 at 1:10 am
Oh yeah, me too!
December 15, 2009 at 2:59 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 15, 2009 at 3:03 am
To the artists who got together to do this for such a good cause: you guys rock!
December 15, 2009 at 3:41 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 15, 2009 at 4:56 am
Because as we all know only adults have genitalia.
December 15, 2009 at 5:06 am
Way to go, captain smarty pants. Maybe you can be more helpfulllllll and chime in earlier next time? Like, because, we need the information. That’s what the internet is for. That, and porn, which is adults only, and should be in that section.
December 15, 2009 at 5:18 am
This is an abso-fucking-lutely fabulous mating of cool artists, a great network of snarky armchair critics, and a well-deserving charity.
That being said, Helen or Mr. Killer did a wonderous job on Santa’s “load”. One can almost see it steaming, and nearly smell the pungent fragrance.
December 15, 2009 at 6:29 am
Helen, do you have any idea how much power you now have?? lol! I’m so glad to see you are using the internet for good and not evil.
I’m wondering what your superhero costume would look like… especially if it was created by an Etsian.
December 15, 2009 at 6:37 am
Awesome
December 15, 2009 at 7:13 am
hey was just checking in on the bidding…was auction # 2 removed because of the blatant display of vagoo? b/c bobbitt’s penis is on auction # 1 and that wasn’t removed…? did auction # 2 go to the infamous “Adults only category” in the sky?
December 15, 2009 at 7:27 am
#22 razberries, I bid on auction #2 and was just informed its been yanked. REALLY wanted these gifts for my family polyanna. Please tell me I will have another chance to get my shopping done AND help charity?
December 15, 2009 at 7:36 am
I think Helen is on track for a 2010 National Philanthropy Day Award:
http://www.afpnet.org/About/content.cfm?ItemNumber=3118
Or maybe Time’s Woman of the Year?
December 15, 2009 at 8:44 am
If auction #2 is gone for not being listed in adult, then my guess is that’s it’s only a matter of time before the first auction gets yanked for the Bobbitt penis toy.
If it does, maybe the auctions could be re-organized into a G-rated batch and an NC-17 batch? [Denny, fetus, Palin, Say What novelties and then Valvy, merkin, plushie and the Bobbitt]
Just an Ideal! Hopefully it’ll all get sorted.
December 15, 2009 at 10:29 am
Cool to see these things are being used for a good cause!
December 15, 2009 at 11:24 am
Okay, so I am King of Stupid.
I am working on getting Auction #2 back up. Of course, it will have to start over completely and all bidders will have to bid again.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t think it should go in the adult category. I mean, that dog pussy is clearly going to turn on some folks.
December 15, 2009 at 11:54 am
thanks sofacitysweethearts. you are not the King of Stupid! Don’t know how catnip fetus toys are G, and a teddy bear with a vag (hey, all chicks have em, duh) makes it adult.
December 15, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Here is the new link. I hope I didn’t fuck something up on this one.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290381919180&viewitem=
I may change the category on the first auction as a precaution.
December 15, 2009 at 1:28 pm
i want that say what! jewelry set so bad.
December 15, 2009 at 1:29 pm
this is just so ridiculous
eBay is blocking me, I can not go to the auction!
crap!
at least I managed to get to the first one…
December 15, 2009 at 1:41 pm
#31 – See the link in comment #29.
It was removed because of the dog vagina. <—-Words I never imagined saying in a serious sentence.
I had to start over and list it in the Adult section.
December 15, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Jesus, they make you jump through hoops to see an ‘Adult Only’ auction.
WTF?
*click* Yes, I’m an adult which you should know since I’ve been an eBay member for years.
*click* Yes, I agree to your stupid terms that I agreed to when I signed up.
*click* Yes, I agree that OMG I might see something SCARY like genitalia!
*click* *click* *MOTHERFUCKINGCLICKOMG*
And they all lived happily ever after.
Dog vaginas and all.
The end.
(Sorry it’s been so much trouble,…
December 15, 2009 at 2:08 pm
…sofacitysweethearts.)
December 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm
What happened to the other auction? Why did eBay pull it? I was bidding on that!
December 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm
#32 how stupid. Well let me know when it’s relisted.
December 15, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Wait. Dog vagina=dirty adults only but severed penis cat toy is rated G? WTF? Really!
December 15, 2009 at 3:51 pm
#37- It is relisted. See comment #29.
I don’t get it, either. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they don’t pull the other one. I’m totally fucked if they do. There is no way to change the category while the listing is up, and the bidder info would be lost if I had to relist it.
December 15, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 15, 2009 at 8:04 pm
WooHoo! HK and SCS, y’all are awesome! Thanks for doing this. If we weren’t so strapped for hard currency this Chrismakkuh, I would be outbidding everyone for Auction 1. My doG, I would love to have the penis toy- for my dogs, though; 3 of them are neutered males, so they have some penis-rage issues… *;)
December 15, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I haven’t had much luck reaching Helen today so that she can change the link above to the new auction location.
If any of you speak to her, please let her know for me.
Thanks.
December 16, 2009 at 4:20 am
Ebay have apparently decided that adults in the UK are not allowed to see dog vaginas for sale “because of laws in various countries that govern the sale of pornography over the Internet”.
Bah!
December 16, 2009 at 11:41 am
1 day remaining on the first auction.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Regretsy-Charity-Gift-Set-1_W0QQitemZ290381538283QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item439c16a3eb
December 17, 2009 at 12:37 am
#17 SHERITADELEE and #39 NinjaGato Did Helen appoint you Messenger Shooters, or is this a responsibility you assumed on your own?
#18 Megan8607 Next time I’ll borrow your time machine to warn Helen and sofacitysweethearts before they post auctions that will be targeted by regretsyhaters