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He Must Smell My Dog

Posted by Helen Killer

100 comments

Filed in Vaginas 100 comments

100 Comments

Add Comment

Dec 7, 2009
5:17 pm

#1 TooManyCookbooks :

Please tell me there’s a cat version — those jokes would write themselves.

Rate this comment: +85

Dec 7, 2009
5:20 pm

#2 quantuminsanity :

I can’t decide if this is worse than the vampire one or not…

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 7, 2009
5:20 pm

#3 AnnetteCurtain :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -140

Dec 7, 2009
5:21 pm

#4 quantuminsanity :

Ahhhh ahhahaha ahahahah

“Please let me know if you will be purchasing an item as a gift,”

Rate this comment: +104

Dec 7, 2009
5:22 pm

#5 AnnetteCurtain :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -63

Dec 7, 2009
5:22 pm

#6 HelenaHandbasket :

Awwww-he likes you!

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 7, 2009
5:22 pm

#7 hammerhead77 :

Can this be cross-listed in Pet Humiliation?

Rate this comment: +46

Dec 7, 2009
5:26 pm

#8 vkacademy :

Aha, the Bloodhound Gang is on the job. Or on the blob. Whichever.

Rate this comment: +27

Dec 7, 2009
5:30 pm

#9 krystyna81 :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Dec 7, 2009
5:35 pm

#10 whimsiclefuckery :

Bonus! Also protects you from shitzu accidents.

Rate this comment: +72

Dec 7, 2009
5:38 pm

#11 sudabaki :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 7, 2009
5:40 pm

#12 somethinghomemade :

My husband walked by peered at the screen and asked, “what’s that?” So I told him that it is a reusable menstrual pad with doggies all over it. His response: “holy shit, that bitch is bloody unbearable!”

Rate this comment: +23

Dec 7, 2009
5:41 pm

#13 Sushisimo :

Who let the dogs out?

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 7, 2009
5:53 pm

#14 Recovering Crack Baby :

Can I take this into PETSMART with me?

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 7, 2009
5:57 pm

#15 Sushisimo :

“When you want it doggy style during your period….”

Rate this comment: +41

Dec 7, 2009
5:58 pm

#16 jadey_lady :

The thought of carrying around bloody pieces of fabric all day while I’m out and about kind of makes my gag reflex work overtime. I know periods are natural and all, but I don’t feel I should need to cart it around and then throw it in the washing machine later. :\

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 7, 2009
6:02 pm

#17 reqbat :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -19

Dec 7, 2009
6:08 pm

#18 bootsychoo :

I’ll take the bulk, thank you.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 7, 2009
6:09 pm

#19 NinjaGato :

I’ve always wanted to bleed on a German Shepard

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 7, 2009
6:10 pm

#20 NinjaGato :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Dec 7, 2009
6:18 pm

#21 methuselah :

If you like this novelty print, you’ll love my Strawberry Shortcake and Sesame Street pads.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 7, 2009
6:25 pm

#22 McChicken :

No bloodhounds?

Rate this comment: +43

Dec 7, 2009
6:40 pm

#23 Patty :

I KNOW that “USD” means “US dollars”, but I keep reading it as “used”.

So, yes, I initially read this (and everything else) as “five dollars used”.

*shudder*

Rate this comment: +51

Dec 7, 2009
6:41 pm

#24 regretmenot :

Bloodhounds…tee..hee.

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 7, 2009
6:55 pm

#25 razberries :

i dunno if i would rather bleed on pikachu or the dogs, now that is a real puzzler…but in all honesty? ew.

“every day freshness”? is this lady serious? i don’t wanna have to strap on a cloth vag diaper every day, i have enough problems getting my normal amount of laundry done…that is like washing an extra 7 pairs of underwear!

“without all the bulk”? um yeah, it’s called a tampon, try it

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 7, 2009
6:59 pm

#26 Yeah NO :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -14

Dec 7, 2009
7:01 pm

#27 MajorDanger :

Is there a “View in a Womb” feature for this product?

Rate this comment: +49

Dec 7, 2009
7:16 pm

#28 Frankenkitty :

I did a little research on these when I first discovered their existence last month. Apparently, the cloth ones are much better for you. Less cramping and shorter periods they say, let alone the benefit to the environment from not using disposable ones. I was grossed out at first too, but without my own washer, their not for me.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 7, 2009
7:17 pm

#29 Frankenkitty :

their=they’re. I don’t like to make typos when I’m making fun of typos.

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 7, 2009
7:31 pm

#30 jadey_lady :

Apparently viewers today are exceptionally picky on comments, judging by how many are now hidden due to low ratings. Now, if only that worked with people I deal with on a daily basis…where you could just hide them and go on your merry way.

Rate this comment: +55

Dec 7, 2009
7:37 pm

#31 BettyMachete :

Snaps? I seriously had a blonde moment and thought these were for bleeding dogs. (and wondered what to snap these beauties on to).

Rate this comment: +30

Dec 7, 2009
7:43 pm

#32 addiosix :

I like the end part with those two dogs that would be staring up your bumhole.

They are very whimsicle.

Rate this comment: +69

Dec 7, 2009
7:50 pm

#33 everydaymama1 :

The perfect pad for those in the American Kennel Club! And addiosix took the words right outta my mouth ;P

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 7, 2009
7:54 pm

#34 NinjaGato :

Frankenkitty- How are cloth pads supposed to give you lighter periods and less cramping? The method in which you soak up your cast off uterine lining has nothing to do with how much you shed or how bad it hurts… or were you making a funny? I’m confused today.

Rate this comment: +41

Dec 7, 2009
7:55 pm

#35 polaroidart :

I would never use anything like that, but I’m sure lots of people do, it’s sold already.
WTH is up with all the thumbs down?

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 7, 2009
8:05 pm

#36 addiosix :

Oh hell yes! everydaymama and I have our aluminum foil helmets tuned to the same frequency

that part is killing me though. ‘You can walk around in confidence knowing you’ll be bleeding all over some dogs, and the other dogs will be staring up your arse’

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 7, 2009
8:05 pm

#37 martini :

They should add a category at the Westminster show for these…

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 7, 2009
8:06 pm

#38 martini :

Best in bleed maybe…

Rate this comment: +51

Dec 7, 2009
8:06 pm

#39 Frankenkitty :

#31 Ninja: From what I have read, these cloth pads don’t have the toxins that regular disposable pads have and apparently, people have said that their bodies reacted to that by having less cramping and shorter periods. I haven’t tried them, so I don’t know. I know you guys are making jokes about the dog faces, which are funny, but it’s the other side that you would bleed on, not the dogs faces.

Rate this comment: +27

Dec 7, 2009
8:08 pm

#40 hammerhead77 :

martini for the win!!

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 7, 2009
8:11 pm

#41 jadey_lady :

#36-I thought they were reversible. Business on one side… and for when you’re feeling a little more frisky, dogs on the other.

Rate this comment: +33

Dec 7, 2009
8:12 pm

#42 Frankenkitty :

Don’t make me tell you about a dog that I used to have that would steal my used ones from the bathroom and have at them, because I will!

Rate this comment: +25

Dec 7, 2009
8:21 pm

#43 Natsu :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=35444620

cats.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 7, 2009
8:30 pm

#44 quantuminsanity :

frankenkitty I used to have a flatmate who’s dog did that. Finding someone else’s half chewed used pad on the floor is not an experience I would wish on anyone.

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 7, 2009
8:32 pm

#45 Monster :

Frankenkitty – I feel you on that one

My mother in Law’s dogs do that. As well as stealing my un-washed undies and making a bed out of them. Eck. Dogs can be nasty little buggers D:

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 7, 2009
8:54 pm

#46 sar-sar :

Helen Killer — you slay me!
5 words…
Most Awesome Pie Chart EVER!

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 7, 2009
9:27 pm

#47 NinjaGato :

My dog used to nab used tampons and applicators and chew on them. I have to flush the spent tampons, even though it’s not good for the septic tank and I wrap the applicators up in gobs of TP. You’re all welcome for the TMI

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 7, 2009
9:33 pm

#48 I-of-the-beholder :

#44 quantuminsanity: our dogs did that with tampons.

I’d torture my daughters by announcing I’d found another one of Dracula’s teabags.

(I used to work for Kotex, product research, so I feel I have a certain license to speak on these topics.)

Rate this comment: +49

Dec 7, 2009
9:43 pm

#49 quantuminsanity :

Dracula’s teabags? Bahahahahaha

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 7, 2009
9:45 pm

#50 Skully :

In the ’80’s, these pads were free with any purchase of Cycle Dog Food.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owxQ_UdBGhM

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 7, 2009
9:45 pm

#51 NinjaGato :

Dracula’s teabags! Greatest thing I’ve heard all day

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 7, 2009
10:08 pm

#52 hammerhead77 :

Skully…free with the purchase of Cycle…I’m in tears over here.

If you saved up UPC labels could you send away for the special XL postpartum pad??

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 7, 2009
10:16 pm

#53 greenfuzz :

I’ve gotta defend Frankenkitty a bit, who is defending cloth pads even though not a user. I use cloth liners with a cup, and they feel more comfortable and cleaner. Why cleaner? The plasticy paper ones make you sweaty, and then get stinky. More comfortable because disposable ones can roll over and get you with their sticky side. The cloth pads also are less noticeable feeling because it’s not a texture change from underwear really. Washing at the laundromat is easy, mine are black

Rate this comment: +28

Dec 7, 2009
10:17 pm

#54 NinjaGato :

someone on FB suggested making a reusable pad with pictures of ex lovers on it.
That would be the worlds greatest thing.

Rate this comment: +47

Dec 7, 2009
10:19 pm

#55 greenfuzz :

As an aside I also agree the comment rating system is mostly not working. Some really ordinary comments are censored, as are some crass ones, funny crass ones aren’t.

Thumbs down can seem like a comment on the lack of cleverness of a comment. But really thumbs down should only flag offensive comments. I think the system is not working. I routinely check the hidden comments, and thumbs up the ones I don’t think should be censored.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 7, 2009
10:25 pm

#56 NinjaGato :

greenfuzz- do you find that they slide around on you at all? I’m just thinking with the button/clip/whatever it is closure in just one spot, that they could potentially really move around on you and kind of scoot to the side (which you’d also find with adhesive pads as well)
I have a (weird) fascination with period “collection” methods. There’s a museum of menstruation somewhere online that catalogs historical methods.

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 7, 2009
11:26 pm

#57 whimsy :

thank god this sold, because the lab at the business end of this mess looks way too much like my dog for comfort. now make it go away, please!

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 7, 2009
11:42 pm

#58 Street Corner Hooker :

Hey, that one looks like my dog Rusty. Oh, what a cute little OH GOD NOOOOO

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 7, 2009
11:46 pm

#59 Recovering Crack Baby :

Skully and Martini- you have me laughing so fucking hard I have tears……

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 7, 2009
11:49 pm

#60 Recovering Crack Baby :

IF I ONLY KNEW THEN………….
Thanks to this site I now know that these slow shit down, absorb, help the environment and cause people to share information you would never have ever fucking expected one to share- Bah Hahahahahaaaa..

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 8, 2009
12:02 am

#61 AnaDroid :

#25 razberries,
I am sick of the “Omg, gross,use tampons” comments on period-related posts. This is probably quite rare, but I have a medical condition which does not permit me to wear tampons, due to massive pain.

Yes, it is gross to wash out a cloth pad. It’s about as gross as the toxins in tampon fiber+ packaged pad plastic. It’s about as gross as mountains of pad-trash in the landfill.

That said, the pie chart is great!

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 8, 2009
12:07 am

#62 Recovering Crack Baby :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Dec 8, 2009
12:16 am

#63 addiosix :

I propose we all revert back to the menstruation hut.

GO SIT IN THE HUT FOR YOU ARE UNCLEAN!!

Rate this comment: +23

Dec 8, 2009
12:19 am

#64 Recovering Crack Baby :

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him.
He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
Right now, he can’t do either.”

Rate this comment: +65

Dec 8, 2009
12:20 am

#65 Recovering Crack Baby :

#64 was emailed to me ironically from a friend of mine. How is that for a good tampon comment???

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 8, 2009
12:33 am

#66 Street Corner Hooker :

#63 You mean you guys left the hut? Why have you all left the hut?! This explains why I’ve been so lonely there.

I say we all gather in the hut and, in the true spirit of Etsy, paint menstrual blood masterpieces. We’ll make a fortune! I’m calling my next one Bloody Tuesday!

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 8, 2009
12:37 am

#67 Firehorse :

Ladies, there ARE other options – if you don’t want the chemicals in regular towels yet somehow the cloth pads don’t appeal (it’s one thing if it’s 5 days a month – another level if it’s 25 days a month) http://www.natracare.com/products/the_natural_choice.htm

Just one thing – A GIFT? Come on! I’ve bought my sister wasabi lip balm for xmas but even I wouldn’t sink to a reusable sanitary pad for a gift.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 8, 2009
1:08 am

#68 CreepyLittleGirl :

Alright, the dogs are freaking me out. As far as the cloth vs. “evil toxic chemicals” goes, it’s pure BS. Most of the time, the claims about manmade things being filled with dangerous chemicals is tinfoil-hat/I-have-some-snake-oil-to-sell-you conspiracy crap. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone would use these (hopefully without dogs or smarmy vampires on them) but the “toxins” bit is just made up to scare you. (I say as I confidently drink tapwater from a reused plastic…

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 8, 2009
1:18 am

#69 regretmenot :

Sweet, I’ll call my art piece “Sunday Bloody Sunday”

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 8, 2009
2:41 am

#70 AnaDroid :

Fkk y’all, Ima go back 2 menstrohut. PEACE!

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 8, 2009
5:36 am

#71 HermesGoddess :

UNCLEAN!!

Ahem, sorry. My Jewishness got the best of my for a minute there. And also? My dog just puked (for real). No effing wonder. These things are horrifying.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 8, 2009
5:37 am

#72 HermesGoddess :

Shit! I forgot to say: while the pie (heh) chart is awesome, the TITLE of this one is what really made me laugh like a loon.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 8, 2009
6:15 am

#73 I-of-the-beholder :

#55 greenfuzz: I agree, the comments have become too competitive. Snobby self-righteousness should be directed at the offending product, not one another.

Everyone lighten up, you’re not gonna top Helen’s title anyway.

you said, “Thumbs down can seem like a comment on the lack of cleverness of a comment. But really thumbs down should only flag offensive comments. I think the system is not working.”

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 8, 2009
6:40 am

#74 Recovering Crack Baby :

#55-”I routinely check the hidden comments, and thumbs up the ones I don’t think should be censored.”
#73- “I agree, the comments have become too competitive. Snobby self-righteousness should be directed at the offending product, not one another.”

You guys should ask for banners to be placed across your pictures….. perhaps marked with “Comment Patrol.” I know I feel better that you are out there serving us.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 8, 2009
6:59 am

#75 turtlegirl76 :

I’ll admit, after the first time these things made an appearance on here, I ordered one to try out. I ended up ordering 3 more. I love them! I try not to think about what the pattern on them is though, and instead, think about what will conceal any, um, stains – best. But yeah, I definitely recommend Mimi’s Dreams. She’s a great seller.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Mimisdreams

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 8, 2009
7:09 am

#76 Thistle :

i love my dog so much i want to bleed on his face!

hmmmm……can i get custom pictures on these?

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 8, 2009
7:18 am

#77 somethinghomemade :

You know, all I can think is thank goodnesss for my hysterectomy (at 26 no less). I don’t miss this AT ALL!

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 8, 2009
7:53 am

#78 lemonicicle :

#74 RCB (and others) I agree about the comments thing, I have thumbs downed a few that downright attacked people, but more ofthen than not I read the hidden ones (which takes a ton of time to unhide them all) and can’t figure out why they were hidden in the first place…?

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 8, 2009
9:09 am

#79 Skully :

@#38 Martini: …and the Finnish Laphound wins Best in Flow!

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 8, 2009
9:21 am

#80 hammerhead77 :

We all have different Ideals about what is funny. There have been occasions when zingers in the comments made me laugh harder than Helen (*ducks*), but it was just because that particular comment was more in line with my sense of humor. I can sit through a Will Ferrell movie and yawn while my s.o. is in tears. An old epi of “Are you Being Served?” will have me in tears while my s.o. is miserable. Do you understand what I am saying. I hope you do. I will be sharing my thoughts with you.

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 8, 2009
9:25 am

#81 pdrunk :

I give it less than a day before someone makes the Three Wolf Moon maxi-pad.

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 8, 2009
9:28 am

#82 Frankenkitty :

I’m surprised there isn’t a Twilight one.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 8, 2009
11:55 am

#83 Calophi :

#81 pdrunk: I think I would buy that just to have one. XD

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 8, 2009
3:35 pm

#84 Danorz :

YESS PIE CHARTS MORE PIE CHARTS

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 8, 2009
4:37 pm

#85 CoffeeLove :

Wow..
I think some people need to do some research about reusable menstrual products before yapping.
Some reusable cloth pads don’t even have prints to begin with.
Please visit http://CLOTHPADS.ORG to educate yourself of what is out there and why women use these products.

You’d think with the convenience of washing machines today that people would stop complaining, but whoa, never mind..

I use them myself, but they are not as ugly as this sellers pads.. I use my OWN pattern/high…

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 8, 2009
4:40 pm

#86 CoffeeLove :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Dec 8, 2009
5:54 pm

#87 Danorz :

@85 – 86:
this is the internet, did you just get here or something

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 8, 2009
5:58 pm

#88 frostypumpkin :

How is this supposed to be more environmentally friendly? What about the electricity and water you will use to wash and dry these?? That is, unless you hand-wash…

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 8, 2009
6:05 pm

#89 Helen Killer :

@ #86:And lately the slogan of this is not being followed. Aren’t you supposed to pick items that are poorly made? Instead you are bashing the “idea” of products out there.

If you mean the “idea” of having dog faces on a menstrual pad, then (yes!).

I didn’t weigh in at all on the “idea” of reusable menstrual pads in this post, though I do think the whole thing is fucking repulsive.

But in the future, I’ll try to follow the slogan.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 8, 2009
7:17 pm

#90 Thistle :

i thought you said “dog feces”

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 8, 2009
9:18 pm

#91 I-of-the-beholder :

Perect gift for the bitch in heat.

(ducking)

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 8, 2009
10:20 pm

#92 sudabaki :

#87 Danorz you just made me snort.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 9, 2009
12:14 am

#93 snarkeygirl :

I think it was a comment by Frankenkitty that made me take a second look at this thing, and the snaps are attached so that the dogs would be facing away from your body. Much less frightening, IMHO.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 9, 2009
12:21 am

#94 elephantandbutterfly :

The one thing I thought of, and forgive me please, is “Twilight.” Specifically, a question that fans have but that the author refuses to answer … which is along the lines of this:

So vampire Edward is all into blood (like all vamps, duh) … So what the hell happens when Bella’s on the rag?

Team Jacob ??? …

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 9, 2009
8:21 am

#95 Thistle :

put them in the freezer for a frozen treat for later?

“bella, babe, i’m not very hungry, just grab me one of those “light days” ok?”

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 9, 2009
11:31 am

#96 thebakesale :

“for everyday freshness.”

YES PLEASE.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 9, 2009
6:19 pm

#97 PlaneCrazy :

Some things are just meant to be thrown away.

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 9, 2009
6:52 pm

#98 www.bajunajewelry.etsy.com :

These are cool! When are you going to make tampons! We could have pickle, hotdog, banana and french fry shapes!

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 11, 2009
6:14 am

#99 migra :

“I laughed so hard I think I spotted!”

I would like to see one of these with a picture of the “Duke.” Just something about the idea of ‘paddy’ Duke…

The snaps scare me a little. Couldn’t you get a hair caught? Ouch.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 20, 2009
3:46 am

#100 It Lives :

#53, please tell me you’re not using the laundromat on Waverly Street. I have enough fear of what someone else washed in there before me the way it is. :-S

#99, the snaps are scary, but imagine if those things had velcro!

Rate this comment: +2