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Literally Awful

Posted by Helen Killer

110 comments

All right, so maybe Lady Chatterley didn’t walk around in kooky leg warmers with an old slip wedged up her ass. But you try being completely and implicitly inspired by a book you’ve never read.

Filed in Annoying Descriptions, Clothing 110 comments

110 Comments

Add Comment

Dec 3, 2009
11:08 am

#1 norez :

I think what the (debatable) designer meant was that if a landscape technician saw a young lady wandering about in this outfit, he would want her instantly and somehow also know that she wanted him, too. Or anyone, really.

Rate this comment: +47

Dec 3, 2009
11:08 am

#2 Dynomoose :

She was inspired by a (great, btw) novel that she never read to make a hideous outfit?

Rate this comment: +36

Dec 3, 2009
11:09 am

#3 Orlana :

I can’t even think of anything clever to respond to this. Her idiot description pretty much destroyed my brain.

Rate this comment: +62

Dec 3, 2009
11:11 am

#4 reqbat :

… “i’ve never read this but i don’t think it’s a classic and i made this shitpile b/c of it.”

alrighty then.

Rate this comment: +87

Dec 3, 2009
11:12 am

#5 HelenaHandbasket :

Seems more apt that it be described as “udderly inspired”.

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 3, 2009
11:12 am

#6 addiosix :

She probably doesn’t know how to read.

This is an issue that hits close to home with me, because, in fact — I don’t know how to read either, and I divert attention from that by bunching my dresses up and shoving them down the front of my underwear.

Rate this comment: +181

Dec 3, 2009
11:12 am

#7 Recovering Crack Baby :

I see a one winged Chicken all dressed up with no place to go.

Rate this comment: +35

Dec 3, 2009
11:12 am

#8 Skully :

Next time read the Cliff Notes, or at least get the DVD from Netflix.

Rate this comment: +45

Dec 3, 2009
11:13 am

#9 norez :

Seller’s in Malaysia; this is going to be on the front racks at Walmart next spring.

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 3, 2009
11:13 am

#10 Firehorse :

What the blue fuck was she thinking? It’s an offence against ‘clothing’ and D.H. Lawrence – who must be spinning in his grave.

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 3, 2009
11:13 am

#11 itsnotatumor :

this makes my eyes want to retire from public life

Rate this comment: +32

Dec 3, 2009
11:14 am

#12 fluffysue :

HOW can you be inspired by something you’ve never read?? She envisioned this while she was actualizing something…or something…maybe I need to go have a few drinks and try reading that description again.

Rate this comment: +35

Dec 3, 2009
11:16 am

#13 vangoghbabe :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -13

Dec 3, 2009
11:16 am

#14 Dynomoose :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29846670 Okay, so not only can this chick not sew. But she doesn’t read, either.
If you’re going to use historic figures to pimp your unwearable trash, at least learn something about them first!

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 3, 2009
11:16 am

#15 lemonicicle :

Create
Ugly
Stupid
Top
One of a kind
Mystery Shit

Rate this comment: +41

Dec 3, 2009
11:16 am

#16 martini :

Check the copyright… (that means absolutely NO copying of my work or my style of writing, thanks very much)… No worries there… Oops… Did I just copy your style of writing?

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 3, 2009
11:16 am

#17 fluffysue :

“#8 Recovering Crack Baby :

I see a one winged Chicken all dressed up with no place to go.”

That’s OK, because I know where you can get a 2-winged hat to go with it!

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
11:17 am

#18 bootsychoo :

She hasn’t read ‘Lady Chatterly’s Lover’, but I bet she’s seen ‘Pretty in Pink’…

Rate this comment: +29

Dec 3, 2009
11:18 am

#19 vangoghbabe :

Clothing
Unbelievably
Sewn
To
Offend
Masses

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 3, 2009
11:18 am

#20 curlytopnola :

am i the only one disturbed that lady chatterley is an eleven year old girl from malaysia?

Rate this comment: +44

Dec 3, 2009
11:21 am

#21 milkshakesthecat :

Is this what they mean by hobo chic? One bra cup is way more saggy than the other.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
11:22 am

#22 Fae :

The sad thing is, the jewelry she creates in her other shop is amazing.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
11:24 am

#23 eighthfold :

@ 7 addiosix

LOL… that’s what caught my attention too!

I just figured she was incredibly hungry. Not only is her ass munching that veil-like thing, but the front is getting sucked in through her belly button O.o

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
11:26 am

#24 Sammy the Goose :

I can’t wait to see kind of inspiration she gets after not reading “Lolita” and “Fanny Hill.”

Rate this comment: +72

Dec 3, 2009
11:27 am

#25 Kathleen Shimp :

I kind of like the stockings/legwarmers, which unfortunately I guess are not part of it.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
11:28 am

#26 Orlana :

#15 Dynomoose, THANK YOU! I was just looking at that one and WTF’d out loud.

Looking through her shop, I’m not seeing much of anything that’s actually “vintage” or “Edwardian” lace. It all looks like cheap ass lace to me.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34826206
I’ve yet to locate accordion-pleat anything on this….thing.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 3, 2009
11:31 am

#27 Efit :

My English degree wants to jump off my office wall and slap her in the face.

TIP: When you’re an idiot, don’t admit that you’re an idiot.

Rate this comment: +45

Dec 3, 2009
11:32 am

#28 comma_splicer :

The one sleeve — the under-boob fringe crap — the, wth, bridal veil stuffed into her underwear in back? — the scrunched-up lookit-mah-coochie split in the front –

Oh, wait, maybe her inspiration from not reading a great book led her to not make a wearable garment. Aha.

And is it just me, or does that girl look like she’s about to jump off a ledge?

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 3, 2009
11:32 am

#29 Efit :

Filed in: Age Inappropriate, Child & Textile Exploitation

Rate this comment: +39

Dec 3, 2009
11:38 am

#30 DucksNew :

On a note of the pure style of this thing (forgetting that it’s the color of baby shit and sort of resembles a paisley-eyed insect vomiting lace), that bunching at the front makes it look like the model is pregnant or has a pot belly.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 3, 2009
11:39 am

#31 MinnePurl :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 3, 2009
11:39 am

#32 jenigirl :

So many questions? Can I convo her?

C.U.S.T.O.M.? W.T.F. does this mean?

Was she present when we cleaned out my grandma’s dresser after she died?

Why didn’t she pull the dress out of her crotch before she took the picture?

Is she going to use the $129.00 to finally get off the streets?

I guess I’ll have to wait until Monday.

Rate this comment: +34

Dec 3, 2009
11:40 am

#33 addiosix :

Copious
Ugly
Shit
Tacked
Onto
My ass.

Rate this comment: +51

Dec 3, 2009
11:45 am

#34 Thousandaire :

Sheesh, at least say you snuck downstairs to watch the Skinemax version while your parents were asleep.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 3, 2009
11:45 am

#35 lemonicicle :

“SHEELA GOH COUTURE is Decided Decadence meets Flamboyant Frippery.”

I just.. uh.. what?

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 3, 2009
11:46 am

#36 Dynomoose :

#24 Sammy the Goose : OMG, what if she doesn’t read Justine or 120 Days of Sodom?

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
11:48 am

#37 Kathleen Shimp :

#36 yep, Justine is one I was thinking she should not read next, or the Story of O.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
11:49 am

#38 popodog :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -27

Dec 3, 2009
11:51 am

#39 Kathleen Shimp :

#36 Now, I haven’t read 120 Days of Sodom, but that sounds like a great inspiration for an outfit. I will be sure to never read it now, so I can design it.

Rate this comment: +23

Dec 3, 2009
11:57 am

#40 HermesGoddess :

Actually, I’m going to disagree with the majority rule and say that I am actually glad she’s not pretending to have actually read…anything. Ever. At least this way we can’t say she wasted any sort of education on making this hideous pile of shit. Or, really, any of her hideous piles of shit.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 3, 2009
11:57 am

#41 Sushisimo :

You can almost see the face of Satan, the bra cups as eyes and the A-line lace trim as the fashion-damnation frown.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
11:58 am

#42 intensivepurposes :

She looks she’s been mercilessly attacked by static cling. She utterly and implicitly needs to experience the actualisation of some Bounce in her dryer.

Rate this comment: +43

Dec 3, 2009
11:58 am

#43 Sammy the Goose :

#36 Dynomoose – Let’s pray she reads them and doesn’t get inspired.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 3, 2009
11:58 am

#44 HermesGoddess :

On a separate note: I would like to point out that this 11 year old Malaysian girl who clearly is marginally literate can spell Lucrezia Borgia correctly, whereas we’ve seen several “teachers” in the United States who can’t spell *anything* correctly.
Ponder that, and all its deeper meanings. No whut I meen?

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 3, 2009
12:00 pm

#45 personalearthquake :

I waiver between being able to laugh at how stupid people are and crying because there are really quite an overwhelming amount of stupid people on the planet.

shit. not tryin’ to bring down the mood or nothin’

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 3, 2009
12:01 pm

#46 jenigirl :

Wait a minute…this looks kind of familiar…I think this might be a still from one of those Law & Order:SVU episodes where they break up an underage sex slave ring usually fronted by a pervy Romanian mafia guy.

Or it could just be the legwarmers…

Rate this comment: +33

Dec 3, 2009
12:01 pm

#47 spareGus :

I love that DH Lawrence’s work is the ‘debateable’ part here.
Though, I haven’t read it either, something for me to keep in mind I guess!

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 3, 2009
12:03 pm

#48 vangoghbabe :

In all actuality, when I first laid eyes on this lovely intellectually thought out piece of fashion design I was instantly enraptured. The flowing lines and graceful movement of the lace fluttering from the pubescent breast made me think immediately of the book Lady Chat..er…ly…….

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 3, 2009
12:04 pm

#49 whyohwhy :

Yes, this is “Flamboyant Frippery” as indicated in your shop announcement, but I think it’s more than that. I’d call it “Flamboyant Whimsicle Frippery Fuckery”.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
12:06 pm

#50 hangfire :

Flamboyant Frippery… Sounds like an alcoholic cocktail. I bet she had a few too many fripperies and got decidedly fuckeried before she made this.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 3, 2009
12:07 pm

#51 jenigirl :

Who is she kidding? Showgirls don’t wear tops!

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 3, 2009
12:08 pm

#52 intensivepurposes :

I feel bad for that vintage apron that was sorta tacked on as an afterthought. It never asked to be a sleeve.

Rate this comment: +38

Dec 3, 2009
12:10 pm

#53 CrankyMommy :

This is what happens when you cover yourself in Astroglide and roll around in the Victoria’s Secret reject pile…

Rate this comment: +23

Dec 3, 2009
12:12 pm

#54 Skully :

For the love of God, if you’re not gonna read the book, at least read the Classics Illustrated comic book! I learned my lesson in 6th grade, when I tried to present an oral book report on Treasure Island based solely on the cover of the book: “And there’s this pirate guy, and he only has one leg, and he throws his crutch at this other guy, and it hits him in the back…”

Rate this comment: +46

Dec 3, 2009
12:17 pm

#55 benconservato :

She really needs to read the book. Dear me. The youth, the youth! These are the people that are going to inherit the earth. (I sound like my mother, shit)

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 3, 2009
12:27 pm

#56 Calophi :

You know, this could have been a cute nightie if she’d left off the whimsicle fuckery and stuck with “gown with boob ornaments”. What a travesty.

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 3, 2009
12:31 pm

#57 vangoghbabe :

Looks like loads and LOADS of toilet paper hanging from her ass

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 3, 2009
12:32 pm

#58 Goodness :

Access to the sewing machine needs to be prohibited.
But at least there are no Twilight inspired outfits…yet….

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 3, 2009
12:32 pm

#59 Calophi :

Oh man. I just realized that the reason I thought it would have been a cute nightie is because she used a vintage slip as the base. HAHAHAHA.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
12:33 pm

#60 polaroidart :

This would be kind of insulting to me..someone is inspired by my work but never actually seen it/read it!?!
WTF..that’s not right.
Are the top and the stockings supposed to go together? Fashion crime is what it is..
plain and simple.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
12:34 pm

#61 TooManyCookbooks :

I’m almost grateful that the collision of fabrics, prints, textures and lines make it difficult to tell exactly what that, er, ‘garment’ is supposed to be. I’ll stick with pretending it’s meant to be the Demon from the Bottom of the Scrap Bag, because the alternative is more disturbing.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
12:35 pm

#62 TooManyCookbooks :

#56 — What do you want to bet that she *has* read Twilight?

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 3, 2009
12:36 pm

#63 jesusmotherbug :

I think she read “Lady Gaga’s Donation Bin” and misunderstood.

Rate this comment: +26

Dec 3, 2009
12:39 pm

#64 rodgertheshrubber :

I could see this inspired by Madam Bovary maybe. But Lady Chatterley’s Lover??? pfft. Never.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 3, 2009
12:41 pm

#65 bumblepuppy :

#55 – she destroys fabric all without the use of a machine!
“I stitch, with needle and thread.

In part because I feel more in control of my actions but largely because I *just* know I’ll run the sewing machine across my hand if I owned one.”

Maybe that would be for the best, dear.

Rate this comment: +27

Dec 3, 2009
12:42 pm

#66 Dix :

Wow, this one hits the jackpot!

1) Bad writing.
2) Ignorance (never read the book).
3) Bad spelling.
4) Malapropism.
5) Clueless artsy-fartsy-ness.
6) Product that looks suspiciously like the box of rags I keep in the garage for cleaning bike parts.

Rate this comment: +23

Dec 3, 2009
12:50 pm

#67 ss79 :

i’m amazed that she sold this one of a kind item already…back in march…

http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=14728473

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
12:52 pm

#68 weberly :

omgsh you’re right, her jewelry is incredible
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23259106
i like her cuffs too but for that price i hope you get 2

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 3, 2009
12:55 pm

#69 Kindlekat :

So I have to admit, I almost missed this jem when I clicked over to the product description on her etsy page:

“There’s embroidery on one side of the bodice and lavish embellishments of Fresh Water Pearls on 14K Gold Filled Headpins. Afterall, Lady Chatterley did have money.”

Really, REALLY?! Remember when you told us you hadn’t read the book…

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 3, 2009
1:01 pm

#70 IndyJules :

Somebody got their whimsicle fuckery caught in the Cuisinart.

Rate this comment: +16

Dec 3, 2009
1:01 pm

#71 Jea :

Always an excellent idea to base something on something you have no clue about.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 3, 2009
1:03 pm

#72 jojo :

The whole thing makes me wonder if it’s not a front for child prostitution.

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 3, 2009
1:04 pm

#73 sillymerricat :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Dec 3, 2009
1:07 pm

#74 thefrog :

Mmmm, the jewelry is pretty, but she doesn’t know much about the stones or their proper uses — just enough to babble on in foofy language about them. And please — if you don’t know French, don’t try to use it to make your work sound sexier. Glaring errors aren’t sexy.

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 3, 2009
1:44 pm

#75 ohdearydearyme :

Oh for the love of an accent – check out this dress:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29572825

I see a glint of Lame too….

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 3, 2009
1:44 pm

#76 Sushisimo :

The pose demands a “View on bow of Titanic” option.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 3, 2009
1:45 pm

#77 Megan8607 :

I think if you wear this, and walk down the street, everyone will think that you have the biggest camel-toe this world has ever seen.

Rate this comment: +25

Dec 3, 2009
1:54 pm

#78 Thistle :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Dec 3, 2009
1:55 pm

#79 AgoutiAvenger :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Dec 3, 2009
2:24 pm

#80 jwheeler :

This post is inspired by Moby Dick, I never read it, but I think this post captures the essence of it. Whale.

Rate this comment: +39

Dec 3, 2009
2:26 pm

#81 jen the hen :

I took at look at her jewelry shop.

Just check out the feedback rant she spouted in her feedback “left for others” to the customer who purchased the wonderfully named “oOo WITHER THOU, WUTHERING HEIGHTS” item.

http://www.etsy.com/feedback_public.php?user_id=97619&feedback_type=for_others&page=2

Crikey.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
2:27 pm

#82 Moons in Leo :

I’m thinking after the exhausted little girls get off work at Kathie Lee’s sweatshop, they go to work for Sheela where she promises them modeling careers for a few hours of cross-eyed cross-stitching.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
2:36 pm

#83 somethinghomemade :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 3, 2009
2:58 pm

#84 thefrog :

“For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a fan of the classics. My shelves and cupboards dip in their centres from all the titles I’ve collected over the years. Each a mastery of literary expression, every single tome is worth far more than its weight in gold.

And yet, as I’m certain is the case with all aficionados of the written word, there are certain opuscules which are more firmly entrenched in the forefront of our consciousness than others.”

Look up the word opuscule, please…

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 3, 2009
3:01 pm

#85 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 3, 2009
3:07 pm

#86 CreepyLittleGirl :

I really want someone famous to buy this and wear it on the red carpet. Bjork, maybe, or Perez Hilton.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
3:10 pm

#87 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

How can it be “utterly and implicitly” inspired by something she has never read? And furthermore how can she claim its “debatable” when she doesnt know what the debate is?

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 3, 2009
4:23 pm

#88 PussDaddy :

What’s with the tutu hangin’ out her ass?

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 3, 2009
4:31 pm

#89 CelticDiva :

Ahhh, you see, THIS is what happens when you’re too lazy to clean out the pockets before putting everything in the dryer…. gum, glue, crayons… wait a minute!!?! Where the hell did these panties come from???

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
4:47 pm

#90 WTFisthatanyway :

I always knew Tinkerbell was a hooker!

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
4:53 pm

#91 PussDaddy :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Dec 3, 2009
6:03 pm

#92 WhimsyMistress :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Dec 3, 2009
6:07 pm

#93 everydaymama1 :

She looks like she’s constipated and forgot to remove the wad of toilet paper out of her ass. Seriously! My 20 month old braces herself against walls like that when she’s trying to poop!

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 3, 2009
6:07 pm

#94 sbarnes2 :

I actually like her stuff, especially the Innocent Libertine dress…

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=29572825

Though I will say not all of her stuff is great, I like her overall style. Have I gone mad?

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
6:26 pm

#95 NinjaGato :

I can wear this layered with my pillowcase bell bottoms and granny montanny tutu

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 3, 2009
9:18 pm

#96 Bobbi :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Dec 3, 2009
9:36 pm

#97 Recovering Crack Baby :

Clearly the back piece is protection should she shart.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 3, 2009
9:45 pm

#98 wittyuh :

Wow. That static cling is a bitch.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 3, 2009
10:22 pm

#99 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

she’s that middle aged whimsicle forest faerie’s daughter. Remember her perched on a rock a while back?

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 3, 2009
11:11 pm

#100 Bad_Wolf :

Good Lord, it’s like a discount fabric store vomited and now she’s trying to sell it… and for 130 bucks, no less! I know you’re bitter because you’re illiterate, woman, but don’t take it out on us!

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 4, 2009
3:13 am

#101 It Lives :

My mother worried about my little sister for making this kind of crap for her Barbie dolls. Of course my little sister was in elementary school at the time. On the other hand, she also didn’t read Lady Chatterley’s Lover yet, either.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 4, 2009
3:15 am

#102 It Lives :

http://romandiaz.net/lady_marmalade_shoot.jpg

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 4, 2009
7:09 am

#103 razberries :

I just looked at THIS hideous thing…don’t know what was more scary, the necklace or her overly-lenghty description…wake me up when it’s over…*yawn*
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21646347

ps-it looks like a hand turkey, not a peacock feather-best part? it’s on sale b/c I guess she figured 143 was way too much to spend on a piece of painted bedazzled cardboard

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 4, 2009
7:12 am

#104 razberries :

bwha ha ha- don’t flatter yourself, honey…

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 4, 2009
10:57 am

#105 weberly :

check out the sold section of her “Eclettica” shop, i’m actually quite inspired, and relieved she has a marketable skill:

http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=22286004

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 4, 2009
6:21 pm

#106 Randy Lahey :

I’m not sure what’s more suprising: the fact that she persuaded the model to have her picture taken in it, or the fact that she expects someone to pay 129 FUCKING DOLLARS for what looks to be a poorly assembled collection of scraps from the bottom of her sewing box!

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 5, 2009
9:24 pm

#107 fingertrouble :

I love the disclaimer on this http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29846670

when she’s lifted the first 2 paras verbatim from Wikipedia…

Rate this comment: +11

Dec 7, 2009
11:45 am

#108 chunkybrewster :

I must be looking at the wrong jewelry, because it just looks like overcomplicated crap only an elderly Brooklyn woman would wear

Maybe I’ll buy something for my mom

Rate this comment: -1

Jan 10, 2010
11:00 am

#109 Lalavash :

As dreadful as this nightmare is, it is likely to be what the poor soul sees in her dreams. On her blog, virtually 100% of the historical text is cut-and-pasted, without attribution, from Wikipedia. The only original parts (other than the oh-so-decadent-artsy frou-frou)are where she confesses to deep depression and hallucinations. This explains a lot, but I still feel sorry for the poor thing.

Rate this comment: +3

Jan 10, 2010
12:19 pm

#110 Lalavash :

But OK, this still made me laugh out loud:

You can copyright your “imagery”? Even when you copied it from someone else in the first place? Who knew?

Rate this comment: +3