NSFW – Flowers On Your Opening

Posted by Helen Killer 44 comments

Gee, this thing is so beautiful I don’t know whether to stick it up my ass or wear it to church.

Who wants ice cream?

Filed in Self-Gratification 44 comments
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Oct 12, 2009
12:31 am
#1 ohboycattoy :
Yipee! you thought this was funny too!!!
I would think all those flowers and crap would just get in the way of a real fierce pumping of my womanhood.
This better be the best smelling dildo in the world for $216!

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Oct 12, 2009
12:32 am
#2 ohboycattoy :
What rack of the dishwasher does this go in?

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Oct 12, 2009
5:16 am
#3 redhead :

Stick it in your dishwasher?

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Oct 12, 2009
6:31 am
#4 The Mayor of Bethville :
If you’re going to make a dildo and then charge $216 for it, it had better look like a dick, not a Hebrew National. And at that price it actually needs to vibrate.

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Oct 12, 2009
7:13 am
#5 bloopoo :

It looks like a Schneider’s hotdog. . .

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Oct 12, 2009
7:13 am
#6 sar-sar :
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who looked at the picture and said “why did someone put a flower & bow on a hot dog?”

That totally does not look like a penis.

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Oct 12, 2009
7:31 am
#7 stantoro :

Put it in the dishwasher, and then bon appetit. What time’s dinner (which I assume will be hot dogs)?

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Oct 12, 2009
8:17 am
#8 Stiflers Mom :

They need somebody who actually speaks English to edit their text, this doesn’t even make sense:

“We complement our toys with the form of the so called bouquets to acknowledge a major accomplishement thats widely underrated – reaching a state of ongoing curiousity concerning your body equally as an awareness of your ability to communicate your desires.”

But at least I learned a new word today . . . kunterbunt!

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Oct 12, 2009
9:53 am
#9 MinnePurl :
Is the proper way to use a porcelain dildo with the pinkie extended? And can I get a saucer for any spillage?

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Oct 12, 2009
10:00 am
#10 JudiPaintedit :

I also thought it was a Hot Dog!

I wonder how they came up with the cost.

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Oct 12, 2009
10:15 am
#11 wtf :
Wow, the seller has another one for sale that can be personalized with “take care of your snatch”!!! It also has an “integrated hole which became a trademark in the appearence of our toys makes it possible to show it off around your neck like jewelry or to hang it onto the wall for bragging rights”. Umm, yeah, I really want to see someone out in public with a dildo around their neck. What. Ever!

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Oct 12, 2009
10:34 am
#12 YankBoffin :

“Comes in a range of sizes, from Cocktail to FRANKenstein”

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Oct 12, 2009
11:04 am
#13 bllsunrise :
The cost is $216 because that’s how much it will cost to get it surgically removed from your vagina at the ER!!!

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Oct 12, 2009
11:16 am
#14 Eveline :
I’m so glad it’s food safe. I wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t. I mean, that’s one of my main concerns when buying a sex toy.

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Oct 12, 2009
11:54 am
#15 JudiPaintedit :

Food and Microwave safe!

Hey Honey..Can you get my dildo and dishes out of the dishwasher…Thanks!

“The integrated hole which became a trademark in the appearence of our toys makes it possible to show it off around your neck like jewelry or to hang it onto the wall for bragging rights.”

Bragging rights…..???? WHAT????

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Oct 12, 2009
12:15 pm
#16 kourtney lurve :
I actually kind of love these; wish they weren’t so expensive. (Even if the fact that they’re cast from industrial ceramics does justify the cost.) The one emblazoned with “take care of your cunt” in German is BRILLIANT. Seriously.

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Oct 12, 2009
12:21 pm
#17 moi :

Bad choice of coloring. I agree…it looks like a hot dog.

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Oct 12, 2009
3:32 pm
#18 quantuminsanity :
Just what I always wanted! A $216 microwave-safe ceramic dildo that looks about as thick as my finger…

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Oct 12, 2009
3:35 pm
#19 quantuminsanity :

and of course by microwave I meant dishwasher…

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Oct 12, 2009
7:15 pm
#20 silly squirrel :

I can see it now…excuse me honey while I remove my dildo from the dishwasher before you empty it. My husband always emptys the dishwasher.

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Oct 12, 2009
8:43 pm
#21 Eveline :
Your hubby? What about the kids? Growing up, loading and emptying the dishwasher was always a chore me and my sister had to do. Not sure how many therapy sessions it would have cost if I had found my mum’s food- and dishwasher safe dildo in there.

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Oct 12, 2009
9:31 pm
#22 Bourgeoisie :
First off, I don’t know why anyone would buy any sort of personal item from etsy. Sellers aren’t exactly held to the same standards as stores, and could easily lie about it. This could be some lead base, arsenic ridden porcelain mass produced in China and bound to give everyone crotch rot.

And for 1/4th the price you can something much bigger, and it’ll vibrate. With multiple settings. And I can guarantee it won’t have a fake flower glued to it.

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Oct 12, 2009
9:46 pm
#23 nutcase :

“A $216 dishwasher-safe ceramic dildo that looks about as thick as my finger”

@quantuminsanity: you made my day!

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Oct 13, 2009
1:41 am
#24 projectkennedy :

@ Bourgeoisie I didn’t even think of that… wow… SO TRUE. People that get the crotch rot can start a support group called Regretsy oh wait.. that name’s taken, how about Idiots anonymous?

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Oct 13, 2009
4:55 am
#25 PussDaddy :
Imagine how nice this would look #ll wtf delicately placed around your neckline right next to a big fat twat replica pendant. I wouldn’t risk placing them both so close together though for fear of the damn things multiplying.

PussDaddy

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Oct 13, 2009
5:58 pm
#26 tundra pup :

WTH – it looks like a hotdog. It really does. They should have used blue ribbon – that thing is a real “winner” – or should I say wiener *snort*.

Let me add it to my Christmas list.

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Oct 13, 2009
6:42 pm
#27 bonspiel :
Okay, “kunterbunt”??? That’s the best word ever.

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Oct 14, 2009
7:44 am
#28 bllsunrise :

As Taco Bell teaches us….”Think outside the bun.”

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Oct 16, 2009
5:24 pm
#29 sd5353 :
I’m not a girl, but I am pretty sure that you shouldnt be plunging ice cream up your twat…

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Oct 17, 2009
10:11 am
#30 kunterbunt :

This is so full of LOLZ.

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Oct 18, 2009
2:10 pm
#31 hammerhead77 :
Here’s another hilarious German-to-almost English translation which explains their inspiration for the kunterbunts…..

dieempfangsdamen’s Shop Announcement:

“Since our confrontations with most sex-products have always been unsatisfying aesthetically as well as intellectually we decided to create sophisticated, naughty but nice, sweet-sour, worth showing off, nicely depraved and kinky tainted lustbars with sex appeal and style.”

There you have it. Their confrontations with sex products weren’t satisfying them intellectually so they had to think outside the kunterbunt…

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Oct 18, 2009
2:22 pm
#32 Karma :
Honor your womanhood? It looks like a 1970’s floral swag and a dildo mated. That doesn’t honor my womanhood.

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Oct 28, 2009
10:39 am
#33 fu2x818 :

And it comes in multiple colors too! Don’t like the flesh tone? Then how about blue, or purple, or green? PUH-LEEZE!

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Oct 28, 2009
1:41 pm
#34 emily :

But the flesh tone gives it its beautiful hot-doggy appearance

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Oct 28, 2009
1:53 pm
#35 nutcase :

the confrontations with sex-toys were intellectually unsatisfying? LOL! thanks for that #31 hammerhead!

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Oct 29, 2009
7:31 pm
#36 Tdogdd :

Would I put it on the top shelf in the diswasher or in the Silerware basket?

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Nov 5, 2009
1:07 pm
#37 Minime :

Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener…

Actually I prefer the sickly green one myself. The one that looks like an old wiener. (A really old, ripe wiener.)

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Nov 9, 2009
7:26 pm
#38 John G. :

I totally get the flower and bow.
A phallus that thin around needs a lil’ “something”.

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Nov 11, 2009
8:31 pm
#39 itlives :
“Mommy, I put the dishes away. What is this for?”

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Nov 13, 2009
11:04 pm
#40 amazongirl :
oh my god.

“Comes in a range of sizes, from Cocktail to FRANKenstein”

hahahaa

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Nov 23, 2009
2:10 pm
#41 HermesGoddess :

I just had to dig this one up from the dusty archives to LMAO about it all over again.
Now that I look at it again, I kind of don’t wonder that so many Germans are on the dour side. If that’s what they’re used to, wang-size-wise, they have a good excuse for being pissed off.

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Dec 2, 2009
12:29 pm
#42 www.bajunajewelry.etsy.com :

Hey! You could leave this on the table next to the appetizers!

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Jan 16, 2010
8:09 pm
#43 amygamie :

Did anyone else notice that this was placed in the toy section, so your looking in the toy section maybe for a doll and a teddy bear and you just might run across that! Very rude, children may be browsing the section in hopes of getting their mother to buy them crap and come across that hideous useless thing. And yes you could buy something much better for $25 at a sex shop that is actually worth a damn and in a proper package.

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Feb 2, 2010
9:33 am
#44 hamoza :

I would not relish this thing anywhere near me.

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