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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Posted by Helen Killer

103 comments

ARMY. BE ALL YOU CAN BEDAZZLE.

Filed in Clothing 103 comments

103 Comments

Add Comment

Nov 24, 2009
4:27 pm

#1 Dynomoose :

oh good lord

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
4:27 pm

#2 Dynomoose :

$500 at that!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
4:28 pm

#3 HermesGoddess :

Fucking hell. I just swallowed a tootsie roll while laughing at this.
And honestly that really happened. It’s not my fault it’s a hilarious pun.

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 24, 2009
4:28 pm

#4 personalearthquake :

I’ll take TWO!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
4:29 pm

#5 HermesGoddess :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15355142 the HELL??!?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
4:30 pm

#6 Vmp :

what’s with the black mustache over the pocket?????

wow.

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 24, 2009
4:30 pm

#7 Jillian :

For your favorite Wealthy Gay Geriatric Soldier!

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 24, 2009
4:31 pm

#8 Calophi :

#5: I am not sure I want to know how women’s breast health inspired that one… o.O

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 24, 2009
4:31 pm

#9 personalearthquake :

what’s up with ANY OF IT? including the older guy WEARING IT?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
4:32 pm

#10 XvMoonChildvX :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24153934 The 12 year old pervy kid in me has to laugh at the “SHAVED BEAVER” inclusion. : smirky snort :

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 24, 2009
4:33 pm

#11 ilhu :

at first i thought there was a lace kalashnikov applique on the back which would have made this a work of GENIUS but instead its a piece of garbage. fie.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 24, 2009
4:34 pm

#12 desida :

FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS for an Army jacket they probably found cheap at Goodwill or maybe a surplus store, with a bunch of tacky crap hastily slapped on. Every time my faith in the human race starts to bounce back a little, this site smacks it right back down.

Rate this comment: +17

Nov 24, 2009
4:35 pm

#13 Fae :

Nothing says “support the US army” like dingle balls hanging from the back collar.

Rate this comment: +18

Nov 24, 2009
4:38 pm

#14 mom27209 :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Nov 24, 2009
4:40 pm

#15 ceyoungquist :

That is by FAR the fugliest jacket to ever exist.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 24, 2009
4:41 pm

#16 IndyJules :

What “cracker jack” really wore to his modeling gig!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
4:41 pm

#17 Dynomoose :

Some of her stuff is nice. Then she kicks out this jacket and the beaver case. WTF?

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
4:44 pm

#18 Stingray Charles :

If you wear this, you’ll definitely be an “Army of One.”

Rate this comment: +30

Nov 24, 2009
4:45 pm

#19 edenartist :

How the hell could you pick this over the “beaver case” by the same seller?

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=24153934

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 24, 2009
4:46 pm

#20 martini :

Looks like regretsy bait to me…

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 24, 2009
4:52 pm

#21 GoldenGlow :

You won’t have to ask, you can just tell.

Rate this comment: +19

Nov 24, 2009
4:52 pm

#22 martini :

And is that a butt necklace in his left hand?

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 24, 2009
4:53 pm

#23 TooFewShoes :

This is hideous on so many levels.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
4:53 pm

#24 HostessVo :

Wait! Am I the only one who is confused by the quote? What type of economy does this jacket/shirt imply? It’s over done, so it’s not in the sense of being sparse and it’s 500$ which is not in any way economical.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 24, 2009
4:56 pm

#25 judyb :

It’s $500 because it is a signed work of art. Really, when you bring art into the equation, doesn’t economy go out the window?

Right.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 24, 2009
4:57 pm

#26 artistamuerta :

holy shit. this is an abomination. this is all that is wrong with etsy. The upscale idea is good, but the $500 price tag on this bedazzled turd is an insult to handcrafters everywhere.

Rate this comment: +12

Nov 24, 2009
4:57 pm

#27 drunkenatheist :

Man, oh man, if I sent this to my (very gay) friend in boot camp, the military wouldn’t /need/ to ask.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 24, 2009
5:05 pm

#28 ohsoretro :

Altering an Army Jacket in this way should be a criminal act. Wearing it should be punishable by death.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 24, 2009
5:06 pm

#29 Lexiii :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -29

Nov 24, 2009
5:07 pm

#30 Patty :

As the daughter of a career soldier who was active duty back when this type of uniform was used- that is NOT a jacket, that is an Army shirt.

That said…

WTF!?

This isn’t any kind of way to “support” or honor soldiers. Its more like a “sequenced” slap upside the head.

Rate this comment: +15

Nov 24, 2009
5:09 pm

#31 Kimmer-G :

#12 Fae – I’m gonna be laughing all night over that one. Brilliant!!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
5:10 pm

#32 Valerie :

Oh dear. I could see this being done well, but I think this seller was just clearing out whatever bits and bobs she had left in her stash! :/

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
5:14 pm

#33 silentmouth :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Nov 24, 2009
5:15 pm

#34 ourephemera :

I wish this piece was about how women should be treated equal in the army. lols.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 24, 2009
5:16 pm

#35 ourephemera :

I just noted the yellow fringe pom pom ball trim. Oh man, oh man.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
5:16 pm

#36 whyohwhy :

A think even a 10 year old would have crafted it better and with more style. Every thing about it is says crafty crazy.

And what’s with the Support Our Troops? Is some of the $500 going to the troops? Is it for a disabled veteran? It would be nice to know why she wants $500. WTF?

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 24, 2009
5:17 pm

#37 bitzidee :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -8

Nov 24, 2009
5:21 pm

#38 whyohwhy :

OMG. I think I’ve contracted “regretsitis” spelling and grammar disease.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
5:25 pm

#39 NinjaGato :

I would like to see Colin Powell in this ensemble.

Rate this comment: +12

Nov 24, 2009
5:26 pm

#40 YippySkippy :

I have a feeling that guy has been chased down the street late at night wearing nothing but this jacket and a pair of white tube socks.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 24, 2009
5:31 pm

#41 sawdustbear :

this HAS to be regretsy bait!

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 24, 2009
5:32 pm

#42 Efit :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -18

Nov 24, 2009
5:32 pm

#43 Efit :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Nov 24, 2009
5:34 pm

#44 jwheeler :

HostessVo – I’m with you! What exactly does this shirt have to do with “economy” at $500. But then again, there I go trying to apply logic to an item like this.

My brain just atrophied, I think I might loose my mind.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 24, 2009
5:47 pm

#45 biggles5 :

Oh please no…not ball fringe…

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 24, 2009
5:50 pm

#46 NinjaGato :

My ex-marine grandfather just did a “say what???” from beyond the grave.

Rate this comment: +31

Nov 24, 2009
5:52 pm

#47 jeffreyrcarey :

If this is intended for a man to wear in public, I don’t think he would return home without a broken bone or two.

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 24, 2009
5:57 pm

#48 regretmenot :

$500 dollars? Get the zark over here and explain yourself.

Better yet, don’t. I don’t want to know what in blue blazes was going through the seller’s mind when they thought…yeah..little more lace and…$500 smackers sounds like a good price.

If anyone wore that….God..please….my brain fell out.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 24, 2009
6:01 pm

#49 jeffreyrcarey :

If army guards forced the enemy to wear this during confinement, they’d be charged with extreme prisoner abuse.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 24, 2009
6:03 pm

#50 mama0mouse :

it reminds me of when you don’t use a dryer sheet and all kinds of things stick to your clothes….imagine if you did that with whatever the hell is in the barney bag…you would get this. . .

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 24, 2009
6:07 pm

#51 rodgertheshrubber :

What is painted on the back????

http://ny-image0.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.38861320.jpg

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
6:08 pm

#52 rodgertheshrubber :

Or I guess sewn on the back?

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 24, 2009
6:11 pm

#53 rodgertheshrubber :

In the listing the artist keeps saying these are things she “rescued” ……only to sew them one to this?? Cruelty.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 24, 2009
6:12 pm

#54 The Blue Kraken :

Oh god someone ought to put this poor solder out of his misery. What a disgrace to the uniform. UGH!

Most of all it looked like the cat ate their sequins and vomited all down the back of his shirt. I hope the dry cleaners can get that big ugly blue stain off.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 24, 2009
6:14 pm

#55 rodgertheshrubber :

I’m confused and scared.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 24, 2009
6:28 pm

#56 blackcat :

Once again, a total steal at $499! So economical.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 24, 2009
6:34 pm

#57 martini :

#40 jeffreyrcarey : Yeah… that gives a whole new meaning to the term “boot camp”…

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 24, 2009
6:41 pm

#58 floater :

That’s sad…if her profile is for real….then I can understand how $500 may have seemed a fair price, perhaps someone cashed up and sympathetic will buy it.
If it’s bullshit it’s pathetic, but if anyone seriously thinks that this piece has $500 worth of creative merit then that’s just fucked up and tragic!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
7:19 pm

#59 NinjaGato :

only 10% goes toward the care of her sick kid? That means only $50 bucks (out of a whole $500) goes to the kid she’s using as her “sob story.” What kind of care does she expect to get for $50?

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 24, 2009
7:21 pm

#60 DateWrecks :

I have never been so happy to see a submission of mine on a website before in my life.

I only hope, Helen, that you’re sitting on the teddy bear submission… Can I please have that one as a Thanksgiving present!?

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 24, 2009
7:22 pm

#61 WTFisthatanyway :

That’s just fucking treason! Call Washington. Now!

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 24, 2009
7:24 pm

#62 NinjaGato :

I’m just impressed that the kid gets any.

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 24, 2009
7:25 pm

#63 michelleames :

Look, I can be as compassionate as they come…and I, too, am a Reiki practitioner. That said, having a sick child still isn’t license to inflict this “art” on the world.

Praying for her son – and her art – to get better.

Rate this comment: +14

Nov 24, 2009
7:29 pm

#64 Frankenkitty :

If you don’t buy this jacket, the terrorists win.

Rate this comment: +26

Nov 24, 2009
7:41 pm

#65 NinjaGato :

You’re either with us or against us Frankenkitty.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 24, 2009
7:41 pm

#66 NinjaGato :

Thats a very compassionate thing to say michelleames.
you’re certainly a nicer person than I.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
7:42 pm

#67 everydaymama1 :

So this is a jacket for the naked assed sailor featured a while back right? Oh lord! I am glad I’m in Canada ;P

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 24, 2009
7:46 pm

#68 NinjaGato :

Dingleballs, ok.
Granny Square neckline, fine.
Blue fir trim, whatever.
She lost me with the backpiece that looks like a sparkly cum stain. Which begs the question, was the wearer in the middle of a gang bang at David Bowie’s house, with Adam Lambert, Edward Cullen, and Perez Hilton?

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 24, 2009
7:49 pm

#69 Monstrosa :

At first glance I thought the shape on the back was trying to be Florida, but no.
Is it the torn and tattered flag of Butterflyland?

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 24, 2009
8:00 pm

#70 vangoghbabe :

If you love it set it free…if it doesn’t come back…it’s AWOL

Rate this comment: +13

Nov 24, 2009
8:06 pm

#71 akiddo :

i guess i’m confused about the word “upcycled”…i would think it means to take something used and reinvent it into something people would want to use again…..but apparently it means to take perfectly good used stuff and throw crap all over it….go figure…..

Rate this comment: +11

Nov 24, 2009
8:10 pm

#72 Helen Killer :

@ #60, THANK YOU for reminding me! I love that one!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
8:30 pm

#73 txesg :

Hey, are those Starlight Mints? Could be used as emergency rations while you await court-martial for wearing this atrocity.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
9:02 pm

#74 Thousandaire :

Tell you what. I’ll sell you one of my current-issue digital camouflage tops (that doesn’t have shit all over it) for $40 bucks, and you can donate the remaining $459.99 to your local shelter for Homeless Veterans.

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 24, 2009
9:02 pm

#75 DateWrecks :

oh boy oh boy oh boy!

all i want for christmas are teddy bears… in my clothing!

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 24, 2009
9:49 pm

#76 ourephemera :

Maybe the funniest part is that she signed it on the sleeve.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
9:52 pm

#77 kristinamyerscrafts :

I showed this to my son… “Mom who would do that to an Army jacket! It’s a little crazy… OK a LOT crazy!” LOL

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 24, 2009
10:01 pm

#78 Bad_Wolf :

Did she bribe her poor husband to model this? Oh, to be a fly on the wall during this photo shoot!

“Ok, now turn around, honey! I want to be sure to showcase the expert stitching and all the groovy glitter!”

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
2:08 am

#79 snarkeygirl :

And how is this in “mint condition”? http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24153934 It is covered in stuck on beaver shavings! Bleh.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
2:15 am

#80 lucyv :

Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t wear.

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 25, 2009
5:44 am

#81 jukaswo :

WTF is that patch in the middle of the back? And WTF is on it? Ugh.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
6:03 am

#82 barnbabe13 :

It looks like someone spilled glue on this shirt before walking through a joann fabrics.

Rate this comment: +15

Nov 25, 2009
7:07 am

#83 Dumbo :

Is this for a man or a woman?

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 25, 2009
7:35 am

#84 HelenaHandbasket :

Much moreso than “economical”, this cries out Whimsicle! The jacket may be obscene, but the quotation motto makes my head hurt.

Rate this comment: +6

Nov 25, 2009
8:08 am

#85 Sammy the Goose :

#64 Frankenkitty – Unfortunately, that jacket makes me think that they have won.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
8:15 am

#86 Dix :

We used to paint T-shirts for ourselves (way back in the Eighties, when painting T-shirts was *almost* cool) and, even though we were twelve-or-younger, we never produced anything this bad. Embarrassing.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
8:35 am

#87 Stingray Charles :

I’m Sargent Rick James, Bitch!

Rate this comment: +9

Nov 25, 2009
8:54 am

#88 Night Cowl :

Rick James wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this.

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 25, 2009
8:59 am

#89 Tabbie :

Is that a torn up sleeve hot glued onto the back of that “thing”?

What a disgrace!

Rate this comment: -1

Nov 25, 2009
10:47 am

#90 goblin :

OK, I’m pretty much a liberal pinko — but even I’ll call that disrespectful to our men and women in uniform!

Rate this comment: +7

Nov 25, 2009
11:56 am

#91 i am bean :

$500.00? I’m just wondering…is the religious/military dogma free with purchase or do I pay extra for that?

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 25, 2009
12:23 pm

#92 sar-sar :

This item has 2344 views and 4 hearts… who the blue hell hearted this? Of course, the fact that one of those hearter’s is named bottlesofcoughsyrup http://www.etsy.com/profile.php?user_id=5781725 provides me with great comfort.

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 25, 2009
2:02 pm

#93 benconservato :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Nov 25, 2009
3:14 pm

#94 frostypumpkin :

@ 51 it looks like there’s a half of a glittery ragged tank top with a deformed black butterfly on the back. Made for Regretsy, I’m sure. And why is everyone making “don’t ask don’t tell” jokes? None of the gay men I know would ever ever wear this, except maybe for Halloween!

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
4:41 pm

#95 regretmenot :

“Man…I feel like a woman”

“Dude looks like a lady”

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 25, 2009
11:27 pm

#96 VoteAudrey :

$499 for a used shirt/craft project is economical?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 26, 2009
7:28 pm

#97 MyEyesMyEyes :

Hmmm… my husband has some old BDU’s that he can’t wear anymore. Hmmm…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 27, 2009
1:06 pm

#98 comma_splicer :

Gotta agree with #94 — no one I know, gay, straight, bi, or Cylon would let this monstrosity within miles of their wardrobe.

What might horrify me the most is the amount of time she spent putting this thing together — which, if she thought it made sense to ask $500, must have been substantial — that she could have spent with her kid.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 28, 2009
10:59 am

#99 frostypumpkin :

Where did my comment go? Oh well, I was saying that her 4 year old kid must’ve made it. It makes more sense that way. However the $500 price tag still doesn’t make sense…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 28, 2009
8:47 pm

#100 Frankenkitty :

Say what!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=35373436

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 3, 2009
1:45 am

#101 itlives :

What. The. Holy. Fuck. ???

Although I’m digging the merkin over the name tag thing, though. No soldier should ever have his/her name disgraced by being associated with such a piece of… I can’t even think of a word that does it justice.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 4, 2009
12:52 pm

#102 Kludge :

It’s not just a job… it’s a super gay adventure! Yay!

Rate this comment: -1

Dec 14, 2009
1:55 pm

#103 CrimsonHoohah :

The person who did that to a uniform should be put in front of a firing squad.

Rate this comment: 0