Um… Holy shit! Its a GIF of my Childhood terrors?… This movie was on TV when I was 6. I was convinced this head thing lived behind our bathroom door, rendering me incapable of peeing with the door shut. Pretty much to this day. Thanks.
I was little when I first saw “Trilogy of Terror” also. My sister had to carry me on her back for weeks because I was sure that little beast was under my bed!
I’ve always wondered what would happen when an ewok fucked a garbage pail kid.
Aw, who’m I kidding. It was totally the garbage pail kid who fucked the ewok.
I once saw a B-movie called “Silent Night, Deadly Night” where a guy sees a nun having sex with a priest and that turns him into a serial killer in a Santa costume (seems reasonable.) This little doll is obviously from the director’s cut.
I thought he caught his mom and dad doing it while dad was dressed like Santa and that made him fucking crazy for whatever reason. Maybe that was a different movie.
Probably the same. I really only remember the hot Catholic action. Here’s the plot summary from IMDB:
“A young boy watches his parents killed by a thief in a Santa suit. He spends his youth in an orphanage, staying quietly to his self, but his mind is further bent by an ironhanded Mother Superior. He finally gets a job at a local store, where he finally snaps when he is required to wear a Santa suit, and goes on a killing spree that leads him slowly back to the orphanage. “
“Hot” “Catholic” and “action” are three words I never imagined, even in my most perverse moments, would be in a single sentence.
I attended Catholic school for 12 years and thinking about the nuns and priests that I knew, they were so…no, NO! I do NOT want that image in my head…ohshitohshitohshit, now it’s there.
Thanks in advance for the nightmares. Who needs to sleep soundly? Hell, that’s what death is for.
+56
GoblinQueen
December 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Everyone but me is absolutely right. I was thinking of “Christmas Evil” also known as “You Better Watch Out”.
Nope – he was little, and there was a Santa on the side of the road with a broke-down car….who promptly killed his dad, slit his mom’s throat and raped her. I know this in detail because it is where my neck fear stems from.
He was put into an orphanage and saw the nun and priest. So the Santa thing came from the car thing, and the fucking women and killing them came from the nun/priest.
That movie STILL gives me nightmares – I was 9 when I saw that, and people touching my neck has scared the SHIT out of me ever since…
You pretty much have it spot on there. Except he didn’t have sex with women. He did however kill any women he saw being “naughty”, so if he came across a couple having sex he would kill them while saying “PUNISH! PUNISH!”
His boss at the toy store forced him to dress as Santa, even though he had this terrible fear of Santa. Then I can’t remember exactly if a female co-worker came onto him in the storage room, or if he just saw two coworkers going at it in the storage room, but that’s what makes him snap completely.
You know there are actually 5 “Silent Night, Deadly Night” movies. I’ve only seen the first 3. After the first one they deal with his brother who basically has the same issues, though he was only a baby when his parents were killed.
I know to much about this movie. An old friend and I used to watch it every year as our Christmas movie tradition. It’s so bad it’s actually pretty good.
Just discovered to my delight they’re serving wine at my department’s Festivus Holiday Party this afternoon. Can’t drink so much that I pass out, maybe just enough to forget.
It’s in name only, especially since we can’t use the Festivus Pole. Bastard. He’s the only born-in-Poland Pole we’ve got in the entire company and he refuses to let us hit other people with him.
You can’t add cute to cute and get CUTER. You have to get rid of things that made them individually cute, and when you combine them, you get whatever Chucky threw up.
Looking for something special to give a loved one? Try the gift that keeps on giving… a 4 CD electronic CLASS on how to make these and other monstrosities masterpieces!
we can request a string attached or not? is that so we can tie it down so that when it reanimates in the middle of the night it won’t eat our faces off?
I’m glad you mentioned that it was a clown. I have a horrible tendency of always clicking on the fuckery links no matter how many people are saying “NOOOOO.” However, since you said clown and I think clowns are some of the scariest damn things in the biosphere, I will not click. Thank you!
I was thinking more along the lines of which countries would put them in their magazines. I just watched a documentary on liberia and apparently in some parts children smoke crack and rape women and people eat children for good luck before battle. . .
It’s only $60! Consider the value of putting this–all posy and vacant-eyed,its mouth dangling open stupidly, Christmas lights taut against its throat– on the nightstand next to a sleeping loved one. I think you’ll agree it’s a great value!
As she makes them, she tells them that Mommy will send them to a loving and happy home…and if it’s not a loving and happy home that Mommy will know and she will come and rescue it, after she does very bad things to the mean people…
———-
Reporter: “I’m at the scene of the most gruesome triple murder I’ve seen in my (mumblemumble) years as a journalist! Excuse, sir, you found the bodies. Can you describe them?”
Witness: “Oh, god…jingle bells were tied around their necks…and their heads were bashed in and, and wrapped in Christmas lights! And a wreath was forced over their bloody, mangled heads. Their bodies were covered in cole slaw! breaks down crying, gets a hold of himself It was so ho– ho– ho– horrible! They were such nice people! This year they said they’d try gift shopping at this online site, Etsy, and…oh my god! If they’d only gone to the mall, this never would have happened!!!”
“This silly little reindeer got his antlers caught in the Christmas lights”…like it’s something cute. The expression on its face is one of terrible sadness; eyes filled with tears about to spill over.
Like the cheesy companies that say their products were “seen on NBC News” when they mean a commercial on the 11:00 news in a small market in the Midwest.
For the people you want to traumatize for Christmas… Seriously if I got that for Christmas I’d assume it was a symbolical threat and that their next step is to murder me.
Ya know, I just was on her website and her FB page…she has some stuff that really isn’t terrible on there. It’s unfortunate that this one turned out so bad! Her hippie chick, unicorn and fairy are pretty good (and I don’t generally like dolls).
She’s clearly got a LOT of talent — some of her dolls are just gorgeous. I liked Jack Frost and the psychedelic one, myself. I think it’s just the pained expression on this one’s face that scares me.
Bronc, you accidentally posted this with the date December 9, 2007. I’ve noticed a few others are also in odd places in the archives. There’s a few in the beginning which seem out of place.
You haven’t been keeping up. They pre-date it so the page doesn’ show up in a search for recent pages, thereby preventing anyone from “the big reveal” (aka “the most horrible thing ever, until the next day’s most horrible thing”) on the correct day.
Ah. My bad. I mentioned it because a while ago I went through the archives to see what was posted before I started looking at the site, and I was confused by one of the early posts that seemed to come out of nowhere and needed context. It had that candy decanter with the head thing and Level 4 Cat, which, while referenced frequently in later posts, I did not know the origin of.
Oh, fuck; I thumbed that up before I read the comments and realized that was a REAL dead baby. I thought it was some hideous Halloween doll. Seriously, that sucks. >.<
The do make “reborn” like dolls like that though: http://www.autopsybabies.com/main.html
(warning they’re pretty awful looking if the name didn’t give it away)
Ravenclaw – where the hell did you get that photo? What happened to that poor kid?
I know you didn’t mean any harm, but it was a bit too hardcore for a lot of folks. I thumbs-downed just to make it so people don’t have to see it unless they choose to, not because I’m mad at you.
Oh shit…I am not mad either, not that what I think matters much anyway…I know you did not mean any harm..you were just trying to be clever, and the rest of your post was funny…but hey, we all make mistakes…shit, I have made a ton, so don’t let this scare you away…we are an understanding bunch here…
I thought there were bioethical limitations on creating mutants. Guess we can be comforted that “no two are like” and that there will only be one of THIS horror.
I can’t tell if there is an innocent person trapped inside trying to get out (think the little girl in The Exorcist) or if the adorable, addictive, LAFF-filled demon is simply on the verge of flying off, attacking my neck, and sucking out my blood (and soul along with it).
I think a stake through the heart is the best remedy in either case.
I adore you for your screen name. AbbyNormal is on here sometimes. No Frau Blucher, as far as I remember, which is just as well. The horses are skittish as it is.
What is adorable and tiny, part doll, part bear, detailed, kiddle-like, ornament, collectible, affordable and addictive?
I don’t know, but that thing in your pic will scare the living crap out of it.
“What is…ornament,…” How can something be ornament?
It should read:
“What is hideous and tiny, part demon, part Aborigine, demented, scour-pad like, ornament (??), recycleable, ridiculous and mentally scarring?”
It may look like a reindeer, but she’s calling it a moose. Also, I don’t see hooves, I see peglegs. Give it an eye patch and it can be a pirate moose, maybe.
Their full name was Liddle Kiddle and they were about 3-1/2 inches tall. They were sold in a variety of holders, depending on the series. The Lucky Locket series were sold (and worn) in large colorful plastic lockets. It was a very sweet toy and I still have mine (but I don’t wear it…outside the house).
OMG I never knew that. There was a sprog-book that I made my mother read over and over and over (she ditched it after I was older and before my bro arrived) called Kiddles. It was a counting book & I still remember some “one little Kiddle, paying buckaroo. Biff Boodle joins her; now there are two.” Sorry for the digression, but as you can see, the horrible thing is seared into my memory yet I never knew that there were actual Kiddles.
another Regretsy PSA!
This is when I’m glad for me PTSD. One of the side effects is memory difficulties, and I’m pleased to say I can no longer remember the image at the top of the screen.
Unfortunately I can’t see the seller’s other items as I’m at work and blocked from Etsy. But I am thoroughly enjoying the comments, holding back my laughter as tears spill out of the corners of my eyes.
I just can’t help but feel that if you are going to use pipe cleaners to create an armature to build a felted mutant abortion upon, you should do a better job hiding the wires.
I don’t need to poke myself and bleed all over creation. Although it couldn’t make this thing any more terrifying.
WOW, This might actually be the first thing posted here that made my eyes widen in horror…. nicely played, creepy shrunken-head voodoo doll bear-thing!
(… are the little lights and bells *supposed* to make it look like that’s how it died, or are they supposed to be.. somehow.. festive?)
This may actually be the first thing here that’s amde me actually widen my eyes and lean back in horror… nicely played, satanic shrunken-head voodoo doll bear-thing!
(So- are the lights and bells supposed to be *shudder* festive? Or are they just showing how it was originally killed?)
Oh god that’s creepy… but I feel compelled to buy one! Mostly so I can prop it up on my coworkers desks and watch their reactions when they come in and see it.
It looks like a shrunken human head stitched to a rabbit’s foot. Personally, I have been looking for a preserved severed human hand to place next to my plasma TV to discourage the next burglar, but this might work just as well.
I think it has promise as an Evil Eye type charm. Normally I’m not a glass half full type, but I’m just sayin’….Put this in your car or purse with a note: If you just stole my car or purse, you have been cursed by this little bearlike creature and will be followed by accursed nightmares and have loose dentures in later life that will prevent you from enjoying many fine delicacies of a crunchy chewy nature. Enjoy the car or purse. While you can. Before your breath sours and the nurses in the home stop giving you your pills and substitute some kind of chalk mixed with soap flakes. And then sign XXXX which is always kind of auspicious.
With the ever increasing price of coal, Santa was force to take other measures to punish the bad little boys and girls. However, so critics including the Easter Bunny, have protested turning the evil little children into nightmare inducing dolls is a form of torture. However, Santa has defended himself by saying it was merely “enhanced punishment.”
when I was a kid, my mom would tell me that Santa’s elves were watching me. She also had a set of ceramic elves that she put on the mantle–which I naturally assumed were the ones that were watching. They scared the hell out of me, and I was so happy when they got packed away each year.
If I were to have kids, I might just buy this and tell them it’s one of Santa’s helpers watching to make sure they were being good. Then hide it in various locations around the house when they weren’t looking.
I figure I’m so messed up that any kids I have don’t stand a chance, so I might as well make things interesting for their therapists.
Too late with that idea . We bought this little elf doll that came with a book, and the idea is that you hide him every night and the kids go look for him. Problem is, I keep forgetting to hide him, so I had to come up with SOMETHING. I just tell her that she must have done something bad, and he won’t move if she does something bad. It keeps her trying REALLY HARD to be good. Probably messes with her little mind when she’s REALLY good and I still forget to move him – ahem.
My kid is paranoid about Santa anyway. We told her that pigeons are all Santa’s helpers, and they watch kids and then report back to the old man at the North Pole. That, and the antenna in the creek (CC antenna? Shortwave? No idea what it is for) is linked directly to Santa’s office. The poor kid is going to need therapy for years, thinking someone is always watching her.
As a classics major, I know that there is a long tradition of using the ugly and profane to ward off evil. The cans on the back of newlyweds’ car, for example, are to frighten away bad luck with the clanking.
This particular item would protect a country from invasion or natural disaster for the rest of eternity.
December 9, 2011 at 1:43 am
and again…. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHOLYMOTHEROFGOD
make it stop mummy… please amke it stop… :’O
December 9, 2011 at 8:52 am
“adorable” – you’re doing it wrong!
December 9, 2011 at 9:41 am
“affordable” and “addictive” you’re doing it wrong.
December 9, 2011 at 11:12 am
Hate to say this, but I at least have to give the seller points for not saying “addicting.”
December 9, 2011 at 11:15 am
Refrain from deducting points, surely?
December 9, 2011 at 6:39 pm
That’s like giving Ghaddafi points for not wearing white after Labor Day.
December 9, 2011 at 8:56 am
Kill it, kill with fire !!!
December 9, 2011 at 12:01 pm
I say kill with a knife!
December 9, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Um… Holy shit! Its a GIF of my Childhood terrors?… This movie was on TV when I was 6. I was convinced this head thing lived behind our bathroom door, rendering me incapable of peeing with the door shut. Pretty much to this day. Thanks.
December 9, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Regretsy – helping little kids and big kids everyday! You’re welcome!!
December 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm
ABC’s Movie of the Week, 1975 or thereabouts…Trilogy of Terror w/ Karen Black…that doll was known as the Zuni Fetish Warrior Doll… you can purchase one here: http://www.houseofmysterioussecrets.com/product.php?productid=16347&cat=248&page= One of my all time favorite movies!
December 10, 2011 at 8:11 am
That movie scared the hell out of me went I was a kid. Thanks for reminding me of the nightmares!
December 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I was little when I first saw “Trilogy of Terror” also. My sister had to carry me on her back for weeks because I was sure that little beast was under my bed!
I have it on VHS now, HAHA!
December 10, 2011 at 9:32 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 11, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Nightmare fuel…that Zuni doll always freaked me out. In fact maybe this is why I still find horror movies about dolls scary.
December 10, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I’ve always wondered what would happen when an ewok fucked a garbage pail kid.
Aw, who’m I kidding. It was totally the garbage pail kid who fucked the ewok.
December 9, 2011 at 10:15 am
*sobbing in the corner*
December 9, 2011 at 10:44 am
umm could someone please explain when panda bears started growing antlers?
December 9, 2011 at 11:21 am
I thought that some body mod fan, half-panda/half-zombie pierced it’s ears with christmas lights.
December 9, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Jeez, he’s even terrified of himself. Look at those eyes, man.. he’s not a happy panda!
December 9, 2011 at 3:04 pm
This was exactly my reaction. That and “Oh god, even the doll is horrified.”
December 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm
That is some grade A nightmare fuel right there.
December 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm
I second that emotion!
December 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm
I’m going to go hug my fugly-ass Halloween Annalee doll, which I find oddly comforting after this…
December 11, 2011 at 8:31 pm
looks like an Ewok got to close to Luke’s light saber
December 9, 2011 at 7:49 am
wow. just wow. holy shit. this is why i just hate people. what the fuck man?
December 9, 2011 at 8:39 am
Right? It’s not even that convincing of blackface!
December 9, 2011 at 8:25 am
Whatever you do – DO NOT get your antler’s caught in the Christmas lights. You have NO IDEA what Santa is capable of!
December 9, 2011 at 8:44 am
I once saw a B-movie called “Silent Night, Deadly Night” where a guy sees a nun having sex with a priest and that turns him into a serial killer in a Santa costume (seems reasonable.) This little doll is obviously from the director’s cut.
December 9, 2011 at 8:50 am
I thought he caught his mom and dad doing it while dad was dressed like Santa and that made him fucking crazy for whatever reason. Maybe that was a different movie.
December 9, 2011 at 8:53 am
Probably the same. I really only remember the hot Catholic action. Here’s the plot summary from IMDB:
“A young boy watches his parents killed by a thief in a Santa suit. He spends his youth in an orphanage, staying quietly to his self, but his mind is further bent by an ironhanded Mother Superior. He finally gets a job at a local store, where he finally snaps when he is required to wear a Santa suit, and goes on a killing spree that leads him slowly back to the orphanage. “
December 9, 2011 at 9:30 am
“Hot” “Catholic” and “action” are three words I never imagined, even in my most perverse moments, would be in a single sentence.
I attended Catholic school for 12 years and thinking about the nuns and priests that I knew, they were so…no, NO! I do NOT want that image in my head…ohshitohshitohshit, now it’s there.
Thanks in advance for the nightmares. Who needs to sleep soundly? Hell, that’s what death is for.
December 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Everyone but me is absolutely right. I was thinking of “Christmas Evil” also known as “You Better Watch Out”.
December 9, 2011 at 9:00 am
…oh my goodness. My boss was just talking about that movie a couple days ago! It sounded terrible… XD
December 9, 2011 at 9:16 am
Nope – he was little, and there was a Santa on the side of the road with a broke-down car….who promptly killed his dad, slit his mom’s throat and raped her. I know this in detail because it is where my neck fear stems from.
He was put into an orphanage and saw the nun and priest. So the Santa thing came from the car thing, and the fucking women and killing them came from the nun/priest.
That movie STILL gives me nightmares – I was 9 when I saw that, and people touching my neck has scared the SHIT out of me ever since…
December 9, 2011 at 2:16 pm
You pretty much have it spot on there. Except he didn’t have sex with women. He did however kill any women he saw being “naughty”, so if he came across a couple having sex he would kill them while saying “PUNISH! PUNISH!”
His boss at the toy store forced him to dress as Santa, even though he had this terrible fear of Santa. Then I can’t remember exactly if a female co-worker came onto him in the storage room, or if he just saw two coworkers going at it in the storage room, but that’s what makes him snap completely.
You know there are actually 5 “Silent Night, Deadly Night” movies. I’ve only seen the first 3. After the first one they deal with his brother who basically has the same issues, though he was only a baby when his parents were killed.
I know to much about this movie. An old friend and I used to watch it every year as our Christmas movie tradition. It’s so bad it’s actually pretty good.
December 9, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Please stop!!
December 12, 2011 at 11:06 am
GAWD, they made MORE??? I stopped watching the first right around him killing the first person @ work….*shudder* it still makes me want to hurl….
December 9, 2011 at 8:31 am
The advent calendar is teaching me to fear again.
December 9, 2011 at 8:32 am
thing of nightmares…mommy, hold me.
December 9, 2011 at 9:17 am
Thank god there’s an open bar at the party tonight….I do believe I can make it to sleep then….
December 9, 2011 at 9:33 am
Just discovered to my delight they’re serving wine at my department’s Festivus Holiday Party this afternoon. Can’t drink so much that I pass out, maybe just enough to forget.
December 9, 2011 at 11:24 am
You have a Festivus party at work? With the airing of grievances and everything?
From my experience of workplaces, that seems unwise.
December 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm
It’s in name only, especially since we can’t use the Festivus Pole. Bastard. He’s the only born-in-Poland Pole we’ve got in the entire company and he refuses to let us hit other people with him.
December 9, 2011 at 11:32 am
A festivus for the rest of us!!
December 9, 2011 at 8:32 am
dear god this lady has 147 dolls like this in her shop.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/62899129/mrs-claus-klaus-ooak-original-one-of-a?ref=v1_other_2
December 9, 2011 at 9:18 am
Yeah, and they’re all just this creepy….doll heads are gross anyway (think stocking heads @ JoAnn fabrics in my youth….vomit) but holy FUCK, WHY???
December 9, 2011 at 11:22 am
I did not need to know that. I was so happy it was OOAK. Now I know there are HOARDS of them.
December 9, 2011 at 11:55 am
That is because they are “addictive”. Supply and demand. Gotta feed the monkey, man.
December 9, 2011 at 1:18 pm
No. When you feed the monkey, it shits out one of these and flings it.
December 9, 2011 at 8:33 am
Is it from the gift shop on the Island of Dr. Moreau?
December 9, 2011 at 8:33 am
What is creepy and looks like a decapitated Ewok?!
December 9, 2011 at 8:33 am
Chaka from Land of the Lost has really let himself go.
December 9, 2011 at 9:20 am
“Are you a cop?”
“Chaka”
“That’s not an answer, Chaka, it’s your name.”
December 9, 2011 at 9:34 am
Yeah, he wasn’t the most articulate…the live actors weren’t much better.
December 9, 2011 at 8:34 am
I am never going to be able to get that image out of my head.
December 9, 2011 at 8:34 am
Yup. That’s gonna give me nightmares.
December 9, 2011 at 8:35 am
“What is adorable and tiny, part doll, part bear, detailed, kiddle-like, ornament, collectible, affordable and addictive?”
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
December 9, 2011 at 8:38 am
Meth?
December 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm
The doll is actually the genetic mutation of a Koala bear, a Monchichi, and a radioactive hot glue gun.
December 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm
*cough* lets not over look what looks like stray pubes in this mess either.
December 9, 2011 at 9:11 am
If only she’d added “crisply useful,” I’d have an answer for her…
December 9, 2011 at 8:35 am
Ewok+Panda=HORRIBLE.
You can’t add cute to cute and get CUTER. You have to get rid of things that made them individually cute, and when you combine them, you get whatever Chucky threw up.
December 9, 2011 at 9:42 am
don’t you mean upcycled upChucky?
December 9, 2011 at 11:23 am
But if you combine ugly and ugly, that does compund. You get OMG WHAT IS THAT MONSTROSITY! (I mean, the thing at the top of the page.)
December 9, 2011 at 8:36 am
OMG it’s so ugly that I want it…
December 9, 2011 at 10:45 am
Exactly what I was going to say!
December 9, 2011 at 8:36 am
it sucked me in and stole my soul!
December 9, 2011 at 8:36 am
Pedobear’s true face?
December 9, 2011 at 8:37 am
Looks a little like my brother when one of his friends buried a firecracker in his cigarette.
December 9, 2011 at 8:38 am
Kill the abomination with FIRE! Wait, on closer inspection that has obviously been tried.
December 9, 2011 at 8:38 am
Looking for something special to give a loved one? Try the gift that keeps on giving… a 4 CD electronic CLASS on how to make these and other
monstrositiesmasterpieces!http://www.etsy.com/listing/18312783/sale-lamphire-fur-and-fleece-bears-and
December 9, 2011 at 11:24 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!1!!!one!!!!fifteen!!!!
December 9, 2011 at 8:38 am
we can request a string attached or not? is that so we can tie it down so that when it reanimates in the middle of the night it won’t eat our faces off?
December 9, 2011 at 8:39 am
Now I know what to get the niece and nephew for Christmas!!
December 9, 2011 at 8:41 am
This is one of the ornaments you hang on the bottom of the tree. Where the cat can get it.
December 9, 2011 at 9:10 am
Why do you hate your cat that much?
December 9, 2011 at 10:00 am
It’s a gift, a gift made with seething hatred! Don’t you just love it!?
December 9, 2011 at 10:19 am
Now I know what to give at the office exchange; they’ll leave me alone for 2012 after that!
December 9, 2011 at 10:26 am
The shit took a dump in the bed one time too many…
December 9, 2011 at 8:41 am
Posy? Never heard the term but I guess it means “crapped-out horrifying excrescence”?
December 9, 2011 at 8:44 am
Can’t sleep, doll will kill me. Can’t sleep, doll will kill me. Can’t sleep, doll will kill me.
December 9, 2011 at 9:23 am
Oh yeah?? Check out the clown-panda abortion:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/43062324/sale-was-250-usd-ooak-calliope-anime
December 9, 2011 at 9:58 am
Was $250???!!!
December 9, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Right, because it’s so “fun, funky and funny!” Oh, and let’s not forget “adorable.” When you describe it like that, $250 sounds like a bargain!
December 9, 2011 at 9:13 pm
I’m glad you mentioned that it was a clown. I have a horrible tendency of always clicking on the fuckery links no matter how many people are saying “NOOOOO.” However, since you said clown and I think clowns are some of the scariest damn things in the biosphere, I will not click. Thank you!
December 12, 2011 at 11:09 am
Clowns are so evil….but this is a PANDA clown….even scarier….
December 9, 2011 at 8:44 am
The perfect gift for that one nephew you hate. Nothing like gifting nightmare fuel for Christmas.
December 9, 2011 at 8:45 am
I don’t know what’s more disturbing. This “ornament” or the fact that she’s been featured in magazines in 8 countries…
December 9, 2011 at 10:29 am
“Dude, Americans think THIS passes as art!!”
December 9, 2011 at 10:59 am
By “Magazines” she means Newsletters she sends to overseas relatives.
December 9, 2011 at 11:26 am
It doesn’t say what KIND of magazines, does it? Cause I’m going with “Horrors from the Capitalist Pigs in America! monthly”
December 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm
That’s a monthly now? Awesome–it used to be a quarterly!
December 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 9, 2011 at 8:49 am
No, I don’t think I will LaFF.
I did, however, just look through your present and past items, just to make sure that poor panda’s head didn’t show up on another figure’s body.
It didn’t, but now I’m horrified by what I did see. I know better than to look. I do. Really.
TL;DR …hold me…
December 9, 2011 at 8:51 am
I hope this “Death by hypothermia panda” is just one in a series of “Gruesome Passings” dolls.
December 9, 2011 at 9:16 pm
This is what occurs when forensic pathology, gross anatomy, and zoology have too much to drink and forget the condoms.
December 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Gashlycrumb Tinies dolls? Now that might be interesting…
December 9, 2011 at 8:51 am
It’s only $60! Consider the value of putting this–all posy and vacant-eyed,its mouth dangling open stupidly, Christmas lights taut against its throat– on the nightstand next to a sleeping loved one. I think you’ll agree it’s a great value!
December 9, 2011 at 9:02 am
I think the scariest bit about this is that it costs $60! Do people actually buy these??
December 9, 2011 at 9:28 am
It looks like she’s had 54 sales in 5-1/2 years, so yes, but luckily it’s rarely.
December 9, 2011 at 11:27 am
Would this be the nightstand of that evil uncle who stole your Halloween candy?
December 10, 2011 at 8:35 am
Or the uncle who touched you in places you can’t find on the doll.
December 9, 2011 at 8:55 am
Did getting his antlers caught in the Christmas lights electrocute him?
December 9, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Not immediately, but he prayed for a quick death when he saw her coming at him with her basket ‘o crafting.
December 9, 2011 at 8:56 am
I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
December 9, 2011 at 8:57 am
From the set of Betelgeuse.
Or from the shrunken head museum.
That’s all I got.
December 9, 2011 at 11:08 am
http://youtu.be/Fj_inlzsDhQ
for your viewing pleasure
December 9, 2011 at 9:03 am
If it wasn’t so damned expensive, I’d buy this and have it sent to Jeff Lemire (writer of “Sweet Tooth”) for shits + giggles.
December 9, 2011 at 9:06 am
As she makes them, she tells them that Mommy will send them to a loving and happy home…and if it’s not a loving and happy home that Mommy will know and she will come and rescue it, after she does very bad things to the mean people…
———-
Reporter: “I’m at the scene of the most gruesome triple murder I’ve seen in my (mumblemumble) years as a journalist! Excuse, sir, you found the bodies. Can you describe them?”
Witness: “Oh, god…jingle bells were tied around their necks…and their heads were bashed in and, and wrapped in Christmas lights! And a wreath was forced over their bloody, mangled heads. Their bodies were covered in cole slaw! breaks down crying, gets a hold of himself It was so ho– ho– ho– horrible! They were such nice people! This year they said they’d try gift shopping at this online site, Etsy, and…oh my god! If they’d only gone to the mall, this never would have happened!!!”
December 9, 2011 at 9:09 am
Finally! An Ewok that DOESN’T look like George Lucas!
December 9, 2011 at 11:13 am
My first thought was totally that it was an Ewok that someone in the empire was torturing for information.
December 9, 2011 at 9:11 am
“This silly little reindeer got his antlers caught in the Christmas lights”…like it’s something cute. The expression on its face is one of terrible sadness; eyes filled with tears about to spill over.
I’m so sorry, Ewok, for what she did to you!
December 9, 2011 at 9:12 am
I kind of doubt she’s been in 8 magazines, unless she bought ad space
December 10, 2011 at 8:37 am
Like the cheesy companies that say their products were “seen on NBC News” when they mean a commercial on the 11:00 news in a small market in the Midwest.
December 9, 2011 at 9:16 am
My eyes hurt = EYEHURT?
December 9, 2011 at 9:18 am
For the people you want to traumatize for Christmas… Seriously if I got that for Christmas I’d assume it was a symbolical threat and that their next step is to murder me.
December 9, 2011 at 11:10 am
reminds me of an evil monchichi. that is all.
December 9, 2011 at 11:28 am
I sense a movie.
December 9, 2011 at 9:20 am
Ya know, I just was on her website and her FB page…she has some stuff that really isn’t terrible on there. It’s unfortunate that this one turned out so bad! Her hippie chick, unicorn and fairy are pretty good (and I don’t generally like dolls).
December 9, 2011 at 9:30 am
She’s clearly got a LOT of talent — some of her dolls are just gorgeous. I liked Jack Frost and the psychedelic one, myself. I think it’s just the pained expression on this one’s face that scares me.
December 9, 2011 at 9:24 am
I’m guessing this is what happened to the Sexual Harassment Panda….
December 9, 2011 at 9:32 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 9, 2011 at 9:36 am
You haven’t been keeping up. They pre-date it so the page doesn’ show up in a search for recent pages, thereby preventing anyone from “the big reveal” (aka “the most horrible thing ever, until the next day’s most horrible thing”) on the correct day.
December 9, 2011 at 10:32 am
Let it never be said Helen and Bronc don’t take scaring the unholy bejeezus out of us seriously.
December 12, 2011 at 7:19 am
Ah. My bad. I mentioned it because a while ago I went through the archives to see what was posted before I started looking at the site, and I was confused by one of the early posts that seemed to come out of nowhere and needed context. It had that candy decanter with the head thing and Level 4 Cat, which, while referenced frequently in later posts, I did not know the origin of.
December 9, 2011 at 9:32 am
Bloody hell! This looks like something Jabba the Hutt might have on HIS Christmas Tree – pandateddyreindeer in carbonite, anyone?
Gah!
December 9, 2011 at 9:37 am
There aint nothing more festive than a scorched infant in a panda suit.
December 9, 2011 at 9:47 am
She has her marketing plan all wrong. This would go like hotcakes at Halloween!
December 9, 2011 at 9:50 am
So that’s what happens when a reindeer fucks a panda and the resulting abomination is mummified.
I always wondered about that.
December 9, 2011 at 9:53 am
Posy.
That’s an adjective now?
December 9, 2011 at 10:13 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 9, 2011 at 10:37 am
Please, please tell me that’s not a real baby.
December 9, 2011 at 11:34 am
i work in a funeral home – and unfortunatley, I can tell you that that IS a real baby. omg
December 9, 2011 at 12:03 pm
OK…now I am going to have nightmares. I know it’s not your fault.
December 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm
That’s a real baby? I search for doll. That’s not a baby.
December 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Thumbs down for that being a real baby.
December 9, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I have to agree…bad taste…
December 9, 2011 at 12:12 pm
WHAT’S not a real baby? There’s one photo that’s not showing (just a red X in a white box). I hope that’s it, because I don’t want to really see it.
December 9, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I still see it Mugs…but yeah, you really don;t want too hon.
December 9, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Thanks. I might be able to see it if I open the site with Firefox, but I won’t.
December 9, 2011 at 11:02 am
What the hell happened to the baby??!?!
December 9, 2011 at 11:53 am
That’s very… /b/ board of you… *horrible shudder*
December 9, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I’m all for the fun here on regretsy, but what in the hell would possess someone to post a picture of a real dead baby? That’s sick in the head.
December 9, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Seriously, fucking make that dead baby get off my screen, stat – I don’t need to see that, this ain’t 4ch >___<
December 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Oh, fuck; I thumbed that up before I read the comments and realized that was a REAL dead baby. I thought it was some hideous Halloween doll. Seriously, that sucks. >.<
December 9, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Yeah, I thought it was a Reborn or something. Real dead infant? GROSS and uncool.
December 9, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Me too. I’m all for burning reborns but IF it’s real way, WAY too far. We’re snarky here, not homicidal.
December 9, 2011 at 6:16 pm
You’re not alone TheSheep…I made that mistake myself too…
December 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm
The do make “reborn” like dolls like that though: http://www.autopsybabies.com/main.html
(warning they’re pretty awful looking if the name didn’t give it away)
December 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Ravenclaw – where the hell did you get that photo? What happened to that poor kid?
I know you didn’t mean any harm, but it was a bit too hardcore for a lot of folks. I thumbs-downed just to make it so people don’t have to see it unless they choose to, not because I’m mad at you.
December 9, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Oh shit…I am not mad either, not that what I think matters much anyway…I know you did not mean any harm..you were just trying to be clever, and the rest of your post was funny…but hey, we all make mistakes…shit, I have made a ton, so don’t let this scare you away…we are an understanding bunch here…
December 9, 2011 at 7:17 pm
OMG…please someone take that off. I don’t even know what to say….
December 10, 2011 at 10:30 am
The Line. You left it about a mile back.
December 9, 2011 at 10:18 am
Collectible? How many are there, and when do they come to life to eat me?
December 9, 2011 at 10:21 am
I thought there were bioethical limitations on creating mutants. Guess we can be comforted that “no two are like” and that there will only be one of THIS horror.
December 9, 2011 at 10:25 am
“They make the perfect addition to your tree” if your tree is one that has fallen victim to pine borer and/or acid rain.
December 9, 2011 at 10:27 am
For the family who always wanted to traumatized their children for Christmas but didn’t have the creepy uncle to do it for them.
December 9, 2011 at 10:31 am
I keep looking for the reindeer in this…all I see is a terribly mutilated panda bear :/
December 9, 2011 at 11:05 am
i just read every comment and couldn’t believe no one else mentioned that. a reindeer or part bear? both? i am confused!
December 9, 2011 at 11:01 am
I can’t tell if there is an innocent person trapped inside trying to get out (think the little girl in The Exorcist) or if the adorable, addictive, LAFF-filled demon is simply on the verge of flying off, attacking my neck, and sucking out my blood (and soul along with it).
I think a stake through the heart is the best remedy in either case.
December 9, 2011 at 11:09 am
That thing is going to haunt my dreams. Luckily, it will have this monkey to play with:
December 9, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Yay Copernicus! Cute widdle monkey!
December 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I adore you for your screen name. AbbyNormal is on here sometimes. No Frau Blucher, as far as I remember, which is just as well. The horses are skittish as it is.
December 9, 2011 at 8:25 pm
WANT.
December 9, 2011 at 11:11 am
Poor Poor Wicket, he didn’t deserve this.
December 9, 2011 at 11:13 am
Yub nub!
December 9, 2011 at 11:16 am
What is adorable and tiny, part doll, part bear, detailed, kiddle-like, ornament, collectible, affordable and addictive?
I don’t know, but that thing in your pic will scare the living crap out of it.
December 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm
At the North Pole, no one can hear you scream.
December 9, 2011 at 11:18 am
Manifestation sold separately.
December 9, 2011 at 11:18 am
“What is…ornament,…” How can something be ornament?
It should read:
“What is hideous and tiny, part demon, part Aborigine, demented, scour-pad like, ornament (??), recycleable, ridiculous and mentally scarring?”
December 9, 2011 at 11:29 am
Look!! This one is on sale:
December 9, 2011 at 11:33 am
This one actually made me laugh out loud instead of recoiling in terror like the first one.
December 9, 2011 at 11:43 am
that one at least really looks like a reindeer, a constipated reindeer but at least it has hoofs and antlers.
December 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm
It may look like a reindeer, but she’s calling it a moose. Also, I don’t see hooves, I see peglegs. Give it an eye patch and it can be a pirate moose, maybe.
December 9, 2011 at 8:52 pm
And a HUMAN FACE.
December 9, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Helllllpppp meeeee! I’m trapped inside this thing. Pleeeeeease helpppppp MEEEEEE!!!!!!!
December 9, 2011 at 2:37 pm
There’s where my favourite clutch went to!
That bitch used it to make arms and legs for this creepy thing!
December 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Na’vi?
December 9, 2011 at 10:30 pm
My God! It has peg legs. Is she eating it one limb at a time?
December 9, 2011 at 11:44 am
It’s giving me flashbacks to the shrunken heads at the Ripley’s Museum. Not. Right.
December 9, 2011 at 11:54 am
What in the crap is a kiddle?? Is it a Chinese reseller’s version of a handheld reading device?
December 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Shit. I’m old. A “kiddle” is a type of small doll Mattel produced in the 60′s and 70′s. They were very popular and are collectible today.
December 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Their full name was Liddle Kiddle and they were about 3-1/2 inches tall. They were sold in a variety of holders, depending on the series. The Lucky Locket series were sold (and worn) in large colorful plastic lockets. It was a very sweet toy and I still have mine (but I don’t wear it…outside the house).
I can’t do a photo, so here are some links:
http://dollreference.com/kiddles_locket.html
http://dollreference.com/kiddles_kologne.html
Dick Van Dyke was even rendered as a Kiddle for the “Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang” set: http://dollreference.com/kiddles_storybook.html
December 9, 2011 at 11:49 pm
I used to play with my aunt’s Kiddles. I loved them! They were cute, not like the abortion at the top of this page.
December 10, 2011 at 9:31 am
I had forgotten completely, but yes… I had a Lucky Locket Kiddle way back when. Can’t remember which one.
December 9, 2011 at 10:44 pm
OMG I never knew that. There was a sprog-book that I made my mother read over and over and over (she ditched it after I was older and before my bro arrived) called Kiddles. It was a counting book & I still remember some “one little Kiddle, paying buckaroo. Biff Boodle joins her; now there are two.” Sorry for the digression, but as you can see, the horrible thing is seared into my memory yet I never knew that there were actual Kiddles.
another Regretsy PSA!
December 9, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Fucking creepy. This as been by far the most frightening thing on the advent calendar yet, and I am afraid that it might be topped at a future date.
December 9, 2011 at 12:39 pm
This is when I’m glad for me PTSD. One of the side effects is memory difficulties, and I’m pleased to say I can no longer remember the image at the top of the screen.
December 9, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Lucky you – I don’t think I’ll ever be able to erase it from my head. *shudder*
December 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Well, I don’t think there is enough tequila in the world to make me feel better about this. Let’s find out.
1 tequila
2 tequila
3 tequila
four FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!
December 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Unfortunately I can’t see the seller’s other items as I’m at work and blocked from Etsy. But I am thoroughly enjoying the comments, holding back my laughter as tears spill out of the corners of my eyes.
December 9, 2011 at 12:45 pm
OMG why is it so terrifying??
December 9, 2011 at 12:48 pm
This looks like it should be stuffed with the souls of a thousand children who wouldn’t sing their Christmas carols. How festively frightening.
December 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm
It’s the expression on its foul little crumpled face – partway between startlement and the eternal torments of the damned
Happy freaking Christmas! 
December 9, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I’m putting this on my mantel.
December 9, 2011 at 2:21 pm
To me it looks like its eyes are looking in two different directions. Which just creeps me out more, if that’s even possible.
*begins sucking thumb*
December 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm
‘Nuff said.
December 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm
I think this was made by the mad doctor guy in the basement on American Horror Story. I didn’t know he had an Etsy shop!
December 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm
It’s the pandeertata!
December 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I just can’t help but feel that if you are going to use pipe cleaners to create an armature to build a felted mutant abortion upon, you should do a better job hiding the wires.
I don’t need to poke myself and bleed all over creation. Although it couldn’t make this thing any more terrifying.
December 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm
… yeah, pretty sure that’s how it feeds… 8-\
December 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm
WOW, This might actually be the first thing posted here that made my eyes widen in horror…. nicely played, creepy shrunken-head voodoo doll bear-thing!
(… are the little lights and bells *supposed* to make it look like that’s how it died, or are they supposed to be.. somehow.. festive?)
December 9, 2011 at 10:35 pm
The lights are just what it got caught in. It’s the garrote of jingle bells that did the poor creature in.
December 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm
This may actually be the first thing here that’s amde me actually widen my eyes and lean back in horror… nicely played, satanic shrunken-head voodoo doll bear-thing!
(So- are the lights and bells supposed to be *shudder* festive? Or are they just showing how it was originally killed?)
December 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Aw poop, damn double-post…. (Hm. I choose to think this means I’m not drinking *enough* yet… ~grin~ )
December 9, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Super cute!
December 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Oh wait, I thought this was Etsy.
December 9, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Why does it look like it was felted from dog hair?
December 9, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Gah! What is this hideous creature?!
December 9, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Oh god that’s creepy… but I feel compelled to buy one! Mostly so I can prop it up on my coworkers desks and watch their reactions when they come in and see it.
December 9, 2011 at 8:08 pm
But I want two and it says one of a kind! I have two people I hate to give gifts to! Bummer.
December 9, 2011 at 8:21 pm
I really hope that’s not real hair.
December 9, 2011 at 8:41 pm
There needs to be a regretsy math picture equation for this with a Precious Moments figurine and dog hair and a blowtorch
December 9, 2011 at 8:41 pm
THAT is nightmare/nausea inducing, but I must admit some of her other doll thingies are kind of adorable in a very cheesy way.
December 9, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Jesus, Mary, and Oprah!! Looking at this store, I’m pretty sure I know where Jigsaw got his dummies. *shivers*
December 9, 2011 at 9:23 pm
It looks like a shrunken human head stitched to a rabbit’s foot. Personally, I have been looking for a preserved severed human hand to place next to my plasma TV to discourage the next burglar, but this might work just as well.
December 9, 2011 at 10:07 pm
It’s like some horrible person made a hybrid of an ewok, gremlin, and panda. Whoa.
December 10, 2011 at 12:17 am
I think it has promise as an Evil Eye type charm. Normally I’m not a glass half full type, but I’m just sayin’….Put this in your car or purse with a note: If you just stole my car or purse, you have been cursed by this little bearlike creature and will be followed by accursed nightmares and have loose dentures in later life that will prevent you from enjoying many fine delicacies of a crunchy chewy nature. Enjoy the car or purse. While you can. Before your breath sours and the nurses in the home stop giving you your pills and substitute some kind of chalk mixed with soap flakes. And then sign XXXX which is always kind of auspicious.
December 10, 2011 at 12:58 am
So, this seller’s specialty is hand-crafted, one-of-a-kind representations of demon creature babies?
December 10, 2011 at 2:07 am
Pandewok? Barbecued??
December 10, 2011 at 2:12 am
I’m late. Ignore me.
December 10, 2011 at 5:03 am
After I ran screaming from the room, my next course of action was to question whether or not “posy” is really an adjective.
December 10, 2011 at 9:14 am
With the ever increasing price of coal, Santa was force to take other measures to punish the bad little boys and girls. However, so critics including the Easter Bunny, have protested turning the evil little children into nightmare inducing dolls is a form of torture. However, Santa has defended himself by saying it was merely “enhanced punishment.”
December 10, 2011 at 10:14 am
December 10, 2011 at 11:53 am
The competition from Frankenstein Toys must be getting fierce now.
December 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm
It’s little Cindy-Lou Hirsute!
December 11, 2011 at 11:39 am
Oh! My! Fucking! God!
WTF?!? And you guys thought those Annalee dolls were freaky!
December 11, 2011 at 2:47 pm
when I was a kid, my mom would tell me that Santa’s elves were watching me. She also had a set of ceramic elves that she put on the mantle–which I naturally assumed were the ones that were watching. They scared the hell out of me, and I was so happy when they got packed away each year.
If I were to have kids, I might just buy this and tell them it’s one of Santa’s helpers watching to make sure they were being good. Then hide it in various locations around the house when they weren’t looking.
I figure I’m so messed up that any kids I have don’t stand a chance, so I might as well make things interesting for their therapists.
December 15, 2011 at 11:40 am
Too late with that idea
. We bought this little elf doll that came with a book, and the idea is that you hide him every night and the kids go look for him. Problem is, I keep forgetting to hide him, so I had to come up with SOMETHING. I just tell her that she must have done something bad, and he won’t move if she does something bad. It keeps her trying REALLY HARD to be good. Probably messes with her little mind when she’s REALLY good and I still forget to move him – ahem.
My kid is paranoid about Santa anyway. We told her that pigeons are all Santa’s helpers, and they watch kids and then report back to the old man at the North Pole. That, and the antenna in the creek (CC antenna? Shortwave? No idea what it is for) is linked directly to Santa’s office. The poor kid is going to need therapy for years, thinking someone is always watching her.
December 13, 2011 at 7:01 am
SO SCARY!
December 15, 2011 at 11:34 am
This is what happens when you have interspecies sex. Oh, lordy.
December 16, 2011 at 11:24 pm
As a classics major, I know that there is a long tradition of using the ugly and profane to ward off evil. The cans on the back of newlyweds’ car, for example, are to frighten away bad luck with the clanking.
This particular item would protect a country from invasion or natural disaster for the rest of eternity.
December 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I bought it!