Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Posted by Helen Killer 100 comments

Now, when you say, “custom”, do you mean “painting you and your husband at 1:87 scale”? Because I’m not sure I want to get married in the Department 56 Wedding Village.

By the way, this takes four weeks to arrive, so hopefully Dumbeldore’s spell will have worn off by then and you’ll be tall enough to refuse the package.

100 Comments
Nov 19, 2009
11:00 am
#1 personalearthquake :

OH NO! looks like they chose a nice spot in the shire for the pictures though…

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Nov 19, 2009
11:03 am
#2 personalearthquake :

wow, those people who paint on grains of rice or getting GOOD!

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Nov 19, 2009
11:04 am
#3 sneakypink :

I keep trying to figure out what really is wrong about this painting. It’s mesmerizing.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:06 am
#4 yarly :

Dumbledore*

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Nov 19, 2009
11:07 am
#5 personalearthquake :

I meant ARE getting good. not or.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:07 am
#6 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :
Nov 19, 2009
11:09 am
#7 Laurinha :

The more I check Regretsy, the more I can’t believe my eyes. The butt freshner below is still the best!

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Nov 19, 2009
11:09 am
#8 Lexiii :

200.00? I think she must have meant .20.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:09 am
#9 Stingray Charles :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:11 am
#10 Bad_Wolf :
Nov 19, 2009
11:12 am
#11 personalearthquake :

a resemblance to Elves rather…

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29175688

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Nov 19, 2009
11:13 am
#12 personalearthquake :

I’ve had too much coffee today…I think..

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Nov 19, 2009
11:15 am
#13 Fizziks :

Wow, only $200 and you can’t be bothered to paint more than 6 square inches?

If I double the price, would you at least fill the whole $#@@%^g canvas???

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Nov 19, 2009
11:15 am
#14 marimoy :

doesn’t look like canvas either. What a deal! I get shrunk and no canvas all for $200! :D

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Nov 19, 2009
11:16 am
#15 WrathOfFoamy :

I used to draw a little… Had problems drawing realistic faces, proper perspectives, and no idea when it came to painting. I stopped then, rather than filling an etsy shop with crap! Come on people, is it really so difficult to recognize your own faults!?

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Nov 19, 2009
11:16 am
#16 rodgertheshrubber :

“Isn’t he dreamy? This portrait is inspired by the trinity of important males in my life, namely my husband, my father, and one of my grandfathers. Strangely enough, I also see a resemblance to Elvis . . . subconscious, perhaps? Hmmm.”

No, do go on…..*makes notes*

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Nov 19, 2009
11:16 am
#17 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Yes

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Nov 19, 2009
11:22 am
#18 WrathOfFoamy :

I wonder what would happen if a little person comissioned a portrait by this artist… Would it come out as them being average height, or would it come out as them being a teeny tiny person? hmm…

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Nov 19, 2009
11:25 am
#19 krystyna81 :

#15 made me snort. I’m strangely proud of it.

I personally think that gorgeous copper paint around the bubbled couple is worth every penny. The SMOOTH paint application is sublime.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:28 am
#20 Stingray Charles :

#15: LOL at (yes!) work, thanks!

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Nov 19, 2009
11:29 am
#21 everydaymama :

Looks like tiny people in front of a potted cactus! If I were to commission a memorable portrait for that price, it would not be with this person!

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Nov 19, 2009
11:30 am
#22 Bad_Wolf :
Maybe the couple requested that they were painted looking younger and the artist got a bit carried away. Sometimes, the artistic liberties go straight to your head.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:31 am
#23 everydaymama :

Well this explains the mini people:

“Most paintings you see are small-scale acrylic illustrations . . .”

Small scale! See they are meant to be woodland fairy scale ;P

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Nov 19, 2009
11:31 am
#24 rodgertheshrubber :

I think the portrait is on wood…..so perhaps a piece of furniture got ruined.

Where’s the room shot?

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Nov 19, 2009
11:32 am
#25 percivalsmithers :

They are childhood sweethearts! They are getting painted as though they were married at 8 years old in the playground behind the bigtoy.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:33 am
#26 everydaymama :

Anyone read the “artists” profile?

“In college, I majored in art for several years before becoming a nurse, and was mosty influenced by Cindy Sherman, Klimt, Waterhouse, El Greco . . Today, my greatest influence is my daughter; you will find that many of my paintings seem more like illustrations. I have been reading a lot of children’s books with my daughter lately, and I believe the influence has rubbed off . . .”

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Nov 19, 2009
11:35 am
#27 Helen Killer :
Jesus people. It’s 16 x 20 canvas, not a cameo.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:37 am
#28 jeffreyrcarey :

Yikes, the size of the groom’s head…

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Nov 19, 2009
11:38 am
#29 Stingray Charles :

Honey, remember your nightmare where an evil witch turned us into trolls on our wedding day? Well, wah-lah! Here it is, captured in an extra special way, Happy Anniversary!

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Nov 19, 2009
11:40 am
#30 rodgertheshrubber :

wah-lah, indeed.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:40 am
#31 red octopod :

I want to marry Regretsy and commission a portrait to mark our day has husband and site.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:42 am
#32 jeffreyrcarey :

I’ve heard of people that paint with their feet.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:44 am
#33 jeffreyrcarey :

“Wouldn’t you like to capture a special moment in an extra-special way?”

YES!

“Let me paint that moment for you!”

Not that special, but thanks.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:44 am

How do you know it’s not what was ordered?

“Hi, yeah, can you paint us at 8 years old? Uh-huh. It’s our wedding day. No – why would that be wierd? Oh, and we’re both really into potted cacti, so you need to work that in. On a cloud of woodgrain for a classy touch, if you can. No, I prefer orangy if you have that. And can you do us with extra shiny heads? Yeah – that’d be great. We just adore extra shiny heads. Brilliant – should I pay you now or later? Fantastic.”

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Nov 19, 2009
11:45 am
#35 jeffreyrcarey :

If you shake it, does snow fall?

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Nov 19, 2009
11:46 am
#36 ahutchins27 :

nope. it’s definitely done on canvas, guys. if you zoom on it, you can see the weave.

and #31…very, very funny.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:50 am
#37 rodgertheshrubber :

You’re right #33.

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Nov 19, 2009
11:51 am
#38 Stingray Charles :

Is the groom wearing spats?

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Nov 19, 2009
11:59 am
#39 Tabbie :

For $200, we can take a portrait of you on a special day and create a “re-imagining” as if you were the star of your own TLC show about small people.

LOL @ #35 I think he is!

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Nov 19, 2009
12:07 pm
#40 ChronicFabulist :

I believe what this painting illustrates is illegal in 48 states.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:10 pm
#41 Thousandaire :

It reminds me of “The Sky’s the Limit” video by Notorious B.I.G.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:11 pm
#42 Tabbie :

Is it just me or does the “women” remind anyone else of Raven Simone?

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Nov 19, 2009
12:11 pm
#43 Tabbie :

(the painting not the pic)

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Nov 19, 2009
12:23 pm
#44 spweezle :

look honey! i got a painting so that we’ll always remember our beautiful wedding day when that shaman turned us into elves and transported us to the land of cucumbers.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:30 pm
#45 pauldodo :

Jeffreycarey wins my max titters award for this thread.

Collect your prize from the reception desk- it’s a special portrait I had painted of you from a photograph I took with my computer…..

It’s very realistic.

p
x

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Nov 19, 2009
12:30 pm
#46 WrathOfFoamy :

#37, I don’t get it…
Am I just slow or something?
Seeing as I’m in Canada, I don’t know much “aboot” your laws… ; )

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Nov 19, 2009
12:36 pm
#47 pauldodo :

#42- 2nd option.

Bless!

p
x

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Nov 19, 2009
12:37 pm
#48 ChronicFabulist :

@42 WrathOfFoamy –
Most US States frown upon children getting married. Most…

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Nov 19, 2009
12:41 pm
#49 WrathOfFoamy :

oh! Duh! ha ha… I thought there was some kind of law trying to stop “little people” from marrying! now I look dumb! just not as dumb as the painting in question

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Nov 19, 2009
12:42 pm
#50 WrathOfFoamy :

btw… most? in what state would 8yr olds be allowed to marry?

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Nov 19, 2009
12:42 pm
#51 ChronicFabulist :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:44 pm
#52 ChronicFabulist :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:47 pm
#53 WrathOfFoamy :

#47 is too awesome! ha ha…
yeah, kids can’t get married here either, so I didn’t think of that one… oh well. maybe I can redeem myself later on…

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Nov 19, 2009
12:48 pm
#54 VoteAudrey :

Okay, after staring into dementia, er, I mean the dimensions, I *think* I see how she dwarfed the groom. His jacket falls long, almost like a duster jacket, and she painted his arms really long, like to the coat hem. Not so in the photo. Now his legs look uber short, arms long. He is taller than the bride, but in the picture, they look about the same height, likely due to her dress, veil, etc, broadening. You can see they are not, as his shoulders are above hers.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:50 pm
#55 VoteAudrey :

That being said, if you cannot proportionately execute an illustration, best not to open up an Etsy shop and charge $200 for painting normal size folks you revision with dwarfism on your MDF particle board coffee table.

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Nov 19, 2009
12:53 pm
#56 kurlygurl722 :
Yes yes I see where the bride resembles Raven… I also see where the groom resembles Webster.. no? Am I wrong? oh… well I think he does!

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Nov 19, 2009
12:55 pm
#57 jeffreyrcarey :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
1:00 pm
#58 jeffreyrcarey :

Sorry, VoteAudrey, you lost me. Were you being racist?

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Nov 19, 2009
1:03 pm
#59 Cold Salt :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
1:04 pm
#60 jeffreyrcarey :

Oh, pauldodo, you can give my portrait to WrathOfFoamy. I think she’s shorter than me and, besides, we all look the same to me.

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Nov 19, 2009
1:18 pm
#61 NinjaGato :

This is what you and your bride would look like if you had achondroplasia.

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Nov 19, 2009
1:28 pm
#62 i am bean :

seriously chronic…

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Nov 19, 2009
1:49 pm
#63 i am bean :

My husband just said: “I wouldn’t let her paint my garage”

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Nov 19, 2009
1:58 pm
#64 mstiefan :

“In college, I majored in art for several years…” I see. So you were out sick the day they covered the Vitruvian Man, then?

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Nov 19, 2009
2:03 pm
#65 Tdogdd :

Is it just me or does the guys face look extremely long in the painting?? They look like 2 kids in their parent wedding clothes

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Nov 19, 2009
2:22 pm
#66 addiosix :
I totally read about this on TMZ. Raven Simone married Emmanuel Lewis in a giant pie tin. The groom’s family (a group of pickles) and the bride’s family (a gigantic halved honeydew melon) were both present at the ceremony.

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Nov 19, 2009
2:24 pm
#67 dangerousmezzo :

It’s Gary Coleman’s wedding day — totally the first thing I thought when I saw this.

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Nov 19, 2009
2:25 pm
#68 dangerousmezzo :

It was not a good idea for the seller to include the photograph she was working from — this only works as a selling tool if your painting looks respectably like the inspiration.

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Nov 19, 2009
2:30 pm
#69 addiosix :

#67: Ha! You’re right, that’s totally Gary Coleman.

I’m thinking the bride’s family might be more like a gigantic halved kiwi. Honeydew melons are more round and lighter green.

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Nov 19, 2009
2:48 pm
#70 ihatecowls :

Its amazing that the turn around time is four weeks considering she is shrinking everything down

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Nov 19, 2009
2:55 pm
#71 podsquad :

That’s just sad

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Nov 19, 2009
3:49 pm
#72 YippySkippy :

According to the artist’s profile:

“As I paint, I’m finding a playful part of me emerge: much of my subject material revolves around notions of dolls and dress-up and manipulating these very plastic concepts into tongue-and-cheekery.”

This could explain why she turns her subjects into Fisher-Price playhouse people. Tongue-and-cheekery may just be the new whimsicle!

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Nov 19, 2009
4:03 pm
#73 Efit :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
4:04 pm
#74 Efit :

…glad to *see* Lilliput

Jesus.

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Nov 19, 2009
5:05 pm
#75 ihatecowls :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
6:34 pm
#76 vangoghbabe :

Little Bill, you know the two of you can’t wear white after you’ve already tapped that.

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Nov 19, 2009
7:01 pm
#77 sillymerricat :

Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice!

@ #30. Nice, HAHA!

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Nov 19, 2009
7:02 pm
#78 sillymerricat :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 19, 2009
7:11 pm
#79 pleasedontpickme :

don’t laugh, that’s his shawty

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Nov 20, 2009
2:58 am
#80 uhh kinda :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 20, 2009
5:00 am
#81 inkandberry :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Nov 20, 2009
5:24 am
#82 corybant :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34901378

The seller removed the original listing because it was oft viewed but unhearted and she couldn’t understand why, but with renewed confidence has relisted.

Who wants to break the regretsy to her?

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Nov 20, 2009
5:26 am
#83 corybant :

“Initially, I was so upset that I deleted the listing, feeling like an utter failure. But after thinking about it, I decided to relist it. This can be an interesting learning experience. And bad art needs a forum too.
Something about this painting attracted attention, yet immediately disappointed. I am curious . . . Drop me a line.

I was inspired to at least start a new blog:
http://www.thebaaadartist.blogspot.com.”

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Nov 20, 2009
7:01 am
#84 frostypumpkin :

She’s manipulating her paintings with “Tongue-and-cheekery”?? Say what!

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Nov 20, 2009
7:05 am
#85 frostypumpkin :

Oh man, she re-listed it because no one “hearted” it… So sad! It’s now $150–people! The price shrunk too ;)

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Nov 20, 2009
7:07 am
#86 frostypumpkin :

Oops, here’s the link: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34901378

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Nov 20, 2009
8:31 am
#87 rudegrl :

And for 3 bucks you can have her critique your work.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34905135

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Nov 20, 2009
8:38 am
#88 hammerhead77 :

I imagine one of the anti-Regretsy mafia over at Etsy will let the seller know. It was those mean & eeeeeeevil people over at that mean & eeeeeeeevil Regretsy site that makes fun of artists and hurts their feelings. They are the real reason van Gogh cut off his ear!

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Nov 20, 2009
8:48 am
#89 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Fuck me sidewise; I like this woman.

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Nov 20, 2009
10:00 am
#90 pleasedontpickme :

these people should not fret. There is a place where they can send their crap. MOBA (Museum of Bad Art) it’s in Mass.

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Nov 20, 2009
6:09 pm
#91 crapgawker :
Looks like Oompa Loompas in formal wear.

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Nov 20, 2009
6:31 pm
#92 bootsychoo :

I was one of the people who submitted this to Regretsy. I almost feel bad now.

Almost.

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Nov 21, 2009
8:58 pm
#93 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

You know this seller has actually started a blog called baaadartist.blogspot.com.

And as much as i live regretsy i really think we have all sent the wrong message to her. HAve a look at her shop, as well as sold items, and she does have some talent. I bought one of her paintings because i liked it- the Dreamboat one.

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Nov 21, 2009
9:00 pm
#94 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

*love* although lately it has been *live* lol

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Nov 21, 2009
9:49 pm
#95 addiosix :

I like this a whole lot:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=35018438

It has a def. Toulouse Lautrec vibe to it. The way I see it, if you’re not a major suckass (which she really kinda isn’t) criticism only makes you better.

Art is my fulltime job, and I snark my own stuff like mad. Then for extra checks and balances, send it to my snarkiest friends while it is in progress. ;)

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Nov 22, 2009
3:59 am
#96 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Broken link.

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Nov 22, 2009
4:59 am
#97 Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell :

Item now located here:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34901378

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Nov 23, 2009
6:00 pm
#98 BettyMachete :

Now THAT’S art. Love the extra long arms and her added goatee. And pickles for a backdrop. Heirloom quality.

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Nov 25, 2009
4:40 pm
#99 HelenaHandbasket :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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Dec 9, 2009
3:44 am
#100 istillheartbretmichaels :

after looking at the items featured on regretsy, i think this is my all time favorite item.

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