Perfectly Charmin

Posted by Helen Killer 80 comments

If you really want to get noticed, try crapping your pants on the bus. It might not be ironic, but it’s less embarrassing than wearing yellow spats to (yes!) work.

Filed in Accessories 80 comments
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Nov 19, 2009
9:05 am
#1 regretmenot :

First…egads.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:09 am
#2 WrathOfFoamy :

second… who wears spats nowadays?

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Nov 19, 2009
9:10 am
#3 pauldodo :

Lemon sorbet- a colour for all occasions.

p
x

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Nov 19, 2009
9:10 am
#4 personalearthquake :

c’MON! the woman that wears these to work is definitely working (yes!) the graveyard shift at Shakem’s Gentlemens club…

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Nov 19, 2009
9:11 am
#5 WrathOfFoamy :

Whoa, whoa, whoa… I initially thought these were at least a good deal at $8.00 then I looked again.

$80.00!! For what?! Egads indeed!

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Nov 19, 2009
9:11 am
#6 dgrenfld :

Looks more like Astrid Spat.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:12 am
#7 wildcrafter :
Speaking of bodily functions, these will make you perpetually look like you’ve got toilet paper sticking to your shoes.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:13 am
#8 personalearthquake :
for what?! for that obviously HIGH quality yarn and lace…THAT’S what! how could you not notice the fine fibers!? and the LUXURIOUS lace!? but are they spill resistant? that’s my question

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Nov 19, 2009
9:13 am
#9 thembone :

I like spats, and I even like this seller’s spats. But this pair…. yeah, it’s got the tp-on-your-shoe thing going on. And they’re pretty poorly knit for $80.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:14 am
#10 pyro176018 :

cOrporate accounts payable jUst a moment- cOrporate accounts payable jUst a moment-

Those would look good with red specks on them…

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Nov 19, 2009
9:15 am
#11 VoteAudrey :

Yeah, more spit than spat.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:16 am
#12 rodgertheshrubber :

*spit take*

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Nov 19, 2009
9:17 am
#13 DucksNew :

$80? For bile-colored yarn and lace things that’ll make you look like a fool? Pair it with some gloves: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34108846 and a vomit colored “scarflette” http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30122832

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Nov 19, 2009
9:17 am
#14 WrathOfFoamy :

Hey, at least they’re not vagina encrusted

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Nov 19, 2009
9:17 am
#15 CC :

These have to be a joke?!
Who would seriously pay $80 for that?
Just hideous!

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Nov 19, 2009
9:18 am
#16 martini :

These are wonderful! I’m just happy mud flap man is gone…

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Nov 19, 2009
9:18 am
#17 rodgertheshrubber :
I wonder if the spats match the drapes?

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Nov 19, 2009
9:18 am
#18 WooHoo :

Finally, a product for camouflaging my cankles (yes!)

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Nov 19, 2009
9:18 am
#19 jamie :

hm.. i love them. i think the photos are beautiful and a really great way to show them – i want the shoes AND the spats! except i agree, $80 is too much for ME but who knows who else is out there.. :)

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Nov 19, 2009
9:19 am
#20 Stingray Charles :

Acrid Spit-$80.00 for foot doilies, what a deal, will go nicely with my butt necklace. Now I gotta get back (yes!) to work.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:20 am
#21 jamie :

…however i do think the title is brilliant and i’m stealing it ^ ^

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Nov 19, 2009
9:20 am
#22 sar-sar :
This made me laugh out loud… and then wonder what type of “work” you would wear these to… maybe etsy admin? demented tooth fairy? Doily inspector? Whimsicle-ogist? Cat Lady training school?

I suppose, the possibilities are limitless.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:22 am
#23 rodgertheshrubber :

Astrid Spats sounds like an old lady that solves crimes before tea.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:26 am
#24 Stingray Charles :

I bet Mrs. Peanut would wear these.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:27 am
#25 WrathOfFoamy :

What the heck is Astrid anyway? Is it a colour? Style?
hmm… time for google

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Nov 19, 2009
9:28 am
#26 WrathOfFoamy :

As far as I can figure, it’s a name… sooo maybe there’s a crazy lady named Astrid out there waiting for her spats to be listed just for her

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Nov 19, 2009
9:30 am
#27 Lara :

#21 hahahahaa!

May I suggest wearing with this?

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Nov 19, 2009
9:34 am
#28 Stingray Charles :

Didn’t Ayn Rand write Astrid Spat as the sequel to Atlas Shrugged?

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Nov 19, 2009
9:36 am
#29 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Kamikaze Spewed

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Nov 19, 2009
9:37 am
#30 rodgertheshrubber :

hahahahha. (yes!)

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Nov 19, 2009
9:42 am
#31 spareGus :

I do like spats. these are a tad granny-fied, though.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:42 am
#32 Stingray Charles :

#23 RTS: LOL at (yes!) work.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:43 am
#33 jeffreyrcarey :

Cute (if you’re four years old, forced to wear more make-up than Maybelline can produce in a day, and paraded around by your fat mom at a baby beauty contest)!

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Nov 19, 2009
9:50 am
#34 Efit :

I don’t even know what to say. I mean, just…stupid. Fluffy-banana-cream-colored-Italian-wool-knitted-up-nicely STUPID.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:52 am
#35 Lexiii :

These shats (yes!) suck. It would take me about 20 minutes to knit them.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:53 am
#36 Fae :

#14, I never want to see “vagina” and “encrusted” in the same sentence again. lol.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:53 am
#37 regretmenot :

“On the Good Ship..Lollipop.”

or is that..”’cause I’m a Material Girl.”

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Nov 19, 2009
9:57 am
#38 Helen Killer :

I’m waiting for the self-adhesive elbow patches. Because it’s too warm for sleeves, but I still want to look like a douche.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:58 am
#39 Fae :

I just have issues with paying 80$ for ankle doilies that make me look like a Clydesdale.

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Nov 19, 2009
9:59 am
#40 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

It’s not the ankle doil……..OH GOD I’M SORRY!

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Nov 19, 2009
10:01 am
#41 Moons in Leo :

Bio
I’ve loved art all my life! I draw, sew, paint, dance, photograph, knit and crochet. I am also an actress.

Of all of the above, knitting is my newest skill, and somehow, it was this that led me to Etsy.

Somehow I’m thinking knitting is a skill not quite mastered.

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Nov 19, 2009
10:20 am
#42 martini :

How fortunate for us.

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Nov 19, 2009
10:35 am
#43 rodgertheshrubber :

I don’t know if she’s such a bad knitter, but choosing a yarn that is a thick and thin/inconsistent type does make the knitting look uneven.

And then with the bright white lace, green stitching, drab buttons…..(when compared to the lace and lemon sorbet yarn). Throw in a pink fresh water pearl…….

Ok. This is obviously too “fashion forward” for me.

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Nov 19, 2009
10:36 am
#44 Bad_Wolf :

I actually think that (yes!) some of her stuff is somewhat decent, but these monstrosities look like something a 13 year old would knit and wear. Why the hell would anyone, other than Scrooge McDuck, have a need for spats? If my ankles are cold, I put on socks or pants. Or if fashion is dictating and I’m going out for a special occasion, I just grin and bear it like a big girl. I would never resort to donning poorly knitted shoe sweaters.

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Nov 19, 2009
10:39 am
#45 Bad_Wolf :

I think this http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=31611937 is actually even more appalling.

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Nov 19, 2009
10:41 am
#46 rodgertheshrubber :

I would totally wear these if I were dressing as (yes!) Little Edie for Halloween.

(Grey Gardens)

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Nov 19, 2009
10:53 am
#47 dangerousmezzo :

I particularly like the third photo, showing the spats over white patterned hose. For some reason I keep having 1980s flashbacks, and they are NOT pretty.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2481/3637914643_f462b669e0.jpg

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Nov 19, 2009
11:01 am
#48 Pytt :

I’m confused. what is this supposed to be and why does she want $80 for it?
gaiters for high heels?

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Nov 19, 2009
11:21 am
#49 marimoy :

I like spats. I don’t like these spats. I was perusing this shop a few weeks ago. Bleh. Pretty damn horrid. And it does look like TP stuck to her (yes!) shoe.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:24 am
#50 everydaymama :

I need these for (yes!) shovelling my van out of 10 inches of snow this winter! I will look so whimsicle!

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Nov 19, 2009
11:41 am
#51 Calophi :

I think spats are neat, but these just… are not. She’s used some sort of homespun yarn that gets thicker and thinner as it goes, so her knitting looks all uneven. The color isn’t very flattering, either. And there is no way that the costs of materials and the time it took her to make this are anywhere near worth $80.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:52 am
#52 bistitchual :

Not convinced the horrible look of the knitting is the yarn’s fault.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:57 am
#53 Tabbie :

Wow, there are a lot of spat enablers here, do you also wear your spats to (yes!) work as well?

I personally was never caught in this awkward position, but I did see a girl with some of this tucked into the back of her pants once. How embarassing. :-/

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Nov 19, 2009
12:23 pm
#54 felixexplody :

At least she had the foresight to wax her legs. Just sayin.

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Nov 19, 2009
1:26 pm
#55 NinjaGato :

what’s the point of spats?

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Nov 19, 2009
1:37 pm
#56 Calophi :

#53: I don’t own any spats because I can’t wear heels (I have a bad knee). So I don’t have any shoes with which to wear spats. :) I still think they look neat, though.

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Nov 19, 2009
2:02 pm
#57 i am bean :

only $80.00?…bargain!

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Nov 19, 2009
2:26 pm
#58 dangerousmezzo :

People — spats last looked cool in the 1920s. Just a reality check …

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Nov 19, 2009
2:38 pm
#59 addiosix :

I think I shall go purchase some nice fancy shoes and then place horrible yellow membranes over them!

I believe this shall bring all the boys to the yard!

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Nov 19, 2009
3:01 pm
#60 ihatecowls :

i think (yes!)these look stupid

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Nov 19, 2009
3:26 pm
#62 YippySkippy :

Should you take Helen’s advice and decide to crap your pants on the bus, these could come in handy in the event that you’ve forgotten to pack your reusuable rainbow butt wipes.

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Nov 19, 2009
4:01 pm
#63 Goodness :

The ugliest spats I have ever seen. The only way to improve these would be to douse them with lighter fluid and set them on fire.

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Nov 19, 2009
4:19 pm
#64 Calophi :

#61: Oh dear god, that last link is horrific. Not even a spat-enabler such as myself can abide that one.

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Nov 19, 2009
4:19 pm
#65 ourephemera :

I can’t beleive these are in at least two gift guides on etsy. Uhhh, what?

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Nov 19, 2009
4:21 pm
#66 Calophi :

Or you could wear this spat as a bracelet or a necklace!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=32473711

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Nov 19, 2009
4:38 pm
#67 addiosix :

‘My membranes bring all the boys to the yard’

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Nov 19, 2009
4:45 pm
#68 susy :

these will go well with the my knitting while stripping routine.

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Nov 19, 2009
5:40 pm
#69 easy :

Um…wouldn’t it be better to just buy ankle boots in the first place? These look like something she dragged out of great grandma’s attic after the moths have gotten there first.

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Nov 19, 2009
6:46 pm
#70 vangoghbabe :

If, say, a person should light them on fire and yell, ” Dance bitch!” would that be consi…
nevermind

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Nov 19, 2009
8:54 pm
#71 babalu :

oh no, make it stop, please make it stop!!!! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34887916&ref=sr_list_2&&ga_search_query=spats&ga_search_type=all&ga_page=&includes=tags

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Nov 19, 2009
8:55 pm
#72 babalu :

can’t….loook…. away….http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34579745

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Nov 20, 2009
3:21 am
#73 uhh kinda :

I’ve never even heard of a spat! Ha, I’m sooo not streetwise…

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Nov 20, 2009
4:41 am
#74 Mrs.Sassypants :

I especially loved their commitment to excellence, when the model wore pantyhose, with open-toed shoes.

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Nov 20, 2009
5:44 am
#75 frostypumpkin :

You don’t even get the shoes with those??? Where is the “Say what!!” guy??

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Nov 20, 2009
6:13 pm
#76 crapgawker :

Ugh – that colour is hideous – she should have called them Acid Spats – looks like the bile after a night of heavy drinking. And that is some serious cheap-ass looking lace and looks horrible with those shoes. Fashion Police – pull over – you are being cited…..

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Nov 20, 2009
9:45 pm
#77 jakethedog :

Did anyone else notice that she’s wearing nude pantyhose with her sandals? If you look at the last photo more closely, you can see the seam across her toes. Klassy.

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Nov 21, 2009
7:21 pm
#78 Merchant Adventurers :

Astrid Spats, sounds like a band name, must be horrible because I’ve never heard of them

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Nov 28, 2009
8:05 am
#79 BettyMachete :

I would totally buy these! Perfect way to cover up my Tweety ankle tattoos for that big interview…

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Nov 30, 2009
10:24 pm
#80 razberries :

if a legwarmer and tweety bird mated, i think this would be the result…

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