Beating a Dead Horse
What the hell is this thing? A dead goat with a corn cob glued to its head? A flocked donkey carcass stuffed with old copies of Martha Stewart Living? Maybe it’s a stillborn pony on a giant tostada. Whatever it is, it’s horrible. It doesn’t even have any eyes, for God’s sake. It’s like something out of The Cell, only not as cheery.
October 3, 2009 at 2:55 pm
OH MY GOD. The commentary is so funny I almost injured myself laughing. I haven’t laughed that hard in weeks.
Thank you Helen Killer. I think I love you.
October 3, 2009 at 3:26 pm
This is actually sort of cool. The unicorn is made from a stillborn black lamb, and it does have eyes etc.
It looks much better in the photbucket pictures.
http://s369.photobucket.com/albums/oo135/alittletaxidermy/Black%20Unicorn%201/
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=20937793
If I weren’t creeped out by taxidermy, I’d like it.
October 3, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I cried at this. I cried! What the hell is being used as the “unicorn”‘s mane and tail?
And since when do unicorns go “maaaaaaahhh?”
October 3, 2009 at 3:29 pm
After seeing the photobucket pics, I’m disturbed even more.
October 3, 2009 at 3:36 pm
@El’s Bells – I totally agree. Now it’s just nightmare material.
October 3, 2009 at 6:06 pm
That is the most disturbing item on etsy I have ever seen (besides all the vaginal stuff)…that poor animal. YUCK. Who on Etsy would want that item? Elmer Fudd?
Helen Killer, your posts are hilarious and fyi, I only watched “The Cell” once and it grossed me out so I get what you mean!
October 3, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I am only upset that there is only 1 in stock. I would like a package deal so I can put them on either side of my front porch to keep people away from my house and trying to bother me.
October 3, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I DID injure myself.
October 3, 2009 at 11:49 pm
So it’s an Astrakhan unicorn? The clove-cigarette smoking, late teenage me would have been ecstatic.
October 4, 2009 at 10:13 am
WTF? A black unicorn? If a black unicorn is made from a black lamb (future black sheep), does this mean it’s a Dark Side unicorn? If a traditional unicorn can only be approached by a virgin, who can approach a black unicorn? The mind boggles. I started thinking along these lines when you mentioned THE CELL…
October 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm
For the little girl who loves horses – but lives in an apartment.
October 4, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Dear god that’s creepy. Like those realistic dead babydolls, I’m not sure whether it’s more disturbing that the product exists or that there’s a market for it.
October 5, 2009 at 1:36 am
wtf? I’m kind of freaked – I mean I like weird shit but this is BAD weird shit.
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October 6, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Clarice called. She wants her lamb back.
October 7, 2009 at 3:16 pm
This would make my daughter cry.
October 9, 2009 at 4:24 pm
this one looks more like it has a golden dildo on its head. maybe this should be filed under vaginas too…..
October 9, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Two words…. LAMB PIZZA.
October 10, 2009 at 10:38 pm
It has a lamb’s body, so there’s just something wrong looking about it that irks me.
October 12, 2009 at 4:22 pm
seriously, do you taxidermy humans??? Just asking, keeping my options open.
You know, being buried six feet under, cremation, becoming a unicorn…???? the decisions.
October 13, 2009 at 7:07 pm
From the profile, why does this bother me so much?
“I am happy to mount something for you in a pose that you request. I have several squirrels available, and as of mid-April, the white wool lambs are coming available. I also have a few black or black and white haired lambs that I can mount as per your request, and I have some goats as well. *It can take from 2-4 weeks for me to fill a custom order.”
April 13, 2011 at 2:59 pm
That can’t possibly mean she’ll …use an animal that’s alive currently? I’m so freaked out.
October 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Imagine if you walked into somebody’s house and they owned this? I would be backing towards the door slowly and making up an excuse.
“Yea, I have to go because…I need to read a bedtime story to my stuffed goat pegasus. See ya…”
November 4, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I just got so queasy I can’t shake it. I can’t believe this qualifies as a “hand made item”. So crafty. ICK, UGH.
December 9, 2009 at 1:06 pm
This is disturbing…WHO THE HELL AM I KIDDING!!!! I want one and I want it NOW! I’m so freaked out about it! What’s wrong with me?!! She even has one in white…..OH GOD! I NEED HELP!
February 2, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Yet another example of the disturbing things people do to animals.
March 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm
These are so horrible. I flagged a bunch of them. It’s horrible, creepy, ugh. And people have hearted them, I’m tempted to look to see who, but it’s so awful.
21# I would be running out the door if I saw one of those in someones house. And I imagine whoever has one is so proud and has it displayed with their other hundreds of unicorns made of resin, dryer lint, old chewing gum and may be thinking of getting their old cat turned into a unicorn when it kicks the bucket.
September 11, 2010 at 3:09 pm
“It can take 2-4 weeks to fill a custom order.”
WTF does THAT mean? She PLANS to go out and find another “stillborn” goat (or whatever animal you specify)? Or does she just go farmhouse to farmhouse asking if they have any dead baby WHATEVERS she can have? Or worst of all, do animals at neighboring farms seem to go “missing” a lot, never to be seen again? It’s one thing to have the whole stillborn thing fall into your lap, but it’s quite another to do custom dead animal ORDERS.
September 11, 2010 at 3:18 pm
This is a serious observation. I think a lot of these sellers need to take a course on “perception” – how other people perceive the things you say and do, and write. I’m sure we all do or say weird crap at home where no one can see us, but when we are exposed to the eyes and ears of others, we behave VERY differently. That’s because we are AWARE of how our actions/words might be perceived by others. I’m sure she meant well, but this one landed way, WAY off the mark.
January 16, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Taxidermy’s not as nasty as the initial gut (!) reaction it engenders. There’s no dessicated intestines or pickled brains or leftovers of the pitiful final meal in that cute li’l carcass; the artiste just stretches and glues a preserved hide over a posed plastic form so there’s really nothing ickier than, say, your favorite leather jacket going on here. The skinned remains (“the gooey bits”) go on to a presumed decent Christian burial.
I’m guessing the subjects are stillborn livestock from a local farmer so no actual animals were harmed in the making of this particular nightmare. As opposed to, say, that hamburger you had for lunch.
And I’m not being an apologist, it’s still creepy even when you know how it’s made.
January 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm
hahahaha a giant tostada
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February 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm
@Life “If a traditional unicorn can only be approached by a virgin, who can approach a black unicorn?”
This anti-unicorn can only be approached by the skankiest of women. Even Britney Spears couldn’t get close to it.
February 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm
@Deenadj: ““It can take 2-4 weeks to fill a custom order.”
WTF does THAT mean? She PLANS to go out and find another “stillborn” goat (or whatever animal you specify)?”
The idea I’m getting is that she runs a secret barnyard abortion clinic… ;_; GO AWAY MENTAL IMAGE OF THAT! GO AWAY!!!
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May 14, 2011 at 8:44 am
It’s a fuckin’ dead Goat, and this hair on his head and tail is a pony-tail you can buy at this places where they sell wigs and hair pieces. made of Human hair..
May 31, 2011 at 7:15 pm
Actually, it is a dead miniature horse, from what I can tell. Lovely. I’d like to know who would allow their horse to end up like…this. Oi.
Of course, I tried clicking on it to get a better look at some of the other views, but you can’t. However, he is now selling THIS….
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69952045/guinea-pig-mounted-taxidermy?ref=pr_shop
My daughter has a LIVE one that looks almost identical to this guy. She walked in as I was simultaneously gasping in horror and laughing hysterically. Luckily, she’s got a strong stomach and wonderfully sick sense of humor for a 7-year-old.
And you do realize that you can get a LIVE one for under $30.
Where does this guy find his “subjects”? I want to know his name, so I NEVER sell him a pet….
July 16, 2011 at 2:29 am
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Unicorn Tostada…
July 26, 2011 at 7:59 pm
This looks too real to be a toy! The price is a bit out of reach for the average household, but gee someone will cherish this if lucky to be given as a present.