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Bird Brain

Posted by Helen Killer

104 comments

So, let’s see. There’s a black satin headband, and a burgundy bow, and a gold and white charm, and what else what else . . oh yeah, A GIANT FUCKING BIRD GLUED TO YOUR HEAD

Filed in Accessories 104 comments

104 Comments

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Nov 25, 2009
10:00 am

#1 somethinghomemade :

Hitchcock is screaming in his grave!

Rate this comment: +25

Nov 25, 2009
10:01 am

#2 anti-flamitory :

okay i totally just jokingly put one of those things on my head at target JUST THIS MORNING and my daughter made me take it off. “Mom you look stupid.”

at least i didn’t pay 40 bucks for it, eh?

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 25, 2009
10:01 am

#3 Hello Happy :

Another example of runway fashion taken straight off the runway and not made wearable by anyone other than Lady Gaga.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
10:05 am

#4 krystyna81 :

You mean you don’t even get that luxurious hair?

(oh yeah…could someone teach me how to spell luxurious? thanks. Maybe the person who made the diet calender…)

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
10:05 am

#5 TheAngstyOne :

Do you think she had to nail down the mannequin head so it wouldn’t tip over? Those styrofoam heads fall over if you walk by them quickly.. I know this from experience.

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 25, 2009
10:08 am

#6 TheAngstyOne :

Though, I have to give them credit for using the wig. It creeps me right the hell out looking at people wearing things in their hair or on their body (nasty drive-thru pants makes me shudder to this day). One of the major reasons I refuse to buy things from sellers on Etsy is because people are wearing my item and its OOAK… eww.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
10:09 am

#7 portable wig :

Good god I took one look and could here birds screaming en masse in my head and the wig flying away in a clawed clutch. Poor naked styrofoam head. And now it’s bleeding!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 25, 2009
10:10 am

#8 portable wig :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -18

Nov 25, 2009
10:10 am

#9 Patty :

Is this from a hunting line of accessories? Wear it to draw your quarry, like a duck decoy in the pond?

Wabbit season? Duck season? Dove season? Styrofoam head season?

Rate this comment: +22

Nov 25, 2009
10:11 am

#10 Efit :

I wonder if the seller actually tried this mess on her own stupid head? If so, she might have had one of those light bulbs moments: “Oh yeah, this IS a retarded fucking idea.”

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 25, 2009
10:12 am

#11 TheAngstyOne :

One more comment… hopefully this is the last. I think they should change the store name to Glompire Design and they’re clearly glomping things onto headbands.

For those that do not know “glomp”, Urban Dictionary says it best: “A glomp is often predatory and lies somewhere in the gray area between a caring embrace, and a flying leap to tackle someone.”

I did not, however, know that glomping was a new craft. I may have to look into it.

Rate this comment: +12

Nov 25, 2009
10:12 am

#12 HermesGoddess :

I have to say, maybe it’s because I’m in full holiday baking mode, but “crimson bliss” sounds like something that would be good to eat. Alas, though, it is clearly NOT.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
10:12 am

#13 Jea :

Snow White Chic

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 25, 2009
10:22 am

#14 whimsiclefuckery :

For an extra $20 you can get the jacket with the white stain on the shoulder.

Rate this comment: +41

Nov 25, 2009
10:23 am

#15 everydaymama1 :

If I wore this my cat would attack my head!

Rate this comment: +26

Nov 25, 2009
10:24 am

#16 rodgertheshrubber :

#14 whimsiclefuckery ….lol. I was just going to say that a pin with (yes!)bird shit on it would complete the ensemble.

Rate this comment: +19

Nov 25, 2009
10:31 am

#17 spareGus :

yeah, I must have bad taste, I love the concept of it, though, I cannot imagine the situation that would require it to be worn. I think the whole thing could have been done a little more elegantly than this, too.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
10:31 am

#18 everydaymama1 :

Just where does one wear a large bird on one’s head anyhow? A pet shop grand opening? Just don’t wear it to any live predatory bird sanctuaries, or you may regret it!

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 25, 2009
10:32 am

#19 martini :

Do you keep this thing in a cage when you’re not wearing it?

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 25, 2009
10:38 am

#20 ohsoretro :

If it was about a third of the size it would actually be kind of cute I think but yeah, sticking a $2 christmas ornament on a headband and selling it for $40 is incredibly lame.

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 25, 2009
10:40 am

#21 YippySkippy :

Hopefully this is just the first in a whole line of faux pets/hair accessories. I’m holding my breath for the schnauzer beret.

Rate this comment: +28

Nov 25, 2009
10:41 am

#22 WrathOfFoamy :

I don’t think this thing ever needs to be released from the cage it’s being kept in

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 25, 2009
10:43 am

#23 Bad_Wolf :

If you ask me, it looks rather gruesome with the blood red bow and the crazed dove attaching itself to your scalp. “Crimson Bliss”? Is that the state your in after the bird taps into your cerebellum and takes control of your mind?

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 25, 2009
10:44 am

#24 WrathOfFoamy :

Some “crafters” need to realise that simply gluing a bunch of things together, giving them a silly name, and going wah-la, doesn’t make it sale worthy. Unfortunatley, there is always someone poised to buy such a monstrosity, and they just ruin this theory with their random purchaces, making the seller think: Yes, this is really fabulous, I should make more!
Ack…

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 25, 2009
10:45 am

#25 lemonicicle :

I’m shocked this isn’t listed in her Bridal Section, maybe she thought it was too “over the top” for a wedding?

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 25, 2009
10:47 am

#26 pleasedontpickme :

sad thing is I know someone who would totally wear this. Maybe the seller can make it in all white and my friend can wear it on her wedding day? ya know being symbolic an all….

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
10:51 am

#27 WrathOfFoamy :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=21784496

perfect for a spring party, wedding or renaissance fair!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 25, 2009
10:55 am

#28 Bad_Wolf :

A lot of her other pieces are quite lovely, albeit a bit pricey. Very Roaring Twenties. Doves should be Christmas or wedding decorations though… not human decorations.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
10:57 am

#29 Orlana :

It’ll look like whoever is wearing it, that the bird wants their hair for a nest.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
10:57 am

#30 WrathOfFoamy :

‘ya know what we need? A regretsy mobile app… that’d be tres awesome! Then all I’d need to make commuting more fun, is for people to start buying my work, so I could afford to pay the mobile web fees!

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
11:00 am

#31 WrathOfFoamy :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=19652559
red velvet covered clip with a string of clear faceted beads and a depeche mode pin – from the Jukebox collection on glampiredesign.com

yes… quite the precious, depeche mode hair barette..

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
11:05 am

#32 Sock Puppet :

Like my Granny Montanny always says “Wah-lah! A bird on the head is worth two in the bush.”

Rate this comment: +20

Nov 25, 2009
11:05 am

#33 marn :

at least she spelled “burgundy” correctly…seen it way, way too many times as “burgandy”.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
11:11 am

#34 mstiefan :

Can I get it in “California Condor”? Because this just isn’t extreme enough for me.

Rate this comment: +36

Nov 25, 2009
11:19 am

#35 Whimsicko :

It’s quirky!

Lots of her fascinators are surprisingly good though.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
11:24 am

#36 jeffreyrcarey :

This is just fowl.

Rate this comment: +24

Nov 25, 2009
11:27 am

#37 snarky :

Brings to mind a Prince: “This is what it sounds like when doves cry” or maybe what it looks like…

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 25, 2009
11:30 am

#38 jeffreyrcarey :

Now, if it were a homing pigeon, it might be useful on nights when you’ve had one too many.

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 25, 2009
11:35 am

#39 jeffreyrcarey :

Is it made of flock?

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
11:36 am

#40 jeffreyrcarey :

I have no more cagey comments.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 25, 2009
11:37 am

#41 le fizz :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Nov 25, 2009
11:38 am

#42 RUShittingMe :

I’m pretty sure this was once on the front page.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
11:39 am

#43 le fizz :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=27836913

There.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
11:40 am

#44 jeffreyrcarey :

…but, I do wonder if you’d have to take this off when going through airport security.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
11:44 am

#45 i am bean :

This is what happens when you try to eat chips on the beach in St. Ives!

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
11:44 am

#46 bessartbuiz :

This piece reminds me of Disney’s original Fantasia where the centaur ladies are doing their hair with the help of cherubs, flowers, ribbons, and, yes, birds.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
11:46 am

#47 Elegant :

It should be called ‘BIRD BRAIN’

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
11:48 am

#48 Stiflers Mom :

You can get a Barbie to go with:
http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/the-birds-barbie.jpg

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
11:49 am

#49 poppyswickedgarden :

OOOH I would totally rock this bird out! Perhaps with my nasty drive thru pants Hee Hee Hee. You guys are no fun at all I swear!

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
11:53 am

#50 mama0mouse :

is it wrong that i like this? after all i regularly attend crazy tea parties. . .

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 25, 2009
12:20 pm

#51 sar-sar :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Nov 25, 2009
12:25 pm

#52 Helen Killer :

@ #51, Just trying shit out. Don’t loose your mind.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
12:38 pm

#53 popodog :

“Crimson Bliss?” Seriously, that’s what I call my Aunt Flo.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 25, 2009
12:39 pm

#54 catniplover :

Honestly, this looks like the shit I’d dig out of my granny’s Christmas decorations in the 70’s. Which means, to me, it looks like it smells of 40 years of stale smoke…

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28224513

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 25, 2009
12:43 pm

#55 Elegant :

#@$%$..I need to wake up. I did not read the title and said the same thing. Well, great minds think alike?

Bye, Bye Birdie!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
12:47 pm

#56 vangoghbabe :

I’d like a pair of dove poop earrinngs and necklace please….and a bb gun.
Okay, F@#$ the bb gun, 270 muzzle loader..

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 25, 2009
12:49 pm

#57 vangoghbabe :

http://www.backwoodsbound.com/zdove.html

Go for it

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 25, 2009
12:51 pm

#58 vangoghbabe :

Vulture……w/ little black dress
at a political event

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 25, 2009
1:00 pm

#59 addiosix :

O Hai! L@@k at the berd on my hed lol

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 25, 2009
1:01 pm

#60 addiosix :

Srsly

thrs a berd on my hed

fashion is srs bizness

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
1:10 pm

#61 MadameU :

Awwwwww…it just needs a little blood around its beak.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
1:21 pm

#62 Helen Killer :

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 25, 2009
1:25 pm

#63 Flo Moe :

This will come in handy when I decide I no longer want friends.

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 25, 2009
1:31 pm

#64 Lexiii :

This reminds me of my favorite scene in Forget Paris, when Debra Winger had a bird stuck to her head.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
1:31 pm

#65 Thousandaire :

Warning: DO NOT WEAR AROUND DICK CHENEY.

Rate this comment: +21

Nov 25, 2009
1:33 pm

#66 NinjaGato :

Someone should buy this and wear it to Tippi Hedren’s Christmas party.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
1:47 pm

#67 addiosix :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Nov 25, 2009
1:48 pm

#68 addiosix :

stupid computer. I’m going to try that again.

http://www.cspaworkshop.org/joomla/images/stories/the-birds.jpg

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 25, 2009
2:29 pm

#69 hammerhead77 :

Good one, Ninja!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
2:47 pm

#70 frostypumpkin :

It’d be cool if it had scary giant claws! Then you could call it self-defense hat. Hey, btw, why can’t we rate Helen’s comments?

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 25, 2009
2:49 pm

#71 Helen Killer :

Frosty, I honestly don’t know why. Jeremy added the voting last night. I’ll ask him if there’s an option to let you do that.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
3:03 pm

#72 desida :

The absurdity of this aside, I do kind of like some of the seller’s other items…too bad they’re ridiculously overpriced. One of the issues I have with Etsy is that there are way too many people on there who do not seem to get that buying a $3 feather pad online, hot-gluing it to a $2 headband, and then turning around and charging $40 for it is not actually “handmaking.” Oh well.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
3:24 pm

#73 sweetbirdofparadox :

My dad once was attacked by a parrot because he was wearing a down coat. I shudder to think what that bird would do to someone wearing this monstrosity!

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
3:46 pm

#74 floater :

mmmm…maybe with another matching accessory, like say a dove ring akin to the hors-d’oeuvre ring.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
3:46 pm

#75 Monstrosa :

I’m totally wearing this to my cat’s birthday party.

Helen, I like the comment rating but not the comment hiding.

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 25, 2009
3:56 pm

#76 Helen Killer :

Does it hide comments? Hmm. I guess it’s like the YouTube filter, where you have to choose to look at them.

Well, like I said, I’m just trying it out. I don’t moderate much, so this sort of lets you guys do it. If it sucks, we’ll dump it.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
3:58 pm

#77 HelenaHandbasket :

I can envision these featured on a troupe of bridesmaids at a winter wedding. In a synchronized movement at the conclusion of the church ceremony, the ladies-in-waiting all reach up to gently untie the sheer burgundy bows, thus releasing live doves into the pews.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 25, 2009
4:05 pm

#78 Night Cowl :

HAHA! This totally reminds me of the weekend we went to the beach and my son threw a football at a seagull and it repaid him by shitting on his head.

And yes, we called him shithead all weekend.

Rate this comment: +15

Nov 25, 2009
4:25 pm

#79 sillymerricat :

Can we get a “View on a Bjork?”

Rate this comment: +12

Nov 25, 2009
4:54 pm

#80 regretmenot :

Bjork would totally rock this out with that dying swan dress…does she still own that thing?

A view on Bjork would be awesome.

For some reason I keep thinking pecker head.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
8:59 pm

#81 The Blue Kraken :

BWHAHAHA Helen the statue with the bird rocks. perfect paired with this monstrosity.. Oh the shame!

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
9:19 pm

#82 artistamuerta :

baha “view on a Bjork” made me pee my pants. I would like this better if the bird was wearing sunglasses with fringe.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
10:03 pm

#83 sbarnes2 :

Whimsicle fuckery indeed. Perfect for the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 26, 2009
12:28 am

#84 snarkeygirl :

When I went to beauty school, one of the students dressed as Tippi Hedren’s character from “The Birds”. Her costume was awesome, from the bloodstains and ripped hose to the vintage two piece outfit, to the mangled hairdo with birds and bloodstains. This is what I am reminded of, only not done well at all. Oh, and Glampire? Is that a glamorous vampire? Hee hee!

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 26, 2009
12:56 am

#85 cptfknvicious :

shit! there’s a bird fucking your head! no, wait, that’s just your headband.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 26, 2009
12:59 am

#86 cptfknvicious :

#77 i used to be a wedding photographer, and i would have LOVED to see a bunch of bridesmaids wearing that. especially if the birds were alive and flapping and screaming and shitting the whole damn time i was taking pictures.

release the birds! ceremony will be followed by a presentation of alfred hitchcock’s “the birds” and a roast game pigeon dinner.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 26, 2009
2:55 am

#87 Monstrosa :

#84 snarkeygirl
“Glampire.” I know, right?
Glampires: That was my idea for a TV show about vampires, set in a 70s nightclub and starring Noel Fielding and the ghost of Marc Bolan. I feel totally ripped off.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 26, 2009
4:28 am

#88 dangerousmezzo :

#87 — brilliant idea for a series, especially casting Noel Fielding He certainly knows how to dress for it …

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 26, 2009
6:50 am

#89 howudoing :

Sarah Jessica Parker will be wearing it in the next Sex and the City movie.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 26, 2009
3:49 pm

#90 UFP :

this one is 35 bucks!!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21193402

PS any thread that mentions Bjork and Noel Fielding is where I want to be.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 26, 2009
7:53 pm

#91 AndyMathis :

Memory Flashback-

I was spurred by a rooster at Grandma’s house in the butterbean patch. I was 5. Had a bloody chicken paw print on my elbow.

My aunt shot the rooster with her pistol.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 26, 2009
10:33 pm

#92 priceless :

91 comments and NOT ONE has trashed the styrofoam model? Really I am surprised at ALL of you and more than a little disappointed! If this model were some dreadlock-wearing, pre-shrunk clothes wearing, punk-sta wannabe with an overly sized head and an inclination not to shave you kids would be all over it!

And HK I know I am not one of your “preferred commenters” to read/respond to but in case you do read this I like the rating sys. Much easier to give kudos to the funny comments w/o…

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 26, 2009
10:35 pm

#93 priceless :

having to quote them or write “@ #x” which is annoying to keep scrolling up and down to see what people were referring to. So I’ll pretend you care about my feedback and say, keep it. (:

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 26, 2009
10:38 pm

#94 Helen Killer :

Anyone who likes something I do is automatically one of my “preferred commenters”.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 26, 2009
10:41 pm

#95 priceless :

well you certainly are in the the Thanksgiving spirit lol. Hope turkey was yummy. Wish I was stuffed on turkey and taking the day off to contemplate whimsiclizing my vagina. Have a nice long weekend

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 27, 2009
12:02 am

#96 snarkeygirl :

mmmm, Noel Fielding! Maybe it is not “Glamorous Vampires”, but rather, “Glam Vampires”, and that would be great as a tv show! Yes, indeed, I like it, ’specially with ‘the ghost of Marc Bolan’.! Good times, good times indeed! Much more entertaining than this headband, which I think is a bird-brained idea!

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 27, 2009
11:44 am

#97 krudd :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Nov 27, 2009
9:39 pm

#98 Recovering Crack Baby :

Christmas, Christmas time is here. Time for some Joy and Cheer.
This is PRICELESS when I think of all those Holiday School Concerts I attend for my Children. I get Goose Bumps, or in this case perhaps dove bumps?!? Just picturing myself, seated, out with the crowd of parents and peers, waiting to wave and let everyone know they are mine with Big Bird on my head. Oh….. the fun.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 28, 2009
9:33 am

#99 Recovering Crack Baby :

If I were to set my Big Bird in front of you at the Theatre what kind of comments do you think I would be subjected to…. or would I just clear out the place?? The suspense makes me want to purchase this, so many uses…so many uses.

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 30, 2009
9:48 am

#100 PussDaddy :

I am tired of birds on heads. When are they going to make bird shit on heads? I have had more birds shit on my head than land on it, how about you?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 30, 2009
10:12 pm

#101 razberries :

there’s a reason that Prince sang, “When Doves Cry”…

this hat also makes me think of a traumatizing childhood moment- i was eating a nestle crunch icecream bar while outside waiting for my mom to exit a store, and proceeded to take another bite when my sister screamed, “No! A bird just pooped on your icecream!” And then I quickly spat it out and cried all the way home…bird shit looks an awful lot like melted nestle crunch icecream…don’t remember but it sure doesn’t taste like it

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 1, 2009
4:03 am

#102 JustJon :

“Look, don’t feel bad. It was a ‘bird glued to your head’ kind of day.”

Wish I could remember the whole quote, and what damn movie it was from. Billy Crystal was in it, that’s all I remember.

Rate this comment: +1

Dec 4, 2009
9:43 am

#103 Crazy Nurse :

perfect if you want to look like the bus driver in South Park!

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 14, 2009
11:02 pm

#104 GlampireDesign :

Okay, okay…maybe I should take life a little more seriously I really do love the comments you all have left (especially #10…the answer is yes) – and I sincerely wish I had thought of the name Bird Brain because I totally would have used it. At any rate, I love Regretsy and have been hoping to get in – I knew if anything would do it it would be one of the bird accessories! You guys will love this one….have at it!!

Rate this comment: +3