deformed YES…his friggin arms are growing out of his ears…which begs the questions..how is he supposed to “hear” what you want for christmas? Do I just speak into his crotch now or what?
CountessVonFingerbang
December 18, 2011 at 1:38 pm
The upside to this is that you could potentially use this to beat yourself over the head. Or beat your crazy drunken aunt over the head…..which ever comes first.
ps Does anyone remember when it was super awesome to make a Santa-head out of some cotton balls and half a Clorox bottle? Or a reindeer out of pantyhose and a hanger?
I don’t understand why the seller made a Santa with no torso and a strange leftover appendage on his head. Couldn’t she have painted a smaller head on the upper portion? Or if she wanted the larger head, flipped the gourd over? Or added something extra on top for the head? …And why am I spending so much time thinking this out…?
I was thinking the same thing. Why didn’t you use the TOP for the head…you’d have ended up with a fat Santa instead of a Santa who’s stomach as somehow sucked in his face…sounds like a horror movie plot.
THAT is why the crapfter didn’t do it that way: because ANYONE could have thought to do it that way! But they DIDN’T! because they’re AU–ARTISTIC! They are an ARTIST!!!11! And that’s why none of YOU are ART–
I was thinking the same thing. It appears to be put together well, nicely made. It just turned out a bit creepy.
If I would have made it, I would have picked it up to look at it one final time. At that point I would either smash it or send it anonymously to someone, who is scared of dolls or santa or whatever.
nummymuffincocobutter
December 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Proof that the internet has permanently broken my mind: instead of thinking “ugly stupid decoration made out of a gourd”, I thought “ugly stupid decoration made out of a bright red buttplug”
We couldn’t afford the Elf on a Shelf, so we got you the Santa made from a gourd. He still watches you all day, but at night he reports in to The Great Pumpkin.
There’s a moral to this story – if you don’t believe in Santa, you have your head up your ass.
And your face on your crotch. And your arms sticking out of your ears. And a buttplug growing out of your head. And don’t ask what to do with the candy cane.
His long, gangly arms reminds me of a spider. A really creepy, festive spider with a face on it’s stomach. That could crawl out of your Christmas tree at any time and lay eggs in your ear.
After the accident, with all other doctours having the day off, St. Nick was forced to use Dr. Nick for his life-saving surgery. The result– something that would make Cotton Hill pale in horror.
When you’re asleep, Nutsack Claus steals into your bedroom and humps your leg.
Good little boys and girls wake up to find cum in their hair
Bad little boys and girls… are never seen nor hear from again.
This isn’t a depiction of Santa or St. Nick, but of St. Ewaipanoma. He is the patron saint of the Blemmyes, and fills much the same role as Santa. However, instead of giving bad kids a lump of coal, good old St. Ewaipanoma eats the naughty children. And instead of giving gifts to the good little boys and girls, St. Ewaipanoma eats the good children. He also has a tendency to eat the parents and grandparents, too. This is why Christmas is rarely celebrated among these headless giants.
years ago, my mom bought a gourd santa at an “arts and crafts festival”. my brother and i despise the thing and would hide it every xmas just to piss my mom off. my daughter has even taken to hiding it now when she pulls it out. we always thought it was the ugliest xmas decoration ever made.
It’s stance suggests it’s ready for battle, but I’m laughing much too hard at imagining it scurrying around the floor and shrieking tiny war cries to be afraid of it.
December 18, 2011 at 3:21 am
Looks more like a deformed nutcracker statue.
December 18, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Where you typed “nutcracker,” I read “nutsack.”
December 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I think both words are applicable.
December 18, 2011 at 10:02 pm
deformed YES…his friggin arms are growing out of his ears…which begs the questions..how is he supposed to “hear” what you want for christmas? Do I just speak into his crotch now or what?
December 19, 2011 at 7:19 am
Wait… that *isn’t* how Santa hears me?
December 18, 2011 at 9:36 am
If this shows up at your house around Christmas, you can assume you haven’t been Good this year.
December 18, 2011 at 11:18 am
If this shows up at my home this Christmas, I’ll know I’ve been gourd.
See what I did there? Please explain it, because I’m confused.
December 18, 2011 at 2:04 pm
“He knores if you’ve been bard or goured so be gourd for gourdness sarke
December 18, 2011 at 2:15 pm
- as recited by Brad Pitt the Pikey in “Snatch”
December 18, 2011 at 2:19 pm
It’s gourd awful!
December 18, 2011 at 9:51 am
“Note: Santa is a HANGING doll, he does not stand on his own.”
I couldn’t stand on my own either without a SPINE! Now I’m going to have nightmares about a torso-less Santa.
December 18, 2011 at 1:55 pm
and I immediately thought
GALLOWS POLE
December 18, 2011 at 2:49 pm
And yet, he is standing on his own in the picture, is he not? False advertising.
December 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I think he’s leaning on the wall…
December 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm
He looked in the mirror and scared himself stiff.
December 18, 2011 at 10:03 pm
if i looked like that I’d probably end up hanging myself too!
December 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Talk about your butt-head
December 18, 2011 at 1:35 pm
He sees you when you’re sleeping
But what you say he cannot hear
‘Cause he has really freaky arms
Growing out his ears
December 19, 2011 at 7:38 am
you’d better not sleep
you’d better not cry
you’d better watch your ass
i’m telling you why
Nutsack Claus feasts on your fears
December 18, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Why does it have a face on its stomach?
“Open your mind, Qaid.”
December 18, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I feel like the legs are trying to be sexy and that disturbs me more than anything.
December 18, 2011 at 1:46 pm
trying? are you kidding me? I would KILL to have my legs be that sexy.
December 18, 2011 at 6:52 pm
I think it’s really the beard loincloth that gives it that sexay look….
December 18, 2011 at 1:38 pm
The upside to this is that you could potentially use this to beat yourself over the head. Or beat your crazy drunken aunt over the head…..which ever comes first.
December 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm
I lol’d at this…until I realized that in my family I’m the crazy drunken aunt.
December 18, 2011 at 1:40 pm
So, arms & ears grow from the same part of the body? I learned my anatomy wrong…
December 18, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I wouldn’t mind it that much, it’s vaguely amusing… but $50??
December 18, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Oooh, at first I was quite excited, because I thought he was carrying a candy penis in his right hand…. Damn you all. I see penises everywhere now.
December 18, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I know how you feel … I do, too! In unrelated news, my son (21) asked me yesterday why I had to be so vulgar all the time — so, yea, thanks Regretsy.
December 18, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I bow to you Madam. It is an impressing thing to be so vulgar you offend a 21 year old at all!
December 18, 2011 at 1:42 pm
What about a the shape of a gourd makes people think of Santa Claus? Seriously.
December 18, 2011 at 1:43 pm
If I had made this as a youth and brought it to my mom, it would have elicited a “Well…you tried.”
December 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm
ps Does anyone remember when it was super awesome to make a Santa-head out of some cotton balls and half a Clorox bottle? Or a reindeer out of pantyhose and a hanger?
December 18, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Yes! I clearly haven’t killed the brain cells that contain those memories, but it isn’t for lack of trying.
December 18, 2011 at 3:58 pm
You should open an Etsy store.
Srsly.
December 18, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I’M ON IT! Rudolph the Steampunk Reindeer here I come!
December 18, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Santa is comin’ at you like a spider monkey.
He’s all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
He’s mainig Christmas his BITCH!
December 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Upside-down uterus Santa.
Regretsy has ruined me.
December 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I almost want to buy that for my mother.. she loves gourds, and we always make fun of her. But, I’m afraid she’d regift it to me!
December 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm
It was really a hanging doll until they decided to flip the gourd the other way up before painting the face and attaching the legs.
December 18, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I don’t understand why the seller made a Santa with no torso and a strange leftover appendage on his head. Couldn’t she have painted a smaller head on the upper portion? Or if she wanted the larger head, flipped the gourd over? Or added something extra on top for the head? …And why am I spending so much time thinking this out…?
December 18, 2011 at 2:09 pm
We’ve got the same thought going on here but mine is dirty. No apologies!
December 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I was thinking the same thing. Why didn’t you use the TOP for the head…you’d have ended up with a fat Santa instead of a Santa who’s stomach as somehow sucked in his face…sounds like a horror movie plot.
December 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I don’t know, but I was thinking along those lines too.
December 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm
THAT is why the crapfter didn’t do it that way: because ANYONE could have thought to do it that way! But they DIDN’T! because they’re AU–ARTISTIC! They are an ARTIST!!!11! And that’s why none of YOU are ART–
…
o_o
…
Never mind.
December 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Because how are you gonna answer your little girl’s question about just what the fuck is that growing out of Santa’s crotch?
December 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm
The phrasing suggests the little angel might already have a guess.
December 18, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Creepy and creative! It’s really kind of cute in a strange Tim Burton kind of way. I want to see an Edward Scissorhands gourd man.
December 18, 2011 at 5:42 pm
I was thinking the same thing. It appears to be put together well, nicely made. It just turned out a bit creepy.
If I would have made it, I would have picked it up to look at it one final time. At that point I would either smash it or send it anonymously to someone, who is scared of dolls or santa or whatever.
December 18, 2011 at 2:07 pm
ConGourdulations! You’ve made the ugliest Hollowday decoration I’ve ever seen.
December 18, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I’d want to be hanging too, if I were he.
December 18, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I had to come out of lurking just to say this suspiciously reminds me of this:
December 18, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Reminds me of Peter’s cousin Legs Go All The Way Up Griffin.
December 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Proof that the internet has permanently broken my mind: instead of thinking “ugly stupid decoration made out of a gourd”, I thought “ugly stupid decoration made out of a bright red buttplug”
December 18, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Ah, so this is the fourth member of The Max Rebo Band.
December 18, 2011 at 2:56 pm
The hunchbacked Santa of Notra Damned
December 18, 2011 at 2:57 pm
That’s Notre, isn’t it.
December 18, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 18, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I wonder, if you shake it, does it rattle like a maraca?
Ai, Santa Maraca!
December 18, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Santa could use a bit of manscaping. That hair is out of control.
December 18, 2011 at 5:42 pm
We couldn’t afford the Elf on a Shelf, so we got you the Santa made from a gourd. He still watches you all day, but at night he reports in to The Great Pumpkin.
December 18, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Say what you want about this gourd craft…
What I want to know is what Santa going to do with that candy cane. This worries me.
December 18, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I actually think he’s sort of cute in an odd way…at the very least, he’s less scary than some of the other shit in that shop!
December 18, 2011 at 6:01 pm
There’s a moral to this story – if you don’t believe in Santa, you have your head up your ass.
And your face on your crotch. And your arms sticking out of your ears. And a buttplug growing out of your head. And don’t ask what to do with the candy cane.
December 18, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Some of her stuff is not as WTF as this, and more realistically priced, too. I bet someone who doesn’t know how to sew would buy the dolls.
December 18, 2011 at 6:37 pm
His long, gangly arms reminds me of a spider. A really creepy, festive spider with a face on it’s stomach. That could crawl out of your Christmas tree at any time and lay eggs in your ear.
Sleep well tonight!
December 18, 2011 at 8:08 pm
After the accident, with all other doctours having the day off, St. Nick was forced to use Dr. Nick for his life-saving surgery. The result– something that would make Cotton Hill pale in horror.
December 18, 2011 at 8:20 pm
This is making me think of Alien, with Santa coming out of the guy’s stomach.
I think I need to go lie down now.
December 18, 2011 at 8:48 pm
+
+
=
December 18, 2011 at 8:53 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 18, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Uh oh. It’s going to look even worse when you sober up.
December 18, 2011 at 10:00 pm
What. The. Fuck.
If you mix zoloft and cheap whiskey will it make the nightmares go away?
December 19, 2011 at 6:26 am
Juan, the cleaning guy at work, says it looks like a pinata.
December 19, 2011 at 6:56 am
he really does have a penis beard!
December 19, 2011 at 7:41 am
When you’re asleep, Nutsack Claus steals into your bedroom and humps your leg.
Good little boys and girls wake up to find cum in their hair
Bad little boys and girls… are never seen nor hear from again.
December 19, 2011 at 7:56 am
This isn’t a depiction of Santa or St. Nick, but of St. Ewaipanoma. He is the patron saint of the Blemmyes, and fills much the same role as Santa. However, instead of giving bad kids a lump of coal, good old St. Ewaipanoma eats the naughty children. And instead of giving gifts to the good little boys and girls, St. Ewaipanoma eats the good children. He also has a tendency to eat the parents and grandparents, too. This is why Christmas is rarely celebrated among these headless giants.
December 19, 2011 at 10:26 am
years ago, my mom bought a gourd santa at an “arts and crafts festival”. my brother and i despise the thing and would hide it every xmas just to piss my mom off. my daughter has even taken to hiding it now when she pulls it out. we always thought it was the ugliest xmas decoration ever made.
apparently, we were wrong.
December 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm
It looks like an automated spy drone for the real Santa. Maybe it collapses into something that looks like a normal doll, to avoid detection.
December 23, 2011 at 2:37 am
It’s stance suggests it’s ready for battle, but I’m laughing much too hard at imagining it scurrying around the floor and shrieking tiny war cries to be afraid of it.
December 28, 2011 at 8:53 am
Part of the Hieronymus Bosch Christmas Collection.
Coming soon : reindeer monsters and Satan snowman.