Covo Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ad3Hzsy1-20&feature=related
Say what? Indeed

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you know the shitty thing is that it doesn’t come with the frame. You’re paying $25 for something you could make in MS Word and YOU DON’T GET THE FRAME.

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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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It makes my brain hurt. Is it just the piece of paper for $25?

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this is my personal favorite ’say what?’ moment…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TH6Acpzurb0

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#2 I laughed outloud

Engrish anyone??

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Y’know, I’d like to snark on this description, but I’m about 98% sure that this was written by someone who speaks English as a second language. Mind you, if you are a seller in NEW YORK, it’s not too hard to find a native speaker of English to help you write a description for your diet scam, er, sorry “handmade artwork” that’s going to be posted on Etsy for the world to see.

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A Premium Lab Ivory just won Crufts.

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She’s still changing the description as we view. It now says, “…as used for decorating your room. All 30days was designed in cute different faces with advise along the way and how to manual at the footer of a poster.”

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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YzJaW7ETmE&NR=1
This is my favorite “say what”

yes ducks, it’s a piece of paper for $25

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http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34607311
apart we cold

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Damm she needs to step away from the computer and QUIT editing ►”there might be a charge fee approximatly $10.” ?? might be?

Please make your payment via Paypal immediately. The product is ►shipping as fast as possible◄ after your payment. You’re expected to receive the package within ►7-10days◄. ???

Thank you for your trust and give us opportunity to keep people peace of mind! WTF?!?

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Wait, no frame? It doesn’t come with a frame? Are you sure? I’m not going to bash the ESL issue – too easy. But no frame??? And $5 shipping for a piece of paper??? WTF? If this sells I’ll eat a cowbell.

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Brain… Hurting!

“Through all my life I have been reading, researching and practicing many things to reach in highest goal such as meditation, donation, quiz, travels, spa, etc. I believe in my dream and anybody dream”.

Obviously she was not reading a dictionary or researching English grammar. Where are those pill pillows? I need one for my headache!

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#15 NinjaGato – Those are Koi?? Looks like pencil and erasers with eyes O.o

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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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I’m not going to pick on the english, because it’s pretty obviously second language here, but the design is so painful!

I’d pay $25 for a print, but not for mediocre typesetting.

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This looks like a *body bulk bingo board*. In a frame.

Is it erasable and reusable or do you have to order refills? (The description may answer that question, but I can’t stand to try and comprehend any more.)

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ROFLMAO #18 everydaymama1 “donation, quiz,”??? WTF is that? Anything like begging and Trivial Pursuit? Great goals – lol

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@reallyscarey – its “magigical results” you only need one month

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Ninja: In-between we lukewarm

Oy. GET SOME HELPI sold a soccer jersey on eBay France once. It was a Zidane jersey (head butt guy, last World Cup), so I wanted to make sure that it was listed through Ebay France as well as U.S. Ebay. Now, I took 6 years of French, but I knew that if I tried to write the item description in French it would be le suck. So, I had this crazy idea. Hey, why don’t I find a native speaker of French to help me. Novel concept, huh???

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crap – now she’s got me doing it – “magical”

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#22 Bobbi: Perhaps she wants a donation to be able to appear on Jeopardy? Who the hell knows ;P

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The best thing is that this seller’s “favorite materials” as listed on her etsy profile are “brain and blank paper”. And apparently also some stupid blank calendar template. I think I am going to buy it because ALL I HAVE TO DO IS RIGHT DOWN MY DAILY WAIT AND I WILL SEE MAGICAL RESULTS. That’s the least effing work I have had to do to lose weight yet!!!

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Oops. That should be:
GET SOME HELP! I sold….

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OH SHIT I SAID WAIT. REALLY???? HAHAHA I meant weight of course. Should not watch TV while typing.

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At least it’s not magicle.

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LMAO!! Hammerhead, le suck! As a Quebecer I totally LOVE this Fringlish slang ;P LOL!!

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Lawyer- Note that nowhere does it say “frame included” and under materials it doesn’t say “frame” she lists everything else but no frame.
oh and it’s $5 to ship. so you’re expected to pay $30 for a piece of paper.

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everydaymama – Je parle francais comme une vache! I’ve forgotten almost all of it.

I actually would like to see “Together we warm. Apart we cold. In-between we tepid.” in a fortune cookie

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Attention Etsian BABELFISH IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. STEP AWAY FROM THE INKJET PRINTER AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT.

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hammerhead, I’m sure you could get someone to do it in Alchemy. Maybe they’d like to advertise on Regretsy as well?

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#33 hammerhead77 :

everydaymama – Je parle francais comme une vache! I’ve forgotten almost all of it.

I actually would like to see “Together we warm. Apart we cold. In-between we tepid.” in a fortune cookie
————-

LMFAO!!! C’est tellement drole, “comme une vache” made me snort my tea! ;P And I love your fortune cookie idea. Brilliant!

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and it’s a shame because I sorta like the frame

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WAIT STOP! Everyone stop redding her lesting – its messing with our tipping and scruing up our Englesh!!

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I could do it in Photoshop, but I don’t want to steal Helen’s thunder over here!!

Seriously, that’s what this item needs, a view this description in a fortune cookie feature.

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I try not to be too harsh in my comments here but, this is fucking retarded and so is the seller. go away.

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Ninjagato, perhaps the frame is magicle and therefore does not require listing nor shipping – it just appears magicley on your wall where friend can view your arts? How warming!

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and you will loose wait whimsiclly

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I had a doctor who felt the need to tell me I was overweight. I gasped and said, “No! I just thought someone was standing too close behind me!” (he wasn’t amused)

If only I had THIS $30 piece of paper to help me. It would have saved all that embarrassment in the doctor’s office that day.

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This is the most ridiculously hideous piece of garbage! It’s not magigical, magicle, or magical. It’s SHIT!

Don’t forget, “commit with yourself”.

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Hammerhead, after the magick that was Flavor Flabia, you never have to worry about stealing my thunder. You can have as much as you like.

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Every business should aim for build to last, that’s a great motto.

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I need to “see this in a room” in the (Rosanne) Conner living room. Thx.

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I noticed that almost all of the framed items have the exact same frame. I broke down (for the sake of journalistic integrity of course) and convo’ed the seller to see if the frames came with the print. I will of course report back if I hear anything.

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quality work hammerhead

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Bravo HH77!

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Don’t feel bad HH77.
That is GOLD!!

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LOL, hammerhead.

Ninja, good luck with that. The reply might be painful though.

Day 2 looks constipated. That won’t help it lose weight.

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Sadly, I could also do fortune cookies with some of the descriptions from native speakers of English!

Signs say your future will be magnicifent.
Good luck will be with you tell the end of time.

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Only a skinny person would think people would find it fun and artistic to share their current weight with everyone who comes over to their house.

However, I would consider it if, as advertised, by doing so the weight would magically go down each day.

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Amazing. I write my weight down every day for 30 days and it magically decreases? Holy crap!

Thank goodness this will be on mixed linen textile. If there is one thing I would want to “for build to last” it would be a sheet of paper with my weight scrawled on it for 30 days.

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Day 28 looks like an otter.

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“We really want to help you as well as keep beautifulness lasting of art. In case you want us to reprint it after did workshop just scan or send us data plus a delivery fee. We will remake the new one for free!”

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?? My head is still hurting.

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#58, it means “these are cheap as fucking hell for us to make anyway, we can profit just on shipping alone”

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This product is defective! I wrote down my weight goal as 98lbs and I’m STILL 178lbs! Bitch said it was MAGICAL. Magical my big fat ass!

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hammerhead I love it! Fortune cookie always good!

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#50 hammerhead77 : That’s brilliant.

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My mom had one of those, from Richard Simmons.

Looks like she just slapped her name on one of those and called it a day.

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I vaguely remember the Richard Simmons one.

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ohsoretro – *sigh* I wasn’t going to admit this, but I’ve taught ESL before. (Ain’t ya’ll glad I’m influencin’ young minds??)
My ESL-to-English guess is: We really want to provide you with quality & customer service. In case something happens during shipping and you need us to reprint it, just scan it and send us the image file plus a shipping fee. We will make you a new one for free!

Er, it’s still sort of WTF??, but that’s at least what I *think* the seller is trying to say!

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wait so you have to pay to have something reprinted for free? WTF?

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Ninja – I think you only have to pay the shipping if they redo it. I *think*. This is really rudimentary stuff. The seller desperately needs to take some ESL!

If they don’t at least pack a sheet of paper well enough that it doesn’t get mangled in the mail, then they should reprint it, ship it, and do the whole damn thing for free.

That said, why anyone would buy this, EVER, is beyond me!

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If it’s damaged in shipping, how are you going to send an image file? Maybe they mean if they screwed it up somehow? What is “workshop” meant to mean here?

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Well that’s probably why nobody has purchased anything from the shop. I agree with you if they screw up they need to fix it gratis.

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I think workshop is meant to = after we have done the work.
All that shit about scanning and sending it back is still WTFuckery in any language. It sounds like what they’re attempting to convey, more or less, is a customer service message. If you ain’t satisfied, they’ll redo it. You’ll have to pay shipping, though!

Gah. Just Gah.

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I would guess that somehow they think that writing your weight down for 30 days constitutes a “workshop.” Maybe they think that we’re stupid enough to think that buying a piece of paper for $30 means that we’re buying into a program. From what I gather from the rest of the shop she thinks she’s selling a lifestyle.

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I’m so confused by the “Together We Warm” poster she’s selling. WTF?? All of it is destroying my mind.

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OK, then if we go with that, workshop = weight loss program, then maybe she’s saying that if you don’t lose weight after the first 30 days, then they will send you another card so that you can do the “workshop” another 30 days?? You just have to pay for shipping costs on the new card.

Ninja – I’d say the reason nobody has bought anything from the shop is because nobody really knows WTF is for sale here.

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What is a “peach portal”? It sounds like another term for vagoo.

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@Hammerhead
Nise…really build to last work..I’m glad you aimed for that

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The finger lickin’ chipmunk art helps me with my diet..this…well, it’s just wall decor.

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Bad_Wolf:
“Peachportal refers to peach fruit doorway which homophone mean ‘The gateway to your peach of mind’”

No, I did not make that up. It’s from a blog they linked in the shop. A blog is half in Thai.

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A blog that is half in Thai.

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I know every girl loves to display their weight in public spaces! All this seller needs to make now is a “I weigh ___ lbs today!” bumper sticker with a dry erase marker and she’ll be a millionaire!

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I mean, it’s kind of cute with the little kitty faces and all. I just think the frame should be included. I like this part: Firstly you just setting goal for next 30days, write it down then you commit with yourself, family or friend who could view your wall. Let’s them help encourage you.

friend: You can do it, fat ass!

Ah, New York. Send us your crazy people, they’ll fit right in. Lard asses and all.

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those are kitty faces? how can you tell?

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#78 Hammerhead:

Yep, this description does nothing to discourage my original impression.

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Oops, I thought day #2 had whiskers.

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Ok after much contemplation I think I’ve got it.. you pay $30 for this piece of paper wall decor design (minus frame) and therefore lose weight because you can’t afford groceries this month. Also something about a workshop.

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#73 WOW: WTF is right. “Together We Warm” – who wrote that, Frankenstein, Tarzan or Tonto?

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#78 HH77: “Gateway to your Peach of Mind” is the B side of the Iron Butterfly single “Inna Godda Da Vida.”

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Welcome to my world. I used to read about 20 papers a night that were only maybe one or two levels better than this. Felt like a codebreaker sometimes.

If you don’t like the weight loss wall art, there’s also a ltd. edition Christmas self-improvement chart listed in the TRAVEL(???) section of their shop:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35117965

IT’S WHIMSICLE!

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“peach portal” = http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33755306

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How did I just know that I was going to be taken to a vagina when I clicked that link???? ROFL, Wolf!!

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I heard back from her. I’ll paraphrase since my phone doesn’t cut & paste. Basically the $25 is just for the paper BUT she’ll throw in the frame for an extra $30. Oh and if I order now I’ll get it in 2 weeks…so how would I like to pay. How do you say poorly crafted scam in Thai?

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Put this right up next to that Christmas Calendar that gives you a piece of chocolate everyday! It’s the perfect juxtaposition, fatass!

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Thank you for your comments and devoted your time for analyze. I’m thinking for many days that it might be mistake in my sell. Thank you again for clarify. I’m new to this business and need a lot of improvement. Please give me opportunities to fix these. I’ll still keep posting same products until the end of this week. I’ll come with the new improvement products…at more reasonable price. Please help tell me how could I made it better and made you happy with my products : )

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If anyone has had a conversation with this seller and can confirm the email address, please let me know.

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I will email you a copy of the convo when I get online tomorrow.

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#89 Bad_Wolf :

My God, that is scary as hell. If I had that anywhere in my house, I’d be scared to go to sleep.

It looks like a creepyass H.R. Giger alien butt-pod egg that is going to hatch any second and whatever is in there is going to attach itself to someone’s face and suck their soul out from their nose.

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#95 addiosix: I’m fairly certain it would plant eggs inside of you and after gestation, hundreds of whimsicles would come crawling out of your stomach. Peach cobbler, anyone?

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#96 Bad_Wolf :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35117965

Travel Plan Day 1: Stay the hell away from peaches. Forever.

Travel Plan Day 2: Hide under bed with rosary.

Travel Plan Day 3: Twitch a little bit and wince.

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#97, addiosix: LOL!! And what is up with this opening “paragraph” in the listing?

“This Christmas is coming. Don’t make it same old sh*t different year!!! You could change yourself and this year you could make it real”.

‘Cause we all know Christmas is shit every year right? Happy shitty Christmas all!!

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This has got to be the lamest, most retarded piece of shit I have ever seen. Another one slips through the cracks of the basic Engrish Riteracy testing system.
*sigh*

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OMG…she has a blog as well.

http://www.peachportal.blogspot.com

Don’t read it unless you want your eyes to explode and your head to fall off.

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#80 redseaglass : LOL.

#91 NinjaGato : $30 extra for frame? OH. MY. GOD.

If she sells this, it will be the buyer you’ll want to showcase in your book, Helen.

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Seriously, MAJOR ESL issues aside, this is just straight up (yes!) fraud.

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The blog is truly fucking hilarious though. This…person is utterly delusional.

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This is from the seller’s profile:
Favorite Materials

Brain and Blank Paper

I think she has that reversed….should read
Blank Brain and Paper

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So let me get this straight. If I write my weight on this every day, I will magically lose weight?

Move over, Alli!

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I’m glad it comes with an air-bag. I feel like puking.

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As crap as this is…those having a go at the price for “just a piece of paper” are morons.
Most art is on “just a piece of paper”.
You are paying for her design (and material cost).
Is the design worth the bank breaking price of $25…well, eye of the beholder.

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Someone, please:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=35035531

Tell me what “This Diet for Peace of Mind Set is 11.12% saved combined with 2 pieces are:”

So, it’s 11.12% saved from the trash can?

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#panik
Not to to be a bitch…but, there’s cheap ass copy paper and there’s quality art paper (card stock would be better than this)….you go figure it out.

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#13 ohsoretro` “English Mother Fucker, Do You Speak It”

You’re harshin my mello. This should be a fun place, not an ugly one. And that was ugly.

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@#111 jojo……it’s a line from Pulp Fiction. A line delivered to an English speaking character incidentally.

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OK, I feel much better now. Thanks #112.

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Confucius says: Man who jumps off cliff jumps to conclusions.

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You’re welcome, #111 AND #113.

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@114 VGB: Frankenstein say: “Diet bad!”

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mmmmm turkey leg….

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#99 everydaymama1 : Fa ra ra ra ra…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46WcFObgYhI

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Hey peachportal – you asked for suggestions:

1. Have a friend who is a native English speaker help write your advertisements for your products – it will help your sales.

2. People will not want to use diet charts as decor – at least not in this part of the world anyway. Don’t sell diet items as art.

3. Good on you for asking for feedback. Ignore some of the meaner comments on here. Most people don’t care about perfect english grammar to the degree people harp on it here. The jokes…

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..get old after awhile

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#117 martini :

#99 everydaymama1 : Fa ra ra ra ra…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46WcFObgYhI
————

I love that movie!! That is one of the BEST scenes ever. I always LMAO when they chop off the “smiling” ducks head ;P

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#118 priceless : Maybe you should convo them…

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4. Americans may buy some ridiculous shit, but most of us are not quite as stupid as one might think. To wit: we know it costs $.44 to ship and about $.02 to print. Please price your products accordingly.

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Oh I don’t know about not selling art as a diet item. Lots of things on Regretsy have made me “loose” my appetite.

Damn bait and switch. I was all excited – then as so many of you had already discovered – It doesn’t include that beautiful frame.

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More suggestions:

1. Don’t sell this stuff on Etsy. It really doesn’t fit with Etsy at all, which is half the reason it’s on this site. Sell it on Ebay or just sell it through the peach portal website. Which brings me to #2…

2. Change the name. Peach Portal makes no sense, even with the explanation. It gives me no idea what your business is about. With a name like that, I’m going to think its a fruit sales company or something.

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3. Get someone who is *fluent* in both Thai and English to help you write clear descriptions. It should not be that difficult to find a person of that description in NY.

4. If you can’t get some help in writing the descriptions, then try to sell this stuff in Thai by placing ads on sites or forums that get a lot of traffic from Thais or Thai expats.

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#108 panik – Hey ‘moron’ you buy it then if it’s so great.

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#127 seriously!
I’m an artist, but I have to agree, this item is pretty much just a piece of paper.

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ok now that I see that she’s actually posted a comment asking for help, I feel bad for being nasty.
PeachPortal- you have my sincere apology. I hope that (if you’re still reading this) you’ll take into consideration some of the suggestions listed above.

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