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A Story in 5 Chapters

Posted by Helen Killer

169 comments

Hold on, let me get a pen.

Got it.

I would like to ask what that means, but it may not be Monday, or within the 3 day period, so maybe
I’ll just write it down in my notebook.

Wait a minute, are you asking me questions now? Because that’s not what I signed up for. Plus it
hasn’t been 3 days.

So theoretically, you could not check in on me for 6 days, and then all day Sunday you’re up my ass, looking at my items and my ideals? I’m starting to feel a little pressered.

Yeah, okay we get it, you’re the one with the ideals. You don’t have to rub it in, oh look at me, I have
ideals all day, I need a notebook. We’ve established already you’re the one with the ideals about the
items. That’s why you’re getting the 19.99, and I’m just waiting until Monday so I can ask a question.

Do you take Paypal?

Filed in Annoying Descriptions 169 comments

169 Comments

Add Comment

Nov 30, 2009
11:31 am

#1 HermesGoddess :

Holy. Shit.

Rate this comment: +136

Nov 30, 2009
11:32 am

#2 DucksNew :

Ideally, this seller would not be violating Etsy’s TOS regarding listings: “All listings on Etsy must be for a tangible object. (Note: a digital file is considered a tangible object.)”

I see only discussion of ideals and email exchanges. To me, an email is not a tangible digital file (where as, say, a .jpg of a crochet pattern would be)

Rate this comment: +71

Nov 30, 2009
11:32 am

#3 whyohwhy :

My oh my. She lost me in the first sentence with the word and use of Ideals.

Rate this comment: +60

Nov 30, 2009
11:33 am

#4 MrsMelvin :

OMG. Please God, do not let this person get a response.

Rate this comment: +47

Nov 30, 2009
11:35 am

#5 whyohwhy :

Love the highlighted sentence.

Rate this comment: +32

Nov 30, 2009
11:37 am

#6 personalearthquake :

I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS IS REAL. refuse.

Rate this comment: +59

Nov 30, 2009
11:37 am

#7 goolieman :

Absolutely priceless.
But I do believe they stole my ideals.

Rate this comment: +60

Nov 30, 2009
11:38 am

#8 FoldingMetalChairs :

IF I had 19.99 I would buy it, just to see what Ideals she would give me, ahahahahahaha

Rate this comment: +46

Nov 30, 2009
11:38 am

#9 DucksNew :

Maybe they meant “idolizing.” For $20 they’ll help you idolize someone or something. For instance, Nancy Grace…

Rate this comment: +33

Nov 30, 2009
11:40 am

#10 everydaymama1 :

I dozed off around #3… Was it something important? Should I e-mail her now? It is Monday after all.

Rate this comment: +49

Nov 30, 2009
11:41 am

#11 Skully :

I’d like to have this tatooed on the back of my neck: It is never a time when I am woke that I don’t think of Ideals.

Rate this comment: +159

Nov 30, 2009
11:44 am

#12 wicked :

Somebody please buy the idealizing, because then she could pay me $19.99 to copy edit this crazy thing.

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 30, 2009
11:45 am

#13 really :

I’m hoping that the 2 hearts this person received were from regresty fans!

Rate this comment: +16

Nov 30, 2009
11:46 am

#14 Jea :

This person is obviously so incoherent because of all the ideals they’ve been snorting.

Rate this comment: +76

Nov 30, 2009
11:48 am

#15 everydaymama1 :

Ok, wait! I am supposed to get tips for improving my ideas and items from her? She can’t even take nice pics for her cluttered shop… OMG!

PS: i⋅de⋅al⋅i⋅za⋅tion
–noun
1. the act or process of idealizing something.
2. Psychoanalysis. a mental mechanism, operating consciously or unconsciously, in which one person overestimates an admired attribute of another.

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 30, 2009
11:48 am

#16 comma_splicer :

~2500 years of Platonic metaphysics and no one has yet conceptualized a new ideal — or even argued convincingly that such an endeavor might be possible — and this person’s going to come up with a whole bunch of them? That I can now sell in my shop? I don’t know what you all are complaining about. I’m going to buy the listing and become chair of the philosophy dept at Columbia. See ya, suckers!

Rate this comment: +168

Nov 30, 2009
11:49 am

#17 Saraf :

oh dear she has a blog. i clicked over but just couldn’t read it. too. many. words.

Rate this comment: +23

Nov 30, 2009
11:52 am

#18 everydaymama1 :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -126

Nov 30, 2009
11:54 am

#19 CraftingBlues :

HOLY JESUS ON A LAPTOP what the hell does this say??

My… head… hurts…

Rate this comment: +33

Nov 30, 2009
11:54 am

#20 Chinese Takeout :

Ow. My brain hurts just reading that shit.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 30, 2009
11:56 am

#21 reqbat :

you lost me at “let me see if i can help you”.

for 20 fucking dollars, it’s not really a yes or no question.

Rate this comment: +54

Nov 30, 2009
11:57 am

#22 thembone :

My first reaction was “I don’t think this seller knows what ‘ideals’ means”. But then I realized that it was probably pretty minor in comparison to all the other things she/he does not understand. Like…English.

Rate this comment: +106

Nov 30, 2009
11:59 am

#23 Patty :

I’m almost relieved to see all you guys having trouble reading this… I thought maybe my “House”-like level of Vicodin use was beginning to affect my reading comprehension.

Rate this comment: +66

Nov 30, 2009
11:59 am

#24 Chinese Takeout :

Oh God. Her blog is even worse.

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 30, 2009
12:03 pm

#25 Hoosier Dada :

I have an ideal, we should hook up this idiot with the Frappucino addict. I bet Capone31 is capable of generating thousands of e-mails daily after a few coffees:
“How about Starbucks earrings?”
“What do you think about a Starbucks belt buckle?”
“Do you think anyone would buy a Starbucks butt necklace?”
Etc…

Rate this comment: +68

Nov 30, 2009
12:03 pm

#26 LolaGeek :

Oh good lord. I was really hoping that maybe she was based in a non-English-speaking country… but no, she is in my hometown.

Rate this comment: +49

Nov 30, 2009
12:04 pm

#27 Jea :

Also she looks like a reseller.
Not that I’ll flag.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 30, 2009
12:05 pm

#28 Sammy the Goose :

I just checked out her shop and was surprised to find that she actually has some pretty good ideals. Plus, she has a mannequin with realistic looking nipples. How whimsicle is that?

Rate this comment: +52

Nov 30, 2009
12:05 pm

#29 thembone :

“#7 FoldingMetalChairs :
IF I had 19.99 I would buy it, just to see what Ideals she would give me, ahahahahahaha”

I would donate a dollar to that cause, in return for full transcripts. Maybe if we all pitch in…

Rate this comment: +31

Nov 30, 2009
12:05 pm

#30 MyEyesMyEyes :

Hmmm, maybe I should let her presser me so that I can get rid of some of these wrinkles.

Rate this comment: +29

Nov 30, 2009
12:06 pm

#31 jeffreyrcarey :

I deal ideal ideals.

Rate this comment: +27

Nov 30, 2009
12:07 pm

#32 sawdustbear :

“I have a new ideal for you shop. Why don’t you use more comic sans? it is a wonderfol font”

Rate this comment: +78

Nov 30, 2009
12:07 pm

#33 jeffreyrcarey :

Awfully idealistic, isn’t she?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 30, 2009
12:09 pm

#34 whimsy :

i certainly hope that my ideals are strong enough to resist paying some dumb ass to help me come up with ideas. cuz i’m thinking that if she doesn’t know the difference between ideals and ideas that, just perhaps, i don’t know, this MIGHT be a waste of money. and not wasting money is one of my personal ideals.

Rate this comment: +21

Nov 30, 2009
12:09 pm

#35 Malibu Stacy :

I gave up on this listing once I figured that I could only answer “no” to the ‘Do you understand what I am saying’ question.

I was strangely inspired to check out the rest of her listings though.

The descriptions hurt my eyes, but I’m betting it won’t be long before she sells these:

Leg Clingers Are Designed To Put On The Bottom Of Your Pants To Give Your Pants A New Fresh and Different Look

Rate this comment: +43

Nov 30, 2009
12:11 pm

#36 Moons in Leo :

I didn’t know I needed help with my ideals. If and when I ask for assistance, it will be from someone who has some knowledge of the English language.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 30, 2009
12:11 pm

#37 Dynomoose :

Will she be giving us bright “ideals” like this brilliant yarn pom pom? http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=19473123

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 30, 2009
12:11 pm

#38 whimsy :

comma splicer, you are my hero for today. i totally <3 you!

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 30, 2009
12:12 pm

#39 customisedfeltvagina :

one Ideal for the seller:
“Annoying Descriptions” + “Spelling Issues” = regrestsy pain

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 30, 2009
12:12 pm

#40 customisedfeltvagina :

um, regretsy. oops!

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 30, 2009
12:14 pm

#41 i am bean :

Hang on…what? (head just exploded)

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
12:14 pm

#42 ChronicFabulist :

For $5.00 she will email you a poorly-lit photo she took of a church in Philadelphia that you can use as your cell phone background.
Because “I don’t know if you have ever been to Philadelphia, PA before or not, or if you ever wanted to come to Philadelphia, PA or not, but wouldn’t it be cool to have a pictures or photos of Philadelphia, PA as some of your Cell Phone Screen Savers. It would be kind of like you were here before.:-)”
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30919945

Rate this comment: +48

Nov 30, 2009
12:15 pm

#43 starrydreams :

I have a headache now.

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 30, 2009
12:16 pm

#44 vangoghbabe :

She’s a stalker…for $19.99

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
12:19 pm

#45 vangoghbabe :

…as I pace my padded cell, I will be pressering myself to come up with more ideals.I will check on you in between my woke hours and medication. That is when the best ideals come to me, do you know what I mean, I hope you do.

Rate this comment: +43

Nov 30, 2009
12:22 pm

#46 ltcullen :

oh. dear. god. she’s barely literate. and about 99% of her listings are NOT handmade or vintage. i reported a lot of her crap to etsy.

Rate this comment: +28

Nov 30, 2009
12:23 pm

#47 IndyJules :

OK, I’ve had a bug up my butt for awhile and I’m going to let it loose here. You can sell “ideals” tarot card readings, psychic stuff and other mumbojumbo but if I want to post a listing for shipping upgrade, since it is apparently beyond Etsy’s technical ability to offer shipping choices, even though the item arrives with a very tangible “priority” sticker, I’m in the wrong.

Excuse me, methinks I need a cool compress and a lay down.

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
12:27 pm

#48 weberly :

oh my!

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 30, 2009
12:30 pm

#49 lilprincess :

Seriously. This hurts. Apparently she took ‘Hooked on Phonics’ a bit too seriously.

I think we need to spend more money on education.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 30, 2009
12:35 pm

#50 comma_splicer :

@ whimsy #35

you have no idea how much Regretsians liking me has improved a crappy day.

@ vangoghbabe #42, that’s a frighteningly accurate portrayal. I bet you’re one of those Method actors, aren’t you?

Rate this comment: +12

Nov 30, 2009
12:38 pm

#51 vangoghbabe :

#47
You have no idea(ls)

Rate this comment: +15

Nov 30, 2009
12:43 pm

#52 jeffreyrcarey :

lilprincess…my wife, a teacher, once had a mother of a student in the school office insisting that her child was improving due to the use of her new “Hooked on `Phoenix’” program.

Rate this comment: +17

Nov 30, 2009
12:47 pm

#53 portable wig :

That Rocked my Casbah and diddled my brain parts! Please take away her pens, pencils and keyboard.

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 30, 2009
12:48 pm

#54 martini :

What do you wanna bet her first idealization is “Be more whimsicle”…

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 30, 2009
12:51 pm

#55 Honest Ape :

She should be Sarah Palin’s campaign manager, the U.S. could use some new ideals.

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
12:56 pm

#56 sylvan_shadows :

“Do you own a Cell Phone? And does your Cell Phone have a Screen Saver to Display Any Photo you want?

If you answered yes to both of these questions.

Then you can own, this Photo of a Large Beautiful Philadelphia Church taken by me.”

Lol, quite the marketer this one is. For the low, low price of $5.00…that’s 5 easy installments of $1.00…you too can experience the majesty of Philadelphia on your very own cell phone. Buy now and receive a complimentary giant shoe pom pom (a $5.00…

Rate this comment: +22

Nov 30, 2009
12:58 pm

#57 MyEyesMyEyes :

“I toke this picture”… does that mean she smoked the picture or was toking on something when she took the picture or even when she made the damn listing?

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
1:02 pm

#58 polaroidart :

jesus, i can’t even follow all these writing..
by the time i finished reading, i forgot what
she’s talking about..

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 30, 2009
1:07 pm

#59 spngebobmyhero :

I have a college professor with a doctorate that thinks the word is “ideals” when she means to use “ideas.”

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 30, 2009
1:08 pm

#60 jenigirl :

This may be the most awesome post ever…what a spectacular sense of entrepeneurship! I’m not very crafty–no hot glue guns, knitting needles, or Starbucks caps for me. However, I have a lot of shit going on in my head and would love to unload some of it AND get paid at the same time!! Maybe I will sell my honest feedback to your etsy shop!! Do you think someone will pay me $29.99 to tell them to stop making drink cosies with vaginas on them? Oh, the possiblities…I feel full of ideals!

Rate this comment: +39

Nov 30, 2009
1:09 pm

#61 Hello Happy :

SIGN ME UP

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 30, 2009
1:10 pm

#62 PJ :

She should be her first customer and look at this listing herself. And she will find this ideal to dum

Rate this comment: +20

Nov 30, 2009
1:20 pm

#63 sunflwreyes :

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Rate this comment: +64

Nov 30, 2009
1:20 pm

#64 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Ok, I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or crap my pants. No presser ofcourse..

Helen, you’re killering me, this has to be the most fricken halarious and idealized submission I’ve ever seen (yes!) on regretsy

GOLD!!! GOLD!!!

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 30, 2009
1:22 pm

#65 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

wha?? She only ships her idealizing to the United States?

Thats not very idealistic

Rate this comment: +29

Nov 30, 2009
1:25 pm

#66 Hoosier Dada :

@ 52 Honest Ape: LOL, her campaign slogan could be: “Palin 2012 – Because know ideals are to dum.”

Rate this comment: +33

Nov 30, 2009
1:32 pm

#67 Bad_Wolf :

This is exactly like one of those “Get Rich Quick” scams, except far more whimsicle.

Rate this comment: +15

Nov 30, 2009
1:44 pm

#68 weberly :

i think she’s on to us, she just changed it to “do you need help with ideaizing?” holy crap that’s even funnier

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
1:44 pm

#69 somethinghomemade :

Okay Helen, I vote you buy this and then post the results. Wah lah! Seven days of funny for only $19.99.

Rate this comment: +23

Nov 30, 2009
1:49 pm

#70 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

I have a question (and its Tuesday so maybe i have to wait another week to ask, but…)

In number 4- She states “I Will Stay With You For 7 Days”

So she is moving in as well? I don’t have a spare bed, so is the floor idealized? No presser.

Rate this comment: +33

Nov 30, 2009
1:50 pm

#71 Anastasia :

Hmm, well, if I’m making sense of this awful mess, she’s selling her marketing and product development skills/advice.

Considering how well she has developed and marketed her idea(l), though, I’d say at $19.99 it’s seriously overpriced. In fact, seeing as how it would be an honest-to-God waste of time for anyone who is silly enough to use her “skills,” she should be volunteering them. Or better yet, taking an ESL class.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 30, 2009
1:52 pm

#72 Skully :

@#64 Weberly: OMFG, you’re right, she changed “ideal” to “idea” throughout her description! It would be really hysterical if she also whited-out the “L” on the photo.

Rate this comment: +12

Nov 30, 2009
1:59 pm

#73 Patty :

@ #39 ChronicFabulist- I was going through her other listings to share a laugh with my teen daughter & decided to see if there was some kind of right-click protection.

Right-click and save the “Big and Beautiful Church from Philadelphia, PA” for free, or we can send her $5 to email it to us.

I think I’ll open an etsy shop so I can sell the photos I took- I mean, toke- myself in Australia. “I don’t live in Australia, but I went there once & for $5, it will seem like you were too!”

Rate this comment: +16

Nov 30, 2009
2:02 pm

#74 NinjaGato :

A classic example of why the American public school system is failing us.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 30, 2009
2:03 pm

#75 NinjaGato :

3 hearts. WHO THE HELL HEARTED THIS THING?

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
2:04 pm

#76 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

OMG she has changed number 5- The HOLE world!!

5. I Will Be Sharing My Thoughts With You:

Note: I will be giving you Ideas out of my head. Ideas I will think up for you to use for you Item or Items, or for your shop, or for both. Ideals I would use for myself, if your shop was my shop. Do you know what I mean, I hope you do. I don’t want you to think I am going to use your Ideas, I have a enough Ideas for you, and me, and the hole World! LOL .

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 30, 2009
2:07 pm

#77 NinjaGato :

Looking at her shop, the thing that I find most disturbing is the fact that she seems to own several different mannequins. How creepy is that?

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 30, 2009
2:07 pm

#78 jen the hen :

As it’s Monday I will offer the seller one of my own ideals, absolutely free. It is along the lines of #2 “enhancing your items to give a little add on, or just to give it a different look”. Here it is, so notebook at the ready:

However resourceful it may be to print out a Comic Sans text, cut around it with pinking shears and photograph it using your duvet as a backdrop, there are alternatives. Most of them involve free photoediting programs.

Please do not take it personal. Just my…

Rate this comment: +22

Nov 30, 2009
2:08 pm

#79 jen the hen :

…..thouhts.

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
2:10 pm

#80 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

# 74 ROFL

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 30, 2009
2:11 pm

#81 Monstera_deliciosa :

Please do not take it personal but I’m confused. How will you know I’m asking questions towards you if question marks are optional. Do you understand what I am saying.

Rate this comment: +43

Nov 30, 2009
2:12 pm

#82 marimoy :

@#3… just what you said.

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 30, 2009
2:24 pm

#83 bootsychoo :

1. The 30 Days Diet Watcher
2. The Golden Rule Earrings of PomPom ‘creator’
3. The Idealize lady

And the 4th Horseman of the Apocalypse is….

Rate this comment: +20

Nov 30, 2009
2:46 pm

#84 whyohwhy :

So she just got the idea that ideal was not right but she has made it worse by using “ideaizing”. And she didn’t even bother to change all the other mistakes. Clearly, she needs to read more of our totally FREE regretsy ideaizings.

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 30, 2009
2:50 pm

#85 whyohwhy :

What will it be next: idead, ideaing, ideaization, ideaingly?

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 30, 2009
2:51 pm

#86 pyro176018 :

jesus christ on a laptop.

also: WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
2:51 pm

#87 Recovering Crack Baby :

Really? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!I am truly bedazzled. An Etsy Whore…………..19.99…..How many days do I get her for again?

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 30, 2009
2:52 pm

#88 jen the hen :

Well, I have just perused the blog. I would encourage all Regretsians to play the wonderful “Come on and Play (The Guess What’s in the Box Game) Free Gift Give Away”

http://dimensionalvisiongame.blogspot.com/2009/10/come-on-and-play-guess-whats-in-box.html

The rules and conditions took me 30 minutes to get through, but it will be total worth it if I win the
“Fun and Cute Fashionable Arm Sleeves Wear Up or Down on Your Arm”

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 30, 2009
2:54 pm

#89 rodgertheshrubber :

The shop might be be more aptly named Delusional Vision.

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 30, 2009
2:56 pm

#90 whyohwhy :

Her blog game instructions just melted my brain.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 30, 2009
3:01 pm

#91 Kris-13 :

Hey! U just checked this out, and she changed her spelling, it now says IDEAS instead of ideals.

Luckily for all of us she still says agrees that “know question is to dum”…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 30, 2009
3:07 pm

#92 DollarStorePregnancyTest :

Wiktionary: ideal

Positive
ideal

Comparative
more ideal

Superlative
most ideal

1. Optimal; being the best possibility.
2. Perfect, flawless, having no defects.
3. Existing only in the mind; conceptual, imaginary.

There is so much wrong with this post, but the kicker is her central theme is misspelled. Or perhaps she doesn’t understand the difference between an idea and an ideal?

Don’t even get me Started on the Spurious capitalization.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 30, 2009
3:10 pm

#93 chalcedonysparrow :

Okay, you found that, but perhaps more troubling? THIS:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33776751

Here’s an ideal- BURN IT.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 30, 2009
3:11 pm

#94 DollarStorePregnancyTest :

ideal (plural ideals)

1. A perfect standard of beauty, intellect etc., or a standard of excellence to aim at.
2. (mathematics, order theory) A subset of a partially ordered set comprising an element and all elements less than it.

English grammar is hard. Especially when you don’t understand the difference between a noun and an adjective in the first place.

P.S. When in doubt, add letters onto the end of your word and then capitalize it. It reads more impressively.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
3:16 pm

#95 Frankenkitty :

Are you there DimensionalVision? It’s me, Frankenkitty. I don’t need help with my idealizing, or my ideaizing, whatever that means, but do have some other questions.

1. Why do my gray hairs stick straight up like some kind of wiry Alfalfa hair, no matter how much hair product I use?
2. Am I the only person that doesn’t give a shit about Twilight?
3. Why does my dog incessantly lick her ass, and snack from the litter box?

I’ll be waiting.

Love, Frankenkitty.

Rate this comment: +32

Nov 30, 2009
3:22 pm

#96 TooManyCookbooks :

. . .my brain hurts.

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 30, 2009
3:23 pm

#97 everydaymama1 :

First time I’ve seen this kind of whimsicle fuckery give so many a brain cramp!

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 30, 2009
3:25 pm

#98 mamaslittlemonkeys :

But does she have decails for your car so you can express your ideallll thughts that she may share with me?

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
3:26 pm

#99 mamaslittlemonkeys :

and why oh why oh why was this not given an honorable mention…. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18472660

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 30, 2009
3:29 pm

#100 Saraf :

#88 Jen thank you for the link to the game on her blog – now my brain is completely done and i have to go to sleep and start over tomorrow. I think this was my favorite (part):

“Important Note: You can only Enter in to Win, The What’s in the Box Game Twice. That is it. Please, (Listen and Know) if I see you have enter in more then Twice, I am going to, and have to, take you Completely out of The Guess What’s in the Box Game. I am very sorry, but it is only fair to the other (Players).”

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 30, 2009
3:30 pm

#101 buffoon :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -14

Nov 30, 2009
3:33 pm

#102 Whimsicko :

I don’t need her ideals… I live like I’m dying to The Golden Rule.

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 30, 2009
3:35 pm

#103 somethinghomemade :

ooh, ooh, I know…
“know question is to dum”
like “etsy is to crafts”

Rate this comment: +21

Nov 30, 2009
3:49 pm

#104 fluffysue :

I really hope her First Language isn’t (English).

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
4:02 pm

#105 HelenaHandbasket :

Since “know questions are to dum”, I agree that we pitch in to purchase this, uh, “item”, and make the very most of “Email Unlimited Questions for 3 Days” by pooling our queries to her. it may be enough to discourage her from relisting such a grandiose offering in the future.

I have a sleeper sofa, so I’ll put her up for one of the 7 days.

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 30, 2009
4:14 pm

#106 hammerhead77 :

Hey, my grandma used to get a coffee table magazine called “Ideals” back in the ’80s! How’s this for a 2009 “Ideals” update?

:
http://i762.photobucket.com/albums/xx262/hammerhead77/regretsy-ideals.jpg

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
4:24 pm

#107 redhead :

What is a pamjama, a brand name?

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=17545208

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 30, 2009
4:26 pm

#108 Bad_Wolf :

Brilliant, as always, Hammerhead!

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 30, 2009
4:30 pm

#109 bootsychoo :

#106 hammerhead – you’re my hero.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 30, 2009
4:37 pm

#110 BettyMachete :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Nov 30, 2009
4:45 pm

#111 Skully :

Hammerhead, you’re a genius!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 30, 2009
4:58 pm

#112 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

ok, so after I read this, I actually went off and tried to read something else normal.

Well i couldnt. Her ideaising has made my brain dum. I couldnt make sense of what i was reading because she had temporarily short circuited and rewired my brain placing presser on my dimensional vision.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 30, 2009
5:04 pm

#113 ozymandias :

Funniest interactive thread ever. The jokes just write themselves.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 30, 2009
5:15 pm

#114 polaroidart :

#99 mamaslittlemonkeys :

and why oh why oh why was this not given an honorable mention…. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18472660

hmm, good question..but there is nothing
“little” about that Bow

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 30, 2009
5:22 pm

#115 edenartist :

I would mail her the following questions:
1. Got any ideals for my etsy shop?
2. Got any ideas for my etsy shop?
3. Are you laughing at me right now?
4. Are you out of your fucking mind?
5. Can I have my money back?
6. What are you wearing right now?

Rate this comment: +16

Nov 30, 2009
5:23 pm

#116 everydaymama1 :

She edited it? I think she should just remove it and save herself the embarrassment!

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 30, 2009
5:29 pm

#117 regretmenot :

#95 Frankenkitty…no you are not alone. I don’t give two shits about Twilight. I won’t even read the books or watch the movies now because the hype has ruined any interest I might have had before now.

Now I just feel nauseated every time I hear mention of it…bleh.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 30, 2009
5:34 pm

#118 Frankenkitty :

I just got a very pleasant convo from her. She couldn’t answer my questions, but now I feel like a big old meanie.

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 30, 2009
5:54 pm

#119 greenfuzz :

#104 Regretsy is making me realize how common functional illiteracy is.

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 30, 2009
6:13 pm

#120 The Blue Kraken :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Nov 30, 2009
6:32 pm

#121 MyEyesMyEyes :

Shared this with a friend this evening and she had to stop reading to wipe the tears from her eyes. Reading the description out loud actually made another patron move from the table next to us.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 30, 2009
6:33 pm

#122 dangerousmezzo :

#99 — oh yeah, love the belt

But what the hell is a “tack top”?

“NOTE: Only Belt is for SELL Only in Picture.
Pants and Top is not for SELL.”

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 30, 2009
6:34 pm

#123 dangerousmezzo :

She may have corrected “Ideals” to “Ideas” in her listing, but she didn’t change the tags. *headdesk*

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 30, 2009
6:46 pm

#124 intensivepurposes :

Man, we have got to hook her up with the vagina painting chic. I would freaking love to read that exchange.

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 30, 2009
7:17 pm

#125 NinjaGato :

know questions are to dum…only sellers

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 30, 2009
7:22 pm

#126 hammerhead77 :

#124 – I was thinking that she should go into business with that “peach portal” seller who has that 30 days diet thing. Between the two of them, they could write a 200 page blog and not make a lick of sense. (If they could just find someone who pays by the word…)

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
8:37 pm

#127 Memiki :

Oh dear… http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28348075

I make jewelry. This woman gave me an “ideal”- buy cheap plastic “crystals”, shove them on bits of a dog leash, and post them with an absurdly incomprehensible caption.

I really want to see what “ideals” she’d give to an Etsy shop. I’m afraid if too many sellers took her advice, there’d be an outbreak of brain aneuresyms from people attempting to read the captions.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 30, 2009
8:47 pm

#128 vangoghbabe :

@#18
it’s not the right Monday…give her a week to get prepared… she probably isn’t woke yet.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
8:50 pm

#129 vangoghbabe :

@frankenkitty add a 100 to that 18…#118

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 30, 2009
8:53 pm

#130 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Well its Tuesday here, and i have to wait for her to finish toking so I can ask her question next Monday.

See she doesnt do weekends, she get that exhausted from sharing her ideals with the *hole world*.

see its a lotta presser carrying a notebook around with her when she is woke.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
8:57 pm

#131 Helen Killer :

Thanks for sharing your thouhts.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
8:58 pm

#132 lilprincess :

Oh wait! She has PAMJAMAS! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=17545208

I wonder if it would be possible to get a pair of tomjamas and maybe some etheljamas…

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
9:01 pm

#133 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

yeah the pamjamas are for weekends, when she doesnt do weekends when she is woke

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 30, 2009
9:05 pm

#134 Redshirt Knitting :

Oh my god, can you really do this? Charge people $20 to offer them random ideas and tell them what to do? I THINK I FOUND MY NEW CAREER.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 30, 2009
9:09 pm

#135 vangoghbabe :

@#134 Redshirt
yeah, she has all the best ideals..she’s got the hole world in her hands…well, notebook.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 30, 2009
9:16 pm

#136 Frankenkitty :

I think you guys might think I was joking when I said that she convoed me. She really did, as did another seller who was featured here. Why this lady hasn’t removed this listing, I don’t know.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
9:20 pm

#137 vangoghbabe :

@Frankenkitty
Oh, beliefed you…I knew you weren’t loosing it.

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 30, 2009
9:30 pm

#138 sbarnes2 :

I bet English is her second language. I worked with a lot of ESL kids in college as a writing tutor and they thought they were being all fancy and formal with words like “idealizing” instead of idea. They just didn’t know what they were saying was silly. As an editor, I cringe/laugh/sigh when I see suxh misuse of the English language. Srsly, if any of the sellers (or other ppl) who have trouble with English see this and would like help, I’d be more than willing to edit. And for less than 19…

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 30, 2009
9:31 pm

#139 sbarnes2 :

suxh…serves me right

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 30, 2009
10:03 pm

#140 rocza :

@#64 Weberly: Do you suppose if we kept commenting, she’d eventually fix the entire post?

@#138 sbarnes2: I wouldn’t be so sure of that. I tutor English right now, and this is downright comprehensible compared to some native English speakers I see. Besides, although idea/ideal is common in ESL students, I don’t see other common ESL mistakes (especially in tense shifting). I do see common American illiterate mistakes, though.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 30, 2009
10:18 pm

#141 Count Blah :

Spelling and grammar aside, I have to say the concept of this listing is ludicrous simply because Etsyers sell such a wide variety of things. Does she really think she can supply equally useful “ideals” to blacksmiths/knitters/painters alike?

It’s been my experience that people who don’t do the specific crafty things I do are COMPLETELY CLUELESS about what is and is not feasible. I suppose she could assist with marketing, but that brings us back to the spelling/grammar issue…

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 30, 2009
10:21 pm

#142 Anastasia :

#95 Frankenkitty:

1. Why do my gray hairs stick straight up like some kind of wiry Alfalfa hair, no matter how much hair product I use?

They just do.

2. Am I the only person that doesn’t give a shit about Twilight?

Nope.

3. Why does my dog incessantly lick her ass, and snack from the litter box?

Tastes good, tastes good.

That’ll be $19.98. I’m running a special. It includes stalking.

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 30, 2009
10:26 pm

#143 pleasedontpickme :

i just got done toking and it’s all making sense now…..

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 30, 2009
10:44 pm

#144 razberries :

#143, are you referring to the listing that #42 mentioned? b/c she likes to toke, too…LOL

“Note: I toke this picture myself.”

Maybe if she layed off the mary jane, she’d be able to spell…nah, nevermind I know plenty of potheads and they’re brilliant compared to this gal…

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 30, 2009
11:58 pm

#145 snarkeygirl :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -6

Dec 1, 2009
12:04 am

#146 addiosix :

Email on Day 8:
‘I have too ticket to Madame Butterfly. I think it would be a great Ideal for us to go to seal it at the theaters’

Email on Day 9
‘Where have you bean why are you not answering me? Not that I live at the computer but I thought that would be a good Ideal’

Email on Day 10
‘btw I’m pregnant with our baby!’

Email on day 11
‘WHERE ARE YOU?! I’M NOT GOING TO BE IGNORED, DAN!’

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 1, 2009
1:39 am

#147 jen the hen :

This item and thread has to go down as a Regretsy classic. I am riveted.

Although after what Frankenkitty said about the pleasant convo she received, I feel like a bit of a meanie too. The seller is probably a very sweet person, if somewhat delusional. Kinda hoping that she’ll remove the item and save herself the embarrassment.

BTW I don’t think it’s ESL either. I am putting my money on some sort of Pidgin English.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 1, 2009
1:47 am

#148 jen the hen :

Also, I would actually love for her to give me some ideals.

Depraved and unscrupulous scrumbag that I am.

Rate this comment: +7

Dec 1, 2009
6:43 am

#149 pleasedontpickme :

#144-”nah, nevermind I know plenty of potheads and they’re brilliant compared to this gal”

so true!!!

so i couldn’t go to sleep until I really figured it out…I think this girl probably gave a friend some advice and the friend was all like..girl…you can probably make money on your ideals, and wah-lah…an etsy posting is created….If I ran with every ideal a friend told me was a good one I’d definitely make it to the ranks of regretsy.

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 1, 2009
7:05 am

#150 lemonicicle :

I didn’t get a chance to look, can I get this gift wrapped, and is that extra?

Rate this comment: +5

Dec 1, 2009
7:58 am

#151 weberly :

i don’t know, i’m starting to think she might actually have 20 bucks worth of ideals, am i tripping or has she figured out how to sew a pair of socks?!

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 1, 2009
8:08 am

#152 sharkycharming :

Do you have a pair of jeans that “fit you perfect” but maybe look a little too ordinary or are just too heavy for your warm climate? Look no further — she takes custom orders!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=15825025

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 1, 2009
8:31 am

#153 regretsyfan :

So, can I buy this using my $50 gift ceretificate?

At least she spelled it right on the item listing and only spelled it wrong in the category…

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 1, 2009
8:50 am

#154 loopy lou :

laughed so hard I cried. my roommate heard me from the other room and said, “Regretsy?”

Rate this comment: +15

Dec 1, 2009
9:17 am

#155 weberly :

oh dear, yes that does come with a gift box, and it’s really really ugly.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16403435

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 1, 2009
9:37 am

#156 pdrunk :

This is like a conversation with a homeless guy at a Liquor Store.

“Answer me this question why.

I’d like to pontiacifciate on the Visquel as to where on the graph do the fine, the cheap and the good enterbisex and that’s what I want.”

I’m also guessing one of those ideals you’ll get for $19.99 is Robert Goulet telling me not to change a thing or a picture of Erik Estrada from Chips calling me a derogatory word.

Rate this comment: +6

Dec 1, 2009
3:18 pm

#157 Efit :

Holy stinkin’ crap. Wtf is up with all of her ideals? What’s an “ideal” anyway? Is it a noun?

File in:
Not Remotely Handmade
Comic Sans Overload

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 1, 2009
5:55 pm

#158 bitesizedmenace :

you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means

Rate this comment: +10

Dec 1, 2009
6:01 pm

#159 lemon floor wax :

152: Seriously? 3-4 weeks to “upcycle” my jeans by shredding them? I did something similar to my jeans in junior high using my mom’s roto cutter and it took me all of ten minutes. I should have gone into business. I could be a millionaire by now.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 2, 2009
7:45 am

#160 PJ :

152 & 159: It says

“I deal on the basic of first come first serive.”

Is it “I deal” or “Ideal”? I’m confused.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 2, 2009
10:42 am

#161 sillystuff :

#1 HermesGoddess :
Holy. Shit.

—–

You and I shared the same Ideal about printing out word responds.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 2, 2009
8:42 pm

#162 beqi :

How about we barter? You teach me ideals and I help you find the spell-checker.

Rate this comment: +3

Dec 2, 2009
11:26 pm

#163 sofacitysweethearts :

I’m just glad I finally found a store for those times when I “fill” like buying some “pamjamas”.

Rate this comment: +4

Dec 3, 2009
12:03 am

#164 itlives :

Dear God. I’m going to have nightmares about this Mrs. Grench thing for weeks now.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18079391

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 3, 2009
7:49 pm

#165 Dumbo :

a) Absolutely the best thing I’ve read on Regretsy. And possibly, in the past 5 years.
b) I am entirely tempted to buy this. Who doesn’t have $20 laying around for the kind of theorizing that could change your life?
c) Helen, you asked a question at the end. I hope you weren’t expecting a response until Monday.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 9, 2009
6:15 pm

#166 Je :

why isn’t this also filed in “Not remotely handmade?”

Rate this comment: +2

Dec 11, 2009
6:48 am

#167 migra :

I can’t believe no one thought to ask if she was single. What a catch she would make – just imagine all the interesting convos you could have (at breakfast; in the ‘Twilight’ period after lovemaking, etc.) I refuse to read her profile cuz I prefer to dream hat all my dreams can be idealized.

And yes, she should seriously be tapped as a speechwriter for the “Palin/Quayle 2012″ campaign.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 15, 2009
10:59 pm

#168 thebakesale :

I am so tempted to buy this, just to experience it.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 21, 2009
2:38 pm

#169 craptabulous :

So she changed it to “Ideas” but didn’t correct the spelling anywhere else, including “Know questions or questions is to dum.” Nor did she change the tags to “Ideas” instead of “Enhance Old Ideals.”

Awesome.

Rate this comment: +1