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Hanukkah 2011, Night 2

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89 comments on Hanukkah 2011, Night 2

  1. Postmenopaws ™
    December 21, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    “Thirty-one minutes! It’s FREE!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +36

  2. Qui
    December 21, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    “half price”? I think someone needs to go back to remedial math class.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

    • Stretch65
      December 21, 2011 at 10:57 pm

      Oy-vey! like totes mashuga!

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

  3. lemon bombs
    December 21, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Looks like a giant mousetrap.

    Thumb up Thumb down +125

    • Destiny
      December 21, 2011 at 6:06 pm

      That is exactly what I thought.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

      • Mystik Spiral
        December 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm

        Well then, I am hereby calling this person’s artistic ability into question, because I saw the mousetrap too. The people look happy about it, though. Maybe there’s a giant rat terrorizing the village? That’s how the story goes, right? …I need to brush up on my Jew-facts.

        Thumb up Thumb down +72

        • unseeliepixie
          December 21, 2011 at 8:51 pm

          In the Bible version, it’s an incredibly complicated Rube Goldberg contraption.

          Thumb up Thumb down +33

      • OldPhatMC
        December 21, 2011 at 7:33 pm

        Wasn’t one of those books from the seventies “Mousetraps of the Gods”?

        Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • memsaab
      December 21, 2011 at 6:16 pm

      Me too, a giant heavy gold mousetrap.

      Thumb up Thumb down +14

      • KMBC
        December 21, 2011 at 6:39 pm

        With a basketball court on it.

        Thumb up Thumb down +51

        • lemon bombs
          December 21, 2011 at 9:47 pm

          Well, that is totally worth 99 Gazillion Dollars then. And on sale!

          Thumb up Thumb down +10

        • Stretch65
          December 21, 2011 at 11:06 pm

          see my comment below!

          (I actually like seasoned Matzoh with butter as a snack)

          Thumb up Thumb down +1

        • DoBeDoBeadDo
          December 22, 2011 at 8:18 am

          well, my temple did have a basketball court…

          Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • carter west
      December 21, 2011 at 6:20 pm

      damn I need to learn to type faster.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • steampunkchickenbitch
      December 21, 2011 at 6:27 pm

      If you build a better mousetrap, they will come. *giggle*

      Thumb up Thumb down +24

    • AholicRambler
      December 21, 2011 at 8:41 pm

      I saw the same thing, and I’m thinking I could make a pretty penny by hot gluing some rubber gloves, a mouse trap, and a few dozen Polly Pockets to a board.

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • Stretch65
      December 21, 2011 at 10:59 pm

      I see a basketball court but that doesn’t make sense. Jews don’t play basketball

      Thumb up Thumb down +15

  4. RolyPolyFishsticks
    December 21, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Someone did the currency conversion wrong.

    I hope.

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  5. Rainey
    December 21, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Gee, and shipping is only $500!

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

    • Banana Rama
      December 21, 2011 at 7:23 pm

      An eagle with a prayer shawl better drop it off at my doorstep for that much money

      Thumb up Thumb down +72

    • suedonim
      December 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

      But if you buy another item, it’s only $250.

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  6. stoermy
    December 21, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    That’s almost exactly what I owe on my mortgage. Maybe they’ll except a trade? I’d obviously be getting the better deal.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

    • tinydancer
      December 21, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      I have a 100 Grand candy bar. Seems like the better trade to me.

      Thumb up Thumb down +36

  7. Mugsy Doodle
    December 21, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    It looks like a weird rectangular goatse to me. *ducks*

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

    • kimoutre
      December 21, 2011 at 7:58 pm

      Goatse in the Sky with Glitter!

      Thumb up Thumb down +29

    • Shirley Knott
      December 21, 2011 at 8:31 pm

      The hands of God feeling the tuckus of God – and we’re on the inside!

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

  8. RipAmo
    December 21, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    I would make fun of the spelling and grammar, but…

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  9. Kacky
    December 21, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Yeah, there’s a rule, you don’t get to call it a masterpiece if you are the one who made it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +58

    • kimoutre
      December 21, 2011 at 7:58 pm

      And/or if it’s a POS.

      Thumb up Thumb down +21

  10. Misantharista
    December 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -16

    • Mystik Spiral
      December 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm

      $99k = almost a million bucks

      Thumb up Thumb down +31

      • anomalocaris
        December 21, 2011 at 8:03 pm

        Regretsy math!

        …no?

        Thumb up Thumb down +22

  11. jeangaijin
    December 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Such a deal! Take two, they’re small!
    Thank you, I’ll be here until Tuesday. Try the veal.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  12. Misantharista
    December 21, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    *Derp; I added a zero in my head. Still…almost a hundred grand…an even better bargain!

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  13. carter west
    December 21, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    I have no idea what this is supposed to represent based on the description. So just going off the image I can assume that at some point in time God is going to drop a big fucking mouse trap on all of us???

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

    • TooManyCookbooks
      December 21, 2011 at 6:29 pm

      Know that if you turn a corner and there’s a nice bit of cheese waiting, it’s a trap.

      Thumb up Thumb down +22

      • Irishyankee
        December 21, 2011 at 8:02 pm

        “Who Moved my Cheese?”

        Thumb up Thumb down +15

      • unseeliepixie
        December 21, 2011 at 8:54 pm

        Thumb up Thumb down +23

        • katfud
          December 22, 2011 at 11:38 am

          And on the 1337th day, Gawd created mousetraps. And they were good.

          Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • darn you, darn you to heck
      December 21, 2011 at 9:35 pm

      No,no, if you zoom in you can see it is a giant golden sheet cake. AND God has gold nail polish!!

      Thumb up Thumb down +15

    • lemon bombs
      December 21, 2011 at 9:49 pm

      It looks like Mickey Mouse’s hands to me, too. Twisted.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  14. monsieurandre
    December 21, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Apparently the Hamburger Helper is the delivery boy of religious texts. Who fuckin’ knew?

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  15. jfeg116
    December 21, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    There are fucking Picassos that go for less. I don’t understand these people at all.

    I wonder what the highest price for something sold on Etsy was? It may give these sellers some perspective into who they are in the art world– or the real world, for that matter. I wonder where they get the balls to assume something they made is that valuable?

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

    • Mapleleaves
      December 21, 2011 at 6:45 pm

      You’re only allowed to list things up to $100,000. Frankly I think the odds of something legitimately worth that much being sold on Etsy is kinda slim.

      Now, THIS: http://www.etsy.com/listing/58793938 is probably worth $43,000.

      Thumb up Thumb down +21

      • Toilet Trained at Gunpoint
        December 21, 2011 at 6:52 pm

        His shop is amazing. I’m not Jewish, but I understand a lot of the symbolism. I want that pomegranate.

        Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • DarkPChan
        December 21, 2011 at 6:58 pm

        The dreidel in there he made is amazing and most likely worth the 2300.00. His craftsmanship is astounding

        Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • somebidder
        December 22, 2011 at 6:01 am

        holy shit, its not an even an INCH TALL according to my handy dandy metric to us converter.

        so worth it. not that I have that kind of money, but so worth it.

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

        • bigjeff5
          December 24, 2011 at 6:56 pm

          I think your converter might be broken, since 400mm is 40cm which is just shy of 16 inches tall…

          Thumb up Thumb down 0

  16. Toilet Trained at Gunpoint
    December 21, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    The the Lord said to us, “Enlarge the size, for Lo, it is magnifico.”

    And I did as commanded.

    And I noticed, forsooth, far too many shadows for the worshippers, and the Hassidic faithful stuffed into a corner and I said,

    “Lord, are they going to get to use the basketball court, too? For the foul line is ready, but the hoop is offset.”

    “Yes, my child,” said He.

    “Lord?”

    “What now?”

    “What about the green ninja in the bottom right corner? Is he too visible to remain a ninja for long?”

    “Lo, I shall teach him the ways of stealth.”

    “Oh, okay. Hashem?”

    “Go the fuck to sleep.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +109

  17. cameragrrl
    December 21, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Someone studied Klimt too much. And I had no idea basketball was such a sacred Jewish thing. (That IS a b-ball court, right?) I hate lazy sellers who write descriptions in all caps. WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME?! Piss off. I propose a new acronym: AC;DR.

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

    • charliechaplinpants
      December 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      Surely I’m not the only one who read the proposed new acronym as AC/DC. Which, I guess, makes the screaming appropriate.

      Thumb up Thumb down +9

  18. msav
    December 21, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Love the shop name. Makes me think “Jewy Shart.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  19. LandOfOz
    December 21, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Ah, so the old stereotype of the Jew being rich is true! Sell their mother for a few sheckles! What’s with the elf in the corner anyway?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  20. LtotheE
    December 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Is it wrong to say tl;dr ?? Seriously, a firm study of actual scripture doesn’t take that long.

    Let the red thumbs commence.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • unseeliepixie
      December 21, 2011 at 8:58 pm

      I’d say “Shitty Grammar; Didn’t Read” would also be acceptable…

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

  21. Mistletoe
    December 21, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    You know what they say. If someone says it’s a $198,000 value but offer it for $99,000, then it’s not really a $198,000 value.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • AmberleighTamborine
      December 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm

      A bargain at a quarter of the reduced price, I’m sure.

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  22. MarchHare
    December 21, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    God needs a manicure. Or anti-fungal cream or something.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  23. RosieB
    December 21, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Ugh, this just reinforces the stereotype that Jews are just out for money!

    I swear, there’s more to us…like food, cheap wine, and mothers trying to set up their daughters with nice doctors.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • unseeliepixie
      December 21, 2011 at 9:00 pm

      I <3 Manischewitz…

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  24. thecreightonberyl
    December 21, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    Dr. Raz appears to be on a Gilt Trip.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  25. Digitalis
    December 21, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    Oy vey. Someone was quaffing deeply of the sacramental wine when they came up with this piece of crap.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  26. darn you, darn you to heck
    December 21, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    For lo, the Wailing wall shall be gilded and glittery, and the hand of the Lord shalt deliver the Golden Sheet Cake, and there shall be rejoicing in the land.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • darn you, darn you to heck
      December 21, 2011 at 9:51 pm

      What the heck are those green octopus things? are they climbing the wall or floating or what?

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • Toilet Trained at Gunpoint
      December 21, 2011 at 10:38 pm

      I’d convert for cake, especially for such special delivery.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

  27. RedSoloCup
    December 21, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    That’s just odd. I wish I could say something more interesting than that. And, it does look like a giant mousetrap.

    All the people at the bottom are cheering for the giant mousetrap thing that a big ole pair of hands is bringing down to them.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  28. PeacefulDave
    December 21, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    And on the 8th day, God said “Let there be basketball”. And lo, a giant basketball court descended from the heavens unto the people of Isreal. And the Harlem Beith Hamikdash Globetrotters won their first game CIX to LXXIII. And God saw that it was good.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  29. SpyGlassez
    December 21, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    I have to say, God’s hand-bones in that picture are ALL WRONG.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • Toilet Trained at Gunpoint
      December 22, 2011 at 4:28 am

      Thenar/hypthenar wasting, generalized atrophy of the digits, a Heberden’s or Bouchard’s nodule, and whiteness of the hands…I say we’re looking at cubital and ulnar tunel, rheumatoid or osteoarthritis, and Raynaud’s phenomenon…

      God is a very hard worker and dedicated to his repetitive tasks, the baker, referee, and pest control person in the sky.

      Is Gabriel or Michael responsible for heavenly worker’s comp?

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  30. whimsiclefucker
    December 22, 2011 at 4:31 am

    Well, he is modest and reasonable with the pricing. And I finally figured out what I was seeing. The fingers on “the hand of yahweh”, clearly this guy is an animator on “Adventure Time”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  31. segoviaj048
    December 22, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Ok so, the comments about this looking like a mousetrap had me thinking…
    I just bought my 3 year old daughter the ‘Fievel Goes West’ movie at Wal-mart the other day. We’ve had to watch it with her approximately 500 times already. At the end, the mice are tricked by the cats to sit in the stands in celebration of their new town, but really the whole thing is a giant mouse trap.
    AND, Fievel’s family are Russian…Russian Jews maybe??

    This is all too coincidental for me…

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • -ish
      January 5, 2012 at 4:51 pm

      Maybe a spoiler warning would be good here, you know, so those of us who haven’t seen Fievel Goes West and were planning on watching it….oh never mind, I’m messing with ya. Thumbs up.

      psst it’s on netflix i just checked

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  32. Miss_Marnie
    December 22, 2011 at 6:24 am

    The truly miraculous thing about this product description is that there was only enough punctuation for one paragraph but it managed to last for eight. Happy Capslockah

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  33. JupiterPluvius
    December 22, 2011 at 8:56 am

    We are all one! Except that women can’t stand in the same section as “people”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  34. Trickster
    December 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

    YOU KNOW IT MUST BE A MASTERPIECE WHEN THE SELLER CALLS IT THAT AND CANNOT STOP SHOUTING BECAUSE IT IS SO AWESOME EVEN AT HALF-PRICE

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  35. IndieChic
    December 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    It’s G_d handing down the infamous Jewish Gilt.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  36. Berk
    December 23, 2011 at 7:01 am

    I can get it for you wholesale…

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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