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Flowers On Your Opening (NSFW)

Gee, this thing is so beautiful I don’t know whether to stick it up my ass or wear it to church.

Who wants ice cream?

49 comments on Flowers On Your Opening (NSFW)

  1. ohboycattoy
    October 12, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Yipee! you thought this was funny too!!!
    I would think all those flowers and crap would just get in the way of a real fierce pumping of my womanhood.
    This better be the best smelling dildo in the world for $216!

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  2. ohboycattoy
    October 12, 2009 at 12:32 am

    What rack of the dishwasher does this go in?

    Thumb up Thumb down +33

  3. redhead
    October 12, 2009 at 5:16 am

    Stick it in your dishwasher?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  4. The Mayor of Bethville
    October 12, 2009 at 6:31 am

    If you’re going to make a dildo and then charge $216 for it, it had better look like a dick, not a Hebrew National. And at that price it actually needs to vibrate.

    Thumb up Thumb down +42

  5. bloopoo
    October 12, 2009 at 7:13 am

    It looks like a Schneider’s hotdog. . .

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  6. sar-sar
    October 12, 2009 at 7:13 am

    It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who looked at the picture and said “why did someone put a flower & bow on a hot dog?”

    That totally does not look like a penis.

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  7. stantoro
    October 12, 2009 at 7:31 am

    Put it in the dishwasher, and then bon appetit. What time’s dinner (which I assume will be hot dogs)?

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  8. Stiflers Mom
    October 12, 2009 at 8:17 am

    They need somebody who actually speaks English to edit their text, this doesn’t even make sense:

    “We complement our toys with the form of the so called bouquets to acknowledge a major accomplishement thats widely underrated – reaching a state of ongoing curiousity concerning your body equally as an awareness of your ability to communicate your desires.”

    But at least I learned a new word today . . . kunterbunt!

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  9. MinnePurl
    October 12, 2009 at 9:53 am

    Is the proper way to use a porcelain dildo with the pinkie extended? And can I get a saucer for any spillage?

    Thumb up Thumb down +37

  10. JudiPaintedit
    October 12, 2009 at 10:00 am

    I also thought it was a Hot Dog!

    I wonder how they came up with the cost.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  11. wtf
    October 12, 2009 at 10:15 am

    Wow, the seller has another one for sale that can be personalized with “take care of your snatch”!!! It also has an “integrated hole which became a trademark in the appearence of our toys makes it possible to show it off around your neck like jewelry or to hang it onto the wall for bragging rights”. Umm, yeah, I really want to see someone out in public with a dildo around their neck. What. Ever!

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  12. YankBoffin
    October 12, 2009 at 10:34 am

    “Comes in a range of sizes, from Cocktail to FRANKenstein”

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  13. bllsunrise
    October 12, 2009 at 11:04 am

    The cost is $216 because that’s how much it will cost to get it surgically removed from your vagina at the ER!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  14. Eveline
    October 12, 2009 at 11:16 am

    I’m so glad it’s food safe. I wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t. I mean, that’s one of my main concerns when buying a sex toy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  15. JudiPaintedit
    October 12, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Food and Microwave safe!

    Hey Honey..Can you get my dildo and dishes out of the dishwasher…Thanks!

    “The integrated hole which became a trademark in the appearence of our toys makes it possible to show it off around your neck like jewelry or to hang it onto the wall for bragging rights.”

    Bragging rights…..???? WHAT????

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  16. kourtney lurve
    October 12, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    I actually kind of love these; wish they weren’t so expensive. (Even if the fact that they’re cast from industrial ceramics does justify the cost.) The one emblazoned with “take care of your cunt” in German is BRILLIANT. Seriously.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  17. moi
    October 12, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    Bad choice of coloring. I agree…it looks like a hot dog.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  18. quantuminsanity
    October 12, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    Just what I always wanted! A $216 microwave-safe ceramic dildo that looks about as thick as my finger…

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  19. quantuminsanity
    October 12, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    and of course by microwave I meant dishwasher…

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  20. silly squirrel
    October 12, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -3

  21. Eveline
    October 12, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Your hubby? What about the kids? Growing up, loading and emptying the dishwasher was always a chore me and my sister had to do. Not sure how many therapy sessions it would have cost if I had found my mum’s food- and dishwasher safe dildo in there.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  22. Bourgeoisie
    October 12, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    First off, I don’t know why anyone would buy any sort of personal item from etsy. Sellers aren’t exactly held to the same standards as stores, and could easily lie about it. This could be some lead base, arsenic ridden porcelain mass produced in China and bound to give everyone crotch rot.

    And for 1/4th the price you can something much bigger, and it’ll vibrate. With multiple settings. And I can guarantee it won’t have a fake flower glued to it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  23. nutcase
    October 12, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    “A $216 dishwasher-safe ceramic dildo that looks about as thick as my finger”

    @quantuminsanity: you made my day!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  24. projectkennedy
    October 13, 2009 at 1:41 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -15

  25. PussDaddy
    October 13, 2009 at 4:55 am

    Imagine how nice this would look #ll wtf delicately placed around your neckline right next to a big fat twat replica pendant. I wouldn’t risk placing them both so close together though for fear of the damn things multiplying.

    PussDaddy

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  26. tundra pup
    October 13, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    WTH – it looks like a hotdog. It really does. They should have used blue ribbon – that thing is a real “winner” – or should I say wiener *snort*.

    Let me add it to my Christmas list.

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

  27. bonspiel
    October 13, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    Okay, “kunterbunt”??? That’s the best word ever.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  28. bllsunrise
    October 14, 2009 at 7:44 am

    As Taco Bell teaches us….”Think outside the bun.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  29. sd5353
    October 16, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    I’m not a girl, but I am pretty sure that you shouldnt be plunging ice cream up your twat…

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  30. kunterbunt
    October 17, 2009 at 10:11 am

    This is so full of LOLZ.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  31. hammerhead77
    October 18, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Here’s another hilarious German-to-almost English translation which explains their inspiration for the kunterbunts…..

    dieempfangsdamen’s Shop Announcement:

    “Since our confrontations with most sex-products have always been unsatisfying aesthetically as well as intellectually we decided to create sophisticated, naughty but nice, sweet-sour, worth showing off, nicely depraved and kinky tainted lustbars with sex appeal and style.”

    There you have it. Their confrontations with sex products weren’t satisfying them intellectually so they had to think outside the kunterbunt…

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  32. Karma
    October 18, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Honor your womanhood? It looks like a 1970′s floral swag and a dildo mated. That doesn’t honor my womanhood.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  33. fu2x818
    October 28, 2009 at 10:39 am

    And it comes in multiple colors too! Don’t like the flesh tone? Then how about blue, or purple, or green? PUH-LEEZE!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  34. emily
    October 28, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    But the flesh tone gives it its beautiful hot-doggy appearance

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  35. nutcase
    October 28, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    the confrontations with sex-toys were intellectually unsatisfying? LOL! thanks for that #31 hammerhead!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  36. Tdogdd
    October 29, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    Would I put it on the top shelf in the diswasher or in the Silerware basket?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  37. Minime
    November 5, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener…

    Actually I prefer the sickly green one myself. The one that looks like an old wiener. (A really old, ripe wiener.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  38. John G.
    November 9, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    I totally get the flower and bow.
    A phallus that thin around needs a lil’ “something”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  39. itlives
    November 11, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    “Mommy, I put the dishes away. What is this for?”

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  40. amazongirl
    November 13, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    oh my god.

    “Comes in a range of sizes, from Cocktail to FRANKenstein”

    hahahaa

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  41. HermesGoddess
    November 23, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    I just had to dig this one up from the dusty archives to LMAO about it all over again.
    Now that I look at it again, I kind of don’t wonder that so many Germans are on the dour side. If that’s what they’re used to, wang-size-wise, they have a good excuse for being pissed off.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  42. www.bajunajewelry.etsy.com
    December 2, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Hey! You could leave this on the table next to the appetizers!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  43. amygamie
    January 16, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Did anyone else notice that this was placed in the toy section, so your looking in the toy section maybe for a doll and a teddy bear and you just might run across that! Very rude, children may be browsing the section in hopes of getting their mother to buy them crap and come across that hideous useless thing. And yes you could buy something much better for $25 at a sex shop that is actually worth a damn and in a proper package.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  44. hamoza
    February 2, 2010 at 9:33 am

    I would not relish this thing anywhere near me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  45. deenadj
    September 10, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    I thought it was a varnished Barbie Doll leg with a fake flower hot glued to it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  46. goober
    February 5, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    I can’t believe no one’s mentioned…

    For $216, I want the bratwurst, not the Vienna Sausage!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  47. faifai
    February 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    i like the fact that it looks like a hot dog AND is called a kunterbunt. i’m gonna pretend that kunterbunt means “vaginal weiner bun” in german.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  48. onotoman
    July 11, 2011 at 1:13 am

    The sale of sex toys really tells us how much our society changed. Recent social acceptance and popularity has resulted in the emergence of highly adorned dildos. These are often made of expensive materials and may also be jeweled. The first dildos sold were made of rubber. Rubber dildos, usually incorporating a steel spring for stiffness, became available in the 1940s. This was a less than satisfactory arrangement because of the potential for serious injury from cuts from the spring when the rubber finally cracked and came apart. Later, PVC dildos with softer PVC filler became popular. Most of the inexpensive dildos sold today are made this way.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  49. Roryyoung
    August 14, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    This is quite expensive. The decorations on it look a little like those on Christmas trees…I don’t think I would spend so much money on something like that though. Also, it looks quite dangerous since it is made of porcelain.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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