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Cracker Jack – NSFW

Posted by Helen Killer

104 comments

Filed in Art, View it in a Room 104 comments

104 Comments

Add Comment

Nov 23, 2009
1:47 pm

#1 Dynomoose :

Love the view in a room!

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 23, 2009
1:47 pm

#2 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

I am humbled Ms. Killer. Aroused, but humbled.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 23, 2009
1:49 pm

#3 pauldodo :

He should get that seen to…..

p
x

Rate this comment: -2

Nov 23, 2009
1:49 pm

#4 BuyMyCrap :

I SO want to see this hanging in the Captain of a ships quarters!!

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 23, 2009
1:49 pm

#5 BuyMyCrap :

I think his penis migrate north and is now stuck on his face as a nose!

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 23, 2009
1:50 pm

#6 Fae :

Obviously the creator of this painting was too distracted with the ass to make the face look like an actual human being.

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 23, 2009
1:52 pm

#7 dreabunny :

As a Navy Wife, I have to say this….

I want one.

Rate this comment: +10

Nov 23, 2009
1:52 pm

#8 pauldodo :

@ #6 Fae : As my old gran used to say; ” You don’t look at the fireplace whilst you’re poking the fire.”

Don’t arsk….

p
x

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 23, 2009
1:52 pm

#9 tigerflight :

well, Tom of Finland (look him up) has nothing to worry about…

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 23, 2009
1:52 pm

#10 Natsu :

Hahaha. The view in a room is perfect.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
1:53 pm

#11 Stingray Charles :

Kamikaze: waiting patiently for your “seamen” joke.

Rate this comment: +8

Nov 23, 2009
1:54 pm

#12 BuyMyCrap :

#8 — ahahahahaha

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
1:54 pm

#13 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

aside from being dead, no tigerflight, he doesn’t.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
1:57 pm

#14 pauldodo :

Just noticed that it’s ‘orignial’, too….

p
x

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
1:59 pm

#15 Ghost Righter :

His face looks like it has been smashed into a pillow a few too many times.

#7- Also a navy wife, also want one, especially for a secret santa gift at his office, but my hubby would NOT find it amusing.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:00 pm

#16 awakenjournaling :

The “view in a room” made me burst out laughing

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:02 pm

#17 HermesGoddess :

HAHAHHAHAH, where the hell is his poor penis? Wait, I know the answer is going to be….don’t ask, don’t tell.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 23, 2009
2:02 pm

#18 everydaymama1 :

#6 Fae :

Obviously the creator of this painting was too distracted with the ass to make the face look like an actual human being.
———————

Took the words right out of my mouth! He looks like one of those flat-faced cats, but he has a nicer ass ;P

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:04 pm

#19 martini :

Looks like a promo still from “Buggery on the High Seas”.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:04 pm

#20 Patty :

Somehow, I find this painting and the Roofie pillow somehow related.

*and I love the “view in a room”. Perfection!*

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:06 pm

#21 whimsiclefuckery :

Aahhhhhhhhhhh. Thank God it’s not another vagina.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 23, 2009
2:07 pm

#22 dreabunny :

#15…I was thinking of pasting my hubby’s face over this guy’s…but the original is just so awesome I could never cover it up.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:10 pm

#23 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Oh Sting: I musn’t clutter the thread, so I’ll just send intersted parties here: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-A-Navy-Girlfriend/forum/Gay-Navy-Jokes/28183

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:11 pm

#24 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Looks like a typical Friday night to me Martini.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:12 pm

#25 GoldenGlow :

The nose looks like a ball sack!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:13 pm

#26 GoldenGlow :

Hell, now that I look closer, the ball sack looks like a nose! I think we’ve got our answer.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:14 pm

#27 martini :

#24 Kami… : You slay me… TMI… but you slay me none the less…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:14 pm

#28 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

you’re testifying to the choir whimsiclefuckery.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:15 pm

#29 Kimmer-G :

From her profile, “there is nothing that I can’t do if I set my mind to it.”…oh dear, the ‘cracks’ that could be made…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:16 pm

#30 Moons in Leo :

1) Totally wonderful View in Room
2) From artist boy’s Bio:
I love creating. I spent years as an artisan for major regional theaters and there is nothing that I can’t do if I set my mind to it. The only thing that can limit me, is my fears!

I think he should have stayed with scenery.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:17 pm

#31 Kimmer-G :

it’s a female artist

just sayin

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:17 pm

#32 YippySkippy :

Jack’s got a fine crack but his nose is a boner.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:21 pm

#33 butterwort :

I like the pose, but this artist can’t paint with watercolors.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:22 pm

#34 snarky :

What the???? Never mind…Don’t ask, don’t tell

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:24 pm

#35 DucksNew :

I’m thinking anatomy isn’t seller’s strength…now granted, I don’t look at it a lot, but I am pretty sure my…woman’s bits…aren’t a hole halfway up the back of my thighs: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=26473072

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 23, 2009
2:25 pm

#36 dangerousmezzo :

I love BDSM and love kinky art, but this stuff just isn’t very good. This one is really, really bad: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=26818835

The look of terror and horror in the woman’s eyes (“comforted”? I don’t think so) has nothing to do with the scene — she knows she’s being deformed in pencil by a arguably sadistic “artist” and is wishing she could remember her safe signal.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:26 pm

#37 DucksNew :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ad3Hzsy1-20&feature=related

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:26 pm

#38 i am bean :

Holy nut buckets…it’s seaman with no pants on!!!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:27 pm

#39 TooManyCookbooks :

It’s like something out of Genet novel. And not in a good way, either.

Perspective and anatomy — too bad they don’t sell it on Etsy.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:27 pm

#40 Patty :

@ Ducksnew- I was thinking that myself, well, not about your woman’s bits, but my own… now this post has taken a turn that I hadn’t intended…

Move along, nothing more to see here.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:27 pm

#41 Kelly :

Is it just me or does the sailor look like Matt Damon?

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:28 pm

#42 DucksNew :

Patty, you best not be thinking about my bits.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
2:28 pm

#43 TooManyCookbooks :

#35, I think you’ve found the most terrifying vag on Etsy! Which is saying something, given the competition.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:31 pm

#44 DucksNew :

#43, Oh, I think there will be more that are even scarier. You never think it can get worse, then another one rolls along.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:31 pm

#45 Patty :

Trust me when I say no worries, Duck.

And I hope you do the same… that is, NOT do the same.

You know what, let’s just stop talking about our bits altogether!

Look, there’s a butt-naked sailor up there!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:35 pm

#46 NinjaGato :

Does anyone else have “In the Navy” stuck in their heads?

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 23, 2009
2:43 pm

#47 Stingray Charles :

Duck and Patty: Yeah, WTF? Is he forcing her to squeeze an orange between her thighs for his morning juice?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:44 pm

#48 ohdearydearyme :

@19 ROTFLMAO

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:45 pm

#49 DucksNew :

No clue but it makes me wonder how she walks

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:45 pm

#50 YippySkippy :

I’m beginning to notice a few coinkydinks among some of these fine artists. Anyone remember the amazing “pleather halter” from a few days ago and the misshapen chest of the weird-armed model?

Well, HELLO:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=12780630

Symmetry is your friend, people!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:51 pm

#51 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Oh, all right Stingray, a little marine biology variation in your honor:
In a pod of whales, how can you tell which one is gay? Hes the one that tips the boat and sucks out the seamen.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
2:53 pm

#52 NotMyHyena :

I recognize him. Wasn’t he in the British Navy aboard the HMS Raging Queen?

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
3:01 pm

#53 martini :

#52 NotMyHyena : Yes. It’s Captain Hindgrinder…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:02 pm

#54 Stingray Charles :

#51 LOL, thanks, dude! BTW, nice Grimace!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:12 pm

#55 reallyscarey :

View-in-a-Room = LOL!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:24 pm

#56 everydaymama1 :

#35 DucksNew : LMAO! That is one seriously misplaced vag! The plastic surgeon who did that should be sued!!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:27 pm

#57 everydaymama1 :

Is it me, or does this one look like a squid on a decapitated torso?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35040604

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:29 pm

#58 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

well at least he shaved his balls.

um what happened to his nose?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:43 pm

#59 WTFisthatanyway :

Um, just say no to crack?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:46 pm

#60 Frankenkitty :

You get back to your quarters and put on your butt necklace this instant, young man! Someone’s been working out.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:50 pm

#61 Bad_Wolf :

I can’t believe no one has pointed out this masterpiece!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=26646900

Is she skewering a gourd between that poor man’s legs?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
3:55 pm

#62 WTFisthatanyway :

OUCH! I repeat OUCH!

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
4:07 pm

#63 Tdogdd :

Nothing I love more than sea men on canvas lol. Is this apart of the new Navy recruiting program.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
4:25 pm

#64 The Blue Kraken :

the view in a room made me choke on my cup of soup!

#63.. is that Sea Men or semen?
#61 ouch indeed.. and sick. but miss Bobbitt would LOVE it

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
4:27 pm

#65 veruca :

It’s not fleet week is it?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
4:29 pm

#66 NinjaGato :

61- That knife picture is the “before” to the sailors “after”

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
4:32 pm

#67 artistamuerta :

at least the price is reasonable…

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
4:33 pm

#68 NinjaGato :

66- $35 bucks for Matt Damon with a busted nose and no dick? If I’m paying $35 I want to see some peener.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 23, 2009
4:36 pm

#69 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

If I’m paying $35 bucks I want to touch some peener.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 23, 2009
4:49 pm

#70 Monstrosa :

That poor, poor noseless sailor. I don’t think I’d want to touch him.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
4:52 pm

#71 NinjaGato :

haha! You know those books for babies that have touchable fuzzy animals in them? We should make a book for grownups that has touchable fuzzy peni in it…and then sell it on Etsy

Rate this comment: +2

Nov 23, 2009
5:01 pm

#72 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

NinjaGato:
http://www.tlavideo.com/product/2-1120-236568_penis-pokey.html?sn=1

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
5:21 pm

#73 NinjaGato :

damn someone beat us to it!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
6:40 pm

#74 Stingray Charles :

What a shame, all that crack and no pipe.

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 23, 2009
6:58 pm

#75 Calophi :

I laughed so loud when I saw this image in a room!

At least they are selling it for a decent price. It isn’t too terrible of a painting, either. I wonder if you picked this one simply to put it in a room? =D

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
7:20 pm

#76 hammerhead77 :

Well, looky there, a new artist has embraced the Butt Aesthetic movement.
Where’s martini??

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
7:23 pm

#77 jwheeler :

peener?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
7:33 pm

#78 Street Corner Hooker :

His nose is dripping, and not in an “I’ve got a cold” sort of way.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
8:53 pm

#79 vangoghbabe :

“…don’t rock the boat baby
rock the boat, don’t tip the boat over
rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby…”

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 23, 2009
10:44 pm

#80 Night Cowl :

I think this is the sequel to brokeback mountain, when oe of the cowboys runs off and joins the navy. He has this portrait painted and sends it to his cowboy lover to remember the good times. Such bittersweet sentiment brings tears to my eyes.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
11:08 pm

#81 TomBee :

Pity, no “hard to port” jokes…

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
11:15 pm

#82 addiosix :

“I spent years as an artisan for major regional theaters”

Would these be the theaters on the side of the interstate with the big neon XXX signs and the people inside that periodically mop the jizz off the floors?

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 23, 2009
11:16 pm

#83 addiosix :

maybe somebody mopped away his peener

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
11:16 pm

#84 Night Cowl :

Love, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We’re expecting you.
Love, life’s sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won’t hurt anymore
It’s an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It’s LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! (hey-ah!)

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for…

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 23, 2009
11:18 pm

#85 Night Cowl :

everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won’t hurt anymore
It’s an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It’s LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! (hey-ah!)

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for ad

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
5:18 am

#86 craftsfromtheheart :

orignial?

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
6:21 am

#87 vangoghbabe :

This seaman looks like he’s upset with his Rear Admiral.

Rate this comment: +1

Nov 24, 2009
6:22 am

#88 vangoghbabe :

And jealous of the Captain’s “mass”

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
6:24 am

#89 vangoghbabe :

Why does the navy man have his name stenciled on the back of of his shorts? So the marine knows whos he’s f@#$ing…
buh-dumdum

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
6:38 am

#90 vangoghbabe :

so my ex was a navy man…this painting explains a lot….

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
7:22 am

#91 sar-sar :

OMG, I was busy doing a show… but I looked at this regretsy item and was like “that’s familiar”… and then I realized it was on my submissions list… and then I laughed as hard as I did the first time I saw it on etsy.

Helen Killer, you rock!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
7:44 am

#92 vangoghbabe :

U.S.S Hermaphrodite

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
8:40 am

#93 Sammy the Goose :

I wonder if there’s a prize inside.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
8:43 am

#94 vangoghbabe :

tattoo

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
9:01 am

#95 Stingray Charles :

#93-94: LOL, thanks.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
10:17 am

#96 krystyna81 :

OMG makes me feel MUCH better about the naked men in my shop!

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
2:39 pm

#97 crapgawker :

LOVE the View in a Room! Also appreciates a clean-shaven ass.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
3:20 pm

#98 Iterpy :

No more yanky my wanky….

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
4:13 pm

#99 Stingray Charles :

Looks like Matt Damon in Good Will Humping.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 24, 2009
8:12 pm

#100 vangoghbabe :

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Even if you don’t have a penis between your knees
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can’t you see I need a hand
In the Navy
As you look at my bulbous butt
In the Navy
I really don’t have much of a nut

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
8:12 am

#101 Dix :

I didn’t pursue an art major because I knew I didn’t have the natural talent for it, and my efforts would be better spent on something else. Now I see that I should not have seen lack of talent as an obstacle. Ugh.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 25, 2009
2:55 pm

#102 freshie :

Ha ha ha!! That was a good one, Helen! Three thumbs up! I’m going to show it to my naval Captain Father-in-law now to see if it elicits a laugh from his low key personality…

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 25, 2009
2:56 pm

#103 freshie :

Oops. Not funny to an officer in the navy….

Rate this comment: +4

Nov 25, 2009
3:57 pm

#104 Tdogdd :

The guy in this picture look like a guy in a Gay porn I gave to my firend on her bday (yes we watched) I wonder if the artist has seen it too???

Rate this comment: +1