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The Curse

Posted by Helen Killer

44 comments

I think most women feel pretty hot after childbirth, so it’s about time they get something sexy to bleed on for a week and a half. And let me tell you, this hunky vampire really gets you tingling down there! Although that could just be the episiotomy.

Filed in Vaginas 44 comments

44 Comments

Add Comment

Oct 20, 2009
9:17 am

#1 NinjaGato :

Screw Edward Cullen, I want to bleed on Count Beefcake!

Rate this comment: 12 0

Oct 20, 2009
9:18 am

#2 tehstix :

So since this vampire only drinks menstrual blood, is he vegan?

::sigh:: The only thing that could make this better is if it sparkled.

Rate this comment: 7 2

Oct 20, 2009
9:21 am

#3 The Mayor of Bethville :

I vant to suck your blood.

Rate this comment: 0 0

Oct 20, 2009
9:27 am

#4 SironaSprings :

Ok, this one has put me over the edge. I am officially done with the vampire fad. (But it’s probably not done with me.)

Rate this comment: 2 0

Oct 20, 2009
9:27 am

#5 Je :

He’s into “red-hot showers.”

Rate this comment: 2 0

Oct 20, 2009
9:28 am

#6 Karma :

But the more serious question is why on earth are we elevating menstrual pads to Goddess status?

Rate this comment: 4 2

Oct 20, 2009
9:44 am

#7 marzipanapple :

I don’t understand. Why is he wearing his cape, but no shirt? That’s a pretty hard thing to forget, especially once you’ve put on your cape, you know? “Doh! I knew I forgot something..”

Rate this comment: 6 0

Oct 20, 2009
9:45 am

#8 CharlesDexterWard :

@Karma, I think it’s supposed to make you feel like you’re participating in a Goddess female ritual. It’s not a bad idea to try to make women feel more empowered during their periods, I love my Diva Cup, but I’d be creeped out as hell to have that guy snuggling between my legs all day while I bled onto him…*shudder* (despite the username, I’m a woman). It’s funny, but I can’t imagine actually using itself. If I were to use a reusable pad, I’d prefer a generic non-anthropomorphic/human print.

Rate this comment: 3 0

Oct 20, 2009
9:47 am

#9 benconservato :

I think we found out what happened to Ken.

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 20, 2009
10:39 am

#10 YankBoffin :

Why is his head topped with soft-serve ice cream? Is that part of the new vampire lore?

Rate this comment: 7 0

Oct 20, 2009
11:09 am

#11 sar-sar :

What the hell is wrong with people? Really, someone is trying to make me feel bad for throwing away a used maxipad? You know, the thing otherwise known as a sanitary napkin.

Isn’t wasting water to wash this thing (or where on earth do you store it after you use it? Which is maybe a better question… hey — what’s that odor coming from your purse, why it smells like menstrual blood? Yes, of course, I reuse my cloth maxiepads, you know, like they did in ancient times when people used to bathe in the same river they pissed in!!!! Oh, isn’t that kind of unsanitary for a sanitary napkin? No, you hate the earth!!!!)

Anyway, I interrupted my own trying to remember a John Denver quote for that aside… great, now this is going to drive me crazy just like my John Denver loving mother.

Damn you cloth maxipads!

Rate this comment: 12 10

Oct 20, 2009
12:16 pm

#12 thisiscrap :

I’ll say it again -
This should be filed UNDER vaginas.

Isn’t this vampire shit over yet?

Rate this comment: 3 1

Oct 20, 2009
12:16 pm

#13 takilasunrise :

sar-sar, you’re funny! (P.S…..I agree with you, here and about the “Satan having sex” painting!)

I personally don’t get the cloth “sanitary” napkin thing, but can you imagine changing, and seeing his vampire face all full of blood? Hmmmmmmm

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 20, 2009
1:28 pm

#14 AnnetteCurtain :

Nipping out for a posh dinner at the Ritz, dressed up in all your finery, hair done, glamorous make up, fine looking man on your arm.
2 hours later you’re in the bogs rinsing out the blood clots from your fanciful jam rag, weeping at your reflection. Then stare mournfully as it dribbles down your frock and onto your new Jimmy Choos.

Rate this comment: 12 0

Oct 20, 2009
1:35 pm

#15 Helen Killer :

Annette, thank you for introducing me to the term, “jam rag”. I’m going to have to work that into a sentence today.

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 20, 2009
1:35 pm

#16 Karma :

@CharlesDexterWard I guess I’ve never felt so un-empowered during a period that I worried about it. *shrug*

But I’m not into elevating bodily functions to ritual status. I blow my nose when I get a cold, I wipe my butt when I take a dump, I stick a pad in my undies when I shed my uterine lining. A generic pad with no vampire pictures.

Rate this comment: 1 1

Oct 20, 2009
1:58 pm

#17 Josh :

while i laughed at the item, i laughed even more when i saw you made an episiotomy joke.

thanks for making my day [and night one mega-hole]

Rate this comment: 0 0

Oct 20, 2009
2:25 pm

#18 heidrun :

looks like it’s something for these ladies:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/02/menstruation-feminist-activists

oh, wait, they’d probably want a female printed on it. although, who knows…

Rate this comment: 0 2

Oct 20, 2009
4:59 pm

#19 greenfuzz :

This totally has me laughing my ass off. I looove this one. I can’t imagine after childbirth thinking I really wanted some trashy semi nude vampire to bleed on.

But I do think cloth pads are fine to use, I never thought I would say that, but a few years ago I tried them and they are great. Although I don’t blame anyone for liking disposable pads and tampons. I use a cup, and sometimes cloth panty liners.

They are way more comfortable than those made of plasticy paper, They don’t smell because they are just fabric. They come in black so you don’t have to worry about stains

Disposable pads are not sterile by any means, even though each one is white and individually wrapped. Neither is your underwear which you wear every day. All your panties have gone through is a simple wash and dry and you don’t get any diseases from them even if they once had blood stains.

Rate this comment: 13 0

Oct 20, 2009
5:12 pm

#20 Prof. Scammington :

I really want to go to a Halloween party with a guy dressed as this vampire. Cape and no shirt, black striped lounge pants worn over red gym shorts and a shock of white hair. With any luck we’d run into a woman who was actually wearning one of these, and we’d all become friends.

Rate this comment: 5 0

Oct 20, 2009
5:48 pm

#21 YippySkippy :

I feel pretty confident in speaking for just about every female out there when I say that our monthly rides on the cotton pony will never be the same!

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 20, 2009
6:06 pm

#22 The Runaway Lawyer :

The vampire fad has officially jumped the shark.

Rate this comment: 2 0

Oct 20, 2009
6:06 pm

#23 NinjaGato :

Good point greenfuzz. I hadn’t thought of the part about the panties.

Rate this comment: 2 0

Oct 20, 2009
6:07 pm

#24 pithartist :

The cat looks properly horrified.

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 20, 2009
8:50 pm

#25 greenfuzz :

The cat!! the cat is totally seeing the bloody vulva bearing down on him.

Rate this comment: 2 0

Oct 20, 2009
11:01 pm

#26 everydaymama :

Ummm, as someone who has had 3 kids and is about to have her 4th let me say this… Obviously this is NOT made by anyone who has ever given birth. This thing would last all of 10 minutes and I would NEVER want to wash it after!! YIKES!!! Not to mention the last thing a postpartum mother needs is to do laundry because she has no more ugly cloth pads.

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 20, 2009
11:15 pm

#27 sar-sar :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: 3 6

Oct 20, 2009
11:41 pm

#28 GirlBoojum :

Are you guys kidding? This thing is awesome! I would totally bleed all over this vampire dude. It’s kinda hilarious.

Rate this comment: 8 1

Oct 20, 2009
11:51 pm

#29 worldfamousfudgy :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: 1 8

Oct 20, 2009
11:58 pm

#30 Helen Killer :

Too late! She sold it today.

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 21, 2009
7:25 am

#31 greenfuzz :

worldfamousfudgy I’m pretty sure women bleed on a lot of their underwear that they don’t throw out. So from a sanitary perspective they are reusing stuff which had blood on it all the time to no ill effect.

I’m absolutely not knocking disposable sanitary products, used them forever. But reusing cloth pads is not as crazy and unsanitary as people realize.

But disposables are simply not more hygienic from a germ perspective than cloth stuff and cups. The synthetic fibers in the commercial products often cause smells, allergic reactions and often those things roll around the adhesive sticks to your cooch which is uncomfortable.

The excessive absorbency of rayon in tampons was the cause of the major outbreak of TSS in the 70’s, because it promoted bacterial growth. Toxic shock can still happen with contemporary tampons which are only allowed a limited amount of rayon. That’s because commercial materials are so absorbent the TSS bacteria can reproduce deep with the tampon away from your immune system.

Commercial tampons contain dioxin from the chlorine bleach used. Dioxin is a known cause of endometriosis (it’s one of the few diseases they know can be caused by it), although they don’t know how much it takes nor have the small amounts in tampons been studied for links to it.

Many people switch to reusable products for health reasons, the commercial ones can cause major allergies in some folks. Many people switch to them because of comfort believe it or not. We’re not all hippies.

Rate this comment: 14 0

Oct 22, 2009
4:00 pm

#32 CoffeeLove :

Wow. Lots of you folks are truly misinformed about reusable cloth menstrual pads.

Go to http://clothpads.org/

And FYI, the seller of this pad is a mom, and a great person

Rate this comment: 5 2

Oct 25, 2009
8:24 pm

#33 electrictoaster :

sar-sar, I use a cup, and I’m juggling a 120% course load at university, plus volunteer work, plus contract work. You know what? The cup is way more convenient than tampons or pads because I can change it only 2x/day w/o any worries. Neither the cup nor the reusable pads are unsanitary; both are sterilized between each use. Disposable menstrual cups aren’t sterilized at all. Reusables are also way more comfortable than rubbing your snatch against gross plastic “fabric” all day. So don’t…

Rate this comment: 10 1

Oct 25, 2009
8:26 pm

#34 electrictoaster :

…judge, that is. What you do with your snatch is your business.

Rate this comment: 3 0

Oct 25, 2009
10:47 pm

#35 justamom :

True story: I started using cloth pads postpartum, because I could not stand the discomfort of paper pads while I healed. I bought a few and put them away; I was nursing, so my periods didn’t start up again for several months. When they did, I went right back to using the cloth pads. They are so much more comfortable than paper, and really not inconvenient to clean up (thanks to Oxyclean). I wouldn’t buy this in a million years, but not because it’s a cloth pad; cloth pads rock!

Rate this comment: 6 1

Oct 26, 2009
11:36 pm

#36 beckynot :

“I cum to suck your blood.”

Rate this comment: 4 0

Oct 29, 2009
7:53 pm

#37 Tdogdd :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: 0 7

Oct 29, 2009
7:55 pm

#38 Tdogdd :

Nice to know I can have a Halloween menstraul pad to go along with my costume

Rate this comment: 1 0

Oct 30, 2009
6:36 pm

#39 oopsIcrafted :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: 1 5

Nov 12, 2009
10:45 pm

#40 juliamark :

This is the most stunning cloth maxi pad I have ever seen. Yet, the vampire man is not enough to convince me that I should be sticking him in my panties and rinsing him out later. I’m pretty sure that I will never make that a part of my monthly routine.

Rate this comment: 1 0