Regretsy News
As I sit here this morning, sifting through nearly 500 comments of people spewing the most profane words imaginable to win a guessing game with no prize, I am filled with gratitude and affection. You, fellow snark-mongers, secret lovers of all things crotched and googly-eyed, mean-spirited mockers of teddy bears with no eyes and vaginas on water bottles, you are my people.
And so it is particularly fitting that I make the following announcement this morning, because I only have you and your support to thank for this:
REGRETSY HAS SIGNED A BOOK DEAL WITH RANDOM HOUSE
Yes, it’s true. A Regretsy book is now in the works, and I’m pretty jacked up about it.
The book is a different animal than this site. I’m only using material with the participation and permission of the sellers, so you have to want to be a part of it. And it’s my intention to make the sellers a significant part of it.
I’ve asked Random House to use Etsy artists to create the art in the book, instead of illustrators or stock images they might otherwise use. There will also be a seller’s guide in the book, fully crediting each submitter and providing links to their store. I’m offering free advertising on Regretsy to anyone who winds up selected for the book. And there are a lot of other opportunities for all of us that I’ll tell you about later.
So if you’d like to be a part of the book, click on the chicken in a poncho up on the left, and you’ll be taken to a form that tells you what to do.
And if you’ve already been featured on the site and would like to be in the book, use the link to let me know. It will be mostly new material, but there’s room for some favorites.
Thank you all for making this possible. I have been loving everything about this, and wishing I could make it my job. Now it is!
November 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm
You’re my idol.
November 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Awesome and so deserved!! You are FUNNY my friend Helen Killer, congrats
November 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Very cool–congrats!
November 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Helen Killer is my HERO. Hooray for the Regretsy Book!!
November 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm
This is terrific news. I hope that you include some of the more clever comments in the book. Such as the interpretive critiques on http://tinyurl.com/ya2b6kq
November 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Congrats! I have a feeling this book is going to be EPIC.
November 20, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Congratulations!!!! That is so fantastic!
November 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Wow – that’s incredible, congrats! I’ve been watching this site in the shadows
November 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Congrats Helen! I’ll think of you every morning that I hear your voice on kids tv.
November 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm
NiCe. ConGRaTUlatIoNS. GoT YOur woRk cUT Out foR yOU!
November 20, 2009 at 12:12 pm
i assume this can only be good for etsy. LOL
November 20, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Congrats! I’m sure the book will be magnicifent.
“And there are lots of opportunities for all of us that I’ll tell you about later”
Just a clarification if I may: Should we random Regretsians also click on the poncho-ed chicka and sign up if we want to help out with the book, even if we are not sellers or purveyors of what-the-fuckery? Or is that just for sellers and purveyors of what-the-fuckery? (Some of us may have *cough* publishing experience, that may or may not be useful)
November 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm
For some reason the Michael Jackson on a baseball is the most memorable of all items to me. Hope you get to use that one! Congratulations!
November 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Go you!!!!!!!!
November 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I’m holding out for the movie….lifetime channel or comedy central..you decide…okay maybe spike, max at night…you know, Helen, the world is at your feet.
November 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm
WOW!! You deserve it. That’s awesome news.
2 Va-jay-jays up!
November 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm
NO…2 porcelein dildos up
November 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Regretsy has gone legit! Well done H! x
November 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm
But the comments are the funny part. Not sure how well that will work in a book, but good luck.
…Perhaps there should be a memo section in the margins.
November 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm
#14 vgb–I’m thinking Skinimax. All felted vaginas, all night long.
Or perhaps the classic plumber set-up where the guy in the butt necklace shows up: “You need your hot glue gun unplugged ma’am?”
bow chica bow bow….
November 20, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Re: memo section – like in Jon Stewart’s history book, with his “notes”
November 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm
w00t!
November 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Congratulations Helen! As you enjoy your success, always remember: Ability can take you to the top, but it takes charter to keep you there.
November 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm
LOL…#23
November 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Congratulations!!!!! Can’t wait for the movie.
BTW You are gorgeous
November 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm
#25-Yes, not at all the blind, deaf, mute axe-murder that I had in mind.
November 20, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@ #12, the chicken in a poncho is for sellers only, which is not a sentence I ever thought I’d write. But if you want to make suggestions, email me, because I would LOVE to hear them!
@ #19 “Fae: But the comments are the funny part.”
WHAT
November 20, 2009 at 12:39 pm
that is awesome!! good for you!! this site is awesome…if i don’t check in daily for my dose of “whimsicle”, my day goes to crap, much like the stuff i see on here!! congratulations!!
November 20, 2009 at 12:46 pm
There is a god! No, wait, There is a Jesus on a laptop!
November 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Will there be a commemorative Christmas ornament with the name of the book misspelled?
November 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Awesome! A sense of humor goes a long way, something Etsy seems to generally lack!
November 20, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Awesome!!!! Way to go!!!! I have a sudden urge to go make something graphic, misspelled, nonsensical & ridiculous just so I can be part of this!
November 20, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Holy crap, a book! And I can’t believe, *sniff*, I’ve been following you since the beginning, *sniff*.
Congratulations!! And damnit, I wish I had something Regretsy-worthy! LOL
November 20, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I’m so happy for you. I’ve gotten much enjoyment from your site. I’m hoping for a book deal too and now I’m more inspired than ever. All the best to you!!
November 20, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Congrats Helen/April! Let us know if there’s any way we can help out.
November 20, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Oh, and on a side note, I’m pretty sure that the featured seller on Etsy is the same one that produced the crazy dog silhouette thing.
November 20, 2009 at 1:12 pm
congratulations!! you rock Helen!
November 20, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Sure, it’s all fun and games til someone gets a book deal.
Congratulations Helen! May all your dreams come true. ALL your dreams, (indistinct muttering).
And Random House! You SO have to nail Andre Agassi now.
November 20, 2009 at 1:16 pm
This.
Is.
Amazing. Congrats!
November 20, 2009 at 1:25 pm
And SWEAR you’ll try the chocolate covered raisins popcorn, you think a book deal is sweet?
November 20, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Well, at least this puts to rest the rumor that you are actually esty admin.
November 20, 2009 at 1:26 pm
But enough about you.
November 20, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@#35 Kamikaze, Re: Agassi: With or without the mullet wig?
November 20, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I sooo submitted! Just keeping my fingers crossed I get chosen!
Woohoo!
November 20, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Stingray, he has a head? never noticed.
November 20, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Holy fucking Jesus on a laptop penis penis penis!! That makes me want to throw glitter on a polymer vagina! Congrats(yes!)!
November 20, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Congrats, Helen K, you completely deserve it.
At the risk of sounding like Mary Whitehouse, please tell me you’ll leave out some of the more nauseating creepy porn stuff. Please. I want to be able to share this book with the generations of my family above and below me!
Oh, and make sure you make the book (yes!) whimsicle!
November 20, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Oh buffoon, buffoon, buffoon, one man’s nauseating creepy porn stuff is another man’s regular Saturday night. Be more specific.
November 20, 2009 at 1:34 pm
please let say what be in there. please let say what be in there. please let say what be in there.
Oh man, I truly hope the outsider artists will play ball with this. Most of that shit is so priceless.
@#44: I dunno. I think “Mittens” deserves a spot, don’t you?
November 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked my husband to quit the publishing house he’s at and go work for Random House.
I have to go throttle him now.
November 20, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Wow! SO proud of you! And it’s also awesome to put a face with the (pseudo)name after all these long…er, weeks.
November 20, 2009 at 1:41 pm
fanFUCKINGtastic! I’m not surprised that you got a book deal. Regretsy is awesome, and I get a kick out of reading it every day
November 20, 2009 at 1:41 pm
SoapyHo!!! I’m all aflutter! I’m such a fan of your corn poo!
Helen, I’m sure #12 means the only other funny thing about the site!
November 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm
#19, #19! Sorry!
(I am NOT a number! I am a FREE MAN!..well, woman…)
November 20, 2009 at 1:45 pm
My deepest and most heartfelt congratulations Helen…
SQUIRREL!
November 20, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Oh… And good luck to the poor bastard that has to edit it. Bwaahaha…
November 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I was sure Helen was a man…….
November 20, 2009 at 1:53 pm
#20
The Gypsy Dangler….
think of what the costume and set designer would have to choose from????
November 20, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I stand corrected… Good luck Jill… Bwaahaha…
November 20, 2009 at 2:10 pm
HELEN you’re living life like you were dying!
I would like to be at your first book signing…
November 20, 2009 at 2:15 pm
vangoghbabe: personally i’m more likely to be at her first book burning, but i solemnly swear to throw myself on the pyre in protest, or at lest throw my favorite Barney’s cashmere sweatshirt, it’s probably more valuable.
November 20, 2009 at 2:17 pm
This is so wonderful Helen!!! WOOT!! I am going to run out and get a copy as soon as it is released. And I will proudly show it off to all I know telling them that fuzzy vag’s, butt shields, and squirrel blood is really and truly all the rage today! ;P LOL!!
November 20, 2009 at 2:21 pm
I offered my congrats on FB but it was in the middle of another thread … and, oh well, never mind … You’re fabulous and totally deserve this!
November 20, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I agree with Needle. I think it’s fabulous that Regretsy is getting so popular, it’s a downriight funny read. What gets me is that it’s the oddities, the notorious Etsy favorites, the owls, cowls and faux bois, the vaginas, the untalented, the illiterate, the people who find attention to detail a little too much to bother with are the ones to get featured and publicized. The rest of us can go pound salt. It seems the trendy, urban, hip and edgy and now the dregs of Etsy is all people…
November 20, 2009 at 2:54 pm
But am I bitter?
November 20, 2009 at 2:54 pm
You bet I am.
November 20, 2009 at 3:02 pm
i demand view-in-a-rooms/view-on-a-models for every item in the book!!
also, congrats.
November 20, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I’m guessing from Helen’s post that only a limited # of things from the site will make it into the book. I’m assuming Soapy Ho will be on-board for the book. Maybe the meerkat lady since she sold so many meerkats after being featured. The adult bottle cozy seller appears to have a sense of humor, so she maybe she’d agree??? I was under the impression that a lot of the stuff in the book will be new, and that the rest of the stuff won’t be able to go in the book without permission.
November 20, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@kamikaze
I w/ ya I’ll start making picket signs and maybe we could get a fire extiguisher cozy with a vag
November 20, 2009 at 3:22 pm
SAY WHAT?
I actually got a little misty and (yes!) teary….
cOnGrATULtiONS.
tHIS BOOK WILL BE DIABOLICLE
November 20, 2009 at 3:24 pm
vangoghbabe, I’m thinking a Dew Drop extinguisher. “Look, it’s putting out the fire…very…slowly.” Bless you for your support.
November 20, 2009 at 3:25 pm
true that….gives every one time to flee
November 20, 2009 at 3:25 pm
or stop drop and roll
November 20, 2009 at 3:28 pm
you are bringing more publicity to etsy than etsy ever have
November 20, 2009 at 3:29 pm
You know, Kamikaze, I think I am still just recovering from the fish/worms/parasitic twin thing yesterday. That was actually the first thing I really didn’t find funny (oh, except the sombrero, that *almost* redeemed it for me). But hey, to each his own. I cry actual tears of joy most days thanks to the hilarity of Regretsy, which is in no small part due as much to Helen K’s one liners as to the items themselves. So it is more than a little churlish to complain!!
November 20, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I am actually going to start painting again..fo realz…
but not to have Helen post on here….I am assuming that any one can do this…seeing the work we’ve seen on here and etsy
November 20, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Thanks Lara!!
And hell yeah hammerhead77, I’m totally on ~ board!! If I get chosen…I will…I don’t know what I’ll do!!
November 20, 2009 at 3:39 pm
What the hell. I have a ton of polymer clay, it’s not my medium, but I bet I can make vaginas, after all I have one. And I have a mirror too, just in case I need to refresh my memory. I even have some black eyelash yarn that I once tried my hand at knitting and crocheting with, would work great as pubic hair. And I’ll mispell it and call it public hair and maybe someone will spot it and I’ll get on regretsy and be famous too.
November 20, 2009 at 3:47 pm
buffoon: oh, well, yes, no, not my Saturday night at all.
November 20, 2009 at 3:51 pm
#64 thats because everyone is sick to death of grey and NYC urban loft trend.
The reason regretsy is so popular is because there is a seething mass of discontented sellers who had been silenced in the forums too long.
So even though the stuff that is getting publicity is utter shit, and artists that will never see the front page (except for yokoo ofcourse) i think it just gives people a little satisfaction someone different is getting *some * recognition.
*feel free to convo me if you…
November 20, 2009 at 3:52 pm
have any further queries*
lol
November 20, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Regretsy is my home page. I have it with my coffee in the morning
*and maybe several times during the day…*
I dont even go to the etsy forums anymore
November 20, 2009 at 3:57 pm
“So even though the stuff that is getting publicity is utter shit”
Really? Shit??
I prefer to call mine poo, corn poo soap as a matter of fact. *lmao*
November 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm
#83 Yours is good shit
November 20, 2009 at 4:06 pm
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6345819&page=14
November 20, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Case in point Stingray, thank you for the link!
November 20, 2009 at 4:13 pm
You’re welcome Kamikaze, take it easy.
November 20, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Thanks #84!! *lol*
November 20, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Congrats. Something tells me that people will start making crazy things just to be featured in the book.
November 20, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Your name is April!!
Best of luck with the book, I wish I could pre-order already
November 20, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Congratulations Helen (Yes!) April!
You so deserve it for the belly-ache-laughs you’ve served up to me the past months!
I just wish I had been smartski enough to buy the original Whimsicle Butterfly, “You are Magnicifent” or the “Say What Man” before they sold out… they’re practically a piece of urban legend now!
November 20, 2009 at 4:56 pm
yeah i think maybe thats going to happen #89
November 20, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I feel dizzy…..
p
x
November 20, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I go out for a few drinks and come home to this. Congrats, Helen! Oh, and, FWIW, I totally would make some bullshit crafts to be featured in the book lol
November 20, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Congrats! I hope it will be the next whimsicle addition to my bookshelf!!
November 20, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Congrats, Helen!
I for some reason never see any bullshit items on Etsy. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places.
November 20, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Yay! Whimicles all around!
November 20, 2009 at 5:43 pm
So excited over this news I misspelled the misspelling.
It”s WHIMSICLE!
November 20, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Oh hell somebody cover me I’m going in:
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6345819&page=29
November 20, 2009 at 5:55 pm
The usual crop of Etsy beotches on the Etsy Etc. Forum are going wild at this..
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6345819&page=24
Choke on it! I think Regretsy is hilarious and let’s face it – there is a lot of stupid crap on Etsy!
November 20, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Ooh – I was 100!! I see now that Kamikaze beat me to it – quick little squirrel.
November 20, 2009 at 6:04 pm
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6345819&page=32
November 20, 2009 at 6:05 pm
November 20, 2009 at 6:07 pm
crapgawker, you get the feeling ‘winks is touching herself as she types?
November 20, 2009 at 6:15 pm
CLOSED THREAD!
November 20, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Aw, I was rubbernecking and my favorite–SugarcubeDesign–hadn’t shown up to jump onto the dogpile yet. I believe Sugarcube was the one who said she wanted to punch this site in the face, which made me laugh. (Apparently that’s A-OK in the Etsy forums!)
OOps. I’m calling out Etsy sellers on Regretsy which is totally a violation of…oh, fuck it.
I’m glad someone explained fair use to them! A bunch of them were yelling about lawsuits if they ever ended up on Regretsy. On what grounds???
November 20, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Oh, I also wanted to add: AwakenJournaling, if you are lurking around here, you totally should make a vagina journal!
All of those womyngoddesses on Etsy who make the vagina crafts would totally buy one. They could do sketches, track their menstrual cycles, and keep a daily diary detailing their inner labi–, er, innermost thoughts about their, um, “womynhood.”
November 20, 2009 at 7:09 pm
That is so awesome! Congratulations!
November 20, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Congrats!!!!!
November 20, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Kamikaze, sorry to stir up shit on Etsy then bail, fellow sock puppet. The Etsy admins disabled my profile once that thread got interesting. Anyway, you kicked ass, Secret Agent Pussy Cat!
November 20, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Too cool! Congratulations!
November 20, 2009 at 11:21 pm
ROB!!!
November 20, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Man, you did this blogging thing right! Congrats!
November 21, 2009 at 2:01 am
YAY! congrats!
November 21, 2009 at 4:01 am
Stingray: thank YOU! I never would have gone to the forums if you hadn’t shit stirred in the first place. And to any lurking esty admin, congrats on your amazing financial success! It takes a lot of black ink to block potential customers from your site for a few harmless comments in the most obscure areas of your forums. Well done!
November 21, 2009 at 4:04 am
*sigh*…so in love…Mr. & Mr. Stingray & Kamikaze Charles…*swoon*
November 21, 2009 at 4:05 am
OH HOLY SHIT WAS THAT OUT LOUD???????
November 21, 2009 at 4:30 am
Congratulations!
November 21, 2009 at 5:45 am
WOW! Way to go! This is awesome news.
November 21, 2009 at 6:01 am
wont people start to deliberately make crap in order to be associated with your new found notoriety? that would kinda ruin it for me, so i hope it keeps real!
For it it becomes hip to be considered ‘crap’, it couldnt be called regrettable.
or is that what people want, anyway, and im just too slow on the uptake.
regardless, good luck with the book, as they say!
November 21, 2009 at 8:23 am
reading that Etsy thread just made me sad. talk about taking everything way to seriously.
love you sock puppets
November 21, 2009 at 9:46 am
Recently I bought a non-humiliating pet item from a seemingly sane Etsy seller who had no vaginas or fairies on offer in her shop. It was my first ever Etsy purchase. When you register they ask you all these questions about how you found out about Etsy, and I made sure to put down REGRETSY for every single one of them!
November 21, 2009 at 10:03 am
“no vaginas or fairies” — wouldn’t have been Regretsy that sent you there.
November 21, 2009 at 10:18 am
#123-I honestly didn’t know that much about Etsy before someone sent me a link to this site, so I actually did find Etsy through Regretsy. Mind you I had to find most of the sellers who actually offer *practical* items on my own
November 21, 2009 at 10:46 am
Kamikaze: I’m flattered, but you can do much better, trust me, I’m no Yankee Doodle Sweetheart. Besides, I don’t think Mrs. SRC would approve.
November 21, 2009 at 10:51 am
hammerhead77 – that “someone” must be another one of us with a very TwISteD SEnse OF HuMoR. Glad you’re with us!
November 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm
so tigger is your daddy? Hoo Hoo HOO HOO!
November 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Hooray! Congrats!
November 21, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Expect a flood a premeditated bad craft/art. (well more so than usual)
November 22, 2009 at 12:40 am
Congrats, Helen!!! Until a friend told me about this site, I thought I was the ONLY fuh-reek who sat around and gawked at the horrendous items on Etsy for hours. That you have been offered a book deal based on your efforts means that there is hope for humanity AND some much-needed humor in the world! WHIMSICLE and Wah-lah!
Now I have to start making ugly stuff and pray that I make it in! ;0)
November 22, 2009 at 7:31 am
That’s wonderful! I can’t wait to see more of my favorite whimsicle sequenced objects and everyone’s favorite art of taxidermy items in book form. Congrats!
November 22, 2009 at 7:58 am
This is major – big props!
November 23, 2009 at 1:15 am
Congrats April! I was going to tell you to not forget stand-up as I think you’d ‘kill’ that medium but I see you jumped the gun! You’re profesh!! No wonder you are so damn funny. You even know my hero Kevin Spacey! That’s awesome. So glad I found this just a week after you started the site. I have gotten so much enjoyment out of it. Thank you!
Now please tell me the story on the alias! I have begged so many times! Just a twist on Helen Keller or is there an inside joke I am not getting?
November 23, 2009 at 6:00 am
Holy shit!!! Congratulations!!! Like others have said, this is so very well-deserved – best of luck and can’t wait to see it in print!
December 3, 2009 at 4:21 pm
I bow you thee! You are a hoot!! It’s hard to contain myself when I’m cruising through this site when I’m supposed to be working. I am going to have to try to come up with something worthy of the book.