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Baby’s First Gourd

Posted by Helen Killer

77 comments

I don’t know what’s more fun – the yarn or the furry acorn! Well, just throw it in the crib and let the baby figure it out.

Filed in Art, Baby, Toys 77 comments

77 Comments

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Dec 3, 2009
2:50 pm

#1 somethinghomemade :

Is this for the angel ornament baby? We are trying to kill “her”, right?

Rate this comment: +23

Dec 3, 2009
2:52 pm

#2 Frankenkitty :

Oh my Gourd. I guess deer hooves are the new vagina, or something like that.

Rate this comment: +48

Dec 3, 2009
2:52 pm

#3 fluffysue :

Followed by baby’s first trip to the emergency room when he/she either chokes on yarn and feathers, or gets some kind of weird illness/poisoning from sucking on deer hooves. Nice.

Rate this comment: +45

Dec 3, 2009
2:53 pm

#4 whtnay :

What part of this is not dangerous to children? Andrea Yates, take note.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
2:54 pm

#5 moi :

Someone doesn’t have a baby. Or else they’d know better.

Rate this comment: +18

Dec 3, 2009
2:55 pm

#6 studiorose :

“Fun” must be a euphemism for “purchased at Walmart on clearance.”

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 3, 2009
2:56 pm

#7 jes7o :

There’s something oddly testicular about this one…

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 3, 2009
2:58 pm

#8 personalearthquake :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 3, 2009
2:58 pm

#9 HostessVo :

Yeah, and I can practically smell the lead in the paint from here! And where the hell does she get all the deer hooves? She has them on several of her “rattles”. I really hope this aren’t actually meant for children and she didn’t think to use the word “shaker” instead.

Rate this comment: +24

Dec 3, 2009
2:58 pm

#10 IndyJules :

George Clinton has opened an Etsy shop. Guess Funk ain’t payin’ what it used to.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 3, 2009
2:59 pm

#11 Patty :

This can’t possibly be for a baby… but then, in case it is…

My kids were fond of bopping themselves upside the head with their child-safe plush rattles.

“Imagine your child as “Rocky” with this as their first rattle!”

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 3, 2009
2:59 pm

#12 comma_splicer :

I’m pretty sure this isn’t for kids at all — more like a rattle for spiritual/religious purposes, or for people who collect trinkets that look like they have some spiritual/religious purpose.

That said, I can’t make a real deer hoof and synthetic “fun yarn” (listed as a material, even) go together for either purpose. So who knows, maybe I’m wrong & it’s for babies after all. “And this was Gina’s first dead animal toy — she loved teething on the hooves!”

Rate this comment: +28

Dec 3, 2009
3:01 pm

#13 DucksNew :

Furry acorn? So you glued string to it and called it furry? How lovely. And they sell those hooves at the pet store…for dogs to chew on

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
3:04 pm

#14 DucksNew :

#11 comma, if it’s not for babies (or kids), why is the yarn “fun”? But if it is for babies, why is it tagged m”music, instrument, shaker”? Seller is confused

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
3:06 pm

#15 whyohwhy :

It’s just a spooky rattling voodoo-ish instrument with dead things attached to it. I had this exact thing on my Christmas wish list.

Rate this comment: +21

Dec 3, 2009
3:07 pm

#16 Skully :

I went shopping for some “fun yarn” yesterday, but all the yarn at Michaels and Joannes looked so damned serious. So I tried writing “fun yarn” on my wife’s shopping list, but she brought home a bag of “Funyuns” and called me King of Stupid.

Rate this comment: +68

Dec 3, 2009
3:12 pm

#17 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -15

Dec 3, 2009
3:21 pm

#18 addiosix :

‘Large gourd rattle with deer hooves, leather, fun yarn, furry acorn’

I DARE someone to google image search that phrase with the safe content filter off

Rate this comment: +35

Dec 3, 2009
3:24 pm

#19 nom de guerre :

This reminds me of my 11th birthday, when my mom gave me a Native American “medicine bag” she made from a turtle shell and a tanned coyote face and a bunch of beads and feathers. She wanted me to save some of my first menstrual blood to keep in it or some shit.

Thanks for reminding me why I don’t talk to her anymore.

Rate this comment: +38

Dec 3, 2009
3:27 pm

#20 Moons in Leo :

Seriously, I don’t think it’s for babies. More like for the whimsicle who perform dances of indigenous people in faery glens with feathers and various animal parts as costume.

Rate this comment: +13

Dec 3, 2009
3:29 pm

#21 martini :

#18 Moons in Leo : With pissed off, gimpy deer standing around…

Rate this comment: +17

Dec 3, 2009
3:30 pm

#22 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Who is the meanie who cuts off their hooves anyway?

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
3:32 pm

#23 nom de guerre :

Addendum: I use the term “Native American” loosely, as my mother was not a Native American, just someone who became obsessed with everything Native American. It was just a phase she went through… if I recall it was right between the “militant feminist” period and the “cash in the 401k to buy a Harley and become a biker chick” episode.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
3:33 pm

#24 Thousandaire :

This looks like a diseased eggplant.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 3, 2009
3:33 pm

#25 sillymerricat :

Based on the person who hearts it, it’s gotta be for spirtual purposes.

Sadly this was literally made with feet [hooves].

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 3, 2009
3:34 pm

#26 martini :

If Bambi had feet, she would kick her ass…

Rate this comment: +19

Dec 3, 2009
3:40 pm

#27 Moons in Leo :

#19 martini – or lying around, as the case may be.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 3, 2009
3:42 pm

#28 Dynomoose :

uuuhhhhh….. er……. EW!

#14 whyohwhy Nobody even vaguely involved in the Voodoo religion would want to touch this disgusting thing.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
3:44 pm

#29 Skully :

#17 Addiosix: I just took your dare at (yes!) work and ended up spilling Funyuns all over my desk.

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 3, 2009
3:56 pm

#30 rodgertheshrubber :

I think this is for summoning the god of all things gaudy.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 3, 2009
3:57 pm

#31 stantoro :

“Deer hoof” = the new “camel toe.”

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 3, 2009
4:02 pm

#32 snarky :

It looks like one of those rare, crazy tumors that sometimes develop in people with hair and teeth in them. Except this rare crazy one formed in a deer.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
4:06 pm

#33 FreshFruit :

yeeeah this is something for white people to buy and add to their collection of dream catchers and wolf blankets. Not for babies.

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 3, 2009
4:14 pm

#34 kittyofassisi :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Dec 3, 2009
4:22 pm

#35 Dynomoose :

#16 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina, Don’t they sell kangaroo scrotum bags in Australia?

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
4:22 pm

#36 PussDaddy :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Dec 3, 2009
4:33 pm

#37 Skully :

#32 Dyno: Thanks for reminding me, I need to stop at Toys R Us on the way home and pick up a couple Hoppy Balls for Christmas presents.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
4:45 pm

#38 WTFisthatanyway :

Kind of what I always imagined a piñata made out of a uterus would look like. Provided the uterus were spray painted, of course. Hey, wasn’t some of that crap also glued to that mirror?

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
4:46 pm

#39 sudabaki :

I’m going to buy this and send it to Bristol Palin for her baby.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
4:57 pm

#40 HelenaHandbasket :

How fanciful! I’m taking the dry cleaner’s wrap out of the bassinet straight away, in favor of this toy.

Rate this comment: +22

Dec 3, 2009
5:21 pm

#41 Gilahi :

At the risk of being skewered by Ms.Killer, I doubt that this was intended as a baby rattle. Gourd rattles are used in Native American music as a pretty standard instrument. With the deer hoof and the acorn, this appears to me to be more of a Native American musical instrument than a baby rattle.

It’s still ugly.

Rate this comment: +12

Dec 3, 2009
5:25 pm

#42 Helen Killer :

“It’s still ugly.”

Well, that’s good enough for me.

Rate this comment: +20

Dec 3, 2009
5:27 pm

#43 lilprincess :

I don’t think thats a gourd. Pretty sure its a deer scrotum.

Rate this comment: +9

Dec 3, 2009
5:50 pm

#44 WhimsyMistress :

Great, #43. Now I have this image of the seller happily inflating her deer scrotums (scrotii?), then spray painting them, all while cheerfully humming the song that Thumper sang to Bambi….

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 3, 2009
5:58 pm

#45 everydaymama1 :

I get it, it’s a chew toy for my dog right?!!

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 3, 2009
6:04 pm

#46 martini :

#43 lilprincess : Bambi is taking a beating…

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
6:25 pm

#47 NinjaGato :

ooooh I bet that smells GREAT!

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 3, 2009
8:15 pm

#48 Ghost Righter :

Is this for the parent that doesn’t want to leave their baby’s mortality up to the uncertainty of SIDS?

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
9:29 pm

#49 Recovering Crack Baby :

OH DEAR!!!Another case of untreated and undiagnosed mental illness on Etsy- I think Gourd told him to do this.

Rate this comment: +8

Dec 3, 2009
10:41 pm

#50 whoanellee :

Can anyone please tell me where these people are getting animal parts from? Is this some black market thing where the animal wakes up in a bath tub full of ice, missing a hoof/paw/whatever?

Rate this comment: +14

Dec 3, 2009
10:41 pm

#51 Recovering Crack Baby :

I am betting a BUCK that these people drive around with antlers mounted on their car.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 3, 2009
10:45 pm

#52 whoanellee :

#44 Don’t take Gourd’s name in vain.

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
10:46 pm

#53 whoanellee :

oops… sorry 44… I meant #49

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 3, 2009
11:24 pm

#54 Bad_Wolf :

Praise the fairy goddess this has fun yarn and a fuzzy acorn! Now I can prance naked around the bonfire and summon whimsicles!

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 3, 2009
11:50 pm

#55 Recovering Crack Baby :

#54 Bad_Wolf- We are going to need to see proof of that before we can rate your comment.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 4, 2009
12:01 am

#56 Bad_Wolf :

#55 Recovering Crack Baby: Only if you foot the bill for this whimsicle fuckery.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 4, 2009
12:31 am

#57 addiosix :

#29 Skully :

haha I am so curious to see what comes up, but I can’t do it!!

Google Image search with safe content filter turned off has already put the Fear of God in me.. and to tempt fate with a phrase ending in ‘furry acorn’

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 4, 2009
12:45 am

#58 Naveedess :

Where to get dead animal parts:

I grew up in Iowa, and live in Minnesota.

I could probably get deer hooves, cow skulls, and most likely freakin squirrel blood from anyone who hunts or farms (which is at least half of the population of every small town). *sigh*

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 4, 2009
2:30 am

#59 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

its just plain ugly and tasteless

Rate this comment: -2

Dec 4, 2009
3:30 am

#60 It Lives :

It’s an eggplant in drag.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 4, 2009
3:39 am

#61 HermesGoddess :

Apparently it’s meant as some sort of native american thingamajig. From the seller’s profile:
“Critter aficionado, wildlife rehabber, hiker and general naturalist. Have interests in indigenous and primitive crafts, minerals and stones, Native American and Western European animal totem lore. Also a serious yarn magpie who should probably seek therapy.”

Yes. Yes, you should seek therapy. And not the kind you offer the wildlife you “rehab” since apparently that didn’t go well for…

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 4, 2009
3:40 am

#62 HermesGoddess :

the deer.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 4, 2009
6:53 am

#63 Recovering Crack Baby :

#55 Recovering Crack Baby: Only if you foot the bill for this whimsicle fuckery.
Not only can I foot it I will up it a notch and hoof it.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 4, 2009
6:58 am

#64 Recovering Crack Baby :

TO #58 Naveedess :

I am in IOWA and on a big ass Farm I can see the Minnesota border down my gravel road- not kidding either. I have no shame in admitting that we have a Cabin for Hunter’s whom come from everywhere for the Big Kill…….. so whadayah all need? I can hook you up- literally as we also live on the River?

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
7:46 am

#65 Thistle :

yay! baby’s first severed foot of a woodland creature!

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 4, 2009
8:18 am

#66 Efit :

People who use dead animal shit in baby items ought to be taken out back and bitch slapped – by my baby.

*thwack!*

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
8:23 am

#67 Sushisimo :

Apparently, this gourd is what you’ll turn into at midnight if you haven’t returned home wearing the Lady Chatterly’s Lover outfit.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 4, 2009
9:23 am

#68 nitebyrd :

This might be something Fran Lebowitz would give a child.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 4, 2009
9:35 am

#69 Efit :

Okay, to play the devil’s advocate here, she does not use and tags for children or toys, but rather markets this as a musical instrument. It’s hideous and gross and unsanitary-looking, true.

Just sayin’.

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 4, 2009
9:36 am

#70 Efit :

*any*

jesus H.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 4, 2009
9:53 am

#71 spareGus :

this was on my registry. nobody got it for us, obviously

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 4, 2009
11:05 am

#72 vangoghbabe :

#50 Petsmart

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
11:06 am

#73 vangoghbabe :

#14
#41
It can be added to the instruments played by the cumberband.
always looking for new taint..I mean talent

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
11:33 am

#74 regretmenot :

Oh host of the hoary netherworld ~rattle, rattle~

please bestow thy blessings upon my humble dwelling with gifts of customized, whimsicle fuckery that I might frighten away relatives…er..protect my home this holiday season.

Amen

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 4, 2009
10:22 pm

#75 Naveedess :

#64 Recovering Crack Baby:

Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong. I don’t dislike hunters, farmers, or the small town I live in – (BTW – I grew up in Decorah – woo! go Iowa! lol) I think I was just “sighing” at the squirrel blood. lol.

I’m up around the Rochester area now. I do miss Decorah though. So much whimsicle fuckery there, much more than here!!! =)

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 5, 2009
6:42 am

#76 Recovering Crack Baby :

#75 Naveedess- I am about 10 minutes to Leroy and what the fuck is it after that about 40 minutes to Rochester?? We are pretty close.
Yes here in Iowa and surrounding towns- whimsicle fuckery is what some could call the local craft shows and of course our Gas Station’s carry the funniest shit………….. so much so that some could and rightfully so be jealous. Are you North or South of Rochester- are we talkin like Oronoco or Racine or Steweratville- which reminds me of an airplane runway

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 22, 2009
5:01 am

#77 Naveedess :

Recovering Crack Baby, we are (as far as random internet things are concerned) as close as one butt cheek to the next! My roommate is from Le Roy, haha. I live in Chatfield, I work in PRESTON. HA!

Rate this comment: 0