Regretsy News
Well let’s not dick around here, let’s just get to it. I have a lot of drinking to do.
SAY WHAT
I got not one, but TWO Denny Pinkham paintings in the mail today, and I’m so happy I’m just whacking my thighs together.
Also, and this is just a guess, I’m thinking they did not come from a smoke-free home.
REGRETSY ON YOUR iPHONE
A delightful bit of behind the scenes fuckery has taken place, allowing to you enjoy the majesty of Regretsy on your iPhone!
Yes, some plug-in thing has been activized, resulting in improved optimisation for your mobile bajingo. Enjoy!
OFFICIAL REGRETSY NOTECARDS STILL AVAILABLE
My friends at Cerebral Itch (and I do have friends, so don’t look all surprised) have printed up astonishingly handsome sets of notecards and envelopes for your purchasing pleasure. There are 4 different designs, each based on popular Regretsy posts, and you can mix and match until you’re blue in the face.
And here’s the best part: all of the profits go directly to the original Etsy artists. I don’t get dick all. That’s always been my business model, so why change course now? And finally . . .
HAI JEWS, LOL
Being half Jew myself, I pride myself on knowing that Channukah starts tomorrow night. Of course, I’m only dimly aware of its significance.
I know there were matzohs and some sort of horrible carrot pudding, and there was only enough for a couple of people. But somehow, they went into the kitchen and had some kind of a quick fire challenge, and there was enough for 8 people, not counting Padma, who throws it all up anyway.
But the real miracle is this:
Starting tomorrow, and for 8 crazy nights, the Regretsy menorah will be lit, and clicking on it will bring you another Channukah treat each evening.
So you should live and be well, and maybe you could think about settling down like your cousin, who just bought a nice place in New Rochelle.
December 10, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I think white guy is stepping out on his original lady. Or she got a haircut. I’m thinking he digs the chicks with uneven boobs.
A toast to you, Helen Killer. I’d offer you some mandarin vodka but I’m not sure how I’d get it through the computer screen.
December 10, 2009 at 6:27 pm
L’Chaim!
December 10, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Nicely, H.K., this site is a beaut.
yeah that’s right, I just called you H.K.
that’s what the internet does to people…
December 10, 2009 at 6:40 pm
lol. as a half jew myself, you basically described what I know of Hanukkah too. (i even had to spell check that.)
December 10, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Which half of you is Jew, left or right?
Lol. I am half Jew myself, and need to dig out my menorha as well, thanks for reminding me. =D
December 10, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I’m so excited for the Iphone app I could just pee
December 10, 2009 at 6:51 pm
“Hai Jews”–awesome. iPhone? awesome. Denny smokes? Big effing shocker there. Heh.
December 10, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I like to cook… Guess that makes me part Pantheist…
Cheers H.K.
December 10, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Oh, Helen. Everyone knows we light the eight Channukah candles to commemorate the suffering of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
December 10, 2009 at 7:07 pm
8 crazy nights, I just love it all!
December 10, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Thanks Helen! Rock on!
Did you get those from Etsy or did Denny just send ‘em? Either way, I suppose it shows good charter.
I’d chuck a Murphy’s and a shot of Bushmills through the screen to chase the mandarin vodka DucksNew offered up, but that really DOES sound like a recipe for involuntary emesis.
Oh, and remember not to show us lapsed Catholics any roadkill items on Fridays. Cuttlefish is OK!
December 10, 2009 at 8:03 pm
well that’s just a tease- what on earth did the other painting have in it?
i am guessing the say what guy?
December 10, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Oh Denny, when will this racist blasphemy end?
I’m still waiting for the ‘Say What’ inter-racial pregnancy painting…
December 10, 2009 at 8:38 pm
I’m waiting for the Say What wedding. Who will she choose?
December 10, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Her breasts are way too low on her body. Some people are into that though.
December 10, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 10, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Helen, which half of you is Jewish, top or bottom?
December 10, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Well think of me as a 50% off Jew. Surely you can get your head around that.
December 10, 2009 at 9:03 pm
This whole religion thing confuses me… Say you’re Jewish and your deer gets run over by a truck load of pigs… Can you still paint it or not?
December 10, 2009 at 9:11 pm
#18 Helen Killer : Thanks to you, I can wrap my mind around a number of things I would have never thought possible…
December 10, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 10, 2009 at 9:40 pm
@#18 Helen: Yes, as a Jewtheran, I can relate. (50% off? Is that an advertised special, or with a coupon?)
December 10, 2009 at 9:48 pm
#19 martini, you can still paint the deer, but not with pig’s blood, and a rabbi has to bless the canvas. Also? No fuckery after sundown.
December 10, 2009 at 9:55 pm
#23 studiorose : Can it still be whimsicle?
December 10, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Heh! a Regretsy search for ‘half Jew’… links to UR JELLIS
http://www.regretsy.com/?s=half+jew&x=0&y=0
December 10, 2009 at 11:11 pm
no, fuckery is allowed but only through a sheet with a hole in it.
December 10, 2009 at 11:16 pm
#21 SHERITADELEE :
Martini, you can not paint that, Jewish or not! And Helen, a half priced Jew???? I am confused, as usual!
Helen was making a joke based on the stereotype that Jew’s are thrifty…50% off.
Also according to a Jewish lecturer I saw in College you can be half Jewish. The logic is that while Judaism is a religion and in that tradition if your Mom is Jewish then you’re a Jew as well, being Jewish is also considered a race…
December 10, 2009 at 11:21 pm
…explaining people with typically “Jewish” features, as well as the prevalence of Tay Sachs in the Jewish community. This only applies to people who are able to trace back their lineage from the Middle East and Europe, and not the lineage of someone who converted.
So while if your mother was a gentile and your father a Jew you wouldn’t be considered Jewish by religious standards, but if he was considered racially Jewish you could be.
December 10, 2009 at 11:56 pm
not being an expert in matters of jewishness or lack thereof, i’m just curious about which of denny’s other paintings you received today, helen.
December 10, 2009 at 11:58 pm
I love Denny. I want to someday see one where the Say What guy gets revenge. Maybe he could steal Angelina and Brad could say “Say What!”. Or is that say “What!”.
He’d have to save that one for Sweeps Week, though.
December 11, 2009 at 12:01 am
“Filed in Holidays, Jews, News”… Sometimes your “Filed In” notations make me laugh as hard as anything else. P.S. Can’t wait for the iPhone app! My sister and I will BOTH be adding Regretsy to our iPhones!
December 11, 2009 at 2:11 am
Would it kill you to eat something?
December 11, 2009 at 5:52 am
regretsanukkah.
The perfect excuse to make a manorah out of twigs, fiber, glitter, and deer hooves.
December 11, 2009 at 7:34 am
Yay yay yay! I received by Denny exclusive last week (as you well know, HK). I will snap a surreptitious photo holding it and will send to you as a “Thank you for Regretsifying my life.”
btw – Didn’t Hanukkah have something to do with gas and light and heat and some family called the Maccabees? Or something?
btw2 – We here in Texas don’t bother with the “C” in Hanukkah. sorrys
December 11, 2009 at 7:35 am
btw3 – This artist’s cat paintings are adorable! If you check out her shop now: Best Holiday Banner Ever
December 11, 2009 at 8:07 am
….and I totally commented on the wrong listing. duh
December 11, 2009 at 8:12 am
I think its just great that you are bringing awareness to Denny Pinkham’s art. I’m sure the money that he has earned from Regretsy’s fans purchasing his paintings has enabled him to spend many more years lounging on the beach, drunk as a sailor, chain smoking, and yelling crude things at young girls in bikinis. Perhaps his ex-wives’ kids will even get a little dough this Christmas. Who knows?
December 11, 2009 at 8:41 am
studiorose – Hee!
Hey, I’m a halfsie, too: half Irish Catholic and half Scottish Catholic.
It’s a much simpler religion. There are 3 major tenets:
1. Feel guilty for awhile.
2. Senselessly whine about Protestant conspiracies.
3. Drink yourself into oblivion.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
December 11, 2009 at 8:45 am
#19: I think you can paint it, but you have to paint it using only your crimson hoo-hah while a creepy baby fucks you with a bear.
December 11, 2009 at 9:38 am
#37, that’s freaking hilarious.
December 11, 2009 at 9:40 am
29 Whimsy: I also bought this painting.
31 WhimsyMistress: Actually it’s not an app. It’s a plug-in that optimizes the site for your your iPhone, so you can check it from the toilet.
I could make an app, but the last one I made didn’t sell very well, and I don’t know if I want to go down that road again.
December 11, 2009 at 9:50 am
i’m so jealous of jewish people. they get all the good jokes. us italians only get mob jokes and the guido thing. blah.
Happy Channukah, Helen. jew so crazy <3
December 11, 2009 at 9:53 am
oh, and has anyone seen the new “do who!” paintings?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36078392
December 11, 2009 at 11:33 am
@#5 Theleewit711: I apologize for accidentally copying your joke (blame it on either my Jewish 1/2 or my Protestant 1/2, take your pick.)
@#39 Beqi: That’s the freakiest thing I’ve read all day, thanks.
December 11, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I’m a half Jew too..but I go eat at my Christian
half family dinner ONLY. My Jew grandma is a lunatic,
and her food is disgusting.
December 11, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Helen, if that’s the top half of your head, you’re exactly how I pictured you.
December 12, 2009 at 10:38 pm
WOW 27 thumbs down! Is that a regretsy record or something? And I didn’t even say “whimsicle fuckery” which at this point should certainly get a few hundred thumbs down. And “jews being a race” only got 1 thumbs down, now I’m truly hurt to the quick!