Before I read anything I thought it was an ornament. And I thought,hey that’s pretty. Then I realized it was an earring and I thought. Hm, not so much anymore. Fuck you, Santa. Now that would make a great christmas card.
I think this person is trying to use a pattern that is free on the web. It looks like it could be them, with a few screw ups and an attempt to fix it by adding all the beads. 2 thumbs up, though, for not being worn in the photograph.
First attempts are worth exactly 20 cents (the Etsy minimum) and should be labeled “Oops” or more accurately, “Oops, this is a big piece of Santa shit. Thanks.”
careful Helen Santa might leave you a reindeer poo necklace instead of this.
I just came back from being out Pauldo.. It’s not very coincidental looking. Just tilt your head a little and look again.
It’s spelled Swarovski with a capital s. Proper noun folks, German name. If you have trouble spelling it, you are on the internet.. how much trouble is it to open their site and double check?
#15
It’s “Hyperventilate Typing”. Every breath that catches, the effected person capitalizes a letter.
Caused by the excitement of thinking you have talent and can create something so phenomenal that it will sell on etsy and make you millions..or you will have an appearance on Martha.
Fun fact: “Chrismas,” which honors the birth of MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, is celebrated every year on December 17. So you better order These Beauties soon, only 3.5 weeks left. (Ooh, I just felt this thrill going up my leg.)
It says earrings, but this photo only shows one. So at least Santa loves me enough to only bring me one unusable freaking “earring” (quotes because, is it really?) and I can stick it in the bin.
@Paul
I do remember making the comment that you could interchange the flowers on that wreath…
slap a few poinsettias here and there…nothing or no one will approach your your door.
going to check to see if there are any left…….
You all know who will buy these…there is one in every office. She’s about 70, loves her xmas sweaters, sweatshirts, etc., has the big coke bottle glasses (on a chain she bought on etsy) and has the “blue hair perm” happening. She’ll think they are just too “whimsicle” to pass up.
What REALLY gets me is that she wants $18! I can buy sterling silver earrings for less.
From her profile: “The Name “Beachet” is my designer label for my Couture Clothing. … How I settled on the name is fasinating to say the least by all accounts it was fate. .. I took the first three letters of BEAD (Bea) and the last four letters of CROCHET (chet)… Now it gets interesting.. I looked up the name and it does exist and is french ..Then I looked up the meaning of “Beachet” and it is translated “The Butcher” in english. This was so perfect I couldn’t believe it!”
At first glance I thought someone had taken the Italian flag and made an ear vagina out of it. Upon further viewing I decided this was not the case. Naturally my next thought was “Christmas”.
#33 – I don’t know what dictionary she was looking in but “beachet” is DEFINITELY not a French word and DEFINITELY does not mean butcher, the correct word is “le boucher”. Not that she does not commit butchery with her “fashion”. Cripes.
Oh lord! I follow free patterns all the time, but then I know how to read them.
Yeah, the beads don’t look very Swarovski to me. I use to sell the stuff.
Oh… FYI Swarovski isn’t German. The creator was born in what is now the Czech Republic. The factory is located in Austria. This is your random bit of knowledge for the day.
Aside from looking like feet without toes, and being just sort of ugly in general, I didn’t think they were that bad. I mean, in comparison to other stuff I’ve seen on here.
#62 MB: Yeah, how about an interactive feature that would let us dress models in Etsy attire? Also looking forward to View it in a Womb, View it in a Tomb, View it on the Moon, View it on Orlando Bloom…
Apparently these “will go wonderful (sic) with you holiday ensemble.” This is assuming that your holiday ensemble also includes a sweatshirt with a lace collar and a picture of adorable kitties playing in bows and wearing Santa hats.
Dammit Wanderlust, how did you know what I was going to wear to the party?!?!? That’s it, I had a $10 Applebee’s gift card for you but just forget it, mister!
This looks like a roadkill rooster… But if there’s “mesmerized cotton” then that’s gotta be special! I think I’d mesmerize everyone with those at the office party!
I’m guessing she’s only posting a picture of the one as opposed to the pair because her crochet “skills” went awry and the other looks nothing like this one…
#68 i am bean :
Be nice people…someone’s Gran made this (probably)
If my grandma made this I would still make fun of it. By the way not everyone who attempts to knit and crochet (and some who are actually quite good) are old. I’m 25 and had knitted for 10 years until the carpal tunnel kicked in.
It’s not the fact that it’s knitted or crocheted that makes it look ‘Gran’…it’s the whole styling and look of it that just screams out to me ‘CHURCH CHARITY FUNDRAISER’..and who usually runs those? You guessed it…Grans! (awww bless ‘em)
OMG. This has sold?!!! Maybe it’s the wine talking but I have to ask the question- What am I doing wrong??!!! I have no vagina’s, penii (plural for penis in my universe), etc. Should I create a WTF line???!!!! http://www.starrydreams.etsy.com
Being that I have an Etsy shop and that I make items to sell, I always try to cut other “artists” some slack. In this instance, I just can’t. Santa would only bring these if he had been taking some hardcore drugs.
Cotton my ass, that stuff is Red Heart acrylic if I’ve ever seen it. I hope the buyer doesn’t stand too close to a candle at a holiday party because those damn things will melt.
November 23, 2009 at 9:28 am
yeah, I’d love to have Sana croche me a Chrismas presen
November 23, 2009 at 9:36 am
Before I read anything I thought it was an ornament. And I thought,hey that’s pretty. Then I realized it was an earring and I thought. Hm, not so much anymore. Fuck you, Santa. Now that would make a great christmas card.
November 23, 2009 at 9:37 am
Do they come in quaver and semi quaver versions?
just askin’
p
x
November 23, 2009 at 9:38 am
I think I’d prefer coal to this ugly-ass piece.
November 23, 2009 at 9:41 am
I think this person is trying to use a pattern that is free on the web. It looks like it could be them, with a few screw ups and an attempt to fix it by adding all the beads. 2 thumbs up, though, for not being worn in the photograph.
November 23, 2009 at 9:43 am
This makes me glad that my pierced ears have grown closed. I was considering getting them re-pierced, but now I’ll wait till AFTER Christmas.
November 23, 2009 at 9:44 am
First attempts are worth exactly 20 cents (the Etsy minimum) and should be labeled “Oops” or more accurately, “Oops, this is a big piece of Santa shit. Thanks.”
November 23, 2009 at 9:44 am
this was your first attempt? Really? we couldn’t tell at all…
November 23, 2009 at 9:46 am
Deliver my ass… I’m plugging the chimney.
November 23, 2009 at 9:47 am
I’m spellbound…”mesmerized” cotton? WTF!
from the description:
Constructed with Christmas Glitter Varigated 100% Mesmerized Cotton Thread with a fine silver thread running through out.
November 23, 2009 at 9:50 am
If I convert to Judaism will Santa pass me by?
just askin’
November 23, 2009 at 9:51 am
Is it me or do these have a definite ‘Vagina’ shape? The positioning of the big red ‘swaroski’ gem is too coincidental….
I need to get out more.
p
x
November 23, 2009 at 9:52 am
omg #12 pauldodo…I thought the same thing!! But then thought I’ve just been reading too many posts on this site.
November 23, 2009 at 9:54 am
I wish I hadn’t clicked the link. This is another item description which may send the National Council of English Teachers over the edge.
November 23, 2009 at 9:56 am
My ears are frightened. I think these “earrings” are larger than them. Or my head, for that matter.
Any I feel a need to simply ask: WHY?!
November 23, 2009 at 9:58 am
I don’t Understand what goes through People’s minds when they Randomly Capitalize words. How do they Choose?
November 23, 2009 at 9:59 am
Ol’ St. Nick will be getting a divorce….
November 23, 2009 at 9:59 am
Why does Santa hate me so that these are just what he would like to deliver to me on Christmas morning?
November 23, 2009 at 9:59 am
@ #11 Kimmer-G – just smear some lamb blood on your front door and you should be fine.
November 23, 2009 at 10:01 am
careful Helen Santa might leave you a reindeer poo necklace instead of this.
I just came back from being out Pauldo.. It’s not very coincidental looking. Just tilt your head a little and look again.
It’s spelled Swarovski with a capital s. Proper noun folks, German name. If you have trouble spelling it, you are on the internet.. how much trouble is it to open their site and double check?
November 23, 2009 at 10:02 am
#15
It’s “Hyperventilate Typing”. Every breath that catches, the effected person capitalizes a letter.
Caused by the excitement of thinking you have talent and can create something so phenomenal that it will sell on etsy and make you millions..or you will have an appearance on Martha.
November 23, 2009 at 10:03 am
#18 & #11
little white mouse blood if your out of lamb.
November 23, 2009 at 10:05 am
Fun fact: “Chrismas,” which honors the birth of MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, is celebrated every year on December 17. So you better order These Beauties soon, only 3.5 weeks left. (Ooh, I just felt this thrill going up my leg.)
November 23, 2009 at 10:05 am
#21 vangoghbabe : or the clown head wreath.
p
x
November 23, 2009 at 10:05 am
I see a face in one of the beads. I think it’s the ghost of Christmas past – and it’s wearing an Italian flag.
November 23, 2009 at 10:06 am
LOL Mesmerized Cotton- genius. not.
It says earrings, but this photo only shows one. So at least Santa loves me enough to only bring me one unusable freaking “earring” (quotes because, is it really?) and I can stick it in the bin.
November 23, 2009 at 10:06 am
nothing about this screams “X-masy” to me. Santa is NOT that mean. I would consider them for cinco de Mayo.
November 23, 2009 at 10:08 am
@Paul
I do remember making the comment that you could interchange the flowers on that wreath…
slap a few poinsettias here and there…nothing or no one will approach your your door.
going to check to see if there are any left…….
November 23, 2009 at 10:09 am
#25
point taken…Mexican flag colors…
Well grab my sombrero and call me taco.
November 23, 2009 at 10:09 am
@VGB
don’t forget the poison ivy.
p
x
November 23, 2009 at 10:13 am
We celebrate Ludacrismas in September, sorry if you missed it.
November 23, 2009 at 10:13 am
Dear Santa,
Please don’t.
Love,
ThePaste
November 23, 2009 at 10:15 am
my cat got into my knitting bag once and I am almost positive this is what she barfed up later. way to go.
November 23, 2009 at 10:16 am
Is that Santa? Or is it……..Santaclops?
November 23, 2009 at 10:17 am
Please, lets not go back to the clowns. *shudder* though that would be cool if it kept the Jehovah witnesses away. Like garlic.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24057047
this might be nice… if i was a stripper and it was late spring
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=30063438 this one looks MUCH more like a vagina
November 23, 2009 at 10:21 am
I love these shoe adornments, too: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24850426 “They have arrived on the scene and all eyes are on your feet”. No kidding.
November 23, 2009 at 10:22 am
You all know who will buy these…there is one in every office. She’s about 70, loves her xmas sweaters, sweatshirts, etc., has the big coke bottle glasses (on a chain she bought on etsy) and has the “blue hair perm” happening. She’ll think they are just too “whimsicle” to pass up.
What REALLY gets me is that she wants $18! I can buy sterling silver earrings for less.
November 23, 2009 at 10:27 am
From her profile: “The Name “Beachet” is my designer label for my Couture Clothing. … How I settled on the name is fasinating to say the least by all accounts it was fate. .. I took the first three letters of BEAD (Bea) and the last four letters of CROCHET (chet)… Now it gets interesting.. I looked up the name and it does exist and is french ..Then I looked up the meaning of “Beachet” and it is translated “The Butcher” in english. This was so perfect I couldn’t believe it!”
November 23, 2009 at 10:32 am
At first glance I thought someone had taken the Italian flag and made an ear vagina out of it. Upon further viewing I decided this was not the case. Naturally my next thought was “Christmas”.
November 23, 2009 at 10:32 am
To butcher with beads and crochet?
Awesome.
November 23, 2009 at 10:38 am
I often use the word “mesmerized” when I mean “mercerized,” and vice versa.
Just this morning I remarked that the beauty of the sunlight as it passed through my Going Rouge sun-catcher had left me mercerized.
November 23, 2009 at 10:38 am
#34 dangerousmezzo BOL maybe she subconsciously gave herself a proper name. Most fitting!
November 23, 2009 at 10:40 am
#11, #8 and #21, SQUIRREL BLOOD would likely be much more effective!
November 23, 2009 at 10:40 am
sorry I meant #18 not #8 – why can’t we edit these after we post??!!!!
November 23, 2009 at 10:40 am
#33 dangerousmezzo – Whoa. Girlfriend has come undone.
November 23, 2009 at 10:41 am
laughed so hard i snorted, helen.
November 23, 2009 at 10:44 am
#33 – I don’t know what dictionary she was looking in but “beachet” is DEFINITELY not a French word and DEFINITELY does not mean butcher, the correct word is “le boucher”. Not that she does not commit butchery with her “fashion”. Cripes.
November 23, 2009 at 10:46 am
#33 DM: Hilarious, thanks!
November 23, 2009 at 10:49 am
#33
Amazing.
Mon dieu
November 23, 2009 at 10:49 am
I’ll add lamb, mice and squirrel blood to my holiday shopping list, just to cover all the bases.
Thanks regrestians!!
November 23, 2009 at 10:51 am
#10 thanks for alerting me to “Mesmerized cotton” that made my day. Hilarious..
November 23, 2009 at 10:52 am
Helen…food related products….need to plan a dinner party..
November 23, 2009 at 10:57 am
All right. I know Etsy has WAY too many vaginas for sale, but those of you who think this looks like a vagina need to get out more…
November 23, 2009 at 11:00 am
Crikey, I’ve been reading too many etsy postings because I didn’t even notice the misspelled words!
November 23, 2009 at 11:06 am
#47 WF: In the words of the great Rob White, Etsy admin.: “All this vaginart makes me wanna yank my doodle, sweetheart.”
November 23, 2009 at 11:14 am
@#20 – LMAO! VanGogh, thanks so much for the explanation on random capitalization! I know lots of people who are afflicted with that disorder.
November 23, 2009 at 11:15 am
It’s like a gift from Hickory Farms – the gift that says Fuck you very much!!
November 23, 2009 at 11:22 am
Oh lord! I follow free patterns all the time, but then I know how to read them.
Yeah, the beads don’t look very Swarovski to me. I use to sell the stuff.
Oh… FYI Swarovski isn’t German. The creator was born in what is now the Czech Republic. The factory is located in Austria. This is your random bit of knowledge for the day.
November 23, 2009 at 11:29 am
Yet another reason I’m thankful I’m Jewish and have Chanukah.
November 23, 2009 at 11:37 am
Aside from looking like feet without toes, and being just sort of ugly in general, I didn’t think they were that bad. I mean, in comparison to other stuff I’ve seen on here.
November 23, 2009 at 11:45 am
It’s nice as a tree ornament, not so much as an ear ornament.
@ Patty, no Christmas gift for you lol
November 23, 2009 at 11:53 am
I really feel that the “View in a room” feature needs to be expanded to “View on a person”.
November 23, 2009 at 12:07 pm
#62 MB: Yeah, how about an interactive feature that would let us dress models in Etsy attire? Also looking forward to View it in a Womb, View it in a Tomb, View it on the Moon, View it on Orlando Bloom…
November 23, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@Stingray
view it on a butt,
view it on a nut
view it on a vagoo
view it on mr. magoo
(I got desperate on the last)
November 23, 2009 at 12:14 pm
#63 Stingray Charles
You missed out ‘view in a catacomb’ for the goth and emo items.
p
x
November 23, 2009 at 12:17 pm
oh god, it’s Cthulhu, eater of worlds!!
but why is he wearing glitter and dangling from some idiot’s earlobe?
November 23, 2009 at 12:25 pm
If someone gave me these I’d stick them right up their chimney!
November 23, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Be nice people…someone’s Gran made this (probably)
November 23, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Apparently these “will go wonderful (sic) with you holiday ensemble.” This is assuming that your holiday ensemble also includes a sweatshirt with a lace collar and a picture of adorable kitties playing in bows and wearing Santa hats.
November 23, 2009 at 12:34 pm
And what dictionary in fantasy land gave the definition for Beachet? It’s not a word! I looked it up in 6 languages… NOTHING! Wah-la!
November 23, 2009 at 12:40 pm
#64-65 LOL: I really hope my daughter doesn’t ask me to read her Green Eggs and Ham tonight, “I would not eat them on a butt, I would not eat them…”
November 23, 2009 at 12:56 pm
#71…”off my nut.”
okay, your nut…
November 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm
#72 VGB: Yeah, could get weird…Horton Hears a Vagoo…
November 23, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Dammit Wanderlust, how did you know what I was going to wear to the party?!?!? That’s it, I had a $10 Applebee’s gift card for you but just forget it, mister!
November 23, 2009 at 1:54 pm
This looks like a roadkill rooster… But if there’s “mesmerized cotton” then that’s gotta be special! I think I’d mesmerize everyone with those at the office party!
November 23, 2009 at 2:36 pm
The gift that says I love you…..very little.
November 23, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Her first attempt at making crochet earrings should certainly be her last.
November 23, 2009 at 3:10 pm
These looks a lot like something my Finnish grandmother would give me for Christmas… and I’d have to pretend to love them.
November 23, 2009 at 3:34 pm
who would have thought that was her first attempt?
November 23, 2009 at 3:49 pm
If Santa brought that shit to my house you’d be auctioning off bleedingsanta.com!
November 23, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I’m guessing she’s only posting a picture of the one as opposed to the pair because her crochet “skills” went awry and the other looks nothing like this one…
November 23, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Bedazzled tampon if you ask me.
November 23, 2009 at 6:16 pm
At least it isn’t “crotched”. I’d hate to think of this beauty dangling off some naughty bits.
November 23, 2009 at 6:34 pm
#68 i am bean :
Be nice people…someone’s Gran made this (probably)
If my grandma made this I would still make fun of it. By the way not everyone who attempts to knit and crochet (and some who are actually quite good) are old. I’m 25 and had knitted for 10 years until the carpal tunnel kicked in.
November 23, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Well, Santa IS a malicious bitch, so she’s probably right..
November 24, 2009 at 5:48 am
@ #83 NinjaGato:
It’s not the fact that it’s knitted or crocheted that makes it look ‘Gran’…it’s the whole styling and look of it that just screams out to me ‘CHURCH CHARITY FUNDRAISER’..and who usually runs those? You guessed it…Grans! (awww bless ‘em)
Just saying.
November 24, 2009 at 6:08 am
How much you want to bet these are coming soon to an Etsy Christmas gift guide near you.
November 24, 2009 at 9:39 am
Spell check is all well and good, but never a substitute for proof reading.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=24055022
“Perfect for a center piece, a sick relative in a car facility.”
How bad a relative do you have to be that your “loved ones” take you to the mechanic instead of just sticking you in a nursing home?
November 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm
If she photographs them on a windshield and/or next to a car tire I will buy them.
November 24, 2009 at 6:12 pm
OMG. This has sold?!!! Maybe it’s the wine talking but I have to ask the question- What am I doing wrong??!!! I have no vagina’s, penii (plural for penis in my universe), etc. Should I create a WTF line???!!!! http://www.starrydreams.etsy.com
Just another working stiff….
November 24, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Looks like Santa threw up a little cranberry, eggnog, and pine tree.
November 25, 2009 at 10:09 am
Being that I have an Etsy shop and that I make items to sell, I always try to cut other “artists” some slack. In this instance, I just can’t. Santa would only bring these if he had been taking some hardcore drugs.
November 26, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Cotton my ass, that stuff is Red Heart acrylic if I’ve ever seen it. I hope the buyer doesn’t stand too close to a candle at a holiday party because those damn things will melt.