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UR JELLIS

Posted by Helen Killer

35 comments

Look at this fucking thing. It’s so incredible it’s actually painful. It hurts me to wear it. Even looking at it gives me an ice cream headache.

Speaking of fine craftsmanship, I still need to find the following artists for the book:

A jeweler

A doll or toymaker

A clothing maker

A milliner

A pillow maker

When I said I needed artists for the book, I didn’t just mean painters or illustrators. I also need people to create 3D art that we’ll be photographing.

I’m not necessarily looking for the most technically proficient people, but people who have a strong point of view in their work, and a good sense of humor.

So if you do any of the above, and you’re interested in creating a piece for the book, please contact me, and give me a link to your Etsy store. You will be fully credited in the seller’s guide, you’ll keep the work you produce, you’ll get a copy of the book and you will be paid.*

And by the way, these particular pieces will be presented in the book without commentary.

* A really small amount

THE REGRETSY ALCHEMY FUND

We’ve started a new program over here; The Regretsy Alchemy Fund. Basically, we raise money through sales of Regretsy merchandise, and we pool the profits to hire an Etsy seller to create handmade things for charitable causes.

We did this a few weeks ago with Toys for Tots, and it was a really great experience. So now we’re selling T-shirts on Cafe Press and Zazzle, and when we get up to $200, we’re going to hire at Etsy seller to make knit caps for The Hatbox Foundation. As you can see on the left sidebar, we’re keeping a running total of our Alchemy Fund. And we’re already over the halfway point!

Next time, we’re using an Etsy seller to make the shirts we sell, and then it’ll all just be one recursive, self-referential, post modern clusterfuck.

Filed in News 35 comments

35 Comments

Add Comment

Dec 3, 2009
7:13 pm

#1 Jea :

awesomesauce!
Regretsy is probably one of the best things to happen to etsy.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 3, 2009
7:18 pm

#2 martini :

Without commentary? Say what! What the hell kind of book it this? =D

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
7:18 pm

#3 personalearthquake :

ur rite, yam jellis. so jellis. need 2 get wun.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
7:21 pm

#4 CraftingBlues :

OH! I make really really bad clothing. Really bad deformed stuff. So if that’s what you’re looking for, im your woman for the job. Otherwise, I make awesome pillows.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
7:22 pm

#5 Jea :

Helen’s got some mad spelling skillz.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 3, 2009
7:22 pm

#6 martini :

#2 martini : And more importantly… Who are you and what have you done with Hellen?

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 3, 2009
7:26 pm

#7 mustachio :

i am sad that there will be no commentary! it just seems like a bad ideal. i intend to write it down in my notebook and email about it after 3 days.

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 3, 2009
7:32 pm

#8 CraftingBlues :

Forgive me, but if I actually appeared in this book, my uptight parents would be SO PROUD! (meaning it would give them a heart attack)

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
7:35 pm

#9 Orlana :

I sent in for the doll/toymaker but sadly my shop doesn’t actually have any of that in it. I need to actually take pictures of my shit.

Or…finish it before the holidays. *stares at mound of Halloween themed plush*

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
8:01 pm

#10 creepydolls :

<——— dolls. (i already emailed you though).
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35933095

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
8:04 pm

#11 HelenaHandbasket :

Helen, you’re like Miss Kitty, a crusty old whore with a heart of gold!

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
8:15 pm

#12 hammerhead77 :

What’s up with the cropping in this necklace shot???

I think I speak for everyone when I say that we were expecting a lil’ bit o’ Killer Kleavage along with that stylin’ shinky dink.

(You know we are never fucking satisfied around here!!!!)

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 3, 2009
8:38 pm

#13 pyro176018 :

Don’t forget the candlestick maker.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 3, 2009
10:07 pm

#14 everydaymama1 :

3D art? Like a 5 foot vag that you can view from all angles? Now that would be somthin’ whimsicle!

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 3, 2009
10:09 pm

#15 everydaymama1 :

You know, the artist that made the pendants has sold 36 of them so far! Wow!! That is so amazing.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
10:12 pm

#16 WhimsyMistress :

I read “Jellis”, thought it was “Kielis” ( http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20276008,00.html ). So now I am singing to myself: “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.. that’s right, it’s better than yours… I could teach you, but I’d have to charge”… arrrggghhhhh! Damn it!

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 3, 2009
10:12 pm

#17 Sushisimo :

I personally like the chain, which I suspect is stolen from my toilet tank that connects the flusher arm to the plunger.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
10:14 pm

#18 hammerhead77 :

Oh noes!! I fear that my previous comment may have been taken seriously. I’d give it a red thumbs down if I could, but, alas, I can’t ‘dis my own freakin’ comment.
I added an emoticon ferchrissake! Can’t you say any old shit on the Internets and make it all better with an emoticon?!? I have issues with this winky emoticon, though. It looks like it has the Paris Hilton wonkeye.(Can you fix that Helen? ‘Cuz we’re never fucking satisfied around here)

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 3, 2009
10:16 pm

#19 Anna :

I have also emailed you about the dolls/toys and am happy to help in whatever way I can

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
11:35 pm

#20 sofacitysweethearts :

It looks great!

You have no idea how much fun I’m having with this. I can’t wait to send Denny his first check.

I just listed the Bird Man and Fucking Flies necklaces. http://www.etsy.com/shop/sofacityaccessories?section_id=6600034

I am also now working on the Mittens necklace. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35923968

I’m really going to have a lot of explaining to do with my mom very soon.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 4, 2009
12:04 am

#21 Helen Killer :

WOW. Those are unbelievable! YOU GO!!!!

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
5:47 am

#22 Sculptor69 :

I’ve given up explaining my art to my parents. Boobies make them nervous.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
6:07 am

#23 lemonicicle :

how the heck did you get yours so fast?

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
6:33 am

#24 lemonicicle :

OT: I know someone posted it before but I can’t figure out how to change my avatar, can someone help?

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
7:07 am

#25 Night Cowl :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -18

Dec 4, 2009
7:33 am

#26 ChronicFabulist :

Er, unless I’m mistaken, what Ms. Killer is referencing above is her need for *good* Etsy art to illustrate the book (rather than using stock photography) in between the uh, *questionable* art. I believe the good art will NOT be mocked with commentary, whereas the classic Regrettable Regretsy items will be mocked in standard, merciless fashion? At least I think that’s what the plan was back when the book was announced? Of course I may have dreamed it. So I think it’s a-ok, Night Cowl

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 4, 2009
7:56 am

#27 HelenaHandbasket :

Helen: I’ve bought my t-shirt (…and notecards, to boot! Thank goodness I have an equally disturbed brother.), and am thrilled our snarkiness goes to good causes, but I don’t see the running total on the right sidebar that you referenced. How can we feel all smug if we can’t see evidence of our wholly selfless deeds?

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 4, 2009
7:59 am

#28 ChronicFabulist :

The Alchemy Fund total is displayed on the left for me. It’s a psychological experiment.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
9:04 am

#29 hammerhead77 :

sofacitysweethearts – Any possibility of the chicken poncho?

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
10:01 am

#30 Helen Killer :

3 things:

1. Helena Handbasket, you’re right, it’s on the left. I must have been anticipating Chanukkah.

2. Night Cowl, I’m talking about an actual paying job, to provide artwork for the book. I thought it would be fitting to have Etsy artists get those jobs. The content itself will still be real things chosen off Etsy.

3. STFU

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 4, 2009
2:20 pm

#31 WhimsyMistress :

Oh boo-hoo. I’ve been on the site two days, and already the Thumbs-Downers don’t Heart me!

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 4, 2009
4:54 pm

#32 Night Cowl :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -6

Dec 4, 2009
4:55 pm

#33 Night Cowl :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 4, 2009
5:15 pm

#34 Hank Scorpio :

Hey Night Cowl-
Helen doesn’t make any money off of things like this. The artist makes money.
So far the only thing Helen has actively promoted (in an effort to raise money) are things that benefit charities. Does that actually bother you somehow, or are you just fishing for things to bitch about at this point?

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 4, 2009
5:17 pm

#35 Helen Killer :

Yes, we’re exactly alike. Well, except for the fact that Regretsy doesn’t make money off these artists. In fact, we don’t make anything on the whole web site. We don’t get one penny of the ad revenue.

Anything we make on T-shirts goes to charity. So yeah, we’re assholes.

I used to like you better too. Don’t let the virtual door hit you on the way out.

Rate this comment: +6