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Cut the Cord

Posted by Helen Killer

36 comments

I’m sorry, but this is terrifying. You want to give this to a child? I’m a grown woman and I want to lock myself in the laundry room. Seriously, when you’re following a pattern to crochet a placenta, you need a time out. Put this whole thing in the trash and go to Toys ‘R Us. Your kid is going to grow up to hate you anyway. Don’t rush it.

Filed in Dolls 36 comments

36 Comments

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Oct 5, 2009
9:53 am

#1 elizabeth :

Something like this should be used in all high school sex ed classes, it would do a lot to cut down on teen pregnancies. And having sex period.

Rate this comment: +10

Oct 5, 2009
9:59 am

#2 Jenna :

Oh, Come on. Why stop here? Let’s crochet a post-partum Mama with hemmorrhoids and 2nd degree laceration scars.We could use all natural plant dyes to create the look of blood. I feel really left out as a crocheter that I merely showed my kids pictures of childbirth.

Rate this comment: +9

Oct 5, 2009
11:05 am

#3 StinkBait :

I am currently crocheting a rectal exam.

Rate this comment: +17

Oct 5, 2009
11:06 am

#4 Helen Killer :

Careful with that hook.

Rate this comment: +7

Oct 5, 2009
12:39 pm

#5 John Foley :

What really scares me is the idea that the crafter’s bush looks like that.
Goddamn hippies.

Rate this comment: 0

Oct 5, 2009
3:00 pm

#6 Eric :

I enjoyed the design much more when I thought a tiny Gene Shalit was emerging from the crocheted vagina.

Rate this comment: +7

Oct 5, 2009
7:05 pm

#7 Perthro :

You ever see that movie “The Ring”? The second one, where they meet Mom in the asylum? Yeah. This comes to mind. Perhaps they should have used it as a prop.

Rate this comment: +2

Oct 5, 2009
9:09 pm

#8 Monica Hamburg :

What a coincidence, Stinkbait: I’ll soon be working on a Yeast Infection doll. It’s on hold until I finish “guy writhing on a mattress full of bed bugs”. That one is gonna be my masterpiece.

Rate this comment: +4

Oct 5, 2009
9:40 pm

#9 Razberries :

does anyone else think that her nips look like game pieces? anyone up for a game of “sorry”? i am sorry i looked at this doll!

Rate this comment: +8

Oct 6, 2009
4:09 am

#10 David Hayward :

Reminds me of the alien baby scene from V:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TufUH1T-#t=1m52s

Rate this comment: +1

Oct 6, 2009
5:22 am

#11 sarse :

hilarious and wrong at the same time.
I wonder who would buy this?

Rate this comment: +3

Oct 6, 2009
9:15 am

#12 skylark :

Oh wow! I never thought I would be relieved when looking at something like this. That is the TOP of the baby’s head peeking out and that is the baby’s hair. Wow… took me a second…

At first glance I was thinking “Why, in the name of all that is holy, is the baby puking pubes?”

Now, realizing what it actually is, I feel a slight sense of relief.

Rate this comment: +6

Oct 6, 2009
1:27 pm

#13 nerdette27 :

This is so NOT the way amigurumi is supposed to happen. Oy. And Ow.

Rate this comment: +3

Oct 7, 2009
3:56 pm

#14 lmao :

Seriously, are you going to publish this stuff? Your commentary is priceless!

Rate this comment: +2

Oct 7, 2009
11:51 pm

#15 bixby :

that is eerily similar to mother with the giant nipples in that movie braindead/dead alive

Rate this comment: +2

Oct 8, 2009
12:35 am

#16 mommaroach :

There are many fun things I am thinking! I am so curious about this pattern. Does the baby come out? Is there a pot smoking hippie dad included to cut then cook up the attached placenta? Is it patchouli scented? Is it made from hemp? Are there other attachments? Why did someone make this? Do they not have a school or a library in their commune?

Rate this comment: +12

Oct 8, 2009
9:42 pm

#17 gazoo :

Why does the baby have such a big mustache?

Rate this comment: +5

Oct 9, 2009
12:14 pm

#18 heidi :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Oct 10, 2009
3:14 pm

#19 jbarbie23 :

This is horrible, and omg teh bush. YIKES. That said, you must realize this has nothing to do with children, right? Most childbirth educators aren’t shopping at Toys R Us, and they definitely aren’t selling their teaching materials as toys. This thing is repellent for reasons other than it not looking like something at a toy store – models of placentas, pelvis bones, etc. are probably not on Toys R Us’ radar either, kwim?

Rate this comment: 0

Oct 10, 2009
6:47 pm

#20 caseycastille :

Every time I look at this, I think it’s a drunken pregnant woman passed out on top of Carlos Santana, which may be even more educational than such a doll aims to be.

Rate this comment: +13

Oct 11, 2009
5:08 pm

#21 beva :

Just the picture brought tears of laughter to my eyes, have been a long time etsy shopper, am so happy to have found this site.

Rate this comment: +5

Oct 12, 2009
2:08 am

#22 sophiehillartist :

I can think of a few “Family Planning” clinics in my local area that would love this… this made me well and truly LAUGH OUT FREAKIN’ LOUD!!!

Rate this comment: +1

Oct 12, 2009
10:29 am

#23 JudiPaintedit :

Disturbing! But what stands out to me is the huge nipples and MASSIVE amount of pubic hair!!

Rate this comment: 0

Oct 14, 2009
10:41 am

#24 bllsunrise :

Is that Cher???

Rate this comment: +2

Oct 14, 2009
10:41 am

#25 bllsunrise :

and uh…..Sonny???

Rate this comment: +1

Oct 17, 2009
1:46 pm

#26 HomeAlone :

Yeah, but the kids might get confused because you can put the baby back IN. Among other things. Actually you could top your pencil with it and take it to school.

Rate this comment: +8

Oct 18, 2009
2:32 pm

#27 Karma :

Well dammit, I wanted to see the matching placenta and cord. I feel cheated.

Rate this comment: +8

Oct 21, 2009
6:12 pm

#28 crispin :

Finally the perfect gift for the office “secret santa” gift exchange, happy holidays!

Rate this comment: +8

Oct 23, 2009
1:48 pm

#29 BookFace868 :

Looks like Linda Blair is giving birth to Satan’s spawn. Pea soup anyone?

Rate this comment: 0

Oct 26, 2009
7:09 pm

#30 sicknessdoll :

What disturbs me even more is the fact that they aren’t seeling the doll, but the pattern to make the doll! What kind of weirdo would sit around crocheting a childbirth?

“Oh, granny what are you making today.”

“Well Litte Timmy, this is how babies come out of mommies.”

Rate this comment: +3

Oct 28, 2009
4:52 pm

#31 Tdogdd :

I agree who would think to crochet this . Isn’t there like 8million better things to crochet out there. I wonder if I an pick up a finished one at the local craft fair?? The person who thought of this is very bored or disturbed and needs to shave

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 9, 2009
8:40 pm

#32 John G. :

Are we sure her Scary Hairy is not EATING the baby?
I can’t really tell.

Rate this comment: 0

Nov 15, 2009
2:03 am

#33 i am bean :

this pattern is for the serious crotcheter.

Rate this comment: +3

Nov 15, 2009
2:04 am

#34 i am bean :

whoops…I meant to say the ‘experienced’ crotcheter.

Rate this comment: +5

Nov 25, 2009
5:06 pm

#35 Subversive :

Thought this one was creepy but I found even creepier from this seller:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=17595183

I also wonder what could ‘toys (not for children)’ be. I can’t wait this section to be filled with creepy beyond my expectations.

Rate this comment: 0

Dec 9, 2009
3:52 am

#36 istillheartbretmichaels :

I love this doll; I’d buy it if I could afford the hefty pricetag. When my kid asks me about the where babies come from, I can just whip her out.

. . . Although I do want grandkids someday. Maybe I should stick with the youtube videos.

I do admire the artist’s effort and passion.

Rate this comment: +1