I suppose a traumatic childhood experience in Santa’s grotto might leave you with a rather bizarre idea of what constitutes “sexy”, but it doesn’t explain her “hand painted decorative bowls” which feature a crude drawing of a naked woman apparently gestating a litter of kittens.
Thank you, I now know what to send my offensively Christian family members. (No offense to sane Christians, these are Magic Bubble ‘oh your wife died, my biological brother? Let me send you a card reminding you to pray for her soul and she really should have been Baptist, so you’ve got a lot of praying to do’ type nutters)
I would like to sincerely thank you for adding that “no offense”. It does often feel like if any raving nutcase attaches the word “Christian” to themselves, everyone in the entire world assumes that everyone who calls themselves a Christian is exactly like that, and probably worse.
I’ve been Googling and drawing a total blank – since I assume you’re not talkiing about rude video games or children’s toys, can you put me out of my misery?
I’m guessing DuaeCat means those sorts of people who think that being Christian and praying and going to church means that bad things can’t happen to you (living in a magic bubble); if you lose your job or get cancer, it’s your own fault, because you didn’t pray hard enough.
Magic Bubble is that before Moses the world was encased in a magic bubble of God’s love that caused all the unscientific Bible things to be possible, then all the sin built up and popped the bubble and the rains came and flooded and physics shifted to what we have now. Google Canopy Theory which is pretty close(though Magic Bubble sounds much cooler)
You gotta problem with that?!?!
Whadda you lookin at!?!
You’re not my boss – ya think you’re better than me?!?!
Go to hell!
Hey – you ish kinda of a looker – buy you a drink?
But not one of those damn girlie drinks! Set up the boilermakers!
Oh shit, I’m outta cash – spot me a twenty?
Thanks for representing for all of us scruffy drunks. What I do in the privacy of my home with a Santa beard and a wrestling unitard are nobody’s business but mine and Jack Daniels’s.
Profiting from your child’s drawing is sad both for you and for the sucker who pays, but isn’t even close to full-on fuckery. However, titling it “Sexy” real calls your sanity into question.
Me-ooow, Santa! You hot, sexy hunk of mea…….wait, no. No, you are not sexy. And for fucks sake, put on a shirt! Or at the very least a bra. A sexy, sexy bra.
I’m confused. I keep clicking around, and I can’t find the Sexy Santa card they say they are offering. All I see is the disgusting eyesore that they have to keep the Sexy cards hidden.
Is this like the Pearl Lady a few days ago, where you have to trust them to send some Sexy cards and not what you’re seeing on the screen?
Nothing says festive like a dirty bearded fat dude in a red stretched out wife beater. Is there a sexy Mrs. Claus in a tattered house frock with a look of bitter disappointment on her face? If so I’m in I’ll take the whole set.
After browsing the seller’s store, I think I am willing to believe the primative style is intentional and not just crappy work. This one holds a certain sort of charm for me that is hard to place. This could be accidental… but the other peices indicate some knowledge and forethought in terms of color use, composition, etc. while still using a similar childish type of rendering. So… yeah. It is a look with limited appeal, I suppose, but there is a certain skill set behind it. The use of the word ‘sexy’ in this context is probably supposed to be funny rather than the artist being a crazy person.
I could be wrong about that, of course, but I can hardly blame you for liking it either way.
There’s just something so . . . New Yorker/Jules Feiffer about this . . . I kinda like it, but it’s still unsettling. Like seeing a department store Santa on his lunch break smoking Pall Malls and drinking a beer and having that be the moment you realize there is no Santa. But enough about me.
I was lucky. I realized Santa probably wasn’t real when I realized the store Santa was my dad. He denied it, but I knew it was him. “Daddy?” “No, honey, it’s Santa!” “Daddy, you’re silly!”
He was doing it aside from his regular job as a favor to the store owner, who was a friend of his.
After visiting the shop, I have to say… I like his stuff. Santa may not be sexy…OK, Santa isn’t sexy, but there is some nice art over in his little Etsy world… and he doesn’t charge a fortune for it.
I would totally love to send those cards but I haven’t been able to get my shit together for the last 4 Christmases —
Okay. I can’t help but love this guys work! It reminds me of illustrations in a 70′s second grade health book. Next payday, I’m definitely getting that “A Cat Hoard” print for my brother. <3
It probably took them like three hours to finish the shading on his upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing they’ve ever done. I mean let’s face it Napoleon hasn’t had a work like this since 2004.
Am I the only one who sees the bare chest and strap, and thinks ‘cave santa’? You know, all those cave man illustrations with the fur tunic thing worn over one shoulder?
…okay, it’s just me. Yes, I know it’s weird.
December 7, 2011 at 9:35 am
WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN……..
No, Santa. I will not be sitting on your lap this year.
December 7, 2011 at 9:35 am
Ha! I like it.
You can tell he just came from the gym.
December 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm
In hell.
December 7, 2011 at 4:40 pm
“Hey Santa,
Why don’t you take a seat over there…”
December 7, 2011 at 9:35 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 7, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Ew.
December 7, 2011 at 9:36 am
Well, I think their definition of “sexy” and mine definition are not exactly in sync.
December 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm
I suppose a traumatic childhood experience in Santa’s grotto might leave you with a rather bizarre idea of what constitutes “sexy”, but it doesn’t explain her “hand painted decorative bowls” which feature a crude drawing of a naked woman apparently gestating a litter of kittens.
December 7, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I’ve had that dream. A lot, actually. I’m pregnant but it’s kittens, and I’m always relieved because kittens are easier than human babies.
December 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Cuter too.
December 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm
“Sweet”, “sexy” and “artist” all seem to be in the wrong listing.
December 7, 2011 at 9:36 am
nip slip!
December 7, 2011 at 9:36 am
Disturbing. Looks like its been drawn by a nine year old yet described as ‘sexy’. Has she/he encountered this Santa:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/87873774/mature-christmas-greeting-card-gay
http://www.etsy.com/listing/87874995/mature-christmas-greeting-card-gay
December 7, 2011 at 10:06 am
God, I love upscumbag’s work. God, I wish I hadn’t seen that one card – Ro-ho-ho-ho-hypnol, where Santa is squeezing his nip.
December 7, 2011 at 11:28 am
Upscumbag is great; funny stuff AND a good sense of humor about the whole thing, if I recall correctly.
December 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 7, 2011 at 10:07 am
Now those are Christmas cards!
December 7, 2011 at 11:31 am
Seconded. I’d want to send these out all year long.
December 7, 2011 at 10:34 am
“You will also receive a boner, free of charge.” I want to know how he plans on delivering this boner. It’s not… it’s not from an elf, right?
December 7, 2011 at 11:15 am
OMG How has no one snatched up his Towel Mike entry yet?!?!
December 7, 2011 at 11:24 am
Thank you, I now know what to send my offensively Christian family members. (No offense to sane Christians, these are Magic Bubble ‘oh your wife died, my biological brother? Let me send you a card reminding you to pray for her soul and she really should have been Baptist, so you’ve got a lot of praying to do’ type nutters)
December 7, 2011 at 12:26 pm
I would like to sincerely thank you for adding that “no offense”. It does often feel like if any raving nutcase attaches the word “Christian” to themselves, everyone in the entire world assumes that everyone who calls themselves a Christian is exactly like that, and probably worse.
December 7, 2011 at 12:29 pm
PS what’s a Magic Bubble?
I’ve been Googling and drawing a total blank – since I assume you’re not talkiing about rude video games or children’s toys, can you put me out of my misery?
December 7, 2011 at 3:24 pm
I’m guessing DuaeCat means those sorts of people who think that being Christian and praying and going to church means that bad things can’t happen to you (living in a magic bubble); if you lose your job or get cancer, it’s your own fault, because you didn’t pray hard enough.
That’s my guess, anyway.
December 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Magic Bubble is that before Moses the world was encased in a magic bubble of God’s love that caused all the unscientific Bible things to be possible, then all the sin built up and popped the bubble and the rains came and flooded and physics shifted to what we have now. Google Canopy Theory which is pretty close(though Magic Bubble sounds much cooler)
December 7, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Jeez, I love me some tube socks!
December 8, 2011 at 9:34 pm
These make me wish I had more irreverent friends.
December 7, 2011 at 9:38 am
Is that the Borat swimsuit?
December 7, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Not quite, but the seller does have Borat’s simsuit!
December 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm
*swimsuit, doh.
December 7, 2011 at 7:15 pm
“Very Nice”
December 7, 2011 at 9:42 am
Someone should send this card to everyone who works at Paypal so they too can know what festive disappointment feels like
December 7, 2011 at 11:21 am
I thought it was from Pay Pal… Ho Ho Ho, we’ve taken your virginity too!
December 7, 2011 at 9:48 am
That is the least sexy Santa I’ve seen in a while. He looks like a scruffy drunk.
December 7, 2011 at 10:07 am
You gotta problem with that?!?!
Whadda you lookin at!?!
You’re not my boss – ya think you’re better than me?!?!
Go to hell!
Hey – you ish kinda of a looker – buy you a drink?
But not one of those damn girlie drinks! Set up the boilermakers!
Oh shit, I’m outta cash – spot me a twenty?
December 7, 2011 at 10:32 am
Thanks for representing for all of us scruffy drunks. What I do in the privacy of my home with a Santa beard and a wrestling unitard are nobody’s business but mine and Jack Daniels’s.
December 7, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Dan Akroyd in ‘Trading Places’
December 7, 2011 at 12:21 pm
This and Gremlins are my ‘Christmas’ movies.
December 7, 2011 at 8:41 pm
I heart Dan Ackroyd in Trading Places. “Winthorpe!!”
December 8, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Just not when he’s eating a smoked salmon out of his coat, fake hair and all.
December 7, 2011 at 9:48 am
Santa’s arms have a bit of atrophy going on…
December 7, 2011 at 9:50 am
I expected he’d have small armpit beards.
December 7, 2011 at 9:52 am
Heeheehee I kind of like it also. Not sure who I’d send it to, but it makes me giggle for being so damn random.
December 7, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Completely agreed!
December 7, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I don’t know why I like it either. But I do.
December 7, 2011 at 9:54 am
Profiting from your child’s drawing is sad both for you and for the sucker who pays, but isn’t even close to full-on fuckery. However, titling it “Sexy” real calls your sanity into question.
December 7, 2011 at 9:54 am
Why do I imagine that Tom of Finland’s mom had various versions of this drawing on her fridge at one point?
December 7, 2011 at 9:55 am
I love it! I want a whole box!
December 7, 2011 at 9:59 am
I would love to have several of these to send to my family members. I live to confuse the hell out of them.
December 7, 2011 at 10:03 am
I LOVE THIS.
December 7, 2011 at 7:22 pm
“Santa Claus is GAY – but its OK,
and yes he has a beard – ITS HIS WIFE”
——Queer Duck
December 7, 2011 at 10:04 am
Me-ooow, Santa! You hot, sexy hunk of mea…….wait, no. No, you are not sexy. And for fucks sake, put on a shirt! Or at the very least a bra. A sexy, sexy bra.
December 7, 2011 at 10:09 am
I’m confused. I keep clicking around, and I can’t find the Sexy Santa card they say they are offering. All I see is the disgusting eyesore that they have to keep the Sexy cards hidden.
Is this like the Pearl Lady a few days ago, where you have to trust them to send some Sexy cards and not what you’re seeing on the screen?
December 7, 2011 at 10:15 am
Question: How do you tell if the eggnog has gone bad?
Answer: Drink it and if you see this Santa and think that he is sexy….
December 7, 2011 at 10:17 am
So wait, is he wearing his sack?
December 7, 2011 at 10:21 am
He’s dressed like a Ho-bo.
December 7, 2011 at 12:13 pm
That’s only for holiday weddings.
December 7, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Ho-bo-bo!!
December 7, 2011 at 10:24 am
Little known fact – Santa got a gold medal in Greco-Roman wrestling at the Olympics.
December 7, 2011 at 7:20 pm
…that was the same year the Elves got a silver medal for the luge. The whole North Pole team was excellent that year!!
December 7, 2011 at 10:26 am
Needs more chest hair.
December 7, 2011 at 11:28 am
And Tube Socks!
December 7, 2011 at 10:30 am
“Do ya… do ya like movies about gladiators?”
But honestly, this is the best Christmas card I’ve ever seen an inmate design with stolen materials.
December 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Have you ever been in a Turkish prison, Billy?
December 7, 2011 at 10:33 am
whatever guys, you can hate if you want, but my granny panties just hit the goddamn FLOOR.
December 7, 2011 at 10:37 am
I would actually send these. I’d love to see the reaction of every Old Biddy relative of mine.
December 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I have friends who would be more likely to pin this to their door than a Hallmark. I normally do not purchase cards, but this is actually tempting.
December 7, 2011 at 10:43 am
Sexy
“You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Inigo Montoya
December 7, 2011 at 11:12 am
Nothing says festive like a dirty bearded fat dude in a red stretched out wife beater. Is there a sexy Mrs. Claus in a tattered house frock with a look of bitter disappointment on her face? If so I’m in I’ll take the whole set.
December 7, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Stella D’Oro Breakfast Treats
Snacktime anytime!
December 7, 2011 at 11:13 am
If you’re an MST3K fan, you’re already thinking of Old Man Crenshaw.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5i2pJv-bc4
December 7, 2011 at 11:28 am
Wow… Santa has… kinda let himself go…
December 7, 2011 at 11:36 am
The high quality inkjet format makes it worth every penny.
December 7, 2011 at 11:57 am
Squibillies Sexy.
December 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Am I the only one who is disappointed that only one nipple is showing? If he were truly sexy Santa, both nipples would be showing.
December 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm
No, Claire, you have to leave a little to the imagination. He’s sexy, but he’s no man-whore.
Keep it classy, Santa!
December 7, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I actually kind of love this.
Don’t hurt me! D:
December 7, 2011 at 3:18 pm
After browsing the seller’s store, I think I am willing to believe the primative style is intentional and not just crappy work. This one holds a certain sort of charm for me that is hard to place. This could be accidental… but the other peices indicate some knowledge and forethought in terms of color use, composition, etc. while still using a similar childish type of rendering. So… yeah. It is a look with limited appeal, I suppose, but there is a certain skill set behind it. The use of the word ‘sexy’ in this context is probably supposed to be funny rather than the artist being a crazy person.
I could be wrong about that, of course, but I can hardly blame you for liking it either way.
December 8, 2011 at 10:45 am
Reminds me of Story People illustrations.
December 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Folk art? Maybe?
December 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Oh my god this is perfect! I am totally making a series like this for my friends!
December 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I don’t know about everyone else, but I thought he was wearing Mrs. Claus’ bra…
Anyone? No? Ok. I’ll go back to my drinking.
December 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm
It’s… erm… “sweet,” yes… Looks like Santa was playing drunken Strip Hangman.
December 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm
There is nothing in this world that I love more than white haired chubby old men in unitards. The little peek of nipple is really doing it for me.
December 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Nothing says sexy like an anencephalic Santa.
December 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm
December 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Fuck the haters! I love it. If I had my shit together and was going to send Christmas cards, I’d totally send these.
December 7, 2011 at 1:53 pm
I’m having a flashback to when we visited family for Christmas and drunk Uncle Dan decided to play Santa for all us kids.
December 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm
When you say sexy, you’re not kidding! I’LL BE IN MY BUNK.
December 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Wow. I don’t know what it says about me in general, but I really like their stuff!!
December 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm
There’s just something so . . . New Yorker/Jules Feiffer about this . . . I kinda like it, but it’s still unsettling. Like seeing a department store Santa on his lunch break smoking Pall Malls and drinking a beer and having that be the moment you realize there is no Santa. But enough about me.
December 8, 2011 at 6:26 am
I was lucky. I realized Santa probably wasn’t real when I realized the store Santa was my dad. He denied it, but I knew it was him. “Daddy?” “No, honey, it’s Santa!” “Daddy, you’re silly!”
He was doing it aside from his regular job as a favor to the store owner, who was a friend of his.
December 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Santa got run over by a reindeer! Wait a minute…
December 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I like how his eyes are decidedly going in two opposite directions.
December 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Santa + Borat =
December 7, 2011 at 4:43 pm
After visiting the shop, I have to say… I like his stuff. Santa may not be sexy…OK, Santa isn’t sexy, but there is some nice art over in his little Etsy world… and he doesn’t charge a fortune for it.
I would totally love to send those cards but I haven’t been able to get my shit together for the last 4 Christmases —
December 7, 2011 at 5:35 pm
they come in packs of 5! i know what all my friends are getting this year!
December 7, 2011 at 8:06 pm
That’s a great idea! I could do that too. But then I would still have three left over . . .
December 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm
haha my mom is SO getting one of these.
December 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm
G-G-G-YEEEEEAAAAAAH
shoot me now I made a Metalocalypse joke
December 7, 2011 at 7:09 pm
This is kind of precious.
December 7, 2011 at 10:22 pm
I’m not doing my burlesque rendition of “Santa Baby” for him… Ick!
December 8, 2011 at 1:12 am
This is what this reminded me of.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZcA44Q7pxk
December 8, 2011 at 2:47 am
I’m in love but it could be the liquor. In any case I just bought two of them, one for me, one for my parents!
December 8, 2011 at 5:29 am
I kind of love it.
December 8, 2011 at 6:47 am
Okay. I can’t help but love this guys work! It reminds me of illustrations in a 70′s second grade health book. Next payday, I’m definitely getting that “A Cat Hoard” print for my brother. <3
December 8, 2011 at 10:09 am
Looks like someone out of VIZ comic
December 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm
It probably took them like three hours to finish the shading on his upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing they’ve ever done. I mean let’s face it Napoleon hasn’t had a work like this since 2004.
December 8, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I have an indescribably strong urge to buy this
December 8, 2011 at 6:49 pm
December 8, 2011 at 9:21 pm
There will be no visions of sugar plums dancing in my head this Christmas. Just Santa’s nipple. *shudders*
December 9, 2011 at 10:30 am
Am I the only one who sees the bare chest and strap, and thinks ‘cave santa’? You know, all those cave man illustrations with the fur tunic thing worn over one shoulder?
…okay, it’s just me. Yes, I know it’s weird.
December 9, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Hodor?
December 13, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Tag-team wrestling Santa?