COSTUMES TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED IN #1
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
“Who are you supposed to be?”
“I’m a bowl of vegetarian noodles!”
“Oh! Well… here you go. Have a Snickers.”
“No thanks. My mom says I can’t have Hydrolyzed Animal Protein.”
90 comments on COSTUMES TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED IN #1
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October 4, 2010 at 9:37 am
I think the expression on the kid’s face says it all….
October 4, 2010 at 9:39 am
Um…what happens to me if I like this? If my kids weren’t so damned big, I would soooo buy this and make one of them wear it!
It’s not so much what happens to you as what happens to your kid. – HK
October 4, 2010 at 9:41 am
if it came with a ‘splody head hat, it would be perfect.
October 4, 2010 at 9:41 am
and I want to see Jeff Goldblum wearing it for some reason.
October 4, 2010 at 9:44 am
Too Awesome!
October 4, 2010 at 9:45 am
@Buzzkill-me too!
Sending your child out looking like a pile of vomit won’t get them teased at all this Halloween, will it?
October 4, 2010 at 9:46 am
Awww, a little ramen soldier.Or is that poor thing wearing Pad see ewwwwwwwww.
Inspired by my love of falafel, I’ll dress little Johnny as a deep fried bean turd.
Not really, but I will force my dog to wear a penis hat when I dole out the candy.
October 4, 2010 at 9:47 am
His mum will be wearing a Lady Gaga-inspired meat dress.
October 4, 2010 at 9:48 am
OK… administrative-type question:
Is the locked post “Book Banners” (with 11 comments – sniff!) the next post today? because after that, there is some sort of warp in the space-time continuum and I’m jolted back into 2009.
Pay no attention. I had to hide this post so when you clicked on the door it would be a surprise. Click on the home page to got back to 2010. – HK
October 4, 2010 at 9:50 am
That kid is doing his business in that noodle bowl. Some trick.
October 4, 2010 at 9:52 am
I’m hoping they come out with a side of spring rolls for the family dog.
October 4, 2010 at 9:54 am
And as always, despite any amount of fuckery going on , the cat is dignified & cool, as cats usually are.
October 4, 2010 at 9:55 am
oh good – i finally found a kid that I can give that box of raisins from last year to.
October 4, 2010 at 9:56 am
That green bean hat is totally steampunk.
October 4, 2010 at 9:57 am
when the big kid comes up to him and says,”Hey noodle bowl, give me your candy”, I hope he can use those chopsticks as nunchucks and kick ass ninja style.
October 4, 2010 at 9:58 am
Great. Now I’m hungry. And it’s not for noodles.
October 4, 2010 at 9:58 am
I told you…
No! Meat! Noodles!
NO! MEAT! NOODLES!
(sobbing)
October 4, 2010 at 9:59 am
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October 4, 2010 at 10:06 am
He’s so cute, I could eat him up!
October 4, 2010 at 10:06 am
Sorry, I’m another who loves that costume!!! I would totally wear it. Nerd and proud!
October 4, 2010 at 10:09 am
“….but MAAAAAAAHWMMMM! i wanted to be a dinosaur!”
yup, no way at all this little gem will resurface on prom night.
poor kid looks like he’s been impaled by a chopstick
October 4, 2010 at 10:09 am
The model looks much happier in the other offerings from this seller. Maybe this photo was taken at the end of a long day of modelling. Should we call the child labor people?
October 4, 2010 at 10:17 am
The little guy is probably a chip off the old bun, and he doesn’t look too happy about it , but I am-go veggies!
October 4, 2010 at 10:17 am
(Narration by David Attenborough)
Here we see the suburban weenie cub. The weenie cub is dressed up for the ritualistic collection of “Treats” gathered by gleefully yelling “Trick or Treats”. Dressed in Hanna Andersson clothing, overlain with a costume devoid of any item that might confront the social norms of the adult weenie’s tribe.
The costume is inspired by the diet of the weenie clan, in this case, the finest dredge found in the worst aisles of the local Whole Foods market. The cub weenie has a look of terror mixed with regret. Terror from having to run the gauntlet of its arch-enemy, the bully and regret from not being able to eat any of the treats the bland costume might obtain.
The weenie cub will evidently grow up to be a corporate lobbysit or lawyer, once it reaches fully Pompous Ass potential.
October 4, 2010 at 10:20 am
man, that poor kid. I thought I had it bad with my handmade madonna constume as a kid. my childhood ain’t got nothin’ on this.
October 4, 2010 at 10:22 am
i spent a few moments paging through the shop
wow
i don’t know when i’ve seen so many shell shocked children.
i’m trying to decide if it would be better or worse if this happened to small dogs
October 4, 2010 at 10:25 am
I think this kid is saying “No MSG!”.
I would have named him Sum Yum Guy.
October 4, 2010 at 10:30 am
As if the peapod headband didn’t embarass enough, the wretched little wearer whaps himself in the cheek with the utensils upon the slightest head movement.
October 4, 2010 at 10:34 am
I just visited her shop.
I would have never thought of adding a Frida Kahlo dress up to the kid’s dress up collection.
Should I provide the eyebrow pencil with it? A communist manifesto?
Who dresses up as Frida? I can just hear the response-
“You’re a Frito? Like Fritos scoops? Huh??”
http://www.etsy.com/listing/56867602/frida-kahlo-headband-costume-headdress?
October 4, 2010 at 10:37 am
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October 4, 2010 at 10:44 am
How do I get to 2011??
October 4, 2010 at 10:44 am
@ Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle: your wish is my 5 min photoshop command.
http://i54.tinypic.com/4htpqc.jpg
October 4, 2010 at 10:48 am
Pho shizzle.Not.
October 4, 2010 at 10:48 am
I think that by definition, a noodle bowl containing a small child is not vegetarian.
October 4, 2010 at 10:50 am
I really hope that kid ain’t trick or treating at Hannibal Lecter’s house.
Hence the phrase, “You look so good, I could eat you up!”
October 4, 2010 at 10:50 am
If that child rang my doorbell, I’d go to my fridge and empty out my refrigerator bin of soy-, duck-, and mustard-sauce I’ve horded from our Chinese carry-out orders and dump it in his bag. Of course, I’d also give him a consolation peanut butter cup. I’m goofy, not evil!
October 4, 2010 at 10:55 am
Poor little guy.. he’s just gonna get his ass kicked all over again in an hour.
October 4, 2010 at 10:56 am
From 13 to 19, my face was disguised as a pizza. 365 days a year.
October 4, 2010 at 11:02 am
Something tells me this person has childhood issues with noodles… Her parents probably let her watch “Attack of the Soy Ramen’ once too often.
October 4, 2010 at 11:02 am
Something tells me that the creator of this costume needs to eat a little something from the rest of the food groups. I heard fish does wonders for the brain…
October 4, 2010 at 11:06 am
It would’ve been even better if it was a cat costume.
October 4, 2010 at 11:12 am
It’s the nicest bowl of noodles costume I’ve ever seen. That said, I can’t imagine that any kid would WANT to be a bowl of noodles for Halloween. Poor little guy.
October 4, 2010 at 11:12 am
That poor little kid looks terrified. I wonder how long after this pic was taken he ran around the house screaming things in tounges and pouring animal blood on the costume.
October 4, 2010 at 11:14 am
years from now there will be some parents wondering why their progeny put them in the discount retirement community
then they will stumble upon this picture…
…and still won’t see any correlation.
October 4, 2010 at 11:16 am
Son, you got a snowpea on yer head.
October 4, 2010 at 11:21 am
my kid in a dalek costume can beat up your kid in a noodle suit any day
October 4, 2010 at 11:29 am
What the pho???
October 4, 2010 at 11:31 am
Something tells me this kid will never be a Charlie Brown ghost for Halloween.
This costume makes me want to dress my kid as a Peanut Allergy this year.
October 4, 2010 at 11:31 am
Actually, I think the fortune cookie is a million times worse:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/56194230/fortune-cookie-halloween-costume
Looks like the kid was abandoned at sea and not told how to use the floatation vest.
October 4, 2010 at 11:38 am
#32 left foot – Goldblum looks much happier to be sitting in a bowl of noodles than that kid does
it occurred to me that with enough bleach, this could be turned into a Flying Spaghetti Monster costume pretty easily.
October 4, 2010 at 11:39 am
#46 the fortune cookie costume looks like someone tried to make an umpire outfit after the dog ate the instructions.
October 4, 2010 at 11:48 am
I think the fortune cookie costume would look better as a blue vagoo.
I’d add the fortune-
Confucious say man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
October 4, 2010 at 11:52 am
But is it organic?
October 4, 2010 at 11:58 am
I LOVE THAT!!!! It is so creative. Come on!
October 4, 2010 at 12:02 pm
poor kid .. even he knows this costume is awful. no kid wants to look appetizing to monsters on Halloween. it’s like tying a pork chop around the kinds neck so the dog will play with him.
October 4, 2010 at 12:34 pm
It was inspired by HER love of …
That is why we get kids “wanting” to be Baby Gaga’s, baby Bellas and cats looking like Jeff Goldblum. The model wanted to go as Blue from Blues Clues
October 4, 2010 at 12:57 pm
“I FUCKING HATE YOU MOMMY”.
October 4, 2010 at 1:09 pm
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October 4, 2010 at 1:17 pm
One year, I dressed my kid up as a bag of jellybeans. We had some clear trash bags, a bag of balloons and there you go. By the end of her trick-or-treat outing, she was losing balloons at an alarming rate from the hole torn in the cheap-ass trash bags.
But she grew up fine… I think. She’s in college now, so I take that as a good sign. I haven’t gotten any weird calls from any professors asking me: “What did you DO to her?!” so I think we’re okay.
But she still doesn’t eat jellybeans.
October 4, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I think this costume is hilarious, and it does note that she makes it in adult sizes. Of course, if you wanted to be more like store-bought women’s halloween costumes, we’d have to find a way to make it look like a slutty bowl of noodles instead….
October 4, 2010 at 1:41 pm
I’m so put off by the “vegetarian” claim on this costume that I’d get it and attach lots of bloody meat pieces. Probably some brains and organs, too. Just knowing how that would piss off the creator would make my Halloween very, very happy… and should suffice to scare away the bullies.
October 4, 2010 at 1:43 pm
I love kids, but I can never finish a whole one.
October 4, 2010 at 2:06 pm
When I was younger my mom dressed me up as a bag of jellybeans. Since that day im terrified of jellybeans and have had to had intensive therapy to free my fear of them. I think they are trying to eat me alive and can climb into my nose and eat my brains. I am in college now but have to be locked in my bedcage because of my fear of jellybeans. My professors wont call my mom to let her know how terrified I am of jellybeans. They throw me in the broom closet with pink and yellow spots all over it. I hate jellybeans! UGH!
October 4, 2010 at 2:19 pm
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October 4, 2010 at 2:30 pm
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October 4, 2010 at 2:52 pm
That kid totally reminds me of this kid. You know. The Diane Arbus kid.
http://blog.glocal.ca/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/diane_arbus_03.jpg
October 4, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Run away now, kid… before it’s too late.
October 4, 2010 at 2:58 pm
I kinda like it. I just can’t imagine a kid wanting to wear it.
The fortune cookie one is just dumb. Strapping something to your chest does not make it a costume. And what’s with this line: “Confucius say, ‘You will gain admiration from your pears.’” Pears??
October 4, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Oh , I don’t know-it could be a hell of a lot worse. Like being raised to be a blood thirsty sport hunter.
October 4, 2010 at 3:07 pm
@angel drawers: “And what’s with this line: “Confucius say, ‘You will gain admiration from your pears.’” Pears??”
By “pears” Confucius meant big boobs. He was a guy, after all…
October 4, 2010 at 3:16 pm
That’s pretty awesome!
October 4, 2010 at 3:37 pm
So they WANT their kid to get beat up on the playground on the day the kids all dress up at school? They want their kid’s candy to get stolen on Halloween night? That’s just child abuse.
October 4, 2010 at 3:44 pm
ha! helen’s commentary is too funny…the kid is cute though, but yeah, doesn’t make much sense.
but if you think that costume is bad- have you ever gone to school dressed as a “hobo”? my parents always had me do the handmade costumes growing up. i never wore a mask or anything. basically, my mother dressed me in one of my father’s old and baggy plaid flannel shirts, then put a horrible clown wig on me, along with some of her red lipstick to cover my nose. horrible…
I thought it was just me. – HK
October 4, 2010 at 3:47 pm
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October 4, 2010 at 3:53 pm
I’m going to assume the “kick me” sign is included in the purchase price.
October 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm
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October 4, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Awesome. Send your kid out as a bowl of Top Ramen. This is obviously a political statement made by a family that can’t afford to dress their child up as a can of Spaghetti-Os.
October 4, 2010 at 4:49 pm
the suburban weenie is a direct decedent of the wimpodites who were frequent victims of vikings. somehow over the ages they are adapted by learning to live within the confines of races far more bolder than they are. here we are witnessing the baptism of the young cub. it symbolizes the connection between the tribe and the noodle god. they are a very shy race who voice their shyness through the dressing of their cubs as food items they worship.
October 4, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Come on, we already know the ultimate halloween outfit of 2010 is Abe Lincoln’s steampunk paper hat with a pair of nipple cones.
October 4, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Doesn’t that poor kid look like he was just DYING to be a vegetarian noodle bowl this Halloween?
October 4, 2010 at 5:13 pm
#73 razberries I never had to be a hobo, but when I was in nursery school and ripped my plastic Raggedy Ann costume at school, my mom improvised a “princess” costume for me to trick-or-treat in…a long pale blue nightgown, my white Easter shoes, and a white shawl, also left over from Easter. Even at 4, I was somewhat mortified…I KNEW a nightgown was not the same thing as a princess gown. lol. But on the other hand, I guess she could’ve just said “tough luck” and made me stay home and hand out candy.
October 4, 2010 at 5:45 pm
I’m not gonna lie, the cardinal costume is really cute.
October 4, 2010 at 7:43 pm
#49 Good lord! This costume was a prototype! http://www.etsy.com/listing/50482007/helen-of-troy-vulva-pendant-mature?ref=v1_other_1
October 5, 2010 at 12:46 am
Why has no one mentioned the poo-pile headband yet? http://www.etsy.com/listing/56306603/princess-leia-buns-earmuff-headband
Yeah… I want to walk around with two dog turds strapped to my head all night.
October 5, 2010 at 1:36 am
JimDennis’ link DOES contain a very accurate analysis of poor Helen’s life, though. On the other hand, the clit’s colour makes it appear to be a kidney bean.
October 5, 2010 at 8:03 am
When I was 12 I dressed up as a Tareyton smoker ["I'd rather fight than switch!"] I colored in a black eye just like in the ads. At one house I was admiring my black eye artistry in the mirror-like window on the front door because I thought no one was home. Fooled me! A woman answered the door, laughing her ass off at my eyebrow movements. She gave me a shitload of candy for laughing at me, which didn’t bother me at all.
Total cost of costume: thirty-five cents for the pack of cigs I sewed onto my hat.
Ah, the good old days….
October 5, 2010 at 8:54 am
Poor kid, all he wanted was to be Spider Man this year.
October 5, 2010 at 6:51 pm
I will only wear it if it comes with inflatable boobies.
October 6, 2010 at 8:28 am
My 4 yr old just walked by, saw this and said, “what kinda costume is that?” I told him, “a vegetarian noodle bowl” and he said, “but…why?”
I think that says it all.
October 13, 2010 at 9:27 am
lmao. I think it’s a cute costume. I’d totally wear it……to an anime con! ahahaha! Ramen FTW (although… those are fettuccine noodles and not ramen noodles……but still)