Okay, what happened here? It looks like her tits caught fire and she tried to put them out with her purse.
Looks like it’s made of bacon and chicken cutlets.
#1 I was going to say Parma Ham!
What the hell am I looking at? The thumbnail looked like intestines and puss and nastiness. Now it looks like the cut up remains of my mom’s purses from the 80′s. Quite honestly, I don’t know what’s worse
oops make that #2, you were #1 when I left my comment, hahahaha
It’s so rocker that Iggy Pop in drag is modeling it.
It really does look like cut up leather purses put together. I actually think I feel more sorry for her boobs in that thing. How embarrassing for them.
Yeah! Why does Lou get to jump to the front of the line?! Get back here Lou, no one cutting in line in front of me on taco day.
Xena Princess Warrior
The model is freaking me out more
#8 – Check out her arms. I think you can include Madonna in her inspiration list.
#7 Soz I must have been super fast or something
Now we know what happens when someone is kicked off Project Runway…they get boob jobs and start crystal meth!
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I think maybe she works out. And I’ll walk further out on said limb and not say anything bad about this ’cause I think she could kick my ass.
People, that is definitely a man. If you can’t see that, you need to get your beer goggles checked.
But regardless of gender identity, this person needs to put down the hot glue gun. This whole shop makes me want to rip my eyeballs out.
Someone help her. Poor thing, her right titty is trying to escape over her shoulder.
I’m seeing red because looking at that thing made my eyes bleed.
Her leather bra and matching python panties are not to be missed, either. Who cares if they don’t really match? They look like something out of a Marlon Perkins wet dream.
Sorry. That’s Marlin Perkins.
After you get breast implants, I think that’s where your imagination starts and stops.
Yes to #4… from the thumbnail I also thought this was a spleen or other organ.
Next time you’re going to cut up your TJ Maxx purses, DON’T. Just let them die in the dump.
Nope, can’t buy it. I don’t see a pocket for the cell.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Looks like a tranny with tracks :\
the small photos look like a bag of leftovers from liposuction.
Where in God’s name could somebody wear something like this?
I hope for damned sure it doesn’t involve leaving the house..
I’d watch with increasing concern and fascination if she ever had to run for a bus- think Baywatch star-crossed with Edward Scissorhands.
Gotta love a seller who can’t even bother to use ANY sort of photo software to rotate her photos right side up:
Have to give to the “hand-bag” …kudos on the spelling of the big words.
There’s something for everyone on etsy, even strippers with poor fashion sense.
And yes, it looked like bacon to me too!
OH HELL NO
this is why meth and glue guns do not belong in the same room.
Why are her/its boobies crooked? http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=34668537
In a purse.
paid for or not?
From the looks of those arms, I think she might have a python IN her panties.
Leather bra and pthon panties will be sure to excite someone!
Dear, you’re mixing up ‘excite’ with ‘scare the crap out of’.
Could this be the model for the pole dancing painting?
something to ponder.
from the back shot on the skull tank top… i think it’s definitely a man.
now, that we have that settled… wtf is this?
I’ve heard of bacon-wrapped scallops, but bacon-strippers? It’s unprecidented.
Do you think they carry matching pasties for when the hooks give out?
er um…bacon-wrapped strippers
#34 hahaha.. I know, right.
‘excite’ them right out of the room, and into the hallways.. screaming bloody murder
Someone threw-up on her? That’s what it looks like to me.
“Chic credability”? First of all, please at least google a word for the proper spelling before using it. Secondly, there’s nothing attractive or believable about this POS.
No… fake tits in a fake leather purse!
‘Debbie Does The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’
I kind of think that you could attach this pic to the top of the “Belly button witch” painting and it’d match up rather well.
I didn’t know madonna had an etsy shop.
#29, just what I wanted! A pair of thongs with a metal piece to go up my ass in the back!
‘#45 bonspiel :
I didn’t know madonna had an etsy shop.’
Dunno why, but the phrase ‘Madge Vadge’ leached into my head when I read this….
#33 — LMFAO!!!
#46 I thought it was a combo of tie + suspender clip = thong, myself.
Killin’ me on the opening there, Helen. Funny as ever. Can I read comments now? (The picture is an abomination.)
do you think her boobs are handmade? Would explain the crooked one, poor thing.
The grey hair in the back shots just adds another sad dimension.
Helen Killer — you slay me!
Fuck, this has Buffalo Bill written all over it. Now I’m going to have some weird hybrid nightmare about Silence of the Lambs and Etsy tonight… I suppose Yokoo will start hissing at me and the girlsavage head will be eating fava beans.
These are ten, no wait, ELEVEN things you shouldn’t carry in your purse
1. Social Insurance Number or Social Security Card
2. Passport and Birth Certificate
5. Numerous Credit Cards
6. Business Cards
8. Mega Moolah
9. Flash or USB Drive
Has anyone bothered to call Ice to let her know we’ve found her rockstar leather boob top? http://www.geekologie.com/2007/08/24/american-gladiators.jpg
Anyone else see the description on the boots? They have very unique designs on them with pain [sic]…
Do boobs like that need their own zip code? Yikes!!
That looks like a project runway mammogram gone bad. Ugh.
Man hands. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34667362
NTTAWWT of course.
Sometimes I think, “maybe this would better in person?” I’m a bit of an optimist, though. Oh, hey, I hear the Dow is going to hit 1.5k by Christmas.
“the small photos look like a bag of leftovers from liposuction.”
you have me rolling!!!!
#37 Tabbie: Yes, fried egg pasties.
oh, i get it. she/he cuts up their purses to make bras, and then cuts up their great-grandmother’s curtains to make purses:
circle of life?
only if they make money getting porked
Earlier I gave the “seamstress” kudos for spelling…
I F@#$ing spoke too soon….
The model has had a really bad boob job, and is trying to raise money to get it fixed?
Any pity purchases?
#65 All my money went to my balanced boobs, sorry
#65 and the money I do have, I keep safely in my purse.
I take back my last post after seeing this:
Either this is a dude or a woman on steroids. Look at the arm veins, and the shoulders.
It puts the lotion in the basket
This whole shop is cracking me up. I have never seen such a bad, crooked boob job in my life.
And when I got to “chic credability,” I just about peed my pants!
Okay, thank all that is good he/she did not model this:
That would have been very bad!
Looks like another bronzed turd has shown up on Etsy
This halter kinda reminds me of the time an epileptic chef prepared my Malibu chicken.
Oh hai there Chesty La Rue!
someone should tell her she’s got vomit on her tits
I’m with #15 knitwithknives
look at the man-hands, and the biceps and veins.
ew. If you’re going to try to change your gender, do it with style, honey.
I swear, she’s modelling someone else’s designs too! No kidding! That or theres just that many crafty female bodybuilders on etsy…
Ohhh Helen, you are fucking hilarious.
Naugahyde is a privilege, not a right.
All brawn no brain…
OMG – my eyes are burning from this monstrosity: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34668537
@ #29, #46, and #71 – Anyone who can fit THAT in their asscrack has a serious problem.
i thought it was madonna.
OMFG……is this “thong” made out of a clip on tie??? I know what I’m asking for this Christmas. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33601106
sorry #68 I didn’t notice that you had already posted it for all to enjoy. ACK!! It’s still hideous.
ha ha ha #84. Holy crap.
…but it’s so practical…(nice rack)
I’m 110% sure that model is a man with a crooked boob job.
#68, also an adam’s apple in there. My guess is transgendered with breast implants. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Although I don’t see the appeal of getting massive fake hooters, whether you are a man or woman.) The clothes, on the other hand, something is mightily wrong with!
The more I look, the more I come to think this isn’t sewn but taped together with clear packing tape.
Fashion-forward? I thought that term was used to identify designs that are new and forward-looking, not barbarian garbage.
Speaking of which, this is what all the hot barbarian gals were wearing – 600 years ago! (Discworld fans, this reminds me of something Cohen’s girlfriend would wear.)
Even in the Discworld, this would get you kicked out of the Leaky Bucket in Gleam Street.
mad max meets tj maxx
I am more concerned about the capsule formations on this poor soul’s implants… it happens to the best of us, but when it does occur, it is best to REFRAIN from displaying the cleavage. Someone should buy this thing and help subsidize her much-needed surgical repair….
#93 beelisty – like it.
Ah, so this is where ugly purses and belts go to die…
#94 worldfamousfudgy – correction, “his” much needed surgical repair.
@ #97: LMAO! ehhh…. I don’t know if that is a man. Some of us are ripped-like-that! But there IS a lot of veinage. Could be a female who likes her Clen and Anavar cocktail?
@96 “Ah, so this is where ugly purses and belts go to die…”
Notes to self: 1. Investigate closet in back bedroom containing bad 80s accessories. 2. Find staple gun and bedazzler. 3. Get busy!
I have already learned that in order to sell more jewelry, I need to stop using things like pearls and gemstones and START using dead things and plant materials. I need more whimsy and more vagina in my work to stimulate sales. Regretsy is really helping to steer me in the right direction.
Does the silicone come with this?
@#73 Stingray Charles :
This halter kinda reminds me of the time an epileptic chef prepared my Malibu chicken.
Does it have a pocket for my squirrel blood vial and lifelike custom wool vagina?
If it did I’d probably pay 39.99 for it.
Holy craptastic! it’s a shitty ass bra made from old purse straps. man now I know what to do with all that old ugly shit from the Good Will store.
#53 Exactly what I was thinking.
If this constitutes a “fashion forward” garment I’m slamming on the brakes and throwing it into reverse.
I think the veins in her arm are bulging because this is a slyly “designed” tourniquet.
She needs to forget about fashion and get herself to the plasma donation center.
My god, how many innocent purses had to die for this monstrosity?
Etsy–when sucking dick in the alley behind the Costco no longer pays your coke bill.
There sure are a lot of jerks and homophobic people on this site… yes, the crafts are damn fugly, but you really don’t have to demean transwomen. And even when a person is biologically male, if she identifies as female, the gender pronoun is “she”. Not “him” or “it”, got it?
To be fair, melons and parma ham are totally delicious together.
No pimp in his right mind would claim a hooker who was wearing any of that.
I could see this in a Low (Crazy Eddy’s low) budget horror flick with a modern day Jack the Ripper though.
Are those heroin veins?!
#102 Tabbie: thanks. Here’s an epic fail:http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6349906
Hey man, I say if you look like a girl, you’re a girl… she, her, that there lady… but if it’s still questionable, what is the appropriate adjective? please educate me and all us confused people…
@#116 Stingray Charles
Man, etsy admin have no sence of humor!
erm huh wtf??
#119 WOF: Yeah, I guess selling bacon bras and eagle hats is serious business.
Well, yes. Thanks Andrea.
As we know from Madonna, older women who work out a lot and also diet a lot can get that veiny muscled look. So maybe she’s a tranny, maybe not. Either way it’s not cool making fun of her appearance and calling her an “it”. Remember, etsy is for regular human beings, not supermodels and celebrities.
And let’s not get distracted from the main point: there’s perfectly revolting handbag chest collage to be mocked.
This is a badly done post-op trany! In the snake-skin halter top the boobs aren’t even. And don’t get me started on the “stained” panties in this listing http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33601106
Looks like the Bacon Bra:
veinage…cleavage…where will it end?
it looks like flaps of burned skin &raw meat :/
Do you think it’s practical for breastfeeding? I need a new top for when the baby comes!
I just showed it to my husband, he said “looks like she has been rummaging around in the bin…who ARE these people?”
hey – at least Shim was thinking ahead, and left a pocket on the right side for when one of the boobs rupture….
#127 everydaymama – I breastfeed. If I were wearing this top-bra-thing and my son were hungry for nom-noms, I’m pretty sure he would bitchslap me.
I’m going to start calling my tits that.
It looks like someone put two hand bags in the microwave then plastered them on her tits when they were still melted, ouch much?
Whoever you are, if you’re gonna spend the dough for a boob job, spend the extra for the balance and alignment.
#132 HH77: LOL!
I think this has got to be the most hillarious shit on Regretsy!
BOL stingray Charles now that threads funny enough to make me cry.
#134 GoldenGlow: I thought balancing and alignments were complementary when you got your old tires changed.
Etsy’s real prompt with shutting down any non-niceness in the forum. Wussies!
Etsy is uber lame for that… Seriously, they need to chill. I’m offended by the amount of crap that sells in lieu of my, and other real artist’s creations, but no one’s shutting down shops that sell out of garbage!
OK doesn’t really make sence, but you get what I mean…
can WE sue the plastic surgeon?
“chic credability creates instant fashion impression”
can someone explain to her what the word credibility means and how to spell it?
#137, #139, and #140: Yeah the Etsy admins should have a better sense of humor, esp. considering the amount of bad “art” on their site. BTW how did you create your avatars for Regretsy?
@ #139 It depends who you’re being mean to.
Stingray Charles, I have no idea. I registered for the account and wah-lah! I had an avatar.
Helen, if you opened a shop, how long do you think it would take the admins to shut you down?
I have nothing to add other than what has been said already except to say that I keep coming back to this, and sellers shop to gaze at the crooked-boobed-tranny-awfulness of all. It’s like a horrible car accident that I can’t stop staring at.
Cold Salt, I think they kind of like me.
But then you must open a shop!
How many purses did you have to kill to make this top?
No innocent purse should have to die to become a terrible facsimile of fashion.
Brought to you by the National Association for the Welfare of Purses and the people who love them.
First thought: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!
Second thought (after reading comments): Hate the craft, not the crafter, peoples.
(Unless their profile proves that they really, truly deserve it.)
First time commenter to say this is seriously one of the Best of Regretsy, right here.
AT first glance this looked like a close up from a zombie movie. Yeah, that’s the look I’m going for.
Someone should buy out their shop so maybe she can go get her crooked implants fixed.
Leper fashion. All the rage.
bingthing- nobodys hating on her…we’re hating on the boobs that shes displaying on the internet.
I am sorry, but if you are going to have your boobs jacked up like that and then wear a revealing battered up purse on your chest, um ya, it’s gonna get made fun of all over the place.
I think the halter is pretty hot actually but I do have to agree with those veiney arms being kinda scary!
Now when you say, “hot”, do you mean microwaved?
157- hot? it’s ugly purses framing a pair of cockeyed jugs.
I regret nothing.
All my favorite people are here!
I think it literally IS just a bunch of handbag parts.
Even for someone like me, who enjoys occasionally dressing like a post-apocalyptic warrior, this is hideous.
Oh AnaDroid, I too wear some pretty funky mismatched stuff at the fun age of 34. My eldest (7) sometimes looks at me funny ;P But never would I be caught dead in this thing!
to a transgendered person, using the word “tranny” is equivalent to using the N-word to describe an african-american. simply not cool.
Thank you Thistle.
This looks like Tyler Durden would make soap from it…
2 hearts – wow there are actually 2 people that like this? or are they being ironic?
(out of respect to good taste I have to think it’s the latter)
How do you size something like this? “34DD, right boob 2 inches higher than left?” I don’t like to disparage peoples’ bodies, and dudes are welcome to be women because it’s fun, but frankly the creeping horror of the piece is much creepier and more horrible because it’s like you shoved two balloons into a sweater… but it’s your skin.
Donatella Versace? Is that you?
This made me laugh so hard I peed myself a little. Just a little though.
She seriously took some old pleather bags and strapped them to her titties. Now I HAVE seen it all.
the person modellimg is actually a guy:
-looking at the other photos in this listing. Makes sense because real tits would be really uncomfortable in these get ups.
Not very whimsicle.
He’s got some seriously crooked boobs.
Someday they will create implants that look even remotely like real breasts. Regretsy (and Vegas) will be a lot less fun on that day.
this is just scary.
Took me a while. This site uses gravatar avatars. Go to gravatar.com and sign up. Found a great image of Helen Keller and her beloved pet Akita Kamikaze-go for my avatar! (OK, that was a bit of shameless self-promotion).
My gravatar is actually a super closeup of a picture of a duck I took across the road from the cemetery in Sleepy Hollow, NY. I’m always surprised when ducky pops up until I remember that.
Lara, two more ducks from Sleepy Hollow (really!)
Poor tranny needs to raise her prices or she’ll never get that botched boob job fixed.
i love her leathery heroin arms too!
Kamikaze–not quite what I was expecting, but cute! hehe
I always cringe a little when people talking about getting something done with their car’s transmission, refer to it as getting their “tranny fixed”, or that their “tranny is acting up” I don’t think that term should be used to refer to anything… or anyone!
besides, “shim” (a la post #129) is just waay more fun!
You know it’s a piece of shit when a two year old boy looks at it and says “Ewwww”.
No way is that not a man. Check out those veins!
WrathofFoamy: There’s an autoshop in my mom’s town with a changeable sign that says, “Tranny repair”. It conjours some amazing imagery for me.
I wonder which meaning was applied to “tranny” first..
the transsexual, or the transmission, quite the quandry
Not all transsexuals get hung up on the word “tranny”. The ones I know don’t. It depends on the person. Either way, everyone is mocked here. Getting PC just because someone is transsex is actually a backhanded way of discriminating against them.
If this person was worried about getting her cockeyed knockers knocked, there’s a good chance she wouldn’t have stuffed them in a possum that lost a fight with a Camaro.
#118 stingray charles I love you!!! Brava!!! I am laughing my ass off right now! And please keep up the good work.
That is a horrible boob job. The right one is bigger than the left, and higher up. These plastic surgeons needs to go back to medical school and pay attention this time around.
I heard that people who barely make it through medical school end up being plastic surgeons or dentists. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but one can’t help but wonder…
New from Victoria’s Secret, the Bacon Bra! Our newest and tastiest bra ever! Perfect for your hungry, obese lover!
I saw tits and thought female, does it really matter past that point….Love the funny stuff about what she’s wearing. Cringed at all the cruelty, hope my face changes back it’s really windy down here.
Even if it weren’t so reasonably-priced, I wouldn’t be brave enough to tell her so.
Perhaps the asymmetric design of the “purse-strap-nightmare-halter top”, coupled with a bad fit (too tight on one side, loose on the other) is causing the breasts to look horribly askew? At any rate, as horrible as the breasts look IN the top, I think they’d be much improved without the top! But I still don’t want to see that shit!
Could someone tell me where the skin and the leather start and end? Anyone????? Anyone??????
Holy Crap! I just read the materials.
“yello leather, antique rose colored eye glass lens used to connect, red leather stripping, silver buckles”
I’ve always wished my tits could see through rose-colored glasses.
Bad boob job = bad clothing designer? Man or woman… I’m just scared.
Hideous halter made of mangled purses…if you buy this, your boobs will also look like smashed beach balls, your veins will protrude, and your skin will become leathery to match the texture of the top.
More veins showing than at a Detroit methadone clinic.
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