As you know, I am gearing up to visit all my Finnish fans in a few weeks, and from what I understand, both of them will be in Helsinki when I get there.

To that end, I have begun searching Finnish fashion sites to see how the hipster Finns – or Finsters, as I like to call them under my breath – dress in public. I just want to make sure I fit in, because I’m told Finns have a practice of chasing down strangers and throwing suet on them.

Here are some pictures of Finsters on the streets of Helsinki from the appropriately named Hel-Looks. These are actual Finns, just walking around in everyday clothes, on their way to get drunk. It’s hard to say who their fashion icons are, but they appear to be heavily influenced by Poison and Cirque de Soleil.

Perkele!

- Click on thumbnails for a larger image and to leave a comment

A few weeks ago, I noticed someone talking about fiverr in the Regretsy forums.

fiverr, for those of you who may not know, is a site where people tell you what they’re willing to do for $5. If it happens to be something you need or want, you’re in luck.

The thread I saw was talking about the then unknown Dancing Dror; a gorgeous slab of Israeli man candy who will write anything on his stomach and dance for thirty seconds.

You may recall I ordered this video to remind all of you of the Club Fuckery password, and that’s when all hell broke loose.

DANCING DROR: HE’S BRINGING BACK HAIR BACK

The video is now going viral (thanks in part to being posted on some Brazilian web site, where the only english word they know is “gay”). Dror even has a Facebook page with over 5,200 fans. And he’s so overbooked that the wait for one of his patented dances is now 29 days (or on backdrorder, as I like to say to no one in particular).

And if that’s not enough, Dror now has his own Zazzle store, featuring what has to be the greatest merchandise I have ever seen.

Like this greeting card:

And of course, THIS T-SHIRT

I’m not going to mince words, I love Dror. I love him like a big plate of hummus at the Tel Aviv Quizno’s. Not that I know what that means, but I got food poisoning at Subway the other day, so I’m not even using them as a reference anymore.

In any case, I thought I’d take this opportunity to tell you about a new fiverr discovery, which, while not quite as sexy as Dror, is at least as disturbing on a lot of levels.

- Click the image to order your own drawing

Upscumbag, whose work has been described as “a Tom of Finland prison sketch”, is probably the preeminent illustrator of fat guys in tube socks engaged in bizarre sexual situations with people of your choosing, so this really is a hell of a buy.

I shouldn’t have to remind you that Rosh Hashana is coming up, and unless Dancing Dror starts taking orders again, you may have to find another resource for holiday gift giving. Besides, isn’t Tante Esther tired of getting fruit every year? Maybe it’s time to give her a whole new kind of basket!

I can’t actually post a full sized uncensored sample of Upscumbag’s artwork, because it makes me feel a little throw uppy. But you go ahead and knock yourself out.

JESUS CHRIST I HATE PEOPLE