Yes, yes I was. Isn’t it some rule that when you comment on someone’s spelling, you have to spell something wrong? I was afraid that if I broke the rule I’d be subject to some horrible torture.
+50
Wharrgarbl
January 2, 2012 at 7:00 am
It’s close to Danbala’s Law, but that states that when someone is attempting to correct a grammar or spelling mistake of another poster, they, invariably, will make a grammar or spelling mistake.
I’m not sure _what_ it’s called when you do it on purpose.
0
Park
December 8, 2011 at 11:03 am
At least he vintage used vintage white paint vintage. I vintage wonder vintage where he got that vintage. I vintage bet it was vintage Ye Olde Homee Depote vintage vintage vintage vintage.
Vintageegg and bacon; egg vintage sausage and bacon; egg and vintage spam; egg bacon and vintage spam; egg bacon vintage sausage and vintage spam; vintage spam bacon vintage sausage and vintage spam; vintage spam egg vintage spam vintage spam bacon and vintage spam; vintage spam vintage sausage vintage spam vintage spam bacon vintage spam tomato and vintage spam; vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam egg and vintage spam; vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam baked beans vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam; or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay vintage sauce vintage served in a Provencale manner with vintage shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and vintage spam.
+54
Clumber
December 11, 2011 at 6:31 pm
vin vin vintage vin vin vintage vinTAggg the wonderful VIN! Vin TA gggg, the wonderful VIN VIN VIN VIN… I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, ah sleep all night and I work all day, I put on women’s clothing…
Oops. Sorry. Raised from before memory staying up late with my Daddy watching Monty Python (and World at War) has hardwired a very strange montage monTAGE MONTAGE! into my braincells.
Took the words right out of my mouth. They probably don’t even realize the place now looks like it cost 5ยข. “It’s shabby chic! It looks so nice!,” they delude themselves.
wow I bought that exact same snow flake… at hobby lobby… for a dollar… and now I’ll just go jank someone’s hubcap, go all glitter shitter on that fucker and I gots me an ornament…
I agree that it looks like a hubcap. It also looks like the crappy arts and crafts we used to do at school with I was five. All it needs is a glued on picture of a small child in the center. Score!
I’ve wandered though a lot of your site. I’m convinced that maybe the prices shown on these er items is how much the person producing said item is willing to pay us to take them.
don’t cha think?
PS keep it up, haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.
You know, I think we used to make things like that in kindergarten. 20 years later, Mom would still put them up, even if they were fading and shedding glitter, because they were Important Childhood Christmas Memories.
I can’t imagine anyone who was not my family caring about the Christmas decorations I made when I was five. Or trying to sell them on Etsy (or at estate sales…). Until now!
It’s probably “antique white” but they had to shoehorn more vintage into the vintage art. Vintage. You can’t mix your vintage and your antique, that’s like crossing the streams.
The disabled guy spent some time in a physical rehabilitation facility after his stroke. Every day, I’d drive him there and drop him off and every evening, I’d pick him up. They gave me a report, not unlike a teacher would do for a child. They taught him many useful things – stuff like showering, buttoning buttons, tying his shoes- all one-handed.
And even that brain-damaged stroke survivor looked at this and said, “Is that a paper plate?”
I have plenty of “vintage” white paint laying around my basement that I will be glad to pass on to all of you interested in making your own special snowflakes.
The next time you’re out prowling the malodorous aisles at Goodwill and feel the urge to cover something with gold glitter, please do us all a favor. Just snort it instead.
I’m pretty sure we sell that snowflake at work. It’s a wood thing you can paint and glitter up yourself.
And glass doesn’t patina. Now, if you’re working on stained glass, you can patina the solder lines, but the glass itself doesn’t patina. Because it’s fucking glass and is inert.
Thank you! If the “glass glitter” changes over time, it’s plastic. But most people (this craftard included) have no idea what they’re looking at. If’n it’s sparkly, must be glass.
I assume the seller is using German glass glitter, which includes trace amounts of silver and therefore tarnishes over time. But “tarnish” doesn’t sound as deliciously vintage!
What a great POS to cover a wall safe. Even if they get up enough courage to toch this thing and find the safe, they would know by that time you were a loser and the only thing in there maybe the title to your AMC Pacer and treasures from your trip to Holiday World
Seller’s thought process when describing this piece, “I’m going to throw a bunch of words out there and string them together to make it sound like I know what the fuck is going on. And for good measure I’m just going to repeat them. Patina.”
I have to hand it to her though–she’s got all the traits of a shop bound for the front page: irrelevant use of the word vintage + glitter + gluing shit to other shit + anthropologie knock-off = instant front page rotation
Wait just a minute! When did metal plates replace barn wood? You can’t go making a momentous change like that without at LEAST sending out a memo. (preferably on vintage notepaper.)
I was wondering where that went. Well, It was difficult, but with my advanced knowledge of low-temperature high-pressure chemistry I was finally able to crystalize grandmas ashes into a snowflake as per her request. (There are some of the ashes of her favorite cat, Boots as well. ) Unfortunately, my dim-witted cousin, Ashley sold the grandma for a buck-fifty. Oh, well I never really like Nanna anyways, always smelled like mothballs and peppermint schnapps.
I love it. I would buy it, but can’t quite justify it – though it would make an excellent conversation piece, especially if placed amongst more traditional decor. If you buy it, may creepy French Santa watch over your home with a demonic gleam in his eye… just don’t leave your children alone in a room with him.
I’m surprised they didn’t call it steampunk, too.
“Metal brass colored steampunk vintage plate that I slopped white paint on because the brass looked too nice to be vintage like my plastic snowflake and vintage crayola glitter from my kid’s vintage art supplies Steampunk vintage Christmas wall art.”
And they have to tell us it’s wall art? What, did they think someone was going to use it for a plate and serve canapes on it?
“Did they also have a box of VHS tapes and a broken aquarium?” LOL! We did…we had beta tapes too! Finally I convinced my DH to let me throw all that shit out, thank God!
December 8, 2011 at 10:32 am
So they pretty much ruined a piece of antique art by gluing it to a shitty piece of metal that has been painted to look like a paper plate.
December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am
Two antiques ruined by one person.
It’s like the worst bogo sale ever.
December 8, 2011 at 10:55 am
I think they ruined a pefectly good vintage flue (sp) hole cover by glueing a glittery plastic snowflake like what i got at walmart last year
December 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Yay! You spelled flu correctly!
*Hands you a metal plate with a glittery snowflake glued to it.*
December 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm
You did too! But in a different context. Are you messing with us on purpose?
December 8, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Yes, yes I was. Isn’t it some rule that when you comment on someone’s spelling, you have to spell something wrong? I was afraid that if I broke the rule I’d be subject to some horrible torture.
January 2, 2012 at 7:00 am
It’s close to Danbala’s Law, but that states that when someone is attempting to correct a grammar or spelling mistake of another poster, they, invariably, will make a grammar or spelling mistake.
I’m not sure _what_ it’s called when you do it on purpose.
December 8, 2011 at 11:03 am
At least he vintage used vintage white paint vintage. I vintage wonder vintage where he got that vintage. I vintage bet it was vintage Ye Olde Homee Depote vintage vintage vintage vintage.
December 8, 2011 at 11:10 am
I wish I had more thumbs for you.
December 8, 2011 at 11:13 am
I gave some for you =)
December 8, 2011 at 11:17 am
I hope they were vintage.
December 8, 2011 at 11:43 am
mine are vintage arthritis and all!
December 8, 2011 at 12:21 pm
To be fair, “vintage” does sound so much more better than “pile of old crap.”
December 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm
But as my colleague said, Don’t you know, this year it’s called retro.
December 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Forgive us for being obtuse, but we thought “Retro” was “new” but styled to look “vintage” or “antique”
December 10, 2011 at 7:18 am
I thought retro was … neon orange sofas and sparkly jumpers, but vintage was grandfather clocks?
December 8, 2011 at 12:52 pm
We’ve got vintage, eggs, sausage and vintage, vintage, vintage, vintage, baked beans and vintage…
December 8, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Got vintage Spam and vintage eggs?
December 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Vintageegg and bacon; egg vintage sausage and bacon; egg and vintage spam; egg bacon and vintage spam; egg bacon vintage sausage and vintage spam; vintage spam bacon vintage sausage and vintage spam; vintage spam egg vintage spam vintage spam bacon and vintage spam; vintage spam vintage sausage vintage spam vintage spam bacon vintage spam tomato and vintage spam; vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam egg and vintage spam; vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam baked beans vintage spam vintage spam vintage spam; or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay vintage sauce vintage served in a Provencale manner with vintage shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and vintage spam.
December 11, 2011 at 6:31 pm
vin vin vintage vin vin vintage vinTAggg the wonderful VIN! Vin TA gggg, the wonderful VIN VIN VIN VIN… I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, ah sleep all night and I work all day, I put on women’s clothing…
Oops. Sorry. Raised from before memory staying up late with my Daddy watching Monty Python (and World at War) has hardwired a very strange montage monTAGE MONTAGE! into my braincells.
December 8, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Yay, vintage paint! With that traditional “lumps of dried cack coz granpa left the lid off in 1987″ texture. For added vintagocity.
December 9, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Malkovich? Malkovich!
December 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Took the words right out of my mouth. They probably don’t even realize the place now looks like it cost 5ยข. “It’s shabby chic! It looks so nice!,” they delude themselves.
December 8, 2011 at 10:32 am
wow I bought that exact same snow flake… at hobby lobby… for a dollar… and now I’ll just go jank someone’s hubcap, go all glitter shitter on that fucker and I gots me an ornament…
December 8, 2011 at 10:47 am
“glitter shitter” FTW!
December 8, 2011 at 11:15 am
Ornament?
It’s WALL ART!
December 8, 2011 at 11:23 am
actually I’d love to see someone’s pine covered in Glitter Shitter Hubcaps…a redneck christmas
December 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Ask and ye shall receive.
Merry Christmas, ya’all!
December 8, 2011 at 12:15 pm
I don’t see any glitter there.
December 8, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Needs moar vintage.
December 8, 2011 at 10:33 am
Let it snow, let it snow, let it – *barf*
December 8, 2011 at 10:33 am
I have a whole bunch of those snowflakes (vintage from Michael’s) and some paper plates. Guess I’ll be rich soon.
December 8, 2011 at 10:36 am
If I had wanted a rusty hubcap with old snow on it, I’d pull on from the plow pile by the highway exit.
December 8, 2011 at 10:39 am
This looks like a salt stained hubcap. If I stop for a few on the way home, I can have a matched set!
December 8, 2011 at 10:39 am
I’m still chuckling over “vintage white paint.” How old does paint have to be to be called “vintage”?
December 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Could it be that the VIntage paint was full of lead, and that maybe the crafter has been licking it a bit?
December 8, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Sweet, sweet lead paint!
December 8, 2011 at 9:43 pm
You mean wall candy?
December 8, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Doing a line of glass glitter might cause enough brain damage to make this project sound like a good idea.
December 8, 2011 at 10:41 am
You call it “patina”… I call it dirt.
December 8, 2011 at 10:41 am
I made that in first grade, except it was on a paper plate. Looked the same, though.
December 8, 2011 at 12:16 pm
“Looked the same better, though.”
There, fixed that for you.
December 8, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Bah! *shakes fist* the strike through worked in the preview! HTML you have ruined my joke!
December 8, 2011 at 6:20 pm
HTML has absolutely no sense of humor.
December 9, 2011 at 12:45 am
You know when you come across a misspelled word, and you notice it’s wrong, but your brain still reads it? That’s what my brain did to your comment.
December 9, 2011 at 4:46 am
Yay!
December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am
I agree that it looks like a hubcap. It also looks like the crappy arts and crafts we used to do at school with I was five. All it needs is a glued on picture of a small child in the center. Score!
December 8, 2011 at 10:46 am
*when, sorry my bad
December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am
I’ve wandered though a lot of your site. I’m convinced that maybe the prices shown on these er items is how much the person producing said item is willing to pay us to take them.
don’t cha think?
PS keep it up, haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.
December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am
You know, I think we used to make things like that in kindergarten. 20 years later, Mom would still put them up, even if they were fading and shedding glitter, because they were Important Childhood Christmas Memories.
I can’t imagine anyone who was not my family caring about the Christmas decorations I made when I was five. Or trying to sell them on Etsy (or at estate sales…). Until now!
December 8, 2011 at 10:53 am
My mom also still puts up my shitty grade school crafts and the cardboard star covered in tinfoil. (And she reads Regretsy.)
December 8, 2011 at 11:08 am
That’s sweet.
December 8, 2011 at 11:49 am
Well, of course we still put up our crappy kids’ crappy crafts. It shows we luv them for the fat jealous losers they are.
December 8, 2011 at 7:48 pm
The 1st drawing I ever brought home from kindergarden, I thought she’d put on the fridge, but she put it the trash. I love you too, Mom.
December 8, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Don’t forget – you hold the ace because you get to choose her nursing home.
December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am
these are the folks that make vintage a dirty word
blergghhhh
December 8, 2011 at 11:12 am
*gasp*
Your vintage is unbelievably huge.
December 8, 2011 at 10:44 am
I love how a circular plate measures 8″ x 8″.
December 8, 2011 at 10:49 am
PI IS EXACTLY 3!
December 8, 2011 at 11:11 am
I’d like exactly 3 pies.
December 8, 2011 at 6:31 pm
Only if they’re served on a pi plate.
December 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm
it’s exposing how intelligent and convincing the artist is…
Who would honestly believe this fuckery?!
December 8, 2011 at 10:47 am
I feel it needs more vintage.
December 8, 2011 at 10:49 am
I would so buy it,
but the silver glass glitter isn’t vintage!
December 8, 2011 at 10:52 am
I dont think the seller knows what vintage means..
December 8, 2011 at 11:53 am
or “pretty”
December 8, 2011 at 11:04 am
and paint that is vintage…?
December 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Wait isn’t ‘vintage’ paint simply some old shit I had in the shed? And yeah, old paint isn’t really a selling point
December 9, 2011 at 8:27 am
I would buy it, but it’s meant for unisex adults, and I’m not one.
Also, it’s not Steampunk.
December 8, 2011 at 10:51 am
So are the glitter silver or gold or both? Cause it has to match my glitter crying eagle that Im putting on top of my christmas tree this year…
December 8, 2011 at 10:59 am
Is “vintage white” the color of the paint? Or is it old paint?
December 8, 2011 at 11:05 am
Oh, you beat me to it by minutes!
December 8, 2011 at 11:30 am
It’s probably “antique white” but they had to shoehorn more vintage into the vintage art. Vintage. You can’t mix your vintage and your antique, that’s like crossing the streams.
December 8, 2011 at 11:35 am
It’s from an estate sale.
December 8, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Vintage paint would be oil based; impossible to clean off you or your clothes plus that wonderful toxic smell. Wow, how can I resist it now?
December 8, 2011 at 11:02 am
The disabled guy spent some time in a physical rehabilitation facility after his stroke. Every day, I’d drive him there and drop him off and every evening, I’d pick him up. They gave me a report, not unlike a teacher would do for a child. They taught him many useful things – stuff like showering, buttoning buttons, tying his shoes- all one-handed.
And even that brain-damaged stroke survivor looked at this and said, “Is that a paper plate?”
December 8, 2011 at 11:06 am
I have plenty of “vintage” white paint laying around my basement that I will be glad to pass on to all of you interested in making your own special snowflakes.
December 8, 2011 at 11:18 am
Does your vintage white paint have vintage lead in it? If so, double bonus!
December 8, 2011 at 11:36 am
I think it’s only vintage if you scrape it off the walls.
December 8, 2011 at 11:09 am
When I saw it all I could think about was sparkly crack for some odd reason.
December 8, 2011 at 11:10 am
Hey man, some amazeballs art can be made with VHS tapes!
http://inspirationgreen.com/vhs-tape-reuse.html
http://www.behance.net/Gallery/Ghost-in-the-Machine/453082
December 8, 2011 at 11:13 am
The next time you’re out prowling the malodorous aisles at Goodwill and feel the urge to cover something with gold glitter, please do us all a favor. Just snort it instead.
December 8, 2011 at 11:19 am
Glitter sniffers!
December 8, 2011 at 11:22 am
Glitter licking craftard!
December 8, 2011 at 11:22 am
I’m pretty sure we sell that snowflake at work. It’s a wood thing you can paint and glitter up yourself.
And glass doesn’t patina. Now, if you’re working on stained glass, you can patina the solder lines, but the glass itself doesn’t patina. Because it’s fucking glass and is inert.
December 8, 2011 at 11:31 am
Thank you! If the “glass glitter” changes over time, it’s plastic. But most people (this craftard included) have no idea what they’re looking at. If’n it’s sparkly, must be glass.
December 8, 2011 at 8:18 pm
I assume the seller is using German glass glitter, which includes trace amounts of silver and therefore tarnishes over time. But “tarnish” doesn’t sound as deliciously vintage!
December 8, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Patina = dirt
December 8, 2011 at 11:25 am
What a great POS to cover a wall safe. Even if they get up enough courage to toch this thing and find the safe, they would know by that time you were a loser and the only thing in there maybe the title to your AMC Pacer and treasures from your trip to Holiday World
December 8, 2011 at 11:32 am
Seller’s thought process when describing this piece, “I’m going to throw a bunch of words out there and string them together to make it sound like I know what the fuck is going on. And for good measure I’m just going to repeat them. Patina.”
December 8, 2011 at 12:09 pm
At least she didn’t use the word patina as an adjective; unlike 98% of the other sellers on Etsy.
December 8, 2011 at 11:48 am
I can already see the Antiques Roadshow episode in a few years…
December 8, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Awesome. I laughed out loud for real.
December 8, 2011 at 11:50 am
I’m not too terribly surprised that the seller mentions Anthropologie as her inspiration for this masterpiece: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85605849/anthropologie-inspired-funky-christmas
I have to hand it to her though–she’s got all the traits of a shop bound for the front page: irrelevant use of the word vintage + glitter + gluing shit to other shit + anthropologie knock-off = instant front page rotation
December 8, 2011 at 11:58 am
i have some vintage paint in the back of my closet. i sniff it for vintage fun.
December 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm
“As you can see, the glass glitter on the snowflake has already turned that pretty silver/gold patina.”
In other words, the crappy glue I used has discolored the glitter, but that’s cool ‘cos I can just call it patina and use it as a selling point.
December 8, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Wait just a minute! When did metal plates replace barn wood? You can’t go making a momentous change like that without at LEAST sending out a memo. (preferably on vintage notepaper.)
December 8, 2011 at 1:03 pm
STRAIGHTEN UP THAT SNOWFLAKE, DAMMIT.
Signed,
A borderline-OCD crafter who could have done that better in kindergarten
December 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I wish I’d had more vintage stuff,
the effect’d be much keener
You gotta be sure your glitter is pure
for the funky, old patina.
Know what I’m sayin’?
Hit more estate sales, yo!
December 8, 2011 at 1:18 pm
I am in awe of you.
December 8, 2011 at 7:54 pm
I officially love you.
December 9, 2011 at 7:10 am
I just had an 80′s-gasm!
December 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I was wondering where that went. Well, It was difficult, but with my advanced knowledge of low-temperature high-pressure chemistry I was finally able to crystalize grandmas ashes into a snowflake as per her request. (There are some of the ashes of her favorite cat, Boots as well. ) Unfortunately, my dim-witted cousin, Ashley sold the grandma for a buck-fifty. Oh, well I never really like Nanna anyways, always smelled like mothballs and peppermint schnapps.
December 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm
vintage how? paper plate used in the 80′s??
December 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I wonder how much I can get for the one just like this that I made in 1st grade art class?
December 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm
December 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm
“And the whole thing smells like Old People!”
December 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm
How did this item get overlooked? http://www.etsy.com/listing/88079622/vintage-christmas-collagewall-hanging
I love it. I would buy it, but can’t quite justify it – though it would make an excellent conversation piece, especially if placed amongst more traditional decor. If you buy it, may creepy French Santa watch over your home with a demonic gleam in his eye… just don’t leave your children alone in a room with him.
December 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm
O.O that was terrifying.
And after seeing that “metal” plate painted white, I’m convinced they are both really paper.
December 8, 2011 at 6:38 pm
It’s a photo frame ornament, and that’s not French Santa, it’s the Unabomber’s grandpa.
December 8, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I’m surprised they didn’t call it steampunk, too.
“Metal brass colored steampunk vintage plate that I slopped white paint on because the brass looked too nice to be vintage like my plastic snowflake and vintage crayola glitter from my kid’s vintage art supplies Steampunk vintage Christmas wall art.”
And they have to tell us it’s wall art? What, did they think someone was going to use it for a plate and serve canapes on it?
December 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Looks like the paper plate things made in elementary school at Holiday Bazaar time.
Except those had a half-plate pockety thing, so at least you could pretend it served some purpose.
December 9, 2011 at 7:26 pm
“Did they also have a box of VHS tapes and a broken aquarium?” LOL! We did…we had beta tapes too! Finally I convinced my DH to let me throw all that shit out, thank God!