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Swan Dive

This reminds me of the time my dog ate a box of crayons.

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88 comments on Swan Dive

  1. krystyna81
    November 11, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    I thought it looked like all the little extra bits of frosting i squeaze out of the tubes when I’m decorating a cake.

    Only not as appetizing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  2. moi
    November 11, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    I agree krystyna!

    I’m thinking this is one of the few twilight inspired things for sale that might not have to worry about copyright laws. Because it absolutely looks like nothing more than a mass of crap.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  3. Stingray Charles
    November 11, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    To me it looks like a s’more made with Lucky Charms marshmellows.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  4. pottery123
    November 11, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    barf bargain

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  5. Stingray Charles
    November 11, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    #1 Krystyna: You’re right, this looks like something from cakewrecks.com

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  6. GoldenGlow
    November 11, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Could someone please put me into cryogenic sleep until this whole Twilight crap is over?

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  7. ihatecowls
    November 11, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Is this a turd?

    wtf is this? like seriously is it soap? a paperweight?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  8. kurlygurl722
    November 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    To me, it looks like one of those fake dog poops you’d stick on your grandma’s floor to freak her out with… ahh now I know what I’m buying for my next April Fool’s day prank lol.. $15.50 is a bit spendy tho for dog poop

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  9. dangerousmezzo
    November 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    I’m trying to make visual sense of this and failing. #2 I agree. No copyright infringement here …

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  10. BuyMyCrap
    November 11, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    If you click on the item, you can actually see really clearly what it is from the first pic, this is pic #5, which is kinda abstract.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  11. addiosix
    November 11, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    At first I thought this was a very ugly cookie, but then I realized if you stare at it long enough, it starts to look like a person with no face and weird brown tentacle hair curled up on the ground..

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  12. addiosix
    November 11, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    The head is kind of in the 2 o’clock position

    tip of the toes is about 7:30-ish

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  13. crumbly
    November 11, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    I thought it was a chunk of ‘gourmet’ chocolate made to look like a dissection project. Silly me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  14. clamchowder
    November 11, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Way to ride on the Twilight Train

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  15. crumbly
    November 11, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Oh – it’s one of those creepy Precious Moments kids all grown up and gone emo!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  16. Monstrosa
    November 11, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    She really shouldn’t let her helper monkey decorate the cookies.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  17. Petite
    November 11, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    I thought it was another of these soaps items stuff looking like “real” poop.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  18. Orlana
    November 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I started cracking up reading these comments in front of my aunt, who’s an insane Twilight fan, and she started interrogating me about what I was laughing about. Super awkward moment there.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  19. knitwithknives
    November 11, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    fake dog poop came to my mind as well.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  20. everydaymama
    November 11, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    I initially thought it was some sort of blob on a cracker!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  21. worldfamousfudgy
    November 11, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Seriously. WTF?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  22. Petite
    November 11, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    #19 but fake dog poop from a dog who have ate something blue…and puke on top of his business afterward. Something like that. Just like Twilight.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  23. Lexiii
    November 11, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Fuck Bella….now I’m in agony.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  24. silly squirrel
    November 11, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Now you know why I fucking hate Twilight, it’s not the books or movies. It’s all the bad crafting it inspires.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  25. bowlofmilk
    November 11, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    honestly i kinda like it but mostly in it’s nightime mode. these colours aren’t so good for daytime.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  26. Ivriniel
    November 11, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Oh, now I see it. At first I thought it was a melted sundae or something.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  27. tigerflight
    November 11, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    oh jesus christ, I am going to shit on a shingle, write “bella” in glitter on it and see if it sells. I am sick of this crap.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  28. DucksNew
    November 11, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Someone take away the seller’s Play Doh Fun Factory…

    #13, I thought it was candy too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  29. Ashe
    November 11, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    …The entire Twilight SERIES reminds me of the time my dog ate a box of crayons.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  30. itlives
    November 11, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    #28, I was just about to say the exact same thing.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  31. Anastasia
    November 11, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    When I glimpsed at this quickly the first time, I actually thought it was supposed to be a little human heart. Especially because I caught the word “agony” in the listing title.

    Hey I know! It’s whatever you want it to be!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  32. jojo
    November 11, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    Bella lost her love Edward and her face. Times are tough.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  33. MyEyesMyEyes
    November 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    This looks like my son’s poop after too many m&m’s.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  34. iceberg30
    November 11, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    I’m with goldenglow :
    Isn’t this vampire shit over yet?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  35. Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
    November 11, 2009 at 6:35 pm
  36. Redshirt Knitting
    November 11, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Sad Sparkle Emo turd is sad.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  37. StarShiranui
    November 11, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    …Why doesn’t it have a face?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  38. syd_bristow
    November 11, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    omg the seller sold over 270 items

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  39. sorgenette
    November 11, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    I thought it was candy until I read the description. Then I thought it was shit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  40. worldfamousfudgy
    November 11, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    “Sad Sparkle Emo turd is sad.”

    #36 That is DAMN hilarious!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  41. greenfuzz
    November 11, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    You know what #10, you can see it clearer in the other photos but it’s still crap. It has a round ball with no features for a head and balls for hands. How this is evocative of anything someone should pay for I don’t know.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  42. greenfuzz
    November 11, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    I’m also a critic of the photography in these postings. Many cameras do not have macro lenses so you can’t get real close to items and have them be in focus. A lot of these etsy fools don’t seem to get that.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  43. theleewit711
    November 11, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    i thought it was a bunch of chewed pieced of gum on a triscuit with chocolate drizzled over it

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  44. Night Cowl
    November 11, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    crys? seriously? It’s spelled cries.

    Now when my dog goes out to poop, I ask her if she made a ‘bella’.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  45. Frankenkitty
    November 11, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    Suddenly craving s’mores.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  46. Corbyn1970
    November 11, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    Polymer clay only makes me think of headshop incense holders, etc. Is it ever good?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  47. Efit
    November 11, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    I’ve a new Regretsy tradition: I study the photograph before reading the heading, etc. and try to guess what it is. My first thoughts were:

    - melted crayon glob for multi-color coloring fun
    - prankster fake dog poop
    - some sort of cookie confection made by an 8yo

    I never, ever would have guessed “file in Twilight.” Holy ape shit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  48. Efit
    November 11, 2009 at 9:22 pm
  49. thembone
    November 11, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    Ewww she’s balding.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  50. Helen Killer
    November 11, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    @ #48 THAT IS NOT WHIMSICLE

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  51. NinjaGato
    November 11, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    This looks like a psychedelic s’more.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  52. quantuminsanity
    November 11, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    I haven’t seen the movies or read the books. Does Bella have a hump on her back…? Because it looks like she does on this… this… thing…

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  53. Stiflers Mom
    November 11, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Did your cat ever eat a large mouse, then puke it back up again? It looks just like that.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  54. Lara
    November 11, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    Here’s a head-scratcher from the description:

    “As you can see by the last picture, the final sculpture piece is glazed except the facial features are matte… (bolding mine)

    Facial features? I’ve looked at all the pictures (although this passage refers specifically to the one Helen Killer posted here), and squinted every way my eyes will go. Someone want to point those out to me so I can see the lovely matte detail on them?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  55. Jaded Gems
    November 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    A shat bit of Halloween candy maybe?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  56. itlives
    November 11, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    I think I see dreadlocks.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  57. priceless
    November 11, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    @ Efit: Nice find. TOTAL regretsy material. Not only for the item itself but did you actually read that poem?! (Yes, I have WAY too much patience… would be filed in ‘annoying descriptions’ for sure).
    All I can say to the seller is: If you don’t understand the rhythm involved in poetry PLEASE don’t make it worse by utter rhyme-fail….and holy JESUS lady, get a shrink.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  58. The Blue Kraken
    November 11, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    #51 NinjaGato
    again. you got it

    i was trying to nail down what it looked like to me.. and i thought it was a candy at first till i read the description.. but weird smore with blue marshmallow. yea .. now i close this before i start craving blue marshmallow peeps bunnies

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  59. pauldodo
    November 11, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    Say what?!

    p
    x

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  60. Toaster
    November 12, 2009 at 12:24 am

    I enjoy the use of ‘New Moon’ as a material.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  61. Kamikaze-go-in Straight To Hell
    November 12, 2009 at 3:27 am

    You Left Me……….[Your Name Here] in agony

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  62. mannequinreject
    November 12, 2009 at 3:53 am

    looks like he left her on the train tracks with her feet tied.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  63. PokerFace
    November 12, 2009 at 4:47 am

    This is my depiction of Bella if someone pooped her out after taking some Alli.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  64. PokerFace
    November 12, 2009 at 4:51 am

    #8 kurlygurl722 :

    To me, it looks like one of those fake dog poops you’d stick on your grandma’s floor to freak her out with… ahh now I know what I’m buying for my next April Fool’s day prank lol.. $15.50 is a bit spendy tho for dog poop

    ***************

    Why not just use real dog poop and cover it with acrylic raisin?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  65. PokerFace
    November 12, 2009 at 4:54 am

    #35 Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements :

    Hey Helen, found this:

    http://blog.akademie.de/eintrag/1997/little-shop-of-self-made-horrors-regretsycom-die-antwort-auf-etsycom

    ********

    Baxter, in English please! You know I don’t speak dutch!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  66. sar-sar
    November 12, 2009 at 4:58 am

    Wow, I had to stare at the screen for several minutes before realizing that this was not a “gag gift” object… because it looked kind of like cake frosting, kind of like vomit…

    Really sculpey figurines are now what this Twilight craze has come to? Ack.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  67. Terrible Muriel
    November 12, 2009 at 5:29 am

    #24 – I’m with you on that except it’s not the books, movies or the crafts that make me hate twilight. It’s the batshit crazy that it inspires.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  68. fancyshmancy
    November 12, 2009 at 6:37 am

    Diarrhea uh uh

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  69. vangoghbabe
    November 12, 2009 at 6:50 am

    “It reminds me so much of that time of year when night is the longest and hope is almost gone. But not quite.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  70. MagaidhBhan
    November 12, 2009 at 7:00 am

    See, this one doesn’t bother me so much — OK, it’s crappy photography, and the out-of-focusness does make it look like barfed-up fondant. But if you look at the rest of the person’s shop, the one that really gets me is the poor spaghetti-legged Jessica Rabbit! (Or, you know, the naked lady giving birth …)

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  71. Dear Tuffy
    November 12, 2009 at 8:26 am

    Now this just makes me mad. Or maybe sad. No, definately mad.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  72. bellafelle
    November 12, 2009 at 9:13 am

    I thought it was candy…darn

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  73. speedymarie
    November 12, 2009 at 9:56 am

    #52 – That’s what I was thinking! She totally looks like she has a hump.

    I think Twilight would probably be much more interesting if Bella was a hunchback.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  74. vangoghbabe
    November 12, 2009 at 10:07 am

    no…’You Left My…Belly in agony”
    and see what happened

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  75. dr-awkward
    November 12, 2009 at 10:21 am

    i didnt know that edward, upon leaving bell, actually shit all over her head and neck. what a prick.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  76. Laurinha
    November 12, 2009 at 10:33 am

    WTF is this? I had to look really close to understand.

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

  77. Miss_Mercurial
    November 12, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Wow. This looks like my first attempt at a cake frosting project, when I was about 5. Except not as neat and pretty. But shouldn’t it come with some blank pages, so we can really feel the pain and agony? (If you ask me, the whole Twitlight saga could have been vastly improved by being just blank pages.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  78. Street Corner Hooker
    November 12, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    It looks like a mix of melted Tootsie rolls and desperately unhealthy obsession.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  79. Minime
    November 12, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Yup, she has a hump. Or she’s wearing a Kimono with one of those pack thingies on the back.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  80. nylasor
    November 12, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    “she curls up into a fetal position and crys,”

    Cries isn’t the only word misspelled. The word is spelled “fecal,” as in “she curls up into a fecal position.” It’s just too obvious! No wonder everyone thinks it looks like a turd.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  81. i am bean
    November 12, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    great…technicolor birdshit…wish I thought of that

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  82. TooManyCookbooks
    November 12, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Nice one, post 48! I like this offering from the same shop: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34366157

    Nothing like wall-eyed copyright infringement to warm the heart, is there? And it’s even described as ‘whimsical’!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  83. personalearthquake
    November 12, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    MAYBE Bella is just tired and needs a little pick-me-up!

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=13772194

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  84. AgoutiAvenger
    November 13, 2009 at 10:31 am

    #23 Lexiii – Hahahaha! Right there with you!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  85. iamhydrogen14
    November 14, 2009 at 10:37 am

    W? T? F?!!! This person’s shop could fuel regretsy for a month! I mean, come on… The Cutter figurine? The needle-felted Elmo? “Gumby the BBQ King”???

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  86. ourephemera
    November 19, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    I thought it was M&Ms covered with chocolate and frosting on a grahm cracker. But uhm. Wow.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  87. txoria
    November 22, 2009 at 9:27 am

    i’m sorry if this goes too far, but did anyone read the profile and first section of shop policies? the seller refers to themselves as “an Artist,” note the capital A, with a “God Given Gift.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  88. PrincessPugicorn
    January 22, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    #87 The “Artist” has a point: we all have a good given gift to take a crap, too. Only ours aren’t nearly as colorful….

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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