Helen, I don’t mean to seem rude, but Pochahantas converted to Christianity (and also wasn’t batshit insane). She wouldn’t have pulled this talisman ssssssshit out of her ass.
Dear God,
Some mean lady on etsy told me I needed this necklace to keep evil spirits away. But it got caught on a stray dog. And now the dog is chewing my face off in an attempt to free itself.
Serves me right I guess for listening to some mean lady on etsy.
Amen
#17 did you buy the Unfantastical Fuckery Coverage for your credit card purchases?????????? If not you better get that protection just in case you get liqoured up and come across this computer screen and then have to find something to do for the next 20 minutes or so yah know and then buy some shit like this due to the fact that you have a listening disability, much like myself.. you are not alone. and purchase this shit, then proceed to send an email 5,000 words long
I have sometimes found that Maybe…just maybe…this is one of those errors of judgement, and most of the stuff on their etsy site could be of interest to someone. But nope. I checked over 200 items this woman sells and they are ALL hideous and worthy of Regretsy as one MASS entry. I say she should be inducted as a serial offender. Her overblown descriptions, her astoundingly bad designs, and her badly painted wig head with the bulging glass eyes all horrify the senses.
I had no idea that the coffee-encrusted shit at the bottom of my whatsit-whosit junk drawer at work will keep evil spirits away. And here I was thinking it was Tawny Kitaen + a ouija board that did that.
Oh wait. The other way around. Tawny Kitain + a ouija board makes evil spirits come. See? I should not be allowed to make obscure 80′s movie references when I’m at work and drunk.
@Marchhare I like this serial offender idea. Sometimes on here sellers are repeated for their truly strange ideas of crafty goodness and it’s less funny when I see that the same person made half of those vaginas. But if sellers could “win” awards…for visual offences… amazing.
Don’t get me wrong though, Helen, your site is amazing and as far as I’m concerned, the lifeblood of my interweb viewing practices.
Evil spirits? What? I have evil spirits dwelling in my junk drawer? OMG!! Quick I must make one of these hideous things and sign myself into the closest insane asylum ’cause after you make it you apparently become schizophrenic and speak with a horrendous lisp. I bet they make these in the asylum too!
As a professional purveyor of protective witchy foo, I disavow totally any notion that anyone needs to pay $88 for a talisman made of paper clips and bits of old broken jewelry.
I also DEMAND a crosslisting in “Annoying Descriptions.” What’s with the hisssssss?
Oh, good, I’m like fifth in line on the tetanus joke. Ssssssssorry about that. I was busy listening to the paper clips and broken jewelry tell me all their ssssssecrets.
Hey, you know what would go great with this? A jacket with newspaper clippings randomly glued to it. Anyone know where I could get one of those? Then maybe I could clip the paperclips from the necklace right on the paper parts of the jacket!
If this thing sells, I am so putting the old necklaces I made with large plastic beads, horrible yarn, and closed with a paper clip clasp on Etsy. On the highly unlikely chance that someone wants this, surely that deranged someone will want the necklaces I made when I was a child and will pay good money for them.
I don’t know who these ‘powers’ are, but I hope they rise on up and smack this person upside the head for making this ugly-ass paperclip + crap cacophony and trying to go all ‘astral protection’ so they can charge $88 for it.
“Mother protect me, Father protect me..Angels watch over me. Guard me all you spirits” from the crazy chick with too many office supplies and not enough meds
HAHA @ Helen-
“Whatever, Pochahontas”
love it
ok this necklace is as ugly as sin…and for all practical purposes, even if it WAS real jewelry, how on earth would you take it on and off without tangling it up or getting it caught in your hair?
i don’t know – i think the srtiped paperclips and diaper pins will totally drain my talismans of all of their magical power… and that to me just isn’t worth 88 big ones
I stole this from one of the posts in the link #63 posted.. I think it’s quite apropos.
“There once was an old beader chick
Whose designs just never did click.
She glanced down and heaved
In a voice most bereaved, said,
” I told you my work makes me sick!” “
I actually entered that Ugly Necklace contest a few years ago and was a finalist. (I didn’t win because I refused to vote-whore.) My necklace was not nearly as hideous as this one, despite that it did also make liberal use of paperclips.
What kind of ssssssssssssstories would this piece of ssssssssssssshit whisper? “Once I held several expense reports together,” “Somebody put me in a vending machine to buy a Slim Jim,” “I was on the earring display rack at Rite Aid for many years before someone finally bought me…”
Daaamn, this is nutty…kind of interesssssssssting
(I like a few elements in a necklace),
but def. nutty and kooky.
Wearing it to my therapist would not be a good idea..
or may be it would..I’d get that klonopin I was asking for for so long!
if i were in a car accident, this is what my glove box would cough up on me. of course, if i were in a car accident while already wearing this, i’d be impaled.
there are items here you’d find in a witch jar, sharp objects like pins/nails/maybe even paperclips for those office witches. Some stones to reflect the negative energy. But the most important thing with a witch jar, isssssssss you put it all in a JAR and BURY it. Like this thing should be
if an ancient, pat-rack granny from the depression era and a robot from a bad japanese film had a love-child, this is what it would throw up while you were burping it…
December 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm
I hope it comes with long-term disability and health insurance.
December 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Holy shit! I’m going to work tomorrow and cleaning out my drawers to make an $80.00 piece of shit to sell!!!!!!!!! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSShit yeah!
December 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm
This is gonna look great with my tinfoil hat.
December 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm
This sssssssssssssssssssssssssucks.
December 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm
eighty..eighty..eight..eight..eight.dollarsssss. Did. I ..I..III..SSTTUUTTTTEERRRRRRRRRRRR………….
December 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I’m afraid I will tear my Tinfoil Hat if I try to don this over it. Ah, but, Wah La, my Hat gives me all the protection that I need!
December 14, 2009 at 2:32 pm
That ssssssseverely ssssssssstresses me outttttttttttt.
December 14, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Why do I keep hearing voices from the movie A Christmas Story:
“You’ll poke your eye out….You’ll poke your eye out…”
This is Pure D. Garbage! Helen Killer, you’ve created a monster!
December 14, 2009 at 2:33 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36747778
December 14, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I wonder if its magnetized to hold itself together. And if so, does it help the wearer find “true North”?
December 14, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Helen, I don’t mean to seem rude, but Pochahantas converted to Christianity (and also wasn’t batshit insane). She wouldn’t have pulled this talisman ssssssshit out of her ass.
December 14, 2009 at 2:38 pm
I’m not a fan of this necklace, but this vest will make the perfect Sweetums costume
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=29817033
December 14, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Dear God,
Some mean lady on etsy told me I needed this necklace to keep evil spirits away. But it got caught on a stray dog. And now the dog is chewing my face off in an attempt to free itself.
Serves me right I guess for listening to some mean lady on etsy.
Amen
December 14, 2009 at 2:39 pm
“…bottom pieces encrusted hangings all go another 4″ or more.”
You might want to sssssssssssssssee a doctor about that…
December 14, 2009 at 2:41 pm
But if I wear this, what will protect me from tetanussssssss?
December 14, 2009 at 2:41 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34653022
December 14, 2009 at 2:41 pm
$88 for ssssssome magic paperclips and crap? Now that’s ssssssssomething I need protection from!
December 14, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I feel very safe and empowered since I have a box of ‘talismans’ sitting next to me right now! A box of 500 costs only $3.99 at Office Depot.
December 14, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 14, 2009 at 2:46 pm
#11 Purple, I shudder to think of anyone pulling anything like this out of their ass or any other orafice!
December 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 14, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Looks like someone was in a hurried frenzy to pick as much crap off the office floor as possible and hastily fasten it together.
Maybe this was created during some sort of staff team event where the participants had to beat the clock…?
December 14, 2009 at 2:58 pm
I have sometimes found that Maybe…just maybe…this is one of those errors of judgement, and most of the stuff on their etsy site could be of interest to someone. But nope. I checked over 200 items this woman sells and they are ALL hideous and worthy of Regretsy as one MASS entry. I say she should be inducted as a serial offender. Her overblown descriptions, her astoundingly bad designs, and her badly painted wig head with the bulging glass eyes all horrify the senses.
December 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I had no idea that the coffee-encrusted shit at the bottom of my whatsit-whosit junk drawer at work will keep evil spirits away. And here I was thinking it was Tawny Kitaen + a ouija board that did that.
December 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm
But it keeps the negative spirits away i.e. if someone tries to mug you, you take it off and beat the shit out of them with it.
December 14, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Oh wait. The other way around. Tawny Kitain + a ouija board makes evil spirits come. See? I should not be allowed to make obscure 80′s movie references when I’m at work and drunk.
December 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Can I get a Tetanusssss Ssssssshot?
December 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm
#25 Frankenkitty.. If you tried to beat the shit out of them with that thing you’d rip off half their face.
December 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm
*hells*frigging*bells
$88 to wear around someone’s junk drawer that would snag your sweater…..ugh.
December 14, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Where do you keep the Mad Dog. I need to sssstop thessse ssssshhaakkkessssss………….
December 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm
This looks like my office supply drawer.
December 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28202422
these have certainally shrank since I last saw them- probably forgot to feed them………..
December 14, 2009 at 3:12 pm
If you’ve got this around your neck, I’m pretty sure that negative spirits are the least of your worries.
December 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm
@Marchhare I like this serial offender idea. Sometimes on here sellers are repeated for their truly strange ideas of crafty goodness and it’s less funny when I see that the same person made half of those vaginas. But if sellers could “win” awards…for visual offences… amazing.
Don’t get me wrong though, Helen, your site is amazing and as far as I’m concerned, the lifeblood of my interweb viewing practices.
December 14, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Evil spirits? What? I have evil spirits dwelling in my junk drawer? OMG!! Quick I must make one of these hideous things and sign myself into the closest insane asylum ’cause after you make it you apparently become schizophrenic and speak with a horrendous lisp. I bet they make these in the asylum too!
December 14, 2009 at 3:15 pm
As a professional purveyor of protective witchy foo, I disavow totally any notion that anyone needs to pay $88 for a talisman made of paper clips and bits of old broken jewelry.
I also DEMAND a crosslisting in “Annoying Descriptions.” What’s with the hisssssss?
December 14, 2009 at 3:16 pm
shouldn’t it be “Ssssssssoothsayer”?
Just sayin’…
December 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Also have to agree with #33. There’s tetanus to worry about, for example.
December 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29202314
December 14, 2009 at 3:18 pm
@ #11: I bet she would have pulled this out of her ass, if it was up there.
December 14, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Who the fuck types out their speech impediments? This person is truly king of sssssstupid.
December 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Oh, good, I’m like fifth in line on the tetanus joke. Ssssssssorry about that. I was busy listening to the paper clips and broken jewelry tell me all their ssssssecrets.
December 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Mayhaps she speaks ParselTongue?
December 14, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Hey, you know what would go great with this? A jacket with newspaper clippings randomly glued to it. Anyone know where I could get one of those? Then maybe I could clip the paperclips from the necklace right on the paper parts of the jacket!
December 14, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Looks like someone cleaned out their junk drawer.
December 14, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I bet her real name isn’t the one she’s got on her shop.
December 14, 2009 at 3:42 pm
If this thing sells, I am so putting the old necklaces I made with large plastic beads, horrible yarn, and closed with a paper clip clasp on Etsy. On the highly unlikely chance that someone wants this, surely that deranged someone will want the necklaces I made when I was a child and will pay good money for them.
December 14, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I don’t know who these ‘powers’ are, but I hope they rise on up and smack this person upside the head for making this ugly-ass paperclip + crap cacophony and trying to go all ‘astral protection’ so they can charge $88 for it.
December 14, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Add your power, wear to work and your boss will not think you steal office supplies. Or that you have a metal plate in your head.
December 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm
“Mother protect me, Father protect me..Angels watch over me. Guard me all you spirits” from the crazy chick with too many office supplies and not enough meds
December 14, 2009 at 4:03 pm
well I see who bought those rainbow fuzzy earrings from a few weeks back
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28202422
December 14, 2009 at 4:18 pm
BARRETTES OF POMPOM
*said in big booming godlike voice*
December 14, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Does it come with an eye-patch? Because THATS going to put an eye out.
December 14, 2009 at 4:35 pm
EIGHTY EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS
GADFGASGAFSDGAFDGASHGAFSGHFDAS
December 14, 2009 at 4:38 pm
HAHA @ Helen-
“Whatever, Pochahontas”
love it
ok this necklace is as ugly as sin…and for all practical purposes, even if it WAS real jewelry, how on earth would you take it on and off without tangling it up or getting it caught in your hair?
December 14, 2009 at 4:53 pm
‘Twas not “hand”made nor “feet”made. This can be easily created by dumping out the contents of your desk drawer.
December 14, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Pffffft. I can smell the patchouli from here, and guess what? It ssssssssssssstinks.
December 14, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Wow. This sssssso needs to be filed under Annoying Descriptions.
December 14, 2009 at 5:08 pm
sssssssssssssssssssssssshut up
December 14, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I can only guess a hippie got an office job?
Bad vibes, man.
December 14, 2009 at 5:30 pm
A paper clip for your thoughts.
December 14, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Don’t bend forward in this one or you’ll skewer yourself!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23590064
December 14, 2009 at 5:34 pm
I think she’s trying to win this contest: http://www.landofodds.com/store/ugly5contest.htm
December 14, 2009 at 6:20 pm
It looks like robot vomit.
December 14, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I’m so confused. Who does she think she is? the VooDoo Priestess of Office Supplies?
@witchywunion…. your sales site, please! Pretty please?
December 14, 2009 at 6:35 pm
i don’t know – i think the srtiped paperclips and diaper pins will totally drain my talismans of all of their magical power… and that to me just isn’t worth 88 big ones
December 14, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I stole this from one of the posts in the link #63 posted.. I think it’s quite apropos.
“There once was an old beader chick
Whose designs just never did click.
She glanced down and heaved
In a voice most bereaved, said,
” I told you my work makes me sick!” “
December 14, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Well at least I know what Gollum is up to know after that whole “one ring to rule them all” thing.
my precioussssssss
December 14, 2009 at 7:26 pm
i am about to hang up my artist’s hat because of this artist. did you see this glorious piece of fuckery that she already sold?
http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=22029678
December 14, 2009 at 7:52 pm
This is what happens when bored people with Turrets Syndrome get locked in the office supply closet.
December 14, 2009 at 8:32 pm
It is a real life clusterfuck, I’m not even tempted to buy this one.
December 14, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I just watched Hoarders and thought of this almost the entire episode. Had to share the negative effect seeing this has done to my mind.
December 14, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I actually entered that Ugly Necklace contest a few years ago and was a finalist. (I didn’t win because I refused to vote-whore.) My necklace was not nearly as hideous as this one, despite that it did also make liberal use of paperclips.
December 14, 2009 at 9:32 pm
This shit make me embarrassed to admit I’m a witch…and of course this “crapter” is from my area.
December 14, 2009 at 10:19 pm
I’m sorry. $88 for a bunch of paper clips and random shit strung together? I think not.
December 14, 2009 at 10:38 pm
What kind of ssssssssssssstories would this piece of ssssssssssssshit whisper? “Once I held several expense reports together,” “Somebody put me in a vending machine to buy a Slim Jim,” “I was on the earring display rack at Rite Aid for many years before someone finally bought me…”
December 15, 2009 at 12:43 am
Daaamn, this is nutty…kind of interesssssssssting
(I like a few elements in a necklace),
but def. nutty and kooky.
Wearing it to my therapist would not be a good idea..
or may be it would..I’d get that klonopin I was asking for for so long!
December 15, 2009 at 2:56 am
I hate it when sellers try to destash their shop on a string.
December 15, 2009 at 4:46 am
if i were in a car accident, this is what my glove box would cough up on me. of course, if i were in a car accident while already wearing this, i’d be impaled.
December 15, 2009 at 5:44 am
Any necklace that is liable to rip breasts off or gouge holes in your neck is ssssssscary!
December 15, 2009 at 5:57 am
#76 Skully : That’s beautiful.
December 15, 2009 at 6:26 am
there are items here you’d find in a witch jar, sharp objects like pins/nails/maybe even paperclips for those office witches. Some stones to reflect the negative energy. But the most important thing with a witch jar, isssssssss you put it all in a JAR and BURY it. Like this thing should be
December 15, 2009 at 7:13 am
Only 88 bucks to experience what a vomiting desk drawer looks like. How chic!
December 15, 2009 at 7:52 am
New Jersey.
December 15, 2009 at 8:58 am
#84…please STOP reminding me!
December 15, 2009 at 10:41 am
you can always tell when people forget their medssssss
December 15, 2009 at 10:44 am
This isn’t filed in annoying descriptions? She’s probably hissing so much because someone knocked out her teeth.
December 15, 2009 at 10:47 am
http://www.chunx.com/e2a/images/Chaos%20Field.jpg
This explains it…she was exposed…
December 15, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I was going to mention The Ugly Necklace Contest, but trix got there first
December 15, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I have all this stuff in my junk drawer right now! contact me if you want one! haha JUST JOKING!
December 16, 2009 at 12:37 am
if an ancient, pat-rack granny from the depression era and a robot from a bad japanese film had a love-child, this is what it would throw up while you were burping it…
or strangling it.
December 18, 2009 at 6:22 pm
you NEED a necklace of crap to ward off evil…it’s pretty obvious that she took the necklace off to write the description, and became possessed.
January 7, 2010 at 3:59 pm
WOW!