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The Regretsy Advent Calendar 12/4 (NSFW)

Posted by Helen Killer

66 comments

Filed in Holidays 66 comments

66 Comments

Add Comment

Dec 4, 2009
9:40 am

#1 blablover5 :

The children were nestled all snug in their bed

While visions of cross eyed breasts danced through their heads.

Rate this comment: +36

Dec 4, 2009
9:41 am

#2 Skully :

OK, so I’m guessing “grilfriend” means BBQ buddy, but WTF is an “ornamanet?” Is that French for “tree titty?”

Rate this comment: +31

Dec 4, 2009
9:41 am

#3 Doria Gray :

“these ornaments can also be sold individually. but if you want 2 of them you get a slight discount.”

Aside from wondering why someone would want these at all, why would someone want only one?

Rate this comment: +34

Dec 4, 2009
9:42 am

#4 personalearthquake :

I like that you only get a “slight” discount if you buy a pair.

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 4, 2009
9:46 am

#5 Megan8607 :

Are these to appease the creepy fetus ornament?

Rate this comment: +28

Dec 4, 2009
9:47 am

#6 spareGus :

These are hilarious. I wouldn’t put them on my tree these days, but I would have in college.
Though, this is coming from someone who once made a ceramic mug on which an ass was molded on one side (also college). I should find that thing and list it!

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 4, 2009
9:48 am

#7 Recovering Crack Baby :

I prefer to not have my wire hang ‘em. I like underwire for the girls.

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 4, 2009
9:52 am

#8 lemonicicle :

they only come in “caucasion” (or at least I think that’s what the creepy pepto-pink color is trying to represent) SAY WHAT!?

Rate this comment: +37

Dec 4, 2009
9:53 am

#9 lemonicicle :

Gah… caucasian i mean… damn the no editing your own comments feature (typing faster than I’m thinking today)

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
9:55 am

#10 hammerhead77 :

I’m gonna to have to go to confession before Christmas Eve, and I swear the things I have seen, read, and said on this site are gonna get me an extra dozen Hail Marys *at least*

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 4, 2009
9:55 am

#11 Recovering Crack Baby :

#8 if it makes you feel better these are teeny tiny and not to mention they look more like testicles with an issue.
Dear Santa,for Christmas this year, I want more then a Sleigh Full.

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 4, 2009
9:56 am

#12 norez :

The next item, that little photo frame with boobies and tiger print undies, is displayed REALLY effectively. TWICE.

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 4, 2009
9:58 am

#13 DucksNew :

At least it’s not vaginas

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 4, 2009
10:05 am

#14 weberly :

two tiny boobies or one huge one, decisions decisions

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 4, 2009
10:09 am

#15 lemonicicle :

#13 DucksNew maybe if you convo her she’ll make a set of vagoos just for you! or if you like to mix it up, 1 of each (with a slight discount of course)

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 4, 2009
10:09 am

#16 Honest Ape :

So if you hang these on your Christmas tree in New Orleans, do people throw beaded necklaces on your tree? Or does that only happen during Mardi Gras?

Rate this comment: +39

Dec 4, 2009
10:12 am

#17 Dynomoose :

I’ll wait until the moms come to visit to hand these little guys.

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 4, 2009
10:15 am

#18 buffoon :

“Three French Hens, Two Tiny Titties, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!”

When I think Christmas, I think titties. Natch. (sigh)

Rate this comment: +29

Dec 4, 2009
10:16 am

#19 weberly :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Dec 4, 2009
10:17 am

#20 Frankenkitty :

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two tiny titties, ceiling fan holly, New York Christmas hooker, and a corpse bride in a pear tree.

Rate this comment: +44

Dec 4, 2009
10:29 am

#21 sillymerricat :

Am I the only one bummed that these are sold out? This is seriously the perfect gift for my mom!

This seller is lucky because if people ask her what she does for a living, she can say, “I paint areolas on spheres!”

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 4, 2009
10:37 am

#22 lil heavy duty :

“year around FUN, an ornamanet not just for christmas anymore!”

Man, what a relief. Now I can hang these babies up year-round and not feel weird about it.

Rate this comment: +28

Dec 4, 2009
10:47 am

#23 Sushisimo :

O Christmas Tree
O Christmas Tree,
How I Love to
Hang Tits on Thee

Rate this comment: +46

Dec 4, 2009
10:48 am

#24 hammerhead77 :

For any fellow (lapsed) Catholics:

Me:…364 days since my last confession…Lord’s name in vain…cross-stitch of 2 men fornicating…painting of a demon fornicating…a woman fornicating with herself and a bear…2 naked breasts on a Christmas tree…impure thoughts/comments directed toward the rather attractive proprietor of the website where I saw all of these fornication crafts.

Priest: http://i762.photobucket.com/albums/xx262/hammerhead77/priest-say-what.jpg

Rate this comment: +41

Dec 4, 2009
10:48 am

#25 Patty :

I called the husband in to look at them because he’s a dude and he likes boobies. I figured he’d say something smartassy like “Hey, now you know what to get me for Christmas!”

Nope.

He said: “They look like tits only smaller.”

*boom-tish*

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 4, 2009
10:50 am

#26 sudabaki :

Does the pierced version hang from the nipple?

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 4, 2009
10:52 am

#27 vangoghbabe :

Wonder if you shove one in the nightmare baby ornament’s mouth it would stop screaming?

Rate this comment: +29

Dec 4, 2009
11:09 am

#28 vangoghbabe :

Okay, so “year AROUND fun” pretty much self-explanatory… not getting anywhere near fun…going completely the hell around it…looks like bypassing it all together

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 4, 2009
11:11 am

#29 Bad_Wolf :

#25 Patty: I showed these to my husband, and he said “Those are kinda cool.” Go figure.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
11:12 am

#30 befuddled :

Helen, how about a rating system for each item? Maybe acorns (for all the little squirrels lost to crafty creepy people) or chicks (for my personal favorite item, chick ponchos) instead of stars. And maybe a big cigar icon (for Freud, of course) warning oversaturated people like me to steer clear of certain submissions. As others have said, some of these images don’t go away easily. Finally, can you change the pagination (not vagination)so we can insert numbers(not members)? Great site!

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 4, 2009
11:16 am

#31 Sushisimo :

Sadly, my breasts were hung too low and my cat kept swatting at them, until they fell of and shattered.

Rate this comment: +43

Dec 4, 2009
11:18 am

#32 Bad_Wolf :

Hey, person with the “thumbs down” trigger finger, don’t fault me for my husband’s poor taste.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 4, 2009
11:21 am

#33 Tabbie :

Anatomically correct christmas tree, just add woolen vagina. Damn, wish I’d seen these before I decorated this year.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 4, 2009
11:26 am

#34 somethinghomemade :

We need e Regretsy Christmas tree! Someone really good at Photoshop needs to decorate a tree with all the classics; boobie ornamnets, felted vaginas, drippy penises, etc.

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 4, 2009
11:36 am

#35 Efit :

Now I know exactly what to get my La Leche League leader. And NO. I’m not joking. (really, I’m not)

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 4, 2009
11:51 am

#36 hammerhead77 :

#31 – Someone out there agrees with your husband b/c these things just sold.

#33 – I could totally do that, but:
A. I’m not “really good” at Photoshop.
B. I think I’m in the Regretsy doghouse. (which I believe can be viewed here: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28058506)
C. I bet Helen already has her own whimsicle fuckery in the works.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 4, 2009
12:00 pm

#37 lleah :

Why has nobody mentioned the wine topper? It looks like the results of a mammogram gone wrong.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 4, 2009
12:13 pm

#38 somethinghomemade :

#36 hammerhead77

A. By “really good” I just mean willing to take the time and efort.
B. The Regretsy doghouse is a place of honor.
C. Even Helen needs help from her elves!

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 4, 2009
12:21 pm

#39 everydaymama1 :

#5 Megan8607 : It’s so the screaming devil baby can breast feed while hanging in the tree!

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
12:22 pm

#40 takilasunrise :

I thought they were funny colored eyeballs at first…….

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 4, 2009
12:25 pm

#41 Skully :

#36 HH77: Regarding Photoshop, you are King of Brilliant.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 4, 2009
12:28 pm

#42 NinjaGato :

I am putting these next to my Gay Pornaments.

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 4, 2009
1:04 pm

#43 HelenaHandbasket :

If I ever get a “boy/grilfriend”, I will know what would have been the perfect gift before it sold out.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
1:14 pm

#44 sweetbirdofparadox :

Hammerhead, that dog house is ridiculous! Thanks for sharing it

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
2:16 pm

#45 WhimsyMistress :

Browsing the Seller’s shop, I have a suggestion… this: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=9559385 should be re-named “Mammogram Winestopper” – the perfect Christmas gift for that “alkie lady of a certain age” in your life!

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 4, 2009
2:19 pm

#46 TooManyCookbooks :

I have to admit to an irrational hatred for the word ‘boobies’. Something about it just grates.

As to the ‘year around FUN’, I doubt that ‘an ornamanet’ like this is really going to provide much in that department. Still, it’s better that this: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=5950699 which manages to avoid any hint of actual anatomy while adding what is either an infection, leopard-print knickers or very unfortunate pubes. Truly a gift for the ages.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 4, 2009
2:36 pm

#47 biggles5 :

Why on earth are these tagged as a toy? Who in their right mind would give their kid breakable tits to play with?

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 4, 2009
2:51 pm

#48 weberly :

ha, i know there’s a joke in there somewhere

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
3:58 pm

#49 janefairfax :

Hubby wants to know if they come in Double D!

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 4, 2009
4:03 pm

#50 whimsicalfuckerylover :

I never thought I would be able to find ornaments that would so perfectly compliment this one….

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35651248

…but alas! these are perfect!

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 4, 2009
4:32 pm

#51 HermesGoddess :

^ It’s the “filigree bush” that really classes up that one.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 4, 2009
4:42 pm

#52 whimsicalfuckerylover :

#51…That’s one of my favorite parts! Well that & the fact that it looks like the vagina model had about 14 kids! Is it just me or is that thing kinda flappy?

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 4, 2009
8:16 pm

#53 rodgertheshrubber :

My Christmas tree is going to look sooo tit this year.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 4, 2009
8:28 pm

#54 hammerhead77 :

#47, 50, 51, 52 – Ya’ll are killin’ me over here. Seriously, who the hell wakes up in the morning and decides to make a flappy vulva ornament with a filigree bush?!?

#38 – I suggest that we send Helen a neatly folded note that says CAN WE PHOTOSHOP A REGRETSY TREE?? YES_ NO_ MAYBE_ IDK_
PLS CHECK 1! WB SOON XXOO

(I am a very A.D.D. person. If I have a Photoshop project to work on I’ll hyperfocus, STFU, and leave everyone the hell alone for awhile! )

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 4, 2009
8:39 pm

#55 lilprincess :

…Two dangling boobies, and a par-tridge in a pear treeeeee!

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 4, 2009
10:45 pm

#56 spiderbaby :

can i get a pair where the left one is slightly larger than the right?

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 4, 2009
11:36 pm

#57 weberly :

oh cool i spelled their right

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 5, 2009
5:10 am

#58 addiosix :

“This makes a wonderful gift for women who have started/completed counseling for rape and sexual abuse this past year. It will serve as a reminder of their accomplishment and their beauty for years to come.”

Hey, that’s a great idea.

How about also, when she opens the box and pulls out the nice ‘fleshy’ floppy vagina, pull a giant dildo out from under your chair and chase her around the room with it. That’ll help too.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 5, 2009
7:53 am

#59 Thistle :

#50: gah, she has 27 of these things? of course, my favorite is: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33847852

my theory is that this is what ejected the yowling horror ornmanet, and possibly why it is missing limbs…

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 5, 2009
9:42 am

#60 addiosix :

#59 Thistle :

That’s just so wrong on so many levels.

I’m pretty sure I’m now officially terrified of girls, and I am a girl so this is going to be fun.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 5, 2009
9:44 am

#61 addiosix :

(not your posting it, btw… her having created it )

FEED ME SEYMOUR!!

Yeesh. Yeah. Scared of girls now.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 5, 2009
10:23 am

#62 whimsicalfuckerylover :

#59….Oh, my good God!! I can’t believe that’s in her shop!!! What the hell is that? Is this what happens when you feed your vagina after midnight?

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 5, 2009
10:44 am

#63 addiosix :

#62 whimsicalfuckerylover :

Ha! I think our aluminum foil helmets are tuned into the same frequency

http://www.regretsy.com/2009/12/05/the-regretsy-advent-calendar-125/#respond

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 5, 2009
11:24 am

#64 whimsicalfuckerylover :

#63 addiosix

hahahahaha!!! too funny!

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 9, 2009
3:52 pm

#65 Tdogdd :

Good to know that not just for Christmas can mean you can wear them as earrings the rest of the year.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 14, 2009
10:43 pm

#66 SacredFlesh :

love these!

Rate this comment: +1