From the Mailbag – NSFW

Posted by Helen Killer 56 comments

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Oct 20, 2009
10:06 am
#1 nerdette27 :

well, it’s true, then. All publicity is good publicity.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:09 am
#2 reqbat :

proof no [good] deed goes unpunished.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:10 am
#3 hello_robin :

I would LOVE to see the rooms that these paintings are going into.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:10 am
#4 benconservato :

I think I AM going to blame Jesus for this one. No accounting for taste. Bathroom perhaps?

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Oct 20, 2009
10:12 am
#5 NinjaGato :

@#3 I would too.

I’m actually pretty happy for this seller. The paintings are technically pretty good. Weird, but pretty good…unlike the “painting” of the semen stain covered in Chanel gold eyeshadow.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:15 am
#6 NinjaGato :

Wait a tic…12 additional pieces sold??? The etsy page only lists 2.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:16 am
#7 Jea :

Now see
you’re just encouraging this monstrosity.
They were doing just fine without your encouragement.
Way to spur the econemy Helen.
Once we’re out of this mess we’ll all look back at Regretsy and say…”That cured our society of its ills.”

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Oct 20, 2009
10:19 am
#8 reqbat :

NinjaGato: only 2 feedbacks, but yeah, 15 sales.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:22 am
#9 Helen Killer :

The story I linked to says 13 out of 14 pieces sold. Makes you wonder what the 14th one was.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:30 am
#10 YankBoffin :

Oh, the 14th piece was a lamb cuddling with a duck. It was fucking awful.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:48 am
#11 marzipanapple :

NinjaGato, I agree. These paintings are done well (technique wise). They’re a little…strange…but very well painted. The guy obviously knows how to handle paint, but some of the pieces (especially the one on regretsy) still make me laugh.

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Oct 20, 2009
10:52 am
#12 OMG Guinea Pigs :

#6 – you can go to “sold” items – as soon as the item is sold, it’s off the main page.

#8 – if they sold as recently as this one did, then the buyer likely does not yet have the item…

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Oct 20, 2009
11:02 am
#13 sar-sar :

@#11 marzipanapple:
seriously, are you smoking the crack right now? Or right now as when you typed that?

Fuck, his paintings are horrendous (subject matter or technique). If Dali saw any of these “homages” (and believe me, said the person who holds an art degree) he would wish his eyes would drip out of his sockets…

What delights me is the suspicious feeling I have that the cupcakes over on the etsy forums are snatching this type of shit up like as if to prove some point about being relentlessly positive and blindly optimistic (in the face of reality)… because we’re all mean pricks (although, somehow it’s supposedly not hypocritical for them to call other people names when they’re defending what should not be defended) and then I think about how great this stuff will look tucked away in shame in a box in someone’s attic… or stuffed inside a pizza box and left out by the curb… and then I think about the people who go junking, and what they would think if they found this stuff in their trash to treasure hunts (and, yes, my crazy mother has a sister who is a “junker”)…

And it makes me smile.

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Oct 20, 2009
11:03 am
#14 HomeAlone :

Now how do we know the buyers are real buyers… I’m suspicious that there is THAT big of an audience for this subject matter, though who knows, maybe a rich vampire bought them.

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Oct 20, 2009
11:04 am
#15 goblin :

“Regretsy” is already being used as a tag by some sellers: http://www.etsy.com/search_results.php?search_type=handmade&search_query=regretsy&order=date_desc&ship_to=

Soon we’re going to see items specifically made for the “regretsy market” — although presumably “Mittens” already blazed that trail. Oh, what special horrors await!

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Oct 20, 2009
11:05 am
#16 HomeAlone :

#13 Sar-Sar says:

“What delights me is the suspicious feeling I have that the cupcakes over on the etsy forums are snatching this type of shit up like as if to prove some point about being relentlessly positive and blindly optimistic (in the face of reality)… because we’re all mean pricks (although, somehow it’s supposedly not hypocritical for them to call other people names when they’re defending what should not be defended)”

– Nail on the head! THANK YOU!!!

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Oct 20, 2009
11:17 am
#17 tempesty :

Eh, it’s art. I’ve seen worse hanging up in art museums.

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Oct 20, 2009
11:42 am
#18 BH :

Can’t… stop… laughing.

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Oct 20, 2009
11:43 am
#19 Angela :

technically, these paintings suck ass. they don’t even remotely approach “pretty good”. The seriousness with which they are approached makes them completely disturbing AND hilarious.

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Oct 20, 2009
12:12 pm
#20 takilasunrise :

Really…who would buy these? They’re probably going to be hanging up in some bondage and S&M dungeon somewhere. Yep, I can see the painter and the buyers up at the “Pearly Gates” wondering why they can’t get in……

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Oct 20, 2009
12:15 pm
#21 thisiscrap :

I’m sure they weren’t “bought” by his shilling friends.

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Oct 20, 2009
12:18 pm
#22 vangoghbabe :

First, I have been teaching art, studying art and traveling to see REAL art for years…
Artist:a person who uses imagination and skill to communicate ideas in visual form.
So, TECHNICALLY he is an artist, TECHNIQUE he sucks.
Take an anatomy class for F@#$s sake!

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Oct 20, 2009
1:01 pm
#23 Angela :

the definition of technically is
adj.
1. Of, relating to, or derived from technique.
He is an artist, just a really bad one.

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Oct 20, 2009
1:30 pm
#24 Karma :

Proof: Satan does browse regretsy!

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Oct 20, 2009
2:05 pm
#25 jenny :

You know, I like the snark of Helen, but some of the commenters here are just plain out mean.

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Oct 20, 2009
2:13 pm
#26 Helen Killer :

@25, It’s a fine line. I’m not always sure where to draw it. You should see the shit I delete.

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Oct 20, 2009
2:13 pm
#27 NinjaGato :

I love that regretsy is now a tag.
It’s refreshing, like the ugly girl at a bar who know’s she’s hideous and is fine with leaving with the last drunk at the closing time.

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Oct 20, 2009
2:35 pm
#28 Saysomething :

After reading this and knowing that guy sold more the even 2 of those hideous paintings. I think I might start making vagina being violated by demons jewelry (yes I sell jewelry on Etsy) and tagging it with Regretsy!

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Oct 20, 2009
3:05 pm
#29 Me :

Dear little fucked up dude,

You do not fool me. I know you created a side account to buy paintings from yourself.

You still suck.

Love,

Me

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Oct 20, 2009
4:19 pm
#30 sbarnes2 :

Did anyone follow the link and read the entire article? He MASTURBATED while painting these! And these are things he actually did with an old girlfriend! Talk about giving me the jibblies!

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Oct 20, 2009
4:28 pm
#31 menolikey :

um, there’s such a thing as too much information, devil boy. check alternate photos.
http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=20549149

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Oct 20, 2009
4:58 pm
#32 artsnark :

I find myself unable to consider the opinions of someone who cannot find the shift key.

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Oct 20, 2009
5:00 pm
#33 artsnark :

P.S, referring to the blog post.

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Oct 20, 2009
8:20 pm
#34 volcaniclastic :

OoooohhhMG those paintings are so METAL, like denim-jacket-with-spikes-and-torn-cuffs metal, you can hear the Maiden blasting in the background if you stare at them close enough. I can totally believe he sold those, I know plenty of hipster kids who would kill to have something that atrocious in their living room.

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Oct 20, 2009
8:55 pm
#35 greenfuzz :

Can we stop with the “technically good” shit, they are technically awful. atrocious. No it’s not like a third grader did them, but that doesn’t excuse crappy composition, perspective, color, rendering.

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Oct 20, 2009
9:21 pm
#36 axcelle :

Also note that sellers can change the price point down to .20 and then “buy” the paintings themselves under another name or have their friends buy the paintings so they don’t get slammed with high fees. You can’t tell from the sold listing what the final price was. I too find it highly suspicious that the seller went from 2 sales in 7 months to 14 sales with only 1 additional day on regretsy.

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Oct 20, 2009
9:32 pm
#37 Helen Killer :

I really get the feeling, from the correspondence I’ve gotten, that this is totally on the level.

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Oct 20, 2009
9:38 pm
#38 greenfuzz :

Oh there is stuff here me and my friends want to buy. I personally want the chicken poncho. If I was not unemployed I would be supporting some of these folks.

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Oct 20, 2009
11:21 pm
#39 everydaymama :

Good grief… I am actually speechless!!

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Oct 20, 2009
11:31 pm
#40 worldfamousfudgy :

Ok.. i read the blog about the sales. Am I the only one who thinks it looks like the “sugar mama” of valevortex may have purchased all the paintings? That blog was HILARIOUS– as in I cannot believe it is real.

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Oct 20, 2009
11:44 pm
#41 Cold Salt :

Do you think the Kumbaya Etsiers think we’ll stop making fun of er, interesting creations, if they get sold?

Personally, I view it as two people to make fun of rather than just one.

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Oct 21, 2009
7:13 am
#42 killerpoodle :

Here’s a question for you: which painter is more horrifying to you – this guy, or that ‘painter of light’ Thomas Kincade guy?

It’s a toss up for me.

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Oct 21, 2009
9:28 am
#43 grigiodesign :

hi y’all i wanted to thank you guys for checking out my blog yesterday! i now have the “leave a comment” available!

http://grigiodesign.blogspot.com/

#40 to my knowledge, i don’t think valevortex’s sugar mama is aware of his paintings.

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Oct 21, 2009
11:07 am
#44 heidrun :

@ 25 (jenny)
you think this is mean? you have no clue what gallerists or even children’s books publishers would spit right into your face, even if you came up with acceptable stuff (i.e. definitely crap like these paintings).

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Oct 21, 2009
11:08 am
#45 heidrun :

i mean definitely NOT crap like these paintings

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Oct 21, 2009
6:50 pm
#46 artlover :

so glad i sent it in and some poor soul has that to wake up to each and every day. can. not. believe. it. sold. now i have to live with that! HA! go go regresty go.

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Oct 21, 2009
8:14 pm
#47 js :

Wow, what a load of crap. No, these paintings are not “pretty good.” Aside from some interesting use of color they are exactly the type of thing I would expect from a sexually-frustrated 14-year-old boy with a personality disorder. Their only value I can see (aside from wank-material for said disturbed teen) is possibly as art-therapy… in other words it’s certainly preferable for Valevortex to be creating crappy amateur porn than molesting the neighbor kids or torturing animals.

No, what really disturbs me is Grigio’s vindictive and possibly libelous posting of the personal information of the woman who Grigio snidely refers to as Valevortex’s “sugar mama.” In fact Grigio has devoted several blog entries to slandering her. How is it any of Grigio’s business? More, why does she even care? It almost makes me think the whole story is a front to give Grigio an excuse to badmouth someone she has a personal grudge against. In any case, her posts about Maria D. (including Maria’s age, work websites, and other personal data) strike me as being unbelievably inappropriate.

Oh, one other thing… the issue Grigio supposedly has with Maria is that she “stole” Valevortex away from his ex-girlfriend. Why is Grigio blaming her and not Valevortex? If he’s a cheater who picked up with someone new for money, sex, fame, good connections, or any other reason, that’s HIS fault. It’s asinine to lay all (or even most) of the blame on the “other woman.” Whether or not Maria knew he was already in a relationship, 90% of the blame belongs to HIM.

So while I question Grigio’s taste in art, I question her judgment (and motives) even more.

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Oct 22, 2009
7:50 pm
#48 hammerhead77 :

I was bored enough to read about half of that mess on the blog. It’s one part soap opera and one part pretentious babble which is attempting to help us understand the tortured mind of the artist. (I didn’t care enough about either to finish reading it!)

You know who probably bought all those paintings? The art directors for that CBS show Criminal Minds. They needed some set props for a serial killer’s lair in an upcoming episode!

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Oct 22, 2009
8:43 pm
#49 js :

The thing I can’t get over is that he’s in his 30s but he paints like he’s in his teens.

Incidentally, I suspect the blogger (Grigio) is actually the ex-girlfriend (Valevortex’s “Che”) that the paintings are supposedly about. I’m guessing that her motivation is to inflate the paintings’ value with her long-winded puffery in an attempt to make them appear to have some significance other than that of bad amateur porn. Otherwise why would she have so much venom against the new girlfriend? Soap opera is right.

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Oct 23, 2009
10:52 am
#50 hammerhead77 :

Yeah, that sounds about right. It makes the “artist” sound like a pathetic dishrag who is alternately motivated by greed and led around by his dick, and the “che” person comes off as this amazing sensual woman who has an almost hypnotic hold over the artist. As you noted above, I love the way they paint the sugar mama as a horrible evil Mrs. Robinson seductress. The artist just *had* to have an affair with her. He had no choice! It’s all her fault! Perhaps his next series of paintings should be called “Involuntary Infidelity”

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Oct 26, 2009
9:58 pm
#51 grigiodesign :

hahahayou guys are almost right! grigio is my sister in law, so i it is personal, i know the story, and i’ve worked with both of them…

#47, #48, #49, maria’s friends? cus there’s no remarks on valevortex’s paintings.thank you for the lovely essay.

fyi: he asked me as a favor to write his story for him, so i might as well tell the whole entire truth.

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Oct 26, 2009
10:39 pm
#52 grigiodesign :

hahahayou guys are almost right! “che” is my sister in law, so i it is personal, i know the story, and i’ve worked with both of them…

#47, #48, #49, maria’s friends? cus there’s no remarks on valevortex’s paintings.thank you for the lovely essay.

fyi: he asked me as a favor to write his story for him, so i might as well tell the whole entire truth.

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Oct 27, 2009
9:13 am
#53 js :

Re-read my post: I did indeed comment on his paintings. It’s just that I found your personal agenda and your taste & judgment in posting her personal information even more unpleasant and disturbing – if that is possible – than his “artwork.”

No, I’m not a friend of Maria. I’d never heard of any of you before reading the melodrama in your blog. So you might want to re-think your tone and kinds of stuff you’re posting – I got all my perception of the situation from that.

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Oct 27, 2009
9:45 am
#54 NinjaGato :

I would think that the postings about Maria on the blog, along with subsequent links involving her phone number, email address, and places of business would be considered libel and she could probably (and should in my opinion) sue you because of it.

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Oct 27, 2009
11:41 am
#55 grigiodesign :

#47,#48,#49 my sincere apologies. i reacted to quickly and didn’t read clearly.

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Dec 1, 2009
11:42 am
#56 Simone :

Why would anyone ever? why?

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