—TITLE JESUS at a Stag party 12:25-11
Yeah the ad for the Jesus painting says HOLIDAY SALE 20% off. Could you be more specific. Like is the Holiday someones birthday?
Art is about commitment and the artist needs to be committed,
‘And Jesus said “Lo, though but one Buck tag remaineth in my satchel and spotlighting is loathsome in my sight, I shall bageth thee and smite your entrails upon the poachethed land” JebBob 3:14
Really. Some artists need to learn a thing or two about economics. That piece of crap will never sell for 12K. I will refrain from making fun of the target demographic, because of the holiday. Well, that and I’m sure someone else will do it better
Glitter AND an electrified pulsing light so the hypnotizing gaze of Jeebus is magically shimmering. I’ve seen enough of these light-’em-up-and-see-the-glory “paintings” of waterscapes (so it looks as if the water is flowing within the picture) to know that glitter and electricity are not mutually exclusive. I’ve never seen one of those pictures on black velvet, which would just make it SO awesome.
Perhaps she needs more of the green plant. Then she’ll start painting Jesus, the hunter and the deer holding hands in a circle singing kumbaya. That would be much more entertaining.
That would be the hunter that’s hunting the deer. Apparently Jesus is distracting the deer while the hunter shoots… which is actually a terrible revelation to have about Jesus’ character.
I would be awesome to be out hunting, have the perfect shot lined up, and then get distracted by the sight of Jesus and Big Foot just chillin’ in the forest.
Strangely, the hunter seems to be the worst-executed part of the whole painting (which, to be fair, seems competent). Maybe the artist has multiple personalities? Nancy painted a lovely painting of Jesus communing with nature, but then Kathleen woke up and added the hunter and the elaborate justification?
Now, if she could just create a painting in her artistic ability to explain Lost…*
*Truth be told…I just want a painting of a wet-from-the-ocean, half-naked windblown Sawyer. Actually, I think that I should paint a wet-from-the-ocean, half-naked windblown Sawyer myself…but paint won’t stay on a wet body and there’s that restraining order thingey.
What kind of honey do his bees produce? I was never a fan of honey, but ordered Lemon Creme White Honey from the Republic of Tea (I’m a sucker for a good item description) and discovered I love how light and not biting/sharp it is.
Granted I haven’t read the Bible in a long time, but I always thought that passage was more along the lines of “it’s fine to hunt and fish, you kind of need to eat to live” rather than “animals are just sacks of meat so if I’m in town, just holla and I’ll use my magic powers to help you kill as many as possible”.
Well, He found time to help the Colts win…but it was apparently the price was the first season loss by the Packers. I never considred the Colts to be the doppelgangers of the Packers.
If you can afford a full camouflage suit and a $600 crossbow, chances are you don’t need to hunt to survive, and Jesus certainly doesn’t need to clear his busy schedule to help you.
But I’m not so sure the disciples had the convenience of capitalistic, consumer-driven culture in the 21st century in mind when they wrote that sucker. Plus Bethlehem had like only one Burger King at the time…
Jesus has suck priorities if he’s using his time to help Billy Bob get one with a nice rack vs oh I don’t know world peace. (Same goes for Tim Tebow, yeah Jesus is all about you having a good season)
I also just noticed the “hunter” is about three feet from the deer. If you need Jesus to blind a deer three feet away you should maybe think about giving up hunting because you suck at it.
Ah, what does she care about details? Horns, antlers, they’re just decorations on the burgers-to-be ready to be shot down with the help and blessing of our lord and savior, Jeebus.
Where would you have the room to hang that? I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a 4′ by 5′ spot to hang in in. And an oil that big should certainly be priced fairly high (just for the work) but not 12k worth of high.
Subject matter aside, it’s not a bad painting. Definitely not worth 12 grand but whatever. Knock about 3 zeros off the price and I’d buy it. At least Jesus isn’t blonde and blue-eyed like so many depictions.
Way better than this piece of glorious art was the ad that showed up next to the article… “And God said, let there be Facebook!” It’s actually the title of a book! I’d post the pic if I could figure out how to upload a picture while without spilling this gin & tonic. So here’s the link…
http://lettherebefacebook.com/
(I have nothing to do with this book, but I nearly spit out my drink on the screen when I clicked on the link!)
Trainer sent out Jesus!
Jesus, use Confuse Ray!
The Wild Sawsbuck is confused!
The Wild Sawsbuck hurt itself in its confusion!
Trainer used Arrow Ball!
*wiggle*
*wiggle*
*click!*
Trainer caught Sawsbuck!
Nickname the newly caught Sawsbuck?
OM NOM NOM was sent to Box 2 on Bill’s PC!
It’s well painted, I’ll allow that, but since when do good artists have to EXPLAIN what’s going on in their painting?
My first thought was that Jesus was putting some sort of protective shield around the deer. Maybe he should have been helping the hunter steady his gun instead – no explanation needed.
“The lion shall lie down with the lamb, on a bed of arugula with tomato salad and gremolata; and a little child will eat them or no dessert.”
- Dinneronomy 6:30 Sharp
All I can think is…”Twelve grand for something that looks like those paintings you buy in hotel ballrooms that are sorted by sofa size and mantel size?”
“It has placed in shows and won many awards. It is one of the few paintings in my collection that will be painful to part with, but it is time for it to be seen.”
Don’t visitors to art “shows” actually “see” the paintings? Hence the name “art shows”? Maybe I’m missing something here.
It will be remembered as the year that Joe Bob’s venison sausage tasted a little off. But strangely anytime someone ate the sausage, their sins were instantly forgiven.
So… it was Noah that God specifically told it was okay to hunt animals? Of all people?!? Which ones, exactly? Maybe this is yet another alternative Biblical version of what happened to the dinosaurs? Except dinosaurs wouldn’t have been kosher…
Pretty sure it was Adam? Pretty much telling him the Garden of Eden was a buffet and to go nuts, except for that one thing. When you read that, it’s a wonder it took us so long to invent conditional psychology.
Dinosaurs wouldn’t have been kosher because there weren’t any rabbis around to “make” them kosher, and no other humans to slaughter them correctly, right? All kosher chickens are, well, chickens, but not all chickens are kosher. And many birds descended from dinosaurs, and there was a chickeny-looking dinosaur (but I’m too tired to look it up), so SOME dinosaurs could have been kosher.
I’m not Jewish, so no offense. I’m just winging it here.
Apparently, Adam and Eve were instructed to eat only plants. (They raised livestock, but only for products like wool and milk, and to make sacrifices.) After the flood, Noah and his family were given permission to eat meat.
There’s nothing anywhere about hunting. It’s more like, “You know those sheep you’ve got? By the way, they’re pretty tasty.”
Why the Bible story goes like this, I have no idea. I didn’t write it. I only know this fragment of trivia because it was on QI.
Before I read the description I thought Jesus was saving the deer. Nope- he’s negating its camouflage by putting a big spotlight on it! Sure, the bible says humans have domain over the creatures of this world. But when the hyper-intelligent aliens show up, all bets are off on who’s doing the hunting.
Jesus: “It’s deer season!”
Deer: “Don’t trust him, It’s demigod season!”
Jesus: “It’s deer season!”
Deer: “It’s demigod season!”
Jesus: “It’s deer season!”
Deer: “It’s demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Who’s the reason for the season?”
Jesus: “I am..[sound of arrow being released]..yikes!”
That is when the devil of a deer trick the son of man. To add insult to injury, it was technically duck season.
“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen: That guy behind the tree is going to shoot you with an arrow. You’ll fall down, then while he’s walking over, I ressurect you. Then you jump up and gore him, then run away. Got it?”
Let me understand this. We have here a picture of Jesus blessing a deer 2 seconds before a hunter blows its brains out. And the purpose of this is what? What? What?????
I’d also like to point out that, the way the “hunter” is (not) gripping his bow, when he releases the arrow, the bow is going to spin and whack him solidly in the face.
THAT, I firmly believe, is the real reaon Jeebus is present: so he and the deer can laugh their asses off while the “hunter” searches the ground cover for his eyeball.
This is the most expensive item in her shop. The next one is $10,500 cheaper, about half the size. She’s charging an insane price for this and then taking off 20% to show how generous she is.
Good to know she believes so completely in the bible, when it helps her argument, but I don’t recall that commandment, Thou shalt screw thy gullible customer. Must have been on one of the tablets that Moses dropped and broke when he came down the mountain.
darn you, darn you to heck
December 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I am puzzled, confused even. Here is a woman who can render a deer, yet hides its feet in a convenient ditch. Are antlers easier to paint than hooves? Could she not find a reference photo complete with feet? Why?
It’s all fine and dandy that God provided tasty deer for humans to eat, but I really don’t think he meant that the Messiah was going to PERSONALLY intervene every damn time you kit up in your fancy camo suit to indulge in your backwoods hobby. J.C. might intervene to feed you and your starving family, but I don’t think he gives a crap if you get that nice 9 point buck for your wall…
Jesus is Magic. This proves it. When it loves you he helps to distract the deer so that you can feed your family after spending a fucking fortune on the super cool hunting gear. If Jesus is so good at this, why’d the guy need the camouflage in the first place? Why didn’t Jesus bring the deer all prepped and butchered nicely wrapped in paper?
So many questions pop into my mind. This is why religion can be puzzling for us simple folk, we need holy people to tell us how it all works.
I wish that Jesus would distract the police officers so I could speed! Now THAT would be something. Distract the cameras at the Circle K so I can score me some Hohos without going to prison so I can feed my family. Jesus could do so much for us all.
You’re right, we need to think about those less fortunate than ourselves. Jesus has to learn to set his priorities better in the future. More helping those who cannot help themselves, less helping out his drinking buddies. That could be his New Year’s resolution for 2012! No more wasting time with Earl drinking Old Milwaukee in his ’72 F-150 under the presumption that they’re out huntin’…we all know that “deer hunting” really means drinking beer while sitting around talking about bullshit… Where are the beer cans in that painting? It’s supposed to be realistic.
i’ve been an artist and art teacher for years, so i’ve seen my fair share of well-meaning fuckups. *takes a very close look at this painting with a discerning eye, paying close attention to lines of perspective*
1. Jesus is like, 9 feet tall. Which doesn’t surprise me.
2. That is a pygmy stag. Jesus and the deer are standing just behind the same small rise in the earth, so their size is relative.
3. The “hunter” if that is his name, is either a) 3 feet from the deer and needs no holy intervention or is the worst.shot.ever, OR b) the hunter is about 8 feet tall and 10 feet away. Again, worst.shot.ever.
4. The hunter’s nebulous bow-n-arrow seem to be targeting something about 5 feet to the left of the deer. Guess as to what, anyone?
The sight of Jeebus made the hunter lose his aim. As for the other things, I got nothin! (Oooo…I’m dropping my g’s from the ends of words…this paintin’ has really got to me.)
The hunter really has got to be a bad shot…as he needed our Lord and Savior to help him. Maybe he has a physical condition that makes him have the shakes and he really needs the help? We could be making fun of a disabled person here. That’s just wrong.
So this is more like a mindfuck because I did not see that damn hunter at first and I was like “why is Jesus letting that deer hog all the sun” then I was like holy shiz leaf man with an arrow! I shit bricks when I saw it.
Holy lord…are those dates right? This was originally posted in 2007 & the artist has so little shame that they still have it listed for the same $12000 (and 20% off!) FOUR YEARS later??
And what, exactly does her certificate authenticate??
Thank you! I so LOVE My Cousin Vinny. Haven’t watched it in years, and it’s going on my Netflix list ASAP. (Forgot that Joe Pesce used to be sexy. Marisa Tomei has never lost it.)
As a liberal-Quaker-art student I fear this means my innate Maine redneck is coming out for a glorious acrylic painting of Jesus stopping a deer for a man in a sweet-ass gilly suit. I feel… free :’)
The more I look at this, the more I’m thinking: Is this really an original painting, or is it some sort of collage? The woods, the deerstalker, the deer, and Jesus are all different sizes and perspectives, and the figures don’t sit convincingly in the background.
I KNOW THE LADY WHO PAINTED THAT. She lives in the town right by mine, and has it up in a gallery along with the picture of her kneeling at Jesus’s feet. She’s REALLY conceited, and teaches painting lessons. By teaching painting lessons, I mean that she has pictures drawn out on canvases, gives people shitty acrylic paint, and has them paint everything the way and the color that she tells them to. It’s like a paint by numbers for adults. She told me that she’d be happy to give me lessons sometime. But, she made sure to specify that there would be no satanic themes in the paintings, such as vampires. I guess I look like a bad seed. Oh, and the best part? She tells people that Ted Nugent has been wanting to buy this painting.
December 19, 2011 at 11:32 am
If only Rednecks had that 1% kinda money for a $12,000 painting.
December 19, 2011 at 11:33 am
Jesus Christ!
December 19, 2011 at 12:12 pm
—TITLE JESUS at a Stag party 12:25-11
Yeah the ad for the Jesus painting says HOLIDAY SALE 20% off. Could you be more specific. Like is the Holiday someones birthday?
Art is about commitment and the artist needs to be committed,
December 19, 2011 at 11:44 am
Hey, now, judge not lest ye be judged! There’s a coupon code that gives you 20% off! That’s some real Christ-like charity right there!
December 19, 2011 at 4:02 pm
‘And Jesus said “Lo, though but one Buck tag remaineth in my satchel and spotlighting is loathsome in my sight, I shall bageth thee and smite your entrails upon the poachethed land” JebBob 3:14
December 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm
I thought it was illegal to shine deer, but I suppose if you’re J.C. you can do whatever you want, who’s gonna stop you; Bill O’Reilly?
December 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
Really. Some artists need to learn a thing or two about economics. That piece of crap will never sell for 12K. I will refrain from making fun of the target demographic, because of the holiday. Well, that and I’m sure someone else will do it better
December 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
Well, as long as there’s a certificate of authenticity…
December 19, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Printed out on her very own Epson.
December 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
If only I could get this in black velvet…
December 19, 2011 at 12:51 pm
with glitter!
December 19, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Everything is better with glitter! (Obligatory disclaimer: Except, you know…vampires. *sign* Glitter used to have no caveats.)
December 19, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Glitter AND an electrified pulsing light so the hypnotizing gaze of Jeebus is magically shimmering. I’ve seen enough of these light-’em-up-and-see-the-glory “paintings” of waterscapes (so it looks as if the water is flowing within the picture) to know that glitter and electricity are not mutually exclusive. I’ve never seen one of those pictures on black velvet, which would just make it SO awesome.
December 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm
don’t forget the black light effect!
December 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Jesus’ eyes need to be swirls. Like those hypnodiscs.
December 20, 2011 at 10:00 am
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOJESUS!
December 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm
It needs a stripper in the background, too. Nothing too showy, after all the picture has to remain classy.
December 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
The buck has that ‘deer in the headlights’ look about him doesn’t he?
December 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
Perhaps she needs to lay off the “Green Plant”
December 19, 2011 at 11:43 am
Perhaps she needs more of the green plant. Then she’ll start painting Jesus, the hunter and the deer holding hands in a circle singing kumbaya. That would be much more entertaining.
December 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Jesus’ Dad created the Green Plant for Jesus and thats why the Green Plant is forever associated with bearded hippies
December 19, 2011 at 11:36 am
Is it me, or does that clump of leaves in the trees between Jesus and the deer look like bigfoot?
December 19, 2011 at 11:40 am
That would be the hunter that’s hunting the deer. Apparently Jesus is distracting the deer while the hunter shoots… which is actually a terrible revelation to have about Jesus’ character.
December 19, 2011 at 11:48 am
“LOL guys, I’m totally gonna help you get that deer! He won’t even know what hit him!” The Book of Bros 4:20
December 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm
December 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Too Soon?
December 19, 2011 at 5:20 pm
If any of our North Korean fans flounce on this, I’ll take the blame.
December 19, 2011 at 11:50 am
Jesus hates deers
December 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I see what you did there
December 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm
God hates stags.
December 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Damn it. I’m so unoriginal!
December 19, 2011 at 11:50 am
God knows I like venison, but, if it takes you a ghillie suit & divine intervention maybe hunting isn’t really your “thing”.
December 19, 2011 at 11:51 am
Oooohhh, I get it now xD
Didn’t read the description properly derp.
But now I can’t unsee it.
December 19, 2011 at 11:40 am
Yes, and apparently Bigfoot is into hunting with a bow and arrow.
December 19, 2011 at 12:46 pm
I would be awesome to be out hunting, have the perfect shot lined up, and then get distracted by the sight of Jesus and Big Foot just chillin’ in the forest.
December 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Strangely, the hunter seems to be the worst-executed part of the whole painting (which, to be fair, seems competent). Maybe the artist has multiple personalities? Nancy painted a lovely painting of Jesus communing with nature, but then Kathleen woke up and added the hunter and the elaborate justification?
December 19, 2011 at 11:39 am
I never knew the JC’s patronus was a deer
December 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Not just a deer- a stag! Jesus is Harry Potter!
…it all makes so much sense now…
December 19, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Now, if she could just create a painting in her artistic ability to explain Lost…*
*Truth be told…I just want a painting of a wet-from-the-ocean, half-naked windblown Sawyer. Actually, I think that I should paint a wet-from-the-ocean, half-naked windblown Sawyer myself…but paint won’t stay on a wet body and there’s that restraining order thingey.
December 20, 2011 at 4:41 am
I ran across a very entertaining book a while back – Jesus Potter Harry Christ.
It is a comparison between the Jesus and Harry characters, and goes into a fair amount of detail.
I don’t think the author covered Jesus’s patronus though (a stag would work, but wouldn’t a fish be more appropriate, or maybe a dove?)
December 19, 2011 at 11:40 am
Oh well hell …. there’s a coupon code… makes it a steal at $9,600…. *rolls eyes*
December 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
He did the same thing to Earnhardt.
.
True story.
December 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
The hunter looks like he’s covered in bees. It’s a good disguise I guess except for the complete lack of camouflage.
December 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aFJCfoi8FU&feature=youtube_gdata_player
“I’m covered in bees!”
December 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm
My father actually IS a beekeeper.
December 20, 2011 at 8:19 am
What kind of honey do his bees produce? I was never a fan of honey, but ordered Lemon Creme White Honey from the Republic of Tea (I’m a sucker for a good item description) and discovered I love how light and not biting/sharp it is.
Is white honey the result of some work post-hive?
December 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
“The best part is that it comes with a verse from the bible to back me up.”
Anyone can find anything in the bible to back up an argument as long as you ignore all that silly contradictory stuff that’s in there, too.
December 19, 2011 at 11:51 am
The best part is that it’s a verse from Genesis to explain something that Jesus is doing.
December 19, 2011 at 11:58 am
Ooh, I missed that sweet tidbit!
December 20, 2011 at 8:41 am
I was waiting for someone to mention that, surprised I had to go this far into the comments.
December 19, 2011 at 11:53 am
Granted I haven’t read the Bible in a long time, but I always thought that passage was more along the lines of “it’s fine to hunt and fish, you kind of need to eat to live” rather than “animals are just sacks of meat so if I’m in town, just holla and I’ll use my magic powers to help you kill as many as possible”.
December 19, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I know, it’s ridiculous. Jesus is way too busy making sure the Broncos win.
December 19, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Well, He found time to help the Colts win…but it was apparently the price was the first season loss by the Packers. I never considred the Colts to be the doppelgangers of the Packers.
December 19, 2011 at 1:20 pm
mukparade, there aren’t enough thumbs up for that comment!
December 19, 2011 at 9:56 pm
If you can afford a full camouflage suit and a $600 crossbow, chances are you don’t need to hunt to survive, and Jesus certainly doesn’t need to clear his busy schedule to help you.
But I’m not so sure the disciples had the convenience of capitalistic, consumer-driven culture in the 21st century in mind when they wrote that sucker. Plus Bethlehem had like only one Burger King at the time…
December 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
Since it does come with a certificate of authenticity…
December 19, 2011 at 11:46 am
Jesus has suck priorities if he’s using his time to help Billy Bob get one with a nice rack vs oh I don’t know world peace. (Same goes for Tim Tebow, yeah Jesus is all about you having a good season)
December 19, 2011 at 11:50 am
I also just noticed the “hunter” is about three feet from the deer. If you need Jesus to blind a deer three feet away you should maybe think about giving up hunting because you suck at it.
December 19, 2011 at 11:48 am
Let’s just be thankful he this isn’t a trophy-worthy buck, if it was the kind of buck HE hunts this painting would have to be expensive.
December 19, 2011 at 11:51 am
“Hey Bambi! If you say my name backwards it sounds like ‘sausage’. LOL!”
December 19, 2011 at 11:58 am
If “this painting is not about the horns”…what the hell IS it about?
If it were $12 instead of $12,000, I’d buy it IMMEDIATELY.
December 19, 2011 at 12:55 pm
I’m pretty sure they’re actually antlers, not horns. Unless the horns reference is some religious metaphor that is totally lost on me.
December 19, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Ah, what does she care about details? Horns, antlers, they’re just decorations on the burgers-to-be ready to be shot down with the help and blessing of our lord and savior, Jeebus.
December 19, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I could have painted a massive trophy buck, but this painting is not about the horns.
– SO glad the artist used restraint. This painting would have been offensive otherwise
December 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Where would you have the room to hang that? I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a 4′ by 5′ spot to hang in in. And an oil that big should certainly be priced fairly high (just for the work) but not 12k worth of high.
December 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Subject matter aside, it’s not a bad painting. Definitely not worth 12 grand but whatever. Knock about 3 zeros off the price and I’d buy it. At least Jesus isn’t blonde and blue-eyed like so many depictions.
December 19, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Sorry, disagree. Very. Bad. Painting. “Realist” should = “some understanding of the rules of perspective”
December 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Word. (Not the Jesus kind of word tho.) Each element looks fairly good, but together? not so much. Also, that is one really short deer.
December 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Either that or Jesus is 15′ tall.
December 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Yeah, I’d like to see more of this Jesus in a less loathsome set-up.
December 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm
God Hates Stags.
December 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I see what YOU did there
Its cool because you said the same thing only different
December 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Way better than this piece of glorious art was the ad that showed up next to the article… “And God said, let there be Facebook!” It’s actually the title of a book! I’d post the pic if I could figure out how to upload a picture while without spilling this gin & tonic. So here’s the link…
http://lettherebefacebook.com/
(I have nothing to do with this book, but I nearly spit out my drink on the screen when I clicked on the link!)
December 19, 2011 at 12:14 pm
God Hates Stags!
December 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Oh Naughtysal, I wished I had refreshed the browser before posting.
December 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm
JESUS uses FLASH!
DEER’s accuracy DECREASED!
December 19, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Fuck, I knew it! Jesus is dps-in’! He’s supposed to be HEALING!
December 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm
I blame the trainer, really.
December 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Pokeball failed to catch the WILD DEER.
December 19, 2011 at 11:45 pm
Sawsbuck, The Deer Shape Pokemon.
Trainer sent out Jesus!
Jesus, use Confuse Ray!
The Wild Sawsbuck is confused!
The Wild Sawsbuck hurt itself in its confusion!
Trainer used Arrow Ball!
*wiggle*
*wiggle*
*click!*
Trainer caught Sawsbuck!
Nickname the newly caught Sawsbuck?
OM NOM NOM was sent to Box 2 on Bill’s PC!
December 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I’m pretty sure I can get this same thing at Bass Pro or Cabela’s for about $50…and that Jesus would have WAY more camo on.
December 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Branded camo, JC prefers “realtree”.
December 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm
JC always struck me a s a Mossy Oak kinda guy….
December 21, 2011 at 7:03 am
Nope, he’s keeping it real.
December 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm
So when does Jesus play russian roulette with DeNiro?
December 19, 2011 at 12:28 pm
It’s well painted, I’ll allow that, but since when do good artists have to EXPLAIN what’s going on in their painting?
My first thought was that Jesus was putting some sort of protective shield around the deer. Maybe he should have been helping the hunter steady his gun instead – no explanation needed.
December 19, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That was my thought as well—that he was protecting the deer from the hunter, not hypnotizing it to position itself for the best shot.
December 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Well… at least Jesus is Jewish in this painting. Bonus points for accuracy!
December 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm
“The lion shall lie down with the lamb, on a bed of arugula with tomato salad and gremolata; and a little child will eat them or no dessert.”
- Dinneronomy 6:30 Sharp
December 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm
All I can think is…”Twelve grand for something that looks like those paintings you buy in hotel ballrooms that are sorted by sofa size and mantel size?”
Twelve grand for something so mawkish? Really?
December 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm
So, the light isn’t coming from Jeebus, but is just ‘shining through the background’.
That seems fishy to me… Wait! That’s why the artist thinks the painting explains her position on fishing, too!
December 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm
The next work of art will be of Jesus playing poker with dogs!
December 19, 2011 at 12:54 pm
From her description:
“It has placed in shows and won many awards. It is one of the few paintings in my collection that will be painful to part with, but it is time for it to be seen.”
Don’t visitors to art “shows” actually “see” the paintings? Hence the name “art shows”? Maybe I’m missing something here.
December 19, 2011 at 1:31 pm
What do they call it when someone sneaks into a museum and hangs their own art?
December 19, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Vandalism.
December 19, 2011 at 2:52 pm
I for one am very curious to know about all the awards this painting has won.
I’m amazed the seller didn’t even list one!
December 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm
I did some research, and it turns out that it was the winner of the Justified by Religious Convictions Award.
December 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
That would explain why the seller is so proud—she won the coveted JRC Award, better known as The Jerk.
December 19, 2011 at 10:12 pm
However, I’m not so sure what awards this one has received… or what this young lady has received, but we can all guess.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/84786718/original-acrylic-jesus-religious
December 19, 2011 at 10:20 pm
That reminds me of that movie Silent Hill.
December 19, 2011 at 11:28 pm
That poor girl has one hell of a goiter.
December 26, 2011 at 12:23 am
Is Jesus’ face melting?
And what’s with that giant-headed woman’s stumpy, tapering starfish extremities?
December 19, 2011 at 12:55 pm
It will be remembered as the year that Joe Bob’s venison sausage tasted a little off. But strangely anytime someone ate the sausage, their sins were instantly forgiven.
December 19, 2011 at 1:00 pm
That sounds like a Far Side caption.
December 19, 2011 at 3:10 pm
The more I think about that, the more I want to steal it.
December 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm
So… it was Noah that God specifically told it was okay to hunt animals? Of all people?!? Which ones, exactly? Maybe this is yet another alternative Biblical version of what happened to the dinosaurs? Except dinosaurs wouldn’t have been kosher…
December 19, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Pretty sure it was Adam? Pretty much telling him the Garden of Eden was a buffet and to go nuts, except for that one thing. When you read that, it’s a wonder it took us so long to invent conditional psychology.
December 19, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Dinosaurs wouldn’t have been kosher because there weren’t any rabbis around to “make” them kosher, and no other humans to slaughter them correctly, right? All kosher chickens are, well, chickens, but not all chickens are kosher. And many birds descended from dinosaurs, and there was a chickeny-looking dinosaur (but I’m too tired to look it up), so SOME dinosaurs could have been kosher.
I’m not Jewish, so no offense. I’m just winging it here.
December 19, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Mmmmmm. Wings.
December 20, 2011 at 4:33 am
Apparently, Adam and Eve were instructed to eat only plants. (They raised livestock, but only for products like wool and milk, and to make sacrifices.) After the flood, Noah and his family were given permission to eat meat.
There’s nothing anywhere about hunting. It’s more like, “You know those sheep you’ve got? By the way, they’re pretty tasty.”
Why the Bible story goes like this, I have no idea. I didn’t write it. I only know this fragment of trivia because it was on QI.
December 19, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Before I read the description I thought Jesus was saving the deer. Nope- he’s negating its camouflage by putting a big spotlight on it! Sure, the bible says humans have domain over the creatures of this world. But when the hyper-intelligent aliens show up, all bets are off on who’s doing the hunting.
December 19, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I thought he was saving the deer too. And that it was Bambi’s mother. Kind of an alternate ending. Where Bambi’s mother is male.
December 19, 2011 at 2:04 pm
This is from Disney’s rejected movie, Bambi Has Two Dads
December 19, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Jesus: “It’s deer season!”
Deer: “Don’t trust him, It’s demigod season!”
Jesus: “It’s deer season!”
Deer: “It’s demigod season!”
Jesus: “It’s deer season!”
Deer: “It’s demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Demigod season!”
Jesus: “Deer season!”
Deer: “Who’s the reason for the season?”
Jesus: “I am..[sound of arrow being released]..yikes!”
That is when the devil of a deer trick the son of man. To add insult to injury, it was technically duck season.
December 19, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Holytape do you write for Abbott and Costello?
December 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm
I was waiting for Jesus to say, “Demigod season!” and then the deer gets tricked into saying “Deer season!” and gets shot.
Daffy Duck…the Rodney Dangerfield of Merry Melodies.
December 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Deer hunter? Shouldn’t this be a painting of Jesus playing russian roulette with DeNiro.
December 19, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Who knew that Jesus uses Jedi mind tricks on unsuspecting megafauna?
December 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm
At first glance, I read it as “HOLIDAY SALE Original Acrylic Jesus Deer Hunter Fail”. Regretsy has conditioned me.
December 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm
And that hunter is totally wearing the wrong camo. If he was wearing the kind with bare branches on it, he wouldn’t need divine intervention.
December 19, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I totally read that as “fail” too.
December 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm
“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen: That guy behind the tree is going to shoot you with an arrow. You’ll fall down, then while he’s walking over, I ressurect you. Then you jump up and gore him, then run away. Got it?”
December 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Let me understand this. We have here a picture of Jesus blessing a deer 2 seconds before a hunter blows its brains out. And the purpose of this is what? What? What?????
December 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Tastes better that way!
December 20, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Last rites?
December 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm
No voi kristuksen perse ja käsi
December 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Mitä se tarkoittaa? Se kääntää (via Google) “Well may Christ’s ass and hand”?
December 19, 2011 at 2:05 pm
These are not the hunters you’re looking for!
December 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Nothing controversial about this one—just stupidity.
December 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm
December 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I was waiting for one of these.
December 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm
This never gets old.
December 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm
How was I not expecting this? Way to make me laugh out loud at 1:30am.
December 20, 2011 at 10:08 am
Mmm… Cajun-style!
December 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Holy buck!
December 19, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I possess five slightly different Christian Bibles, and not ONE of them has a Genesis quite like the one quoted.
December 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I’d also like to point out that, the way the “hunter” is (not) gripping his bow, when he releases the arrow, the bow is going to spin and whack him solidly in the face.
THAT, I firmly believe, is the real reaon Jeebus is present: so he and the deer can laugh their asses off while the “hunter” searches the ground cover for his eyeball.
December 19, 2011 at 2:48 pm
December 19, 2011 at 3:23 pm
“The best part is that it comes with a verse from the bible to back me up.”
Which would be SO much more convincing if you were actually familiar enough with your holy text to know IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE CAPITALIZED.
December 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Does Jesus not realize that when you go in the woods in the fall you need to wear safety orange? He’s really asking for it.
December 19, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Nah, He just respawns resurrects back at the starting point whenever He gets shot.
(I firmly believe Jesus would giggle at this.)
December 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm
I finally read those books and now know what you’re talking about !!!
December 19, 2011 at 4:00 pm
This is the most expensive item in her shop. The next one is $10,500 cheaper, about half the size. She’s charging an insane price for this and then taking off 20% to show how generous she is.
Good to know she believes so completely in the bible, when it helps her argument, but I don’t recall that commandment, Thou shalt screw thy gullible customer. Must have been on one of the tablets that Moses dropped and broke when he came down the mountain.
December 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm
December 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Even Jesus would say, “Fuck this whole ‘dominion over the animals’ shit, shoot the kale hipster, already.
December 19, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Her red vegan Tom’s wrap boots make her easier to see.
December 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm
But that’s not the kind of rack you’re suppose to put above your fireplace!
December 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I really love this one. Viva Kale Zombie Girl!
December 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Yes, that is better.
December 19, 2011 at 4:20 pm
“Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you”
Great! I can finally kill and eat people without a care because the bible it says it’s ok! I think I’m going start with hunters. Nom nom nom.
December 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Shoot NYC taxis! They are a menace and a scourge.
December 19, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Do they count as alive?
December 19, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Not after Lemon Bombs is done with them.
December 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I am puzzled, confused even. Here is a woman who can render a deer, yet hides its feet in a convenient ditch. Are antlers easier to paint than hooves? Could she not find a reference photo complete with feet? Why?
December 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm
All that specific hunting terminology…I get the feeling that Jim-Bob painted this after a good hunt, with his cammo still on and mud on his boots
December 19, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Wasn’t there a song by the Feederz called “Jesus Entering From the Deer?
December 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm
It’s all fine and dandy that God provided tasty deer for humans to eat, but I really don’t think he meant that the Messiah was going to PERSONALLY intervene every damn time you kit up in your fancy camo suit to indulge in your backwoods hobby. J.C. might intervene to feed you and your starving family, but I don’t think he gives a crap if you get that nice 9 point buck for your wall…
December 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Jesus is Magic. This proves it. When it loves you he helps to distract the deer so that you can feed your family after spending a fucking fortune on the super cool hunting gear. If Jesus is so good at this, why’d the guy need the camouflage in the first place? Why didn’t Jesus bring the deer all prepped and butchered nicely wrapped in paper?
So many questions pop into my mind. This is why religion can be puzzling for us simple folk, we need holy people to tell us how it all works.
I wish that Jesus would distract the police officers so I could speed! Now THAT would be something. Distract the cameras at the Circle K so I can score me some Hohos without going to prison so I can feed my family. Jesus could do so much for us all.
December 19, 2011 at 7:51 pm
….or cure cancer or heal sick babies. Holy intervention only applies to redneck deer hunting.
December 19, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Or when church ladies need parking spaces up close.
December 19, 2011 at 10:12 pm
It only applies to unnecessary things, I suppose.
You’re right, we need to think about those less fortunate than ourselves. Jesus has to learn to set his priorities better in the future. More helping those who cannot help themselves, less helping out his drinking buddies. That could be his New Year’s resolution for 2012! No more wasting time with Earl drinking Old Milwaukee in his ’72 F-150 under the presumption that they’re out huntin’…we all know that “deer hunting” really means drinking beer while sitting around talking about bullshit… Where are the beer cans in that painting? It’s supposed to be realistic.
December 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm
God didn’t say it. Some guy who liked to hunts said it. Bible thumpers give me the creeps, they really do.
December 19, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Isn’t that cheating?
December 19, 2011 at 8:09 pm
i’ve been an artist and art teacher for years, so i’ve seen my fair share of well-meaning fuckups. *takes a very close look at this painting with a discerning eye, paying close attention to lines of perspective*
1. Jesus is like, 9 feet tall. Which doesn’t surprise me.
2. That is a pygmy stag. Jesus and the deer are standing just behind the same small rise in the earth, so their size is relative.
3. The “hunter” if that is his name, is either a) 3 feet from the deer and needs no holy intervention or is the worst.shot.ever, OR b) the hunter is about 8 feet tall and 10 feet away. Again, worst.shot.ever.
4. The hunter’s nebulous bow-n-arrow seem to be targeting something about 5 feet to the left of the deer. Guess as to what, anyone?
December 19, 2011 at 10:18 pm
The sight of Jeebus made the hunter lose his aim. As for the other things, I got nothin! (Oooo…I’m dropping my g’s from the ends of words…this paintin’ has really got to me.)
The hunter really has got to be a bad shot…as he needed our Lord and Savior to help him. Maybe he has a physical condition that makes him have the shakes and he really needs the help? We could be making fun of a disabled person here. That’s just wrong.
December 19, 2011 at 8:51 pm
So this is more like a mindfuck because I did not see that damn hunter at first and I was like “why is Jesus letting that deer hog all the sun” then I was like holy shiz leaf man with an arrow! I shit bricks when I saw it.
December 19, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Jesus totally cheats when he does shadow puppets.
“A deer, Billy Bob? Lemme show you how to do a deer. BEHOLD BITCHES.”
December 19, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Holy lord…are those dates right? This was originally posted in 2007 & the artist has so little shame that they still have it listed for the same $12000 (and 20% off!) FOUR YEARS later??
And what, exactly does her certificate authenticate??
December 19, 2011 at 10:06 pm
Am I the only one who thought of this clip from My Cousin Vinnie?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMjwiP29cg4&feature=related
December 20, 2011 at 8:29 am
Thank you! I so LOVE My Cousin Vinny. Haven’t watched it in years, and it’s going on my Netflix list ASAP. (Forgot that Joe Pesce used to be sexy. Marisa Tomei has never lost it.)
December 19, 2011 at 11:17 pm
GOD I WANT IT
As a liberal-Quaker-art student I fear this means my innate Maine redneck is coming out for a glorious acrylic painting of Jesus stopping a deer for a man in a sweet-ass gilly suit. I feel… free :’)
December 20, 2011 at 6:09 am
If I say “Fight, fight Inner Light” can you finish the sentence? I keep thinking I recognize fellow Earlhamites on here . . .
December 20, 2011 at 4:39 am
The more I look at this, the more I’m thinking: Is this really an original painting, or is it some sort of collage? The woods, the deerstalker, the deer, and Jesus are all different sizes and perspectives, and the figures don’t sit convincingly in the background.
I call Photoshop on this.
December 20, 2011 at 10:26 pm
I KNOW THE LADY WHO PAINTED THAT. She lives in the town right by mine, and has it up in a gallery along with the picture of her kneeling at Jesus’s feet. She’s REALLY conceited, and teaches painting lessons. By teaching painting lessons, I mean that she has pictures drawn out on canvases, gives people shitty acrylic paint, and has them paint everything the way and the color that she tells them to. It’s like a paint by numbers for adults. She told me that she’d be happy to give me lessons sometime. But, she made sure to specify that there would be no satanic themes in the paintings, such as vampires. I guess I look like a bad seed. Oh, and the best part? She tells people that Ted Nugent has been wanting to buy this painting.
December 21, 2011 at 10:33 am
WWJD? He’d help you hunt – darn tootn.
Crimmey.
This lady seems to want to add extra digits anytime there is a Jesus in it. She’s exactly the type that turned me away from religion.